December 4, 2006

This evening before Riley went to bed, JB and I sat with him and looked at a picture book together. Riley proceeded to blow my goddamned mind by correctly identifying a duck, bunny, baby, car, ball, and jacket. We’d say it, and he would point to it.

My kid is learning stuff. Holy shit.

I guess I am purely shocked by the fact that Riley is becoming a little person rather than a bundle of misfiring synapses. It’s not like I didn’t know his brain would eventually be capable of more complicated actions than telling his butt to poop for the fifth time in one day, but seeing it firsthand is something else. The disconnect between his verbal skills (“ba pa”, “ba ba”, “da!”, and just recently, O THANK YOU JEBUS, “Ma ma”) and what he’s apparently able to understand is huge, it’s hard to remember that just because he can’t say it, it doesn’t mean he does’t get it. Also, I can’t believe he knows what a flipping bunny is.

120406_book.jpg

I bet daycare’s been teaching him about bunnies. Note to self: inform daycare there will be no learning from now on, because it is freaking me out. (Unless they want to take care of this whole potty training business I’ve got to look forward to. In that case, let the learning commence!)

So, Riley’s current status is as follows:

• Can point to bunny
• Still calls bunny a “ba”
• Lots of things are “ba”s
• Is able to process cooked carrot cubes through entire digestive system without altering appearance of carrot
• Mostly uses a bottle still because his parents are bad people
• Randomly removed pants the other day and tossed them from crib, horrifying his mother who has visions of that happening with a DIAPER oh my god oh my god
• Greatly enjoys psycho new game involving lots of pretend chasing and foot-stomping
• Also, is very loud
• So, so loud
• Falls down on head at least twice a day
• Likes to imitate me saying “Boom!” by saying “Mummm!”
• Loves to gag on his own finger, which, what, is he brain damaged from all that head-falling, or what?
• Dances like Axl Rose (!)
• Flops his hands around on his wrists like a total WEIRDO
• Gives hugs (aww)

As for me?

• Have new car

*shriek*

I got a new car, you guys. It’s a 2004 Touareg, and I love it so much it’s embarrassing. We’d been saving up money and looking at different models (I wanted an SUV-type rig for ferrying around the Suctopus and also because I am basically a boring-ass soccer mom now) and on Sunday we found this car and the dealership gave us a good price for trading in my Corolla and whoomp, here it is:

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My mother gave me my Corolla in 1997 (surely the best and most used present anyone has ever given me, ever) (I guess there was that whole gift of life, too) (and a myriad of other things, actually. I think I owe my mom a kidney or three) and I’ve driven that ever since; this is the first car I’ve ever bought. It is outstandingly awesome, and I am so, so, so excited.

In fact, I wish we could all go for a ride in it right this minute. I’d heat your seat for you and everything.

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Pete
Pete
17 years ago

FP ;-)

Pete
Pete
17 years ago

I have found the kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. Another good post and congrats on the new car.
PS It’s a pretty sure thing he will be pulling off a ‘full’ diaper sometime in the future.

Sara
17 years ago

My daughter loves that entire series of books. It’s freaky when they know stuff you don’t think they know. (Note to self: stop reading the church billboards out loud — unless you want your child to refer to the cat as “savior.”)

Alex
17 years ago

Congrats on the car–that’s super exciting! However, I’m still all sorts of psyched that Riley is saying Mama now! Whoop!

honeybecke
honeybecke
17 years ago

Now that’s sharp. Congrats!

Annie
17 years ago

That is a bitchin’ ride.

I discovered tonight that my son can easily identify both his ears and mine, as well as our noses. I don’t remember teaching him that. He also got his first pair of hard-soled shoes yesterday and there was a great deal of stomping here as well.

Kimalim
17 years ago

That thing is on the SAME chassis as a Porsche Cayenne! You might as well say you just bought a PORSCHE! NICE!

