Perhaps Riley has a built-in self preservation device that tracks the number of days he’s been 99% Evil, and flips an internal setting to Cherubic, in order to keep his parents from driving to the Woodland Park Zoo, circling for an hour until a parking space is finally located, bundling him into the stroller and standing in line, then walking directly to the wolf exhibit and briskly tossing him inside.

(It would be complicated, sure, but OH GOD SO SATISFYING.)

Or maybe the mysterious molars that seemed on the verge of making an appearance have somehow sunk back below the surface of his gums, or maybe we’re in a brief nanosecond between illnesses, or maybe the planets have aligned in a manner that pleases His Majesty. Who knows, but I’ll take it.

The boy has been exceedingly charming, full of good humor, and sparkling with intellect (well…I mean, a toddler-sized intellect. He’s not exactly ready for the SAT, but he’s made leaps and bounds in the general category of Aw, He Thinks He’s People!), and life is like a happy pink unicorn blowing rainbows out its gold-plated asshole, instead of how things have been over the last couple weeks, which was more like a sad brown unicorn blowing…nevermind, suffice to say things have greatly improved.

I am high on both life and dessert right now. Thanks to Swistle, I have eaten probably eight thousand calories worth of cream cheese and pumpkin and chocolate crumbs this evening, and the only reason I’m typing right this minute instead of getting yet another piece of cheesecake from the fridge is because my hands are the only things that can move.

Anyway, it seems like it’s been a while since I’ve posted a bunch of photos. Behold!

111806_corner.jpg
Surprisingly, the boy corners quite nicely.

111806_patrol.jpg
Also if you are a bear than you had best be watching out because this kid is ON PATROL.

111806_phone.jpg
This is how Riley holds the phone to “talk”. We find it endlessly amusing, although I bet we won’t be laughing when he dials Indonesia someday and we get the bill.

111806_rbath1.jpg
Baths are fun again! No more screaming!

111806_rbath2.jpg
Seriously, I have no idea who replaced the demon toddler with this swoony suctopus, but I’ll keep him, thanks.

111806_talk.jpg
The boy appears to be expressing an opinion. Loudly.

111806_reading.jpg
They are reading Dora, which, I don’t know…Dora seems so NAUGHTY now. I’m not sure I approve.

111806_cat.jpg
Lastly, here is Cat, peering up over the table. You shouldn’t think of Ceiling Cat when you see this picture.

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ZowZow
16 years ago

He’s just trying to lull you into a false sense of security. That cute smile and the awe-inducing actions will only last so long! But, man, is it worth it or what? He is so freaking delicious (and I mean that in the non-stalkery, admiring way.)

ZowZow
16 years ago

And by the by, chocolate pumpkin cheesecake? This is a delight that must be shared by all. Can you point me to a recipe or nice stranger who might make them?

Anne L.
Anne L.
16 years ago

Man, ceiling cat cracks me up EVERY SINGLE TIME! And I have to say that Riley in those little footie jammies is precious!

Liz
Liz
16 years ago

Re: the Dora Aquapet

WHAT. THE. HELL.

But you can buy SpongeBob and Patrick Aquapets together for only $27.90!

deanna
deanna
16 years ago

all i can say is that the picture of jb and riley reading dora reminds me of a family picture of my dad and myself reading, when i was just about riley’s age. its quite possibly one of my favorite pictures of my dad and me EVER. my parents were ahead of their time, so to speak, when it came to constantly snapping and cataloging pictures. riley will be lucky to have a similar catalogue of memories…

warcrygirl
16 years ago

and life is like a happy pink unicorn blowing rainbows out its gold-plated asshole HAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG, I am so stealing that line. I’m making pumpkin cheesecake bars for Thanksgiving (or maybe just for next week, who knows) but I’m using a Weight Watchers friendly version. I’ll let you know how it turns out as I’m very leery of fat free cream cheese.

Mona
16 years ago

You know what would be better than Bear Patrol? Dingo Patrol. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Also, I love how he holds the phone. Reminds me of that picture highlighting the unique way of holding his bottle.

JennB
JennB
16 years ago

I remember before we were even pregnant, we went and tested carriages and strollers at a Babies R Us one boring night in Florida (we were down for G’s grandfather’s funeral) and we were looking for their cornering ability. Good times, good times…

Tessa
Tessa
16 years ago

Holy shit, Dora. Now all I can think about is who I can possibly buy that for….

Shelly
16 years ago

I’m sorry to say that Riley looks less and less like a baby and more like a boy each time you post pictures. Still adorable as hell but definitely growing up!

Aunt Linda
Aunt Linda
16 years ago

So let me see if I have this right. Last weekend, your Mom and I get Village of the Damned. Damien on a bad day. The child star of Grudge 111. And next week, the in-laws get Prince Charming. I’m just saying. AL

Emily
16 years ago

Ceiling Cat is now my husband’s desktop background. Also, I suddenly feel like I have to go eat some cheesecake.

