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September 20, 2006
While I find myself occasionally mourning Riley’s headlong plummet into toddlerhood, something I definitely have not missed about the Very Wee Stage of Babyhood are the milk-horks. Spitting up wasn’t as gross as I had imagined it might be (it’s less of an Exorcist pea-soup blast and more of a quiet burble), but jesus god, the smell of urped formula….deadly.
Riley never spit up all that much, since our family was thankfully spared the hell of reflux (not that I would know firsthand, I’m just making a stab in the dark that a baby with reflux is a Mighty Goddamn Sorrowful Situation), but I went through those piles of little washcloths at a pretty good clip all the same. JB ascertained that a bit of spitup was a good sign, as it meant Riley had eaten just a smidge over the perfect amount and was only jettisoning the excess. Then again, he wasn’t the one doing twelve loads of laundry a day.
“Stopped spitting up” doesn’t seem to be something I made a notation of in my exhaustive efforts to document every single solitary moment of Riley’s existence, but he hasn’t done it for quite a while. So on the sunny afternoon of his birthday, while we were at the zoo and had stopped for a bucolic picnic lunch, it was fairly surprising when he started to hork.
Let me just…let me just give you some facts, here. He had eaten a large amount of, oh god I can barely type it, scrambled eggs that morning. He had a healthy quantity of milk in his belly, having hoovered down a few bottles throughout the day. And I had just given him some Honey Nut Cheerios.
Well, I don’t know exactly what went wrong, that afternoon at the Woodland Park Zoo. My theory is that he gagged on a Cheerio, which triggered the catastrophic events that followed. Basically, he started spitting up milk, and then, all of a sudden, turbo barfed an entire Lake Superior worth of disgustingness all over himself and the stroller.
I have no idea how one baby could contain that much volume; it was like clowns leaving a Volkswagen. It just coming and coming and I was flailing for the only thing I had on hand, a small paper napkin (!!), and I was freaking out that he was going to choke and man oh man, we had NO extra outfits with us.
After that he seemed perfectly fine, albeit slightly less adorable than forty seconds beforehand. We cleaned up as much as we could with a sheet I had packed to spread on the grass and a bottle of water, and drove home with the windows down, leaving a palpable trail of Stank behind us. Later, JB sprayed down the stroller with a hose, and if you have a better method of removing a kegload of semi-digested scrambled eggs from canvas, I’d sure like to hear it. Because truthfully, it still smells a little…not so fresh.
Overall, I learned that I vastly prefer the tiny-infant spitup to the larger-child Full Scale Vomit. I guess it’s just one more thing to get maudlin about when I sift through his 0-3 sized onesies and hum “Sunrise, Sunset” to myself.
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Apropos of nothing, I’d like you to know I am quite disturbed by Cecil Dill and his musical hands.
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Also: hey guess what? I made a new website, specifically for housing all the product-related conversations and pimpfests I so greatly enjoy. I plan to use it to tell you about cool stuff I like, and ask you questions about stuff you like, and generally indulge my deep, deep desire to talk about trivial consumery shit. It’s called sundrybuzz, and it’s right here. Come visit! Tell me if it’s horribly broken in your web browser, so that I may cry piteously into my monitor.
(Also also: only recently did I realize I named the site similarly to Melissa’s cool new column. I am an unoriginal dickmunch.)
Comments
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My product review site:
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I just checked out SundryBuzz, which I was initially a little suspicious of, but damn, it’s good stuff. Thank you.
So sorry about The Vomit. Try spraying a bit of vinegar into the stinky spots, and letting the stroller sit outside in the sun for a while. The vinegary smell goes away, even without sun, but the sun will help speed up the de-stinkifying process. Also, I wonder if the canvas can be removed from the stroller-y metal parts and washed in the washing machine?
Yay! I am so excited about Sundry Buzz!!! I love talking about stuff to buy!
Riley barfed at the zoo? No problem! You ain’t lived until he’s done the same thing into his plate…in the middle of a busy restaurant. Good times, people; goooood times.
Baking soda and water is good to tame milk smells in things — just scrub it in an clean it off. Also, theres a product called Zero Odor that is great for pet odors….might work well on the stroller too. Poor Riley…
I had my son on my shoulders at a pizza place when he decided to barf all over my head. It wasn’t the liquidy type but the thick chunk type that smelled like week old milk. Needless to say my order was magically the next one up and we got out of there. What I use to do with the stroller was spray a jet of water from the hose on it and dribble liquid soad into the stream. Does a pretty good job of cleaning everything at once.
All is well using Firefox 1.0.6. It’s also a bitchin’ idea–I love it.
Another Sundry site to check regularly!
(clasps hands a la Monty Burns)
Exxxxxxxxxcellent.
Dude, I promise you, I came to your site to look for information on the backpack you have for my neighbor who wants one. If I didn’t find it, I was going to email you. And lo, LOOK! A site I can point her to! All about the backpack! It’s fulfilled its purpose in a most excellent way within hours of its launch!
