So, speaking, um, hypothetically, what would you do if you had a house full of contractors on a Friday when you were home from work and when you went into your one working bathroom you discovered this on the counter next to the sink?

ohgod.jpg

And it wasn’t YOURS? Or your husband’s? Or the dog’s?

(UPDATE: at about 3:30 PM today, the lube mysteriously disappeared.)

(*shudder*)

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Becky
16 years ago

I would assume two of the contractors were boinking each other in your bathroom that morning. Then I would get a major case of the heebies-jeebies. Not because it’s two guys, but because it’s two strangers boinking in your bathroom. I’d probably check the floor for, um, forensics, as well.

ElizabethZ
ElizabethZ
16 years ago

Yikes! WTF? He better have been on break dammit!

Amanda
16 years ago

I’d be thinking there wasn’t enough bleach in the WORLD to clean my bathroom.

Chiara
16 years ago

I’d be thinking it was time to install a webcam.

Shel
16 years ago

Hmmm, well first and foremost I’d recommend that you don’t shake any of their hands today!

squandra
squandra
16 years ago

Ew! Ew ew!

And also, what happened to the Glory Hole? (And also, how is that possible, to name ANYTHING the Glory Hole?)

Kim
Kim
16 years ago

Please, please, please Squandra–

don’t mention the Glory Hole this near to that picture of the lubricant.

Talk about Ew.

jonniker
16 years ago

I honestly am at a loss for words.

Danell
16 years ago

I would wander out to the work area and shout “HEY, WHO LEFT THIS IN MY BATHROOM?”

Just kidding. But I would want to.

whoorl
16 years ago

OH. SWEET. JEBUS.

gabby
16 years ago

I’m pretty sure I would burn said bathroom. And possibly my imagination.

fellowmom
fellowmom
16 years ago

Oh God, it looks like it’s next to your curling iron. Throw that out.

Megan
16 years ago

Oh, my eyes! First you get me with the strange lube in the bathroom and then…the Oozinator! I am scarred for life.

biodtl
16 years ago

I would probably either hide it and wait for someone to ask for it (hoping for some legitmate pipe-laying reason) just to see if anyone did.

Or, I would walk out to where the contractors are working, pretending to be getting ready to load up my toothbrush, waving my brush and “paste” around as I chat with them, waiting to see if someone would speak up about what I was about to put in my mouth.

Hypothetically.

Jessie
16 years ago

I don’t know if I think it’s hillarious or gross. Maybe there’s some justifiable construction use. I really, really hope there’s some justifiable construction use.

Amanda
16 years ago

I would start peeing outside from now on.

(Also — reminds me of the Sopranos!)

l
l
16 years ago

Oh. My. Gawd. If only you had a black light to shine on their hands…

Dangerous
16 years ago

I work in construction, and I don’t know of ANY justifiable use for Personal Lubricant. I don’t know of any contractor who would swallow his pride and carry that around in his tool box. What you have is some freaky contractors on your hands (and in your bathroom). Might aught to consider calling their supervisor about the matter just to be sure.

Niki P
Niki P
16 years ago

I’m sure it’s a justifiable construction use- I just don’t know what it is! I would go out there and ask who left the lube in the BR and if it’s a good brand and would they use it again. Good fun!

Lubiee
Lubiee
16 years ago

Maybe they use it with caulk????

jen
jen
16 years ago

maybe it’s JB’s idea of a REALLY funny joke? Maybe the contractors think that you are one of them and they are initiating you into their world? I’d like to think that because I am so FRIGGIN icked out otherwise.

Kelly
16 years ago

It’s possible someone has a… medical reason for needing it. Right? *hopes like hell*

wickedfun
16 years ago

heeeee…Sorry! I can’t help it…I am just sitting here thinking of some poor construction guy on his lunchbreak…strokin’ it for all he is worth, obviously getting interrupted mid-ways through, and being so shaken he forgets to load the lube back in the old lunchbox…

Now he knows that you have seen it, and is embarrassed to even be seen in the VICINITY of your bathroom, knowing that YOU know someone has been strokin’ it in there, and will be on the lookout for whoever moooooves the luuuuub….snicker…

If it were me though, unless he was using my wedding picture as inspiration or something scary like that…I would probably make some sort of silly sign for the back of the bathroom door thanking the anonymous luber for the webcam fodder, and mentioning how much your webtraffic at http://www.watchmepee.com increased with HIS cameo. ;-)

Emily
16 years ago

Maybe one of those contractors was using it to clean his … um … drill. Or, fuck, maybe they have wild orgies when you’re not there, and that was just overlooked during cleanup.

Seriously? The possibilities are ENDLESS!

wickedfun
16 years ago

OMG…that is a real website!!! I had no idea!! LMAO

I am so sorry Sundry, hope you don’t get bombarded by porn hounds now!

Caitlin
Caitlin
16 years ago

Maybe one of the workers saw your WARMING MIST laying around and thought he’d offer another option, y’know, one lube consumer to another.

Ok, that was gross. But you made us watch the Oozinator!!!

Sara
16 years ago

Do you watch (or did you watch) Six Feet Under? This reminds me of a particular episode. At any rate — nasty! At first I was thinking…maybe it’s for moisurizing…hands? I hope? But really, there’s no excuse. But it’s funny, though, but mostly because it’s not in my bathroom!

laura
16 years ago

I don’t know, but it’s reminding me of the time our plumber told my husband we needed O-ring lubricant for our well filter. When he tried to find it at Home Depot, he was told they don’t carry it because everyone just uses Vaseline. I can’t even type this without snickering, can you imagine having that conversation? So maybe your construction guys needed some O-ring lubricant, and one of them said, Hey, just use my personal lubricant instead?

