August 22, 2006

For those of you who may be waiting on tenterhooks for my impression of Snakes on a Plane (IE, none of you), I enjoyed the hell out of it. It met my expectations in every way: there were snakes, a shitload of them, and they were extremely bitey. There was a plane, careening around in a dangerous manner. And of course, there was Samuel L. Jackson, beetling his brows and tossing out choice one-liners.

I went to see it with a bunch of my coworkers, because my boss actually bought tickets for everyone as a morale event type thing. Workplace has done this before with movies like Star Wars Episode Whatever, because of the mass nerd appeal, but I was very surprised to see him pony up for SoaP. Especially since my boss is…let me see, how to describe…he doesn’t drink caffeine, watch TV, or curse; he drives a hybrid and he donates blood on a regular basis. A movie full of violence, profanity, and scenes that involved snakes biting 1) a woman’s nipple and 2) a penis just aren’t his thing, you know?

I think he just selflessly enjoyed the fact that his employees were excited about it, though, which was rather sweet. I asked him afterwards what he thought of the movie, and he was hilariously diplomatic. “That film had absolutely no false advertising,” he said. “I think the people that didn’t want to go (for about half the company had no desire to attend the showing, which I decided was the Workplace Litmus Test for me; if my office ever goes up in flames and I’m in a position to save people I am absolutely starting with the SoaP fans) knew exactly what they were missing, and the people who went knew exactly what they were getting into.”

So in conclusion: snakes good. Two poison-filled thumbs up.

:::

Have you seen this video? For some reason I actually like Britney a little more having watched it. Maybe it’s because she seems too dumb to have a mean bone in her body. She’s like a big retarded golden retriever, panting and blinking and saying “HUH?”

:::

Speaking of videos! I fooled around in iMovie for the first time last night and managed to make this little movie featuring, surprise, Riley. I apologize for the audio that includes me yelling “RAWWR” over and over and OVER (man, why am I such a dork when the camera is running?) (because otherwise I am never dorky ever, am in fact a pillar of grace and poise much like Audrey Hepburn), you might want to turn the sound down.

:::

Since today’s entry seems to be of the random variety, my most recent news is we got a new dining room set this morning (the oak/granite combo I mentioned earlier). The old table we had was once my grandparents’, throughout various moves across the years it’s gotten pretty banged up. The chairs all needed reupholstering, too. Most annoyingly, the finish on the table’s surface was extraordinarily delicate – any heat or moisture left a permanent stain in seconds. I wanted something prettier, since the table is one of the first things you see when you walk in the door, and less prone to being ruined by a water glass. Here it is:

tablenew.jpg

I like it, but wow, it’s big. Really big. Our previous table was oblong, and the square size definitely takes up more room.

Also, I don’t know why I post pictures of my furniture online like this shit is interesting. God. I’m sorry, I won’t do that again.

Except for this:

82106_table.jpg

Which I show only to illustrate the long, uphill battle I have in babyproofing the house. The boy has 3845789695 safety-tested toys, including this one:

82106_toy.jpg

(My family gave this exceedingly noisy toy to Riley as an early birthday present, after which they immediately escaped on a month-long cruise. People who give loud electronic toys as presents should be forced to hang around and babysit instead of being allowed to go on month-long cruises, is all I’m saying.)

And yet the things he most enjoys playing with are inevitably fraught with danger. If there’s a heavy plant to be pulled onto his head, a ballpoint pen to thrust into his eyesocket, or a Mystery Item to place in his mouth, he’s all over it, and woe unto the person who tries to take it away. He will go all snakes-on-a-plane on your ass.

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angela
angela
15 years ago

i want to make sweet love to that table. it’s awesome!

Miss Noodle
15 years ago

Excellent work on the video–and great choice of song! The table is simply Goa-jus!

Teri M.
15 years ago

Ok. That hurt my ovaries. I think “fish face” is my favoritest Riley face.

I totally couldn’t hear the RAWWRing… I watched it again, just to make sure. It just sounded like part of the mu-sic. Kick it – DJ Sundry!

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

That’s a gorgeous table. I love square shapes–it’s so easy for all the guests to see and talk to each other. Yay for you!

Lauren
15 years ago

The table is great but I am completely wowed by the wall of windows! How beautiful.

Caitlin
Caitlin
15 years ago

My first word would be “backpack” too if I got zoomed around the hallways like a wee monster captured from planet Cute-apolis!

mandy
15 years ago

I LOVE your table! It is gorgeous. You guys have SUCH great taste. I love your whole house, the glimpses we get anyway.

Riley’s pretty cute too.

Heather
Heather
15 years ago

snakes on a plane was awesome. i actually cheered when samuel jackson said “i am TIRED of all of these motherfuckin SNAKES, on this motherfuckin PLANE”. so good.

warcrygirl
15 years ago

Wow, what an incredibly mean thing to say about golden retrievers.

