Have you ever thought about a thing as an impossible-to-fulfill fantasy and then one day the thing is completely and totally real and it’s almost too much to take in? I felt like that when I crossed the finish line on my one and only marathon, and I feel that way now when I sit in my brand-new studio.

I’m calling it a studio because that’s the best term I can think of for what it is, which is a small but sturdy outbuilding in our backyard.

Originally, it was going to be a TuffShed, because that was the inspiration. You know those ‘she shed’ designs that have been popping up in home shows for several years now? (Some legitimately brilliant marketing mind was like, hey what if you slapped a chandelier up in this thing and instead of being full of rusty shovels it had teal chevron curtains?) The TuffShed route ended up being expensive enough that it felt worth it to invest the extra into an actual outbuilding with a foundation, insulation, electricity, etc.

It’s taken a while to come together. We did parts of it ourselves (and by “we” I mean “John, but I did technically help snap in a floorboard or two”) but used contractors for plenty of things and all of that took time. Then suddenly it was just FINISHED, and within the last week or so I added the furniture and lighting, and now it’s a whole entire space that’s just for me.

And just what DO I plan to do in there, exactly? I mean, how could I possibly be spending my time that would justify such a splurge, right?

I’ve had a long and weird struggle with feeling as though I deserve this studio. Part of it has to do with the exotic notion of an outbuilding that’s for a woman, like yes of course a man building a shop or garage makes perfect sense, that’s just basic dude stuff, but a lady doing the same thing? I shit you not, our contractor laughingly asked me to my face — in front of another worker! — where I was planning to put the pole.

(Did I send him packing? I did not. I wanted my goddamned studio finished, so I could get in there and sage-smudge the fuck out of everything.)

But part of it is just the same old tape that’s been on repeat for decades: not good enough, don’t deserve it. I know this voice for what it is now, a protective gesture gone haywire. Shhh! to that. There was no deserve to this, it’s just desire plus circumstances: it was a thing I dreamed about, and we eventually had the space and the resources to make it happen.

What I do in there: yoga, work, Zoom meetings, personal writing, reading, sitting. Sometimes I just lie on my yoga mat and look up through the skylight at the clouds moving by overhead.

It’s so incredibly quiet and peaceful in there. It’s full of natural light and it smells like just-cut wood and the faint linger of fresh paint, everything brand new and full of possibility.

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Suzanne
6 months ago

This is GORGEOUS. Congratulations! It looks like such a wonderful, peaceful space to write and think and just BE.

Stephanie O
Stephanie O
6 months ago

You are worth it, you are worth it, you are worth it. It’s really beautiful!!

Kelley O
Kelley O
6 months ago

That looks AMAZING! Enjoy the hell out of it!

Jules
Jules
6 months ago

It looks AWESOME! Enjoy your space

Swistle
6 months ago

I am so glad, and she is beautiful

Trena
6 months ago

Lovely!! Enjoy your new space—we all need somewhere that is just for ourselves. On another note, I have that exact lamp 👍

Leslie
Leslie
6 months ago

GORGEOUS & INSPIRING!

As a side, but really a main, note – your writing is …. Transformative. I’ve commented a time or two before, but I recently re-read a bunch of your posts and I am compelled to express how DEEPLY grateful I am to you for what you share & how you share it. You are without a doubt one of the most hilarious, clever, and vulnerable and writers/human. You express exactly how I’m feeling – but could never in a million years put words to. There’s no one quite like you and I feel so incredibly lucky to have your gift in my life.

kp
kp
6 months ago

AWESOME.

Mary Clare
Mary Clare
6 months ago

That’s a gorgeous and inspiring space! Enjoy!

Hillary
Hillary
6 months ago

That is a beautiful space and I’m so glad you get to have it. Love that yellow chair.

Jenine
Jenine
6 months ago

Holycrapthat’swonderful! Enjoy enjoy enjoy

Elizabeth_K
Elizabeth_K
6 months ago

Wishing you many happy hours/years in this lovely She Shed!

Sally
Sally
6 months ago

Oof – perfect! And, ‘full of possibility’ indeed! Lucky, fully-deserving, you 👏

ML
ML
6 months ago

You deserve all things soothing & beautiful! It’s gorgeous! (And that contractor is an ass!)

Pat
Pat
6 months ago

What a gorgeous restful space. I love the skylights!! I am so happy that you went forward with it- you are so worth it. (& love that you didn’t fire that A-hole after the pole comment as you wanted the job done!).

Donna
Donna
6 months ago

❤️

Rachel
Rachel
6 months ago

What a beautiful space!

Thank you for the phrasing, “no deserve, just desire plus circumstances”

Cynthea
Cynthea
6 months ago

I love that space! The pics are great with the colors and the sun and the airy feel, but I bet it will be glorious on gray misty days with the sound of the rain echoing around. Enjoy yourself.

Jessi
Jessi
6 months ago

It’s beautiful! Enjoy yourself!

nerr
nerr
6 months ago

i would LOVE THIS for myself.