Anais
16 years ago

That Dora toy is disturbing.

zu
zu
16 years ago

AAAAAH.
I didn’t even know but I really, really missed the Cat pictures!

Amie
16 years ago

Man, I think it must be an age thing with the tub. Gabe went through a phase the last few months where he was suddenly TERRIFIED of taking a bath. It didn’t matter if I got in the tub with him or not. And now? He mysteriously loves it again, and wails like a banshee when I take him out. And my daughter did the same thing when she was a baby.

I laughed my ass off at the zoo scenerio. My husband and I have similar fantasies ourselves. Many days.

jonniker
16 years ago

Your aunt’s comment is pretty priceless, as is that first photo of his bloated little belly in the bathtub. Damn he’s cute.

Also, what in the hell kind of socks is JB wearing?

cynthea
cynthea
16 years ago

Man, I love picture entries. Mo’ Pics!

kara marie
16 years ago

Cat! I love Cat.

I actually was inspired to make some pumpkin chocolate chip cookies after I read about that cheesecake. Pumpkin and chocolate! Brilliant. This was an important turning point in my chocolate consumption.

SaturnCat
16 years ago

Ceiling Cat = Me nearly falling out of my chair from laughing, but trying not to laugh too loudly because I don’t want to wake the Kidlet.

Holy shit, that’s a funny picture.

Lesley
Lesley
16 years ago

Riley seems to be channeling a little manically-smiling baby Jack Nicholson in the second bathtub pic.

I love the colours in your house. The ‘red’ walls are gorgeous.

Diane
Diane
16 years ago

Still in shock over here that the Dora toy made it through the marketing department…

Melanie
16 years ago

Oh my god, the cuteness!!! I’m overloaded by the cuteness!!!! Also I can’t wait to make that cheesecake, though my thighs are crying at the thought of it.

Ang
Ang
16 years ago

OMG! The “naugty” Dora. BWAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!

anne
16 years ago

Awesome pictures, per usual! Just had to add… the one where he’s expressing his opinion? At first glance, the toy in the background makes it look as though a long, thin orange tentacle is coming out of his nose. I’m sorry – I really had to say it. Otherwise, though – I cannot believe how much a little boy he looks now!

Your floors are lovely, by the way.

Relurking now.

Jos
Jos
16 years ago

He’s really, really cute. For some reason, I think he’s goind to look almost exactly like Matt Damon.

By the way, found you via Debaucherous & Dishevled. Hi!

Paige
16 years ago

Oh My God. That Dora toy is ridiculous. I find myself picturing the conference room where the prototype for that toy was being presented and wondering HOW nobody said anything about the shape. I mean, not one person noticed? I find that hard to believe.

fellowmom
fellowmom
16 years ago

I didn’t notice the tentacle until Anne mentioned it. Also, your aunt, where’s her blog? Sense of humor must run in the family.

My sons hold the phone the same way. (Also the remote.) They have placed a few calls. I think I have caught them all before someone answered, but not sure. I open each month’s phone bill with trepidation.

samantha
16 years ago

Is it possible for a child to get cuter and cuter by the day? Riley is one the most most adorable kiddos on the planet.

Anne Glamore
16 years ago

Seems like yesterday we were saying, “Swiper, no swiping!” Now I’m worried about the boys keeping their willies to themselves!

Lawyerish
16 years ago

That little impish face! The potbelly! The round cheeks! Your kid is so cute it’s really kind of unfair.

Brooke
16 years ago

Well, I don’t know about Dora because according to earachemyeye on Amazon, the Dora AquaPet “seems to be dishwasher safe”. Gotta wonder why Dora needed a trip through the dishwasher.

Beth
16 years ago

He’s buttering you up for something. Beware!

katie d
16 years ago

i just have to say i love love love the reading picture. :) it’s *awesome*.

Allie
Allie
16 years ago

I just love it when you post pictures of JB and Riley. They are my favorite! You can just see the love that JB has for Riley and it just melts my heart.

pippa
16 years ago

They don’t ever call Indonesia. They ALL call 911. Every. Last. Time.

Swistle
16 years ago

ZowZow, the Chocolate-Crusted Pumpkin Cheesecake recipe is over at my blog, which you can get to by clicking on the Swistle, or by going to http://www.swistle.blogspot.com

MizzM
MizzM
16 years ago

De-lurking because this post made me laugh because whenever I step out (2 houses down the road) to retrieve my mail, I always tell my kids “don’t throw any wild parties while I’m gone and don’t you DARE make any long-distance calls to China!” (my Dad used to work with Wen-Ho Lee, after all.)

They are 7 and 9 now, and to this day, they still think I’m funny.

Good times, good times. Enjoy them!

(Oh, and I am so guilty of coveting your hardwood floors…)

Kathy Fairechild
15 years ago

Google is the best search engine

Paige Davis
Paige Davis
14 years ago

Hey!…I Googled for lee paige, but found your page about Sundry…and have to say thanks. nice read.