Emily
15 years ago

Okay, how in holy hell did I think that SoaP was coming out NEXT weekend? I totally went to see “Accepted” on Sunday instead! FUCK ME. I am a retard. Oh, speaking of retarded — someone told me that Britney was on ecstacy in that video. Which kind of makes me happy, because she looks like she totally could use a little pick-me-up.

Melissa
Melissa
15 years ago

GREAT video! Love the table but love the hardwood floor too.

Breckgirl
Breckgirl
15 years ago

Um, call me insensitive and a trashy celebrity watcher but I haven’t even LOOKED at Riley’s movie because I had to check out Britney first… I think she’s on a little more than the mary jane – way too spaced out. I was just glad to see her eating like a pig and burping, like we all do when we think nobody is watching or we just don’t give a shit, like her in this particular video. I don’t like her any more or less – I just love her, generally. I love LOTS of TV and celebrity things a 37 year old is not supposed to like, such as Britney Spears, Danity Kane’s ridiculous “Showstopper” song (as well as that show, Making the Band, where they came from), America’s Next Top Model, and that fabulous website you turned me on to, Perez Hilton. Trash and gossip rock.

I promise to look at Riley’s video – I have a nine month old son who fascinates me daily, just like Riley does for you! Thanks for your blog – it’s a great diversion when I am sitting here at work, f-ing off. You should really put all of this energy of yours into writing a book, not a blog. Really – I’ll buy it. Take care and dig on the new table. So shiny.

fellowmom
fellowmom
15 years ago

Holy crap, that’s a pretty table.

Jen
Jen
15 years ago

First time poster… ahh, the craziness of it. hehe..

Riley is one of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen. My nephew is turning one on thursday and since he’s in Boston and I’m in NYC I find myself missing him like crazy. It’s always great to see Riley because they are SO close in age and see how he’s progressing along since they aren’t the best at taking photos and passing them along. So I guess in a way I would like to say thanks for sharing him with us! :)

Also, really cool dining room table and I’m seriously contemplating buying the makeup (even though I’m sure I couldn’t afford it at the moment! ;).

zu
zu
15 years ago

good song choice and action involved…you made it interesting, short and sweet (perfect for a home video)…just enough oohs and aaaaahs and finished. awesome.

K
K
15 years ago

Gorgeous table! Looks great with your existing furniture!

velocibadgergirl
15 years ago

OMG! Linda from Purple is a Fruit has another blog!

Yeah…I’m sorta slow on the uptake, apparently. But you don’t understand how eagerly I was awaiting your report on “Snakes on a Plane.”

Now I have found it, along with even more Riley pictures.

It is a good day :)

Jen
Jen
15 years ago

Dude, the Beasties in your video are awesome. And the Britney link? Oh my God, thank you. And Riley? Always cute. table? Too big for me but nice.

jonniker
15 years ago

I had actually never seen that video of Britney before, and I laughed like I haven’t laughed in ages. Secondly, all I heard on that video was the Beastie Boys – no hyena-like brays from you, nor “RAWRs!”

And OH MY FREAKING GOD, when Riley was making that fishy-face? I died right then and there. Heart stopped beating. The end.

Sidnaya
Sidnaya
15 years ago

Your new table looks amazing (oak and granite!)

Riley is 100% adorable. The fishy face was out of control cute.

And your husband gets triple extra cool points for owning a Threadless shirt. *loves*

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

The new dining set is divine and goes so well with your floors. Envious! Also notice we adore the same wall colors. You are Gooood!

Kristin
15 years ago

Oh good god the fish face of swoon and happiness. He is heartbreaking. And the spitting image of JB.

Awesome table, and I am suitably impressed by the awesome revisitation of the snakes, gracefully-like, at the end!

Gentry
15 years ago

JB and Riley look like MasterBlaster. And what cruel joker in the music industry decided Britney should be a kajillionaire? They must have chose her specifically for her stupidity. Golden retrievers are infinately more dignified.

Thursday
15 years ago

Brilliant movie Sundry.

Thursday
15 years ago

I meant yours, not SoaP which I haven’t seen …

Zoot
15 years ago

That table is GORGEOUS.

Jennifer
15 years ago

I am too amazed by Cat’s tolerance to think about the Britney video. If a baby “petted” my cat like that… Snakes on a Plane would look like a romantic comedy starring Hilary Duff.

And I love that baby backpack thing. Riley also appears to enjoy it!

megan
megan
15 years ago

Oh my god, that movie just made my ovaries explode.

Once I have a baby I pray that I’ll end up with a Riley clone. Especially if he makes the fish face and has that gorgeous smile!

And the Beastie Boys? Awesome choice of song.

