April 15, 2007

We gave Riley a buzz-cut on Saturday, mostly due to the fact that his hair had grown out from the last time we clippered him and it was woefully apparent that we’d missed a few spots. With random tufts of longer-than-normal fuzzy toddler hair protruding here and there from his scalp, he was starting to look just the tiniest, tiniest bit like one of those Chinese crested dogs. As I lovingly documented elsewhere, Riley is not exactly what you might call a fan of having his hair clippered; his haircuts always involve thrashing limbs and dramatic wailing and sometimes even exertion-related farting—and that’s just from his father, har har HAR!

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Newly shorn, semi-pitiful.

It wasn’t all tears and sorrow this weekend, though, we also had a very successful trip to a nearby farm during a particularly photogenic stretch of weather. I imagine as long as we live in this area Riley will grow up being intimately familiar with the Kelsey Creek Farm, because it’s such a great place for a family outing. Despite the proximity of the bustling Lake Hills Connector and downtown Bellevue, the farm always feels like a deliciously secluded slice of country life, complete with animals to visit and lovely, eye-soothing scenery.

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The weather’s been schizophrenic: sunny, rainy, cloudy, cold, sunny. It’s like the skies can’t make up their minds, like they’re trying on clothes. Hmmm, how about this? Mmmm . . . nah. We spent the weekend clambering in and out of fleece jackets, stuffing Riley into coats and vests and peeling him back out. Spring would show up for a few minutes, then hustle out the door leaving cold dark gusts in its wake.

I wish the sunshine would stick around for a while, because not only is our backyard in dire need of some drying out (it’s like a dogshit-studded marsh back there), but I went and got a pedicure today—with my friend Sarah, as part of a fabulous Ladies-Who-Lunch spa afternoon—and my toes are so goddamn spiffy it’s a crime against nature to be hiding them under waterproof hiking shoes. My toes are looking California, but it’s feeling Minnesota outside. Woe.

:::

My brother in law, the mortician, has been really into smoking and barbecuing meat lately. Like making his own jerky and so on, with this fancy smoker contraption. In the course of discussing the various ways of flavoring the beef/chicken/whatever, I asked if he had ever considered using a (clean, OBVIOUSLY) embalming machine to actually circulate marinade through a cut of meat.

You should have SEEN HIS FACE. I’ve never in my whole life felt so smart, I swear to god. It was like I just invented gravity right then and there. I don’t know if he’ll actually, you know, pursue this particular idea, but man. Marinade embalming? GENIUS, apparently.

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Brooke
14 years ago

First, what?

hello insomnia
14 years ago

Think of all the multi-tasking you could do with an embalmer! That would also make the best fruit dehydrator ever.

Brooke
14 years ago

Oooh, cool.

I love the idea of embalming the meat. How awesome would that be? You’ll have to update us if he ever does do it.

I think we got your weather down here, too (we were in northern Cali this weekend). Driving the 7 hours to my Dad’s Sierra foothills home, we encountered a blinding 60-second hailstorm. Go figure. And then it was sunny. And then slightly drizzly. I’m surprised I didn’t wreck the car while I was so distracted by managing the wiper interval.

Liz in Australia
Liz in Australia
14 years ago

The marinade embalming comment almost made me spray half-chewed quiche all over my monitor. Please let us know if he does it!

We’re actually having lovely weather here at the moment. Not too hot, not too cold, sunny and dry. My favourite time of year.

Janssen
14 years ago

I live half a country away from you and it was the same weather here. Freezing! Coats! Heater! Hot! Dying! AC! Shorts!

Keaton
Keaton
14 years ago

When you started to write about embalming, I had a serious intonation that you were going to start talking about eating people. Though you did use the all-encompassing word “meat”.

Also, in Minnesota’s defense it has been warm and nice for the last couple of days. Though it did snow last week and generally killed all joy for a period of about eight frigid days.

laughing mommy
14 years ago

Just want to say that you look terrific! You’ve inspired me to get back on my diet and start exercising STAT.

Nicole
14 years ago

You looking really good- all that exercising and dieting is paying off. Wow.