Daily Tragedies
17 years ago

Niiiiiiice! I bought (ok, financed every last penny) my Corolla many moons ago and while I love, love, love it, I find myself yearning for a new car. But I refuse to spend money replacing a perfectly good car, and damn if this one doesn’t look like it’s going to last into the next milennium! Someday…

Meanwhile, I will drool over pictures of your pretty new car and try to stop myself from attempting to hug it through my laptop.

thejunebug
17 years ago

LOL! You goofy girl. Keep us updated on important stuff like gas mileage, etc. Hubby and I are looking at a Pontiac Vibe.

Mona
17 years ago

Those tires look fierce! I bet you’ll be drag racing those porsche mommies in no time.

Emily
17 years ago

Hooray, now you can teach him how to sing songs with dirty words in them! Er, um, not that I ever did that when I used to babysit. Nope, no way.

Also, yay new car! Can you pronounce it yet, or is it just the spelling of “Touareg” that you’ve mastered thus far? I think you should give it a name that’s easily pronounceable. (I imagine the 2004 “Ba” would be a hit with the whole family, eh?)

Jessie
17 years ago

Heated seats are the best thing ever. They heat up before the rest of the car and are greatly appreciated by me on days like we’ve been having lately (Highs in the teens with wind chills in the single digits – eek!).

PC
PC
17 years ago

In case you were wondering, hair is one of your 2000 body parts. So when we ask my son “where are your feet”, he points to his feet. When we ask “where is your belly button”, he lifts up his (or anyones) shirt and points to his belly button. When we ask “where is your hair”, he grabs his hair with his sticky hands. Sweet. Oh yeah, he also knows where to look if you ask where his penis is. We’re bad parents :)

JudyU
JudyU
17 years ago

Speaking of hair….your highlights are perfectly lovely.

janet
17 years ago

Congrats on the new car! I have also only ever driven my mom’s hand-me-down cars, and now I share an old used Jetta with my hubby…..I can’t wait to someday get a new car just for me.

Niki P
Niki P
17 years ago

I am in total green envy of your new wheels! It’s AWESOME! You will now be able to go to that snooty mall place, park, toss your hair over the shoulder of your velour track suit and strap the boy in for a shopping excursion fit for a princess!! Or something like that. You will look H-O-T in that rig!! Congrats!!

As far as the boy and the book learning….. He is going to amaze the hell out of you- hang on!

Kelsey
17 years ago

Harper takes all of her clothes off in her crib about three times a week so as to avoid falling asleep and actually napping. She has not yet removed her diaper completely, but frequently sticks her hands down it and a) scratches her bottom and b) makes unfortunate messes. Ew, just thinking about it makes me want to wash my hands. We aren’t really sure how to stop this diaper digging. . . tie her hands above her head perhaps? (Kidding, obviously.)

Ang
Ang
17 years ago

Very cool car!
And I love love love that pic of you and Riley reading.

Amity
Amity
17 years ago

Congrats on the new ride. It’s AWE.SOME. :)

Jeanette
17 years ago

I remember when my son was about 18 months old. I was opening a package of something and put the wrapper down on the couch next to me. He promptly picked it up, toddled into the kitchen and put it in the garbage. You’d of thought he split the atom or found a cure for cancer, I was so thrilled with how freaking smart he was! Kids are amazing!!!

Barb
Barb
17 years ago

Wow–cool car!!!

Kathryn
Kathryn
17 years ago

GodDAMN, but I want that car! Am so jealous.

Melissa
Melissa
17 years ago

Oh, I’ve been finding carrots like that too! Have you tried black beans? Dear God! Now that’s scary…sorry TMI.

Great car! Those heated seats do somehow make the miserable cold much better.

Make sure to quietly hit the seat heater for JB without him realizing it…even if it’s a warmer day. Very funny to watch the reaction….first, they think hmmm did I fart?…What the hell? My ass is warm! Oh, the seat heater…hahah!

