My mother’s brother was killed by a drunk driver. The driver of his car. My uncle was drunk too. This was not the first time something like this happened to him. He left three young daughters and a wife in his wake. And my mother. Young. Devastated. Still, twenty years later, she is not okay with it.

When my siblings and I got our licenses, my mother said two things: “Always wear your seatbelt” and “If you die while driving drunk, I will not come to your funeral.” We know she didn’t truly mean the latter, but we took her words to heart and never, ever drove drunk. Every weekend in high school, our Volvo station wagon was packed full of our drunk friends (who I guess should’ve had seatbelts on – can’t win ’em all!) and we didn’t mind being the DD.

I guess it takes a scary, scary experience to shock you into smartness. Because of my uncle’s and now your experience, I will be ever more careful. Thank you, Linda – more than you’ll ever know.

I think many, many, many people put themselves in this situation, including myself, but are lucky enough to *not* get caught. Your story is the answer to, “What if…”, and damn, it’s not pretty. We all make bad decisions without really, truly considering the consequence – it’s good to read the nasty details, to inform our sober selves so that they may help us seep that information to our drunk counterparts.

I’m so glad you weren’t hurt and that you are now in a place of clarity and experience!

[…] Someone who can draw out past fuckups, relive them through reconstructing them, and hold them up to say, “Trust me, you don’t know what you’re getting into. I do, and you don’t want to go there.” That is someone who has lived. Someone who refuses to be held captive by the past and by being human and who holds up her experiences as a cautionary tale. That is someone who has grown strong. And someone who is willing to do that, and at the same time throw herself under the wheels of the Internet (never known for being the most objective and forgiving of environments). That is someone who has great power. (And is, I think, just a little bit loco.) Truth be told I’ve tried my best But somewhere along the way I got caught up in all there was to offer And the cost was so much more than I could bear […]

i don’t think i could possibly say anything that hasn’t already been said. you’ve got some balls on you, woman! thank you for that.

Thank you for telling your story, Linda. What an act of bravery to post all of that! I’m so glad things are getting better. You’re doing great.

I feel so lucky to have found your blog…..I feel lucky to “know” someone who is willing to share such an earth shattering experience….heck most people wouldn’t/couldn’t share this with friends and family, let alone “strangers” out in internet land.

Simply put your courage and strength to own this are amazing.

Wow. Your post and all the comments have made me think long and hard about behavior of my own that no doubt appears perfectly socially acceptable to many, but that could ruin my life or someone else’s. I’m putting a cab number in my cell phone right now — why on earth had I never thought of that?

Thank you for this post. You can’t ever predict what exactly will reach somebody, but I can’t escape the feeling that this post has had (or will have had) more of an impact on my actions and my life than we’ll ever know.

You, and JB, rock the motherfucking casbah.

I’ve been reading your blog for about 6 months, I also read all of your archives. Ive never posted a comment.

I feel compelled to do so today. I too struggle with drinking. As recently as last week, I’ve decided to stop. My husband drinks, and I fear that It will be very difficult to live with him, and still love him, when I am fighting like hell to change my behaviour, change the old drunk me, into the new sober me, while I watch him to continue to drink. I fear for my marriage, because I have decided that my becomming sober is the most important thing in my life right now. I have not yet looked for outside help….I suspect I will at some point.

All of that being said, I’m sure you realize how lucky you are to have a husband that stood by you, and I assume helped you though what was probably one of the worst times of your life. You have given me inspiration to push forward with my plan to sober up… You beat the booze, you stood up for yourself against that bottle and took control of your life. And I will use you as a guide post, when my road takes unexpected turns.

Thank you for sharing that. It must have been a horrible experience. Riley and JB are lucky to have you.

I wholeheartedly echo the sincerce sentiments and hugs of the vast majority. Kudos.

As an aside, though, a case study in irony:

After having over-imbibed at a county fair in Florida, my best friend’s niece and the niece’s fiance` decided to leave their vehicle and call mutual pals for a ride, instead.

While walking along a main drag to the designated pick-up location, both were struck from behind by a driver so drunk, he could not even keep his head raised up for longer than a few seconds at a time. (There is video documentation online to verify this!)