I keep hoping and hoping that your guys had a legitimate plumbing reason for it. And I’m still snickering.

jonniker
16 years ago

Is there a chance there was a legit reason, like for one of the tools? At all?

ANY CHANCE?

Holly
Holly
16 years ago

I’d think that one of the contractors was horny, and cheap!
Oh what a winning combination!

Sheffield Labs website

“Sheffield brand products are high quality national brand equivalents at a fraction of the national brand cost. Sheffield produces a wide range of national brand equivalents to meet the everyday need of consumers.”

Poor Son of a bitch! He’s so hard up he’s doing god knows what in your bathroom and he can’t even afford the good lube! :( I feel sort of bad for him… Ha! Noooo!

Chloe
16 years ago

I work in a hardware store, and we sell all sorts of lubricant. Though I am forced to giggle once someone walks away with some nice, moist, lubricant, because I am a 12 year old boy.

However, there is one type of lubricant that we DO NOT carry.

That is PERSONAL lubricant.

I looked at that label. This is not hardware store lubricant.
This is the lubricant you buy at a store that sells vibrators and blow-up dolls.\
No hardware store lubricant boasts that it is “Safe To Use With Condoms”!

There was at least one contractor doing something… that requires personal lubricant… in your bathroom.
Wow.

Also, possibly the most times I’ve ever typed lubricant, EVER.
Feel the pleasure.

warcrygirl
16 years ago

Kind of gives the phrase ‘working on the plumbing’ a whole new meaning.

Pete
Pete
16 years ago

You have a cat don’t you? You can try replacing some of the lube with a clear deep heat lotion for a joke. As mentioned before, it can be used as an O-Ring lube. It is safe with condoms. Did you have any sinks being worked on? Or it could be used to help pull data cables though a conduit. Shiny smile maybe? This is why I hate to have anyone else work on my house.

Donna
Donna
16 years ago

I thought the comments after the “tell me about your strangest work experience” entry were interesting — these are better! Only at Sundry’s house, huh? Will this bathroom become the guest bathroom??

Jem
Jem
16 years ago

Wow. Haha Pete, I like the idea of refilling it with Deep Heat. Or Superglue, and then you’ll be able to tell who’s been working in your bathroom. I’m sad that it has gone now.

Donna
Donna
16 years ago

The ONLY thing I could think of is maybe to put on your hands after you wash them to make a waterproof seal for your skin to keep you from getting nail fungus, and athletes foot on your hands which can happen if your hands are wet all day from plumbing.
Like a second skin.
Puhleeeze let it be something like that.
I second wicked fun’s idea for a sign for the door though, that’s some funny shit there……..

Donna
Donna
16 years ago

Or wait I got it, someone is chafed between their legs, or between their cheeks, and needed to be um, slick?
Dear God I’m giving this too much thought.
This WAS the only laugh I’ve had all day though. Thanks for that!

Megan, The Emily Dickinson Philistine
Megan, The Emily Dickinson Philistine
16 years ago

I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation for the contractor’s lube in your bathroom. Isn’t there? I mean, why would a contractor need personal lube on the job, and why would he take it into his clients’ home? Maybe he has a medical condition? Right? Gah. You might as well scrub down the whole room with bleach and never think about it again.

Sara A
16 years ago

I used to use KY Jelly to snap the metal snaps on the soft top of my Jeep. I didn’t have the hand strength to get the snaps closed. if I used an oil-based lubricant, the snaps would eventually pop back open. With KY, I think it would just dry and the snaps stayed closed.

Dawn
16 years ago

Hee!!! Maybe it was a not so subtle invitation for YOU from a horny contractor?

thejunebug
16 years ago

oh GROSS. Reading the comments was worse, though – I nearly peed myself laughing.

In all seriousness I second the suggestion of speaking with the foreman or supervisor, or actually of having JB do it. There’s a conversation I bet your hubs is just DYING to have!

Sonia(DDM)
16 years ago

Uh? Hmm. Soooo….? Didn’t they bring a Port-O-Potty and put it in your yard somewhere specifically for the workers to use? If not……I think I’d spring for one.
The only reason I can think of besides the seriously nasty ones, is that one of the guys has hemmorhoids. Okay, so that’s nasty too. But less obnoxiously offensive than the other reasons one might use personal lubricant. In your bathroom.

guinevere
guinevere
16 years ago

not that this is ANY Better, but maybe the guy has hemorrhoids. one of my good friends has hemorrhoids (he’s also a sick sick bastard for giving me details) and i was googling around trying to find cures for him and i came across an article that said to lube up yer bunghole before you poo (see? reeeeeeally not any better – i’m sorry!!) so it doesn’t hurt as much.

the end.

justmouse
justmouse
16 years ago

ewww, but also….BAH HA HA HA HA *snork* BAAAAH HA HA HA HA!

Meghan
Meghan
16 years ago

Dude, this entry was worth it (your pain and suffering) just to see the look on my husband’s face when I read it to him. He suggests you move.

Drooly kisses from our baby (Nathan) to yours, Sundry!

— Meghan, your co-worker’s friend who *also* had a baby last year :)

thejunebug
16 years ago

The hemorrhoids suggestion is the least creepy. I go with that one.

Kat
Kat
16 years ago

Okay – see, here’s the thing. If one of the guys was using it as some kind of substitute lube or genuine on the job product (hee, I bet he was “on the job.”) , why would he take it to the bathroom? Are they doing construction in there? Hmmm? It’s just – Eww, it’s gross. By the way, are there any female contractors in the group? Could it be a joke on one of them?

Ew. Again, Ew.

I’d bleach the whole room.

My Spin
16 years ago

ewwwwww.

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