JennB
17 years ago

1. I promise not to mess with your radio stations if you let me ride shotgun. It’s a beaut! And much sexier than my soccer-mom mini-van. What? I have 2 big dogs, too!

2. Yes, the removal of the diaper by the child is alarming. I have yet to encounter a run-in with the dreaded Removed PoopFilled Diaper. But I know that day will come.

3. P still gets a bottle 2 times a day. She’s almost 2. She’ll stop by college, I’m sure.

4. It’s amazing when the little buggers start to string words together. But then they start to have opinions, and those suck. Right now P has taken to saying “Don’t like it, me”. To which I say “Am so fucked, me”.

justmouse
justmouse
17 years ago

isn’t it amazing when you realize your kid actually…you know…KNOWS stuff?!? now…wait till he’s 14 and explaing quantum physics and string theory to you!!! talk about freaking right the hell out. also, YAY on the new car!!! i got a new car this year too, although mine looks totally dull and listless next to yours (mine is 10 years old). i also just recently got to drive a new jeep liberty. yanno, i used to think the heated seats were for spoiled, hoity-toity people with sissy bums. but really…when it is -40 C (with wind chill) outside, having a warm ass is the Best Thing EVER! i totally wish i could go cruisin’ with you in your new ride!

Allie
Allie
17 years ago

So jealous of your new ride!

emily
emily
17 years ago

who cares about the car – i need to see the axl rose dance PRONTO.

KJ
KJ
17 years ago

so much new car envy. *dramatic siiiiigh*
it’s goar-jis! envy envy envy. just big piles of envy.

breckgirl
17 years ago

I was so incredibly RELIEVED when I read that you still give Riley a bottle that I only then truly realized how deep my bottle guilt really is. My son just turned one and I feel so guilty and baaaad when I stuff a neat, no mess bottle in his hollering, fake-cry pie hole in the middle of the night. I just need some relief, man, and that sippy cup just does not cut it, espcially when dealing with teething and colds and other kinds of one year old drama.

My son calls everything “ba” or “da” but he surely knows what I mean when I say doggie or Mocha (our cat) or “where is your ball?” It is amazing, isn’t it? Although the mess and the screaming and stiffly arched back really piss me off at times, I wouldn’t trade being a mom to this kid for the world.

Nice ride.

MRW
MRW
17 years ago

We have a Passat and because we are mentally 12 years old, my husband and I are constantly pulling the heat-up-your-seat-to-scorching-without-you-knowing-it gag. It never gets old. Winter or summer. Always hilarious. Look, I said we were 12…

jen
jen
17 years ago

yay for vws. i have a 97 vw jetta and can’t bring myself to part with it. good thing i don’t have the money too! ;)

Junniper
17 years ago

Oooh, it’s so pretty.

My little brother didn’t really want to be potty trained (I hear boys are the worst). The way my parents finally got him to do it? “Free Willy.” They’d tell him to go Free Willy and he’d go pee of the back deck! Then it got cold outside and he started freeing willy inside. Voila! Potty trained!

fellowmom
fellowmom
17 years ago

We have that book. The boys love it. Unfortunately, we don’t have that car, though it’s been on our wish list. Heated seats are sooooo lovely. Glad you got a new ride.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
17 years ago

Oooh, heated seats! Fancy! There’s nothing worse than braving the single-digit temperatures before finally climbing into the safety of your car only to freeze your bum off the whole ride.

You and Riley look so cute together!

Christine
17 years ago

Congratulations on the new car!

And also? Should he start removing the diaper…I used to babysit (many moons ago) a little girl who did the same thing and had removed a diaper, and lo the poop, the mother’s brilliant approach was to put her in footsie pajamas (with the feet cut off) backwards at night and during naps so she couldn’t zip her way out of it and get to the diapers. It looked ridiculous but it saved the sheets from many a mishap.