The fiance`, having lovingly taken the outside edge to ‘protect’ her from traffic, was killed instantly. She was thrown a fair distance away, and suffered unimaginably before dying on the table at the hospital.

While this is clearly an exception, over a year after the fact I still cannot help but sadly think that even “Doing the right thing” is no guarantee one will come off a night of over-indulging unscathed. Sorry to be so morose of this, but having witnessed the indescribable devastation of the families firsthand over an incomprehensible parallelling and brutal intersection of circumstances and lives…it’s all I can do not to mourn all over again. If only the driver made other choices, as well…

If only.

this really hit home for me. not because i have driven drunk, but i know a great many people who do or have. it ruins lives. and i totally agree, it takes a crapload of courage to admit you’re one who has done this–because it’s never “normal” people. it creates an atmosphere of “i’d never do that, i’m not a loser” or “that’ll never happen to me”. . . it’s regular people every day who have a lapses in judgment. i’m so very glad that no lives were taken and that you and JB were able to stay together through it all and have a wonderful (although suspicious) baby boy. i hope that it absolved some of your guilt to write about it and see…. we respect you so much for your honesty and your supremely amazing writing skills. congratulations on your sobriety. it’s a tougher road than most can imagine.

P.S. I forgot to mention the craven bastard tried to flee the scene then abandon the vehicle to hide, to boot. The friends providing the ride actually passed his speeding vehicle right after the impact, just before coming upon the dead/dying couple. (Timing!) While the others tried to provide aid at the scene, one friend turned around and chased the drunk driver’s vehicle, actually catching up to and ‘pinning’ the driver until police arrived. He would later say it was all he could do, not to repeatedly bash the killer’s head into the concrete in retribution.

Oh, and… *sincere, not ‘sincerce’. Guh.

Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been sober since January 06 and have talked about being in AA on my own blog. I drove drunk all the time and once even got pulled over for speeding – with my kid in the car with me – but was let off w/ a warning. My husband was out of town at the time and it scares the hell out of me to think about what would have happened to my kid if they had hauled me in. I don’t know why you got caught and I didn’t, but it sure makes me grateful as hell and want to stay sober one more day.

I’m so glad your doing well and I hope you’ll continue to share your story.

“Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.” I hope by sharing your story your sleeper has awakened.

You have touched many lives today with your post, for me you touched it personally. I have 5 weeks sober and struggling to find strength, your post gave me strength and today I needed it.

You are a strong, fabulous woman and blessed with a supportive husband.

Thank you so much for sharing by doing so I know you helped me and I’m sure so many, many others.

That was FAR from a train wreck. In fact, it was the reason I come back to your site over and over. You are honest, you are real, and I am in awe of the way you write eloquently about even those things in your life that you are not proud of. Thanks, Linda.

you are awesome and brave. the end.

Linda,

Thank you for sharing this story with all of us. As the child of two alcoholics (both now recovering) I spent many a night wondering if they would make it home from the bar in one piece and hoping that no one else would be paying the price for their choice to drive. Now in my adult life I choose not to drink mostly because I find alcohol brings only pain of some kind or another.

I am glad you have handled your problem before Riley came into your world so he will never have to know that life and those worries. You are a strong, brave woman for facing your problem head on. JB deserves much love for sticking by you and traveling down this very rocky road by your side.

Love, light and peace to you and your beautiful family.

Completely inspiring and strong and there is actually a fat tear left on my cheek. You’re a fucking rock solid woman, Linda.

I second or third everything that everyone has told you. You are an amazing woman Linda and I realize as I sit here reading your post and all of the comments left, you have helped me too. I used to drink a bit, never one to get drunk or have more then one but it got to the point when I was drinking one a night every night and then I read your post when you came clean with the Internet at large about your alcoholism and I stopped right then and there. A bottle of Amaretto sits in my cupboard where it has sat since December of last year with just a tiny bit of it gone. I think when I get home I’m going to dump it out and throw away the bottle. Your ability to be tell virtual strangers your secrets has helped me in a great way. I thank you for that and YOU ROCK!

It is an amazing thing to learn from your mistakes, accept them as part of your past and move on.
I’m glad for you and your family.