Kat
Kat
15 years ago

Good call on the table, if you’re worried about what adults can do to the finish just imagine what could happen once Riley is truly mobile and spilling drinks and making tons of mess.
I had a table with a similar finish and needless to say by the time the third kids came around I had a table cloth over that sucker 24/7 due to lack of attractveness.
Poor table, it’s gone to a much better place now.

erin
15 years ago

I love the table. Next up: Granite Counter tops for the kitchen!

Donna
Donna
15 years ago

Brittney is just a dumb ol rednek girl idn’t she? Too funny.
Again, for those who can’t afford BE, try the neutrogena powder makeup in a brush. Way cheaper, works the same.
I couldn’t get Riley to play, my fault I’m sure.
Haven’t seen soap yet, but did go see Descent. Damned scary. Made me actually claustrophobic, and I’ve never been before.

Shawna
15 years ago

Have you already told us where you bought that awedsome table and I’ve missed the info?

AmyW
AmyW
15 years ago

I have to ask… Since you’ve had time to use it, how do you like the Roomba? I would really like one, but I’m afraid there are too many objects in my house it would not be able to get around/under. Can it sweep under the table w/plant pictured above? Does it get stuck on the lip of wood pictured to seperate tile vs. wood floor? Do tell!

Riley looks adorable as always! Love the table too!

Mama Ritchie
15 years ago

Excellent choice of furniture selection. But girl, you don’t need to explain why you got a new table. I don’t care if you had a perfectly good 6 month old table and just didn’t like it so you got another. Be proud of your purchases! Because dammit you work hard for the money. So hard for it honey. You work hard for the money and that table’s gonna treat you fuckin right!

LLL
LLL
15 years ago

How is it that cat remains still while Riley pets her???? Anyhow, the video is awesome, I also couln’t hear you RWAR’ing – the fish face is the CUTEST! I want to know from SoaP – how does a nipple get bittnen? Is it being exposed, if so what the f*ck – on a plane????

Susan
Susan
15 years ago

I am laughing my ass off! and loving it! Your Riley movie is so awesome, I’m laughing and also feeling like my heart is going to fly out of my chest! I’m going through some very tough transition times and I plan on viewing this movie any time I need to clear away the blues. Thank you Sundry, for sharing not only your amazing wit and deliciously (wicked) observations of the world, but also the great joys in your life.

HollowSquirrel
15 years ago

Love Love Love Love this entire post and all photographs shown and videos linked. The Riley video was much more tech savvy than I anticipated (and his faces are hilarious). The Brit video…oh dear lord. K-Fed seemed like a friggin genius compared to Brit. Your description of her was spot ON, chica.

Tammy
15 years ago

I for one like to look at photos of your furniture.

Jo
Jo
15 years ago

Table looks stunning and Riley just gets cuter and cuter (omg the fish face!!) :)

Jem
Jem
15 years ago

I knewwwwww that nipple was gonna be a Mile High Club thing…I’m off to see the movie in two hours…soooooooo excited!

Sonia (DDM)
15 years ago

I love the new table and chairs, they look great. And personally, I like the furniture posts. Because I’m nosy and I get to see the inside of your (quite lovely) house.

Frema
15 years ago

That table is gorgeous.

TB
TB
15 years ago

LOVE the table. Love.

As for noisy toys, now that we are actually having a baby, I’m sticking by something I have always said. There will be no toys that make noise in the house. Do you think it’s possible to put a moratorium on those kinds of things. If it were up to me the baby would have no toys at all. I mean, if pots and pans and cardboard boxes were good enough for me… :o)

Nikki
15 years ago

yesterday aaron wanted to play with a piece of paper (comment card from a restaurant). then “my yiddle paper” had to go to bed with him. yep i tucked my 2 year old and his paper into bed last night. today he bacame one pissed off little boy when he forgot to bring his paper with him to daycare. i’m afraid he might be one of those kids that eats paste in kindergarden.

babs
15 years ago

god, your video is AWESOME. Perfect song. Perfect length. AND perfect little riley!

Carrie
15 years ago

Gorgeous table! But where do the people on the single chair sides put their food? Because if I’m on a two-chair side, I’m thinking that big, beautiful square is all my space. It would bother me to let a single chair side person infringe on my big, beautiful square. Their plates would have to be sitting all weird, infringing on the four real people’s squares and that’s just wrong. Lovely table, I’m just thinking people 5 and 6 eat at the couch. Sorry, I usually edit my crazy thoughts better but it’s been a hard day. Mwah!

Stacy Lawrence
15 years ago

Google is the best search engine

D R Sakokll
14 years ago

nice picture and information about home furniture It is very crucial these days to stay in sync with the latest fashion and style. The slightest mistake and you are declared unfashionable. That’s why the way you do your room is extremely important.