Gah, still jealous of the new car. *want it*

wealhtheow
17 years ago

Once you go heated, you can’t go back. Ever.

Sonia
17 years ago

Aren’t the kid breakthroughs fun?? My son recently had a few *sparks* that blew me away, and it’s been really cool to watch.
Congrats on your fahrvignugen! (Sp? Also, why doesn’t my computer have an umlaut?) It’s really, really purty. And shiny.

Tripping Daisy
17 years ago

Sweet ride. I am j-e-a-l-o-u-s. I have a baby Jetta and have hopes of moving up to the big person’s Toureg. Very happy for you!!!! And Riley? Most adoreable child ever. :)

Danell
17 years ago

Reeeeeeealllly reeeealllly jealous. Of both car and kid who can point to things. My car squeeks embarrassingly loudly as I pull in and out of the daycare parking lot. My kid gets the same expression on his face as my Lab if I ask him where his belly button is. But he is two months younger than Riley…so maybe a fancy new car will come along with the pointing in a few months in this household? I’ll just hold my breath and hope!
Congratulations on both!

p.s. I noticed somebody asked about black beans…we just had that experience here last weekend. heh heh heh…interesting.

kim de kimblahg
17 years ago

My ass is so jealous of your heated seats. You live in Seattle! It isn’t even that cold! No fair!

K
K
17 years ago

VW forever!!! I have a Bug. Your car is totally sweet! And heated seats? Seconding wealhtheow– once you go heated you never, ever go back, and you can’t stand riding in anyone else’s car.

Katie
17 years ago

I think those Touregs are the coolest looking SUV thingies. Congrats! Please keep us informed of whether you continue to love it!!!! I can’t wait to move to the lower 48 where I can get a car like that and actually have someplace that can get parts for it, unlike Alaska where it seems impossible!!

Freaky that the babies turn into kids. I am shocked myself! Cute picture of y’all reading!!

jonniker
17 years ago

Gorgeous car. Congratulations!

Anne L.
Anne L.
17 years ago

Sexay ride!

Sassy Momma
17 years ago

Carrots! haha Thanks for reminding me about all the fun things that I will encounter soon enough! I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time now and enjoy it very much. Actually, I end up reading most posts outloud to my husband like this post. Of course I throw in extremely excited voice (for Riley saying ma ma and blowing your mind). Thanks!

Melanie
17 years ago

That’s a hot car – it’s not even really soccer-mommish, it’s too cool for that. My sister recommended that we stop reading to or talking to or explaining things to my son so that he would stop being so smart – you could try that, too. Mine’s 4 and starting to read a little and talk about freaky!!!

Katie
Katie
17 years ago

Beware the pant removal–ESPECIALLY in the summer! A friend of mine’s daughter, Anna, took off her diaper somewhere between her mother saying good night and Anna falling asleep. Anna then promptly pooped and through her rolling, she smashed up some of the little turdlettes. My friend went in to check on her daughter about an hour later, smelled the poop, and just turned on the side lamp. She went over to pick up her daughter, and stepped in a turd BAREFOOT.

Oh, and ass warmers in cars= best invention ever. Mine are permanently on high from November 1-March 30th. (Yes, it sucks to be cold blooded and live in the Midwest.) Enjoy!

Jennifer
17 years ago

I’ve driven VWs forever. I have a 97 Passat now. Love it. And I also have a black MacBook just like yours. I’m also in software marketing. OK, I am you. But my hair’s not nearly so perfect (love the highlights, too chicken to try it myself).

Dee
Dee
17 years ago

I officially attained the rank of soccer mom on Saturday. Both kids had their first ever soccer practices, and we arrived in our brand spanking new Dodge Durango SUV.

Of course, I still felt out of place what with the lack of a blond ponytail, and the presence of the visible tattoos, but what the heck…I was as close to that demographic that day as I am ever likely to get.

NIIIIICE ride BTW!

TwoBusy
17 years ago

V6 or V8?