I can’t really add much to what everyone has said – your raw honesty and bravery in speaking about this is stunning. Absolutely amazing. I am in the midst of dealing with this very thing, a DUI I got back in January. You’re right – it fucking sucks. It was certainly a wake-up call for me.

Thank you for this – thank you so much for sharing. You might never know how many lives you have positively impacted. You certainly have positively impacted mine.

I really applaud your honesty here. Sometimes that shame buried so deep becomes so much less than we first thought when it’s exposed and disected. I speak from experience. I was a drug addict for about 4 years of my life. Still graduated valedictorian, but lost my scholarships due to my inability to come to class high. My catalyst occured when I got fired from this stupid little menial job for being high. I have NEVER touched another illegal substance since. However for years I kept it hidden and it ate away at my self-esteem like a cancer. I lied to my husband when we were initially dating (I had been clean for a year when we met, but too ashamed to admit my past) Today I’ve been married almost 11 years, clean for about 12 and a half. I can HONESTLY joke about it with friends now. So, put that bright, hot light on your shame Linda. It’ll melt all the guilt away and someday when Riley’s about 20, you can make a crack about being Mom the ex-boozer. Love, Ang

I just have so much respect for you. I am so moved by this entry.

Wow you are amazing woman!! So brave to tell the story but your soo right I hope it helps other people!!

Wow. It’s so easy to look at people and judge them one way or another, without even knowing their stories. But then I am always surprised when I do hear their stories. It’s never what you expected. Thank you for sharing yours.

I’ll admit that I skipped the last, oh – 20 comments or so, but here’s my two cents, probably repeated by a ton of other people.

To the trolls:
I don’t think that Sundry posted this so that we could all pat her on the back and make her feel better about making terrible choices and paying the consequences. I think she posted it because she wanted to be honest about who she is, and because she’d like others to avoid making the same mistakes that she did.

Sundry,
I think you made an incredibly poor choice, and that the punishment you received was appropriate. I hope that if I ever choose to drink and drive, mine is just as severe. The lessons we learn make us who we are.

And – I’m impressed by your candor. You are incredibly brave to admit all of this. Bravo.

Well I read this yesterday but wanted to think before commenting.

Not because I was afraid of some judgemental knee jerk comment flying off my fingers, but because it is obvious you spent much time preparing yourself to write this post and so you deserve some thought in the comment department.

Most posters have said it but I am going to 5,346th it: YOU ARE EXTREMELY BRAVE – I would have held this inside until my dying day for fear of the trolls.

Another factoid I just want to throw in for any others who read this and are similar to you before and ME, might I add, that have driven many times while having had too much to drink, whether a little or lot – it really does not matter to the breathalyzer. 1 in 200. That is how many DUIs you will approximately recieve, 1 for every 200 times you drive while drinking. May seem like pretty good odds. However, if you had a 1 in 200 chance of dropping dead of a heart attack every time you drink and drive – is that pretty good odds? You still going to get behind the wheel time and time again and not think twice?

Thank you – honesty is ultimately the best cure for stupidity.

Take care of you and your wonderful men. I will read you forever if you write that long. You inspire me as always.

As hard as this was for you to write, it was hard to read also. so, so humbling, all this that happened. Thank you, as always, for sharing your experiences with this issue. It is so easy to say to oneself, well, it’s not that bad with ME, I don’t have a problem like that….but that’s a lie and everything can change in one minute.

I suppose I can’t add anything to the above amazing comments, but you are one strong woman to write about this. While perusing your archives, I read what you hd written and was of course curious about “the rest of the story”. Thank you for sharing it with us.

My father, his brothers, and his father were all alcoholics. Both of my brothers have the same tendencies, as do I. I feel lucky (if that’s a good choice of words) that I made it home the times that I had been drinking too much, without hurting others or myself. That was over 20 years ago. Somewhere along the line I decided it wasn’t a good idea, and now it’s iced tea, or if I’m feeling brave, an Arnold Palmer! There are too many lives shattered by drinking and driving, both the ones who were responsible and those who were so unfortunate to be in the way of someone not capable of wrestling thousands of pounds of vehicle.

I add my “rock on” to the others, and hope you feel surrounded by the hugs that are heading your way.