Febreze? It worked wonders when my husband’s friend puked in his car. Skinny Girl Beer Puke might not be the same as Baby Boy Egg Vomit, but it’s probably worth a shot if baking soda and sunshine don’t do the trick.
Oh yes. We gave him a sip of pop. His first ever sip of pop. The bubbles are EVIL! Mall foodcourt patrons got to enjoy the stank while two parents desperately tried to catch the vomit in their hands and keep it off everything and clean it up with the few scant napkins we had with lunch. His stroller has never smelt the same since, and we took as much of it apart as we could and hosed down the rest. It’s part of why we’re not cursing having to get a double stroller as much – we get to toss the stanky one!
I recommend Febreeze for EVERYTHING urpy. I don’t know how it takes the smell out, and I don’t want to know. Magic, is what I’m assuming.
I’m very excited about your new site!
funny you should mention the honey nut cheerios…because on sunday i gave them to Isabella and she spit up. and she hasn’t done the spit up thing in about…um..probably 6 months?!
Yup, Febreeze works wonders. I’m not sure if there’s anything worse than regurgitated hot dogs, which is what our last vomiting episode consisted of at 3 o’clock in the morning. Ugh! Took the smell right out of the carpet, though, so I could get back to sleep. I do think it’s MAGIC!!
Sundrybuzz is awesome!! What a great idea.
Also — I, too, LOVE velcro rollers; they do everything you say, including making one look like a total dork. For me, also, they give volume AND smooth out the hair, thus making the flat-iron redundant. Unfortunately, though, I need lots and lots of of the rollers in order to get all the hair, so many that there’s not enough scalp real estate to house them all. This makes for an Extra Dorky look, when the rollers are all crammed up on each other, askew and falling off.
How I use them: wash hair and dry roots of hair while hanging head upside down (volume; lift!). Partially dry ends of hair but leave it mostly damp. Cram on the rollers and let hair dry. Of course, this works only for occasions when I have lots of time to allow hair to dry, but it’s worth it in the end. Usually.
You should add your love for the mineral makeup to sundrybuzz. The site looks great, btw.
Love the sunrise sunset moment…. there are many of those, until you get the projectile vomits or the teeth coming in pain in ass parts of parenthood.
Why, just this evening, when we were enjoying a meal out because I couldn’t bear to cook tonight, after P had thrown something – crayon, bread, spoon, fork, ice cube – for the eleventieth time, or bit me out of frustration, I told her that I might have to sell her if she pulled crap like THAT again.
And for a moment I believed me, until she kissed my arm. Then I took it back.
Oh, and P.S. Where the HELL are you finding time to blog on three sites?? Woman! You’re making the rest of us moms look bad!
(You must have an office with a door to close, while I have people lined up to ask me stupid things like “how do I get my e-mail to work?”)
JennB: see, I use the time that otherwise would be available for doing more productive things. “Oh, I can’t work out…must write blog entry.” It’s like the best procrastination device EVER. “Yeah, I would have cleaned that, but I have this website to update.”
I hadn’t really thought about the whole baby/toddler spit up/vomit switch until you wrote about it. That’s funny..I’d prefer the spit up myself too..my son has an easy gag reflex, he must have gotten from me. The last time he threw up, I ended up throwing up too. That was loads of fun.
as humorous as this entry is, it was not the best reading for me as I chewed on my bagel and cream cheese. I almost did the clowns out of a car thing myself.
Nature’s Miracle. You get it at the pet store. It’s all natural enzymes and non-toxic, and it kills the crap out of any smell I’ve found. You may need to just pour it on the stroller, if the vomit-fu sank into the padding. It also does not have that strong, chemically smell Febreze can have. It comes in a white bottle with red lettering. Kind of expensive, but weeeeeeelllllllll worth it. And also, buzz is a common term; don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t find you dickmunchy at all.
…That so didn’t sound right.
My first choice would be “Buy a New Stroller” but Nature’s Miracle does work.
I second Amy’s comment about adding a discussion about the mineral makeup to Sundrybuzz – I love that stuff and bought it on your recommendation and those of everyone else who raved about it in the comments. If not for you, I’d never find out about these things because I don’t have time to look at a damned magazine anymore and with TiVo, I never watch commercials – how am I supposed to find out about things like skinny jeans and mineral makeup? Thank god I always have time to check your blog…
The mineral makeup thing is definitely going up; hopefully today if I have time.
Also, we HAVE some of that Nature’s Miracle (for when we had carpet, and Cat left a little Miracle of Nature right in the living room) so thanks for the tip, I’ll try that!
i can confirm that a baby with reflux is, indeed, “a Mighty Goddamn Sorrowful Situation”. my son barfed. a lot. all the time. everywhere. copiously. he made that exorcist pea-soupin’ lil girl look like an AMATEUR. ya, compared to a baby with reflux, spit up is cute.
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