Jan
Jan
14 years ago

California toes, Minnesota weather. Great description. I have the same damn problem. Although it’s supposed to go up to 65 here in the bluegrass state tomorrow, so maybe I can let my lovely, bright orange painted toes peep out.

Claire
14 years ago

I got a pedicure too and have my toes hidden away inside some warm shoes today because it’s 40 outside. And I live in Florida!

Kaire
14 years ago

My first thought was “just what kind of meat is he using here???” Ew, I don’t think I can eat jerky ever again after that sick thought.

Joanne
14 years ago

Yes, will spring ever come? I have a friend who is going to Seattle this weekend and she was wishing for good weather. I feel like I am going to burst, waiting for good weather and daily playground visits.

You look great!

Haley
Haley
14 years ago

Hi, I’m sure your brother in law would think of this himself but, depending on what machine he’s using, the thickness (viscosity) of the marinade would clog up his machine. Maybe one of the old duotronic machines would work? hmmmm, you have really got me thinking.

Ang
Ang
14 years ago

You look so skinny in that pic!

Nick
14 years ago

I will order the embalmed jerky. Mmmmm, perfectly preserved, dried meaty goodness.

Robyn
14 years ago

No kidding – look at your skinny little self! Damn girl, talk about some motivation…you look fabulous. Methinks I should get myself a turbojam DVD!

Laziza
Laziza
14 years ago

Holy hell, woman! Not only do you look great in that photo, but you look SO great that I actually had to delurk to tell you so. You really should be so proud of yourself — your hard work is totally paying off.

leelee
14 years ago

i don’t think i’d be eating anymore meat that your brotherinlaw prepares…i’m a little icked out by the embalming machine. its actually a great idea, but uh, um, would he purchase one just for his own meats, or would he just borrow one from work? ewwwwww…

also, you do look great!

Melissa
Melissa
14 years ago

Definitely looking slim and great, Linda! I hear you with the weather…we are under water here in the northeast. I just make sure to walk around the house in flip-flops to truly enjoy a great pedi. :)

Gentry
14 years ago

I don’t get it. Don’t you need veins and a circulatory system for embalming? If he’s marinating a whole cow, or entire chicken…I can see. But don’t you use like, rump roast for beef jerky? The veins are all cut away. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight until I better understand how embalming works.

melissaM
14 years ago

Yum! Embalmed meat! Why has this not been done before?? Next thing you know, it’ll be on QVC.

Your hair looks really cute…am seriously considering chopping mine off.

katie
14 years ago

oh god. for a second there, i thought you were going to suggest using human meat. not the embalming machine. and i’m laughing at my assumption. pretty hard.

Junni
Junni
14 years ago

Oh. My GOD. I will now be haunted by visions of dead bodies being marinated.

Junni
Junni
14 years ago

You look good, though.

Junni
Junni
14 years ago

Oh, God!! MARINATED ZOMBIES!! THE MARINATED ZOMBIES are coming to GET ME!

Donna
Donna
14 years ago

Riley: As cute as ever, just in a shorter-haired way!
Linda: As cute as ever, just in a slimmer, really great-looking way!

Danell
Danell
14 years ago

skinny mommy! i’m green with envy…and momentarily pushing aside the peanut butter cookies i’m eating.

Melanie
14 years ago

I don’t think I could eat meat that had been marinated by an embalming-thingy. It would freak me out a little too much. Which is probably weird since I have a cast-iron stomach and all. The weather’s been like that here, too – one minute it’s coats on, then coats and sweatshirts off and Hooray spring! then rain. Of course we had this big nor’easter thing, too, so there was wind and rain, rain, rain so that I drove through lakes this morning.

Sassy Momma
14 years ago

I simply must know what type of stroller you are using?!?!?

Anne L.
Anne L.
14 years ago
Jennifer
14 years ago

My mother had my head shaved to the skin at a barber shop when I was a baby as my hair stuck straight up on my head and no amount of pasting, donning of hats or praying would work. I was sentenced to six months of flat-tops and I have the pictures to prove it. Sigh.

Also – I just finished “Plainsong.” What a great book! The McPherons killed me. KILLED. Thanks for the recommendation!