Wow. This is an amazing story that proves the fact that these things happen to “regular people”. You don’t have to be an addict or a drunk or abusive or whatever other label we throw on people that get arrested. Thank you for sharing.

Oh, and I totally think you’re anything but a “regular person”. You’re awesome, spectacular and an inspiration. :-)

I’ve read your other posts about this experience, and they’ve always moved me. This time you wrote something that really spoke to me:

“when a secret lives within you like a poisonous iceberg, its mass mostly hidden even from your own eyes—too painful to look at, too embarrassing to tell—it creates weight within your soul.”

I also pleaded guilty to DWI, years ago, in another state. No one in my present circumstances knows–not even my husband. I don’t drink anymore, and my husband and friends rarely drink and then not much. I was really lucky I didn’t hurt anyone. It wasn’t the first time I had driven when I shouldn’t have, but it was the last. I am a chicken shit compared to you. But your entry is giving me the courage to shed some light on the darkness in my soul. thanks

Thank you for sharing this. You are an example of how one little decision can have severe consequences. You are also an example of how you can come back from something like this and become a wonderful mother. You are a great example for your son.

Awesome entry. Thank you for taking the time and the guts to put the truth out there.

Thanks for being real, honest and for sharing. You should be very proud of yourself for putting this out here for us. I don’t know you and I’m proud of you.

Thank you for trusting us with this. You are very brave and very courageous and very honest. I love that about you, and I don’t even now you!

Linda first of all whats wrong with you can you not read, she was not pregnant when she was drunk, you don’t get a sentence over night. second of all, im glad your so dman perfect you can write this. im so glad your so damn perfect you’ve never done anything wrong. and im so glad your done reading sundry’s blog, because LORD knows someone like you could never understand anything she writes. tonight when you go to bed you need to ask god to touch your judgemental heart. i don’t drink and drive, but i don’t love sundry any less for her past. and even if she was doing it now, even if she was 7 months pregnant when she got picked up, it wouldn’t change my opinion of her, cause you know, sometimes life sucks. sometime people aren’t handed their lives on silver platters, sometimes unhappiness seeps in and poisens us, sometimes…sometimes…yeah, but you’d never understand, next time you go 36 in a 35 mph zone, remember, you and your perfect self are breaking the law.

hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs sundry
there mary, thats for you. since you have the compassion of a flea, here ill wrtie it out for you, we are hugging sundry because she’s an awesome person who we enjoy reading into this window of her life, we’ve grown to “know” her and love her for who she is, even when she doesn’t appear perfect enough for you. she told her loyal readers something she didnt have to about herself, you know for those of us who might be sitting here thinking damn how does sundry do it all, she’s so paitent and kind and and and…maybe it was her own damn fault, but what isn’t in life. if you go out today, and fail to stop and run into the car infront of you, break your legs your face your neck, i bet you’d appreciate someone coming into your healing room and saying, well thanks for sharing your story, but no hugs because it was all your own damn fault

and at last sundry
sorry, judgemental people piss me off. ive been reading you for a few weeks now, you should be proud of yourself, don’t let this mistake haunt you, we all make them, even these two idiots on here who think their shit don’t stink…it does, and they have their own secrets. so you drove drunk, spent the night in the drunk tank, jump through hoops for months, spent a wakeful night in a cell when you were 7 months pregnant, so what, your still beautiful, and hysterical, and wonderful, if anything, you even look better now, all brave and powerful through your battered scares. you’re an inspiration

I’m young – thank you for teaching me about every aspect of life to come [and to avoid] through your blog x

You are, really and truly, an amazing person. Thank you for sharing, and teaching.

Glad everything is better. You have turned a bad scene into a positive life change, good for you!

I missed this entry yesterday and I’m just catching up today. I really don’t know what to add to what others have said, so I just thought I’d reward you by adding 1 more to the comments counter!

I read a bit of sundrybuzz occasionally, and wandered over here by mistake. I have to say I’m pretty disturbed by the tone of this tale- it strikes me very much as a this-happened-to-me story. I hope that at some point in the process of feeling lucky and fortunate that things were not worse, you incorporate responsibility into the equation.

Thank you Sundry. I don’t think there is anything I can say here that hasn’t been said already. Great post.

Carla, I don’t think Sundry could have possibly made it more clear that she regretted it, so I don’t know exactly how you calculated that responsibility is missing from the equation. Speaking of tone, you definately read as the “feels better about oneself by casting stones at others” type. Does everything look pretty from your high-horse Carla?

Thank you for sharing this with everyone…

There was a time, not so long ago, but long before my son was born, that drinking and partying and ultimately, driving home – were commonplace occurences.

You always think “that’s never going to happen to me”. But here you are, a shining example of a person not so different from me that it DID happen to – and lived to tell the tale.

Now, when I’ve got so much more riding on it when my husband or I have a drink, we make sure we NEVER EVER drive if we’ve had too much, because we have a 7-month old boy who needs his mommy and daddy to be around. But, before that – I honestly never gave it much thought.

Not that Sundry needs defending…. and I also must say I’m pretty happy about the almost total lack of trolling on this post… I must take issue with you, Carla.

Linda has very much taken responsibility for what she did. She has paid the consequences, which were not small by a long shot, and she has been honest and open enough to share what was for her a terrible time in her life, and something that many, many people are more than willing to crucify a person for doing. In my book, that is both couragous and very much responsible. You have no idea how many people she may have helped with her words. Your tone is very much holier-than-thou; I have a hard time really understanding why you even felt the need to remark. After all, you did come here by mistake.

Linda – you are my hero, especially with regard to this very scenario. I have to say again – thank you, thank you, thank you. Best to you, JB, Riley, Dog, and Cat.

Thanks for sharing this. No doubt your story will inspire others in many ways. I’m sure it was difficult but I think it’s great when people reveal stuff like this. We’re all human. Our falibility connects us. It urges us to learn and grow. I’m not a Mom yet but I worry that mothers are too often held to unrealistic ideals of perfection. It’s so refreshing to hear someone being honest AND not having that tamper with her validity as a good mother. Good for you! ♥

P.S. You must feel blessed x 100 million – look at all this support ↑!

P.P.S. Um, onto something more ridiculous: have you heard about N. Kidman’s new Zombie-ish movie?

Thanks, Linda. I have my own story like this, only messier. The DUI was 25 years ago, I didn’t stop drinking until 6 years ago (June 1, Yay!). I quit drinking for my son. He’s thirteen. I had him read this post and he was touched. I know how hard it is to own this incident and to own alcoholism. But recovery is a progression and eventually it feels so good to “live in the light.” I’m not sure the shame ever completely goes away, but it sure gets less significant. I wish you the best.

Thank you, you are an inspiration in so many ways.

I feel a well of passionate anger inside of me yearning to erupt. Actually this feeling is more than just anger. It’s sadness and fear and empathy too. I am very blind as in legally blind. My main modes of transportation are my feat or the city bus. I have an eleven month old sun that I spend many hours a week walking around the city with. As time goes on I am becoming more and more aware of the fact that many who operate cars do not give a shit about me or the little love of my life. Tears are beginning to surface in my eyes. I want to beat my fists against something and say fuck you all who might kill me with negligence.
Now everybody is picturing a crazy lady with a pencil cup. I am crazy but pencilcups.com is slow to deliver.
One thing that I want to make clear is that this isn’t a personal attack against you Linda. This is a very emotional topic for me and this entry enlivened my feelings.

You are very brave and very strong. I don’t even know who you are and I didn’t read any of the above comments, however, I just want to tell you and everyone else out there that YEP, I too know this that LIES and SECRETS will kill you from the inside out. Don’t hide stuff from your FRIENDS. I am not saying that you tell you co-worker because that isn’t your friend. I mean, don’t hide stuff from your loved yous…you spouse, in my case my girlfriend…well….she isn’t my girlfriend but we share a 11 year old together. Some petty lies or stuff that I kept from her has destroyed our relationship and now I am left picking up my pieces of hurt and pain along with hers and try to fix what I destroyed in February.

Truth hurts and we all want the truth. So again, I am proud to hear this story and its so TRUE….hide nothing from your friends and love your partner the same as you want to be loved.