August 21, 2007

I think the best thing about exposing my young son to the flickering, brain-rotting glow of television is the fact that he will often curl into my arms and lay on me like a warm puppy while Blue’s Clues is on, and since he’s distracted and comfy I can basically maul him all I want: snorfling around in his hair, feeling his dimply elbows, and counting each smelly little toddler-toe by feel. Oh, I know, you totally thought I was going to say my favorite part was the stand-in parenting aspect, where I can park him in front of the tube and run off to surf the web! Well that’s the second best thing.

I know I already updated this thing today, and two blog posts in one day is probably enough to make you wonder if the author is perhaps in need of an intervention, or at least a to-do list of productive activities such as tackling the giant mound of laundry lurking in the utility room, but although it may not be obvious right now, I am being productive: I am totally avoiding a freelance project that requires the use of far too many exclamation points for my comfort. It’s so! Relentlessly! Perky! that I had to escape, typing-wise, to this little oasis where I can use words like dicktowel and assbiscuit (random: TextEdit suggests ass-biscuit instead) all I want.

Plus, JB’s out of town and the boy is asleep and I’m bored. Hey, guess what I had for dinner tonight? A bowl of microwaved mashed potatoes, Deli Rye Triscuits, and swiss cheese slices. My nutrition has officially left the building.

I talked with JB earlier and he told me that during his United flight (he’s in the Chicago area for a few days) they offered a meal service, but you had to pay for it. It sounds as though they basically fed him an adult-sized Lunchables for about eight bucks.

Man, air travel is just sucking more and more these days, isn’t it? We’re planning a mini adults-only vacation in October and at first I was thinking tropical sandy beaches, until it occurred to me that any potential tropical sandy beaches would require getting on a plane, and oh man fuck that. The lines, the delays, the inability to pack a useful amount of hair conditioner without having a bored security worker confiscate the bottle, the relentless discomfort and crappiness of it all, fooey. We’re doing a road trip instead, to Tofino, where the beaches might not be tropical but they sure look pretty.

Topic change! I love this idea of Swistle’s, because I don’t believe she’s ever shared any photos of herself and I imagine it’s utterly fascinating to read what people are guessing. I can’t rip off her entry completely, because you guys already know what I look like (about yea high, currently sort of bulgy-shaped), but in a somewhat related vein I thought a Q&A might be at least marginally fun.

If you want to play, ask me one question—as nosy as you like, although I reserve the right to be squirrelly about answering if I think it’s a bad idea (examples would include: “Linda, have you ever spent, like, a whole afternoon flaking off work and surfing kitchen nook furniture suggested by your uber-cool readers?” because I HAVE NO OFFICIAL STATEMENT AT THIS TIME)—in the comments, and I’ll post my answers in the next day or so.

Yes, this game is probably more fun for me than it is for you. What can I say, I’m a giver.

** Updated: you guys asked so many interesting questions, and I think I’m really going to enjoy answering them. I’m closing comments now, just so the number of questions remains doable. Thanks, guys! **


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16 years ago

Do you know how special you are?

Just wondered, cause I think a lot of people think you’re special. Maybe a few people have found your writings to be just what they needed, to make it through a particularly hairy day of parenting. There is something captivating about you. I have a lot of people’s blogs saved to favorite, but yours are the only one I read daily. There is a safety in your writings…I don’t ever come here fearing your going to make me feel like a total moron or terrible parent or guilty. You’re realism is captivating, specially when some of your readers might be sitting here on the other side of the tube, thinking, if one more person reminds me just how perfect parenting is, I’ll just die, and then they get on here, and you gently say how beautiful parenting is, even when it includes diaper blow ups, and tantrum-ing all the time toddlers, and then that someone who is sitting here on this side of the tube, goes and steals sticky hugs and kisses, because your right, even when it really really sucks, and sometimes it really really does, it’s good.

So, do you know how special you are?

Pickles & Dimes
16 years ago

Do you ever regret not giving your first marriage a longer try?

16 years ago

OK, maybe this is very personal. I know that having children must bring a lot of meaning to your life, and to JB’s too. But aside from that, what do you guys do (and I’m talking equally about JB here) to give your lives meaning? What makes life worth living, and makes the daily domestic life you have seem happy, and not a burden or a chore like some people make it? I guess there’s sort of a Family Mystique (similar in nature to the Feminine Mystique), and when I see happy little families in which the parents still have their own sense of identity, and sense of humor, I always wonder how they do it. I hope you answer this one, because I’m so interested to know.

16 years ago

Air travel SUCKS. We just got back last night and I tell you – I had to explain four times, yes – four times – to four separate idiotic air hostesses or air hosts or stewards or whatever the fuck they’re called in today’s sexless society – I had to explain and show them how my baby’s car seat really WAS FAA approved and how, yes, that IS how the belt goes and NO it doesn’t connect in the back like every other one they have ever seen. I actually had to tell one gal which federal regulation (it’s the lawyer in me, I couldn’t help it) she could look at for clarification that YES I CAN use a seatbelt extender with the car seat. One of them even made me unstrap my son and turn the whole seat around so that I could show her the stupid “FAA CERTIFIED” sticker on the side. As if I was lying – yes, it is a conspiracy, bitch, to try and sneak my son on a plane in a non-FAA certified seat so that he can be unsafe and at risk the entire flight. I mean, what are they going to say, that he has to ride on the seat? Oh, that would be SO much safer for him. Truly – I thought one of them was going to say we couldn’t use the seat with the seat-belt extender and that we would have to put him in the seat belt alone. I realize that they have a job to do and all but my GOD, look it UP, people, and don’t be so damned quick to assume someone is lying to you. Argh. I am obviously still a little perturbed about all that. Did I say fuck up there? Oh my. Otherwise, our air travel was not that bad. The whole liquid thing is fine as long as you don’t try to put the shit in your carry on. And you can buy juice and water and all that once you’re past security so – no biggie.

I see a lot of great questions to you already so I won’t ask one. Good luck with the remodel and all. I think your cheese and cracker meal sounded pretty good, actually. Totino’s pizza rolls are also very good out of the microwave.

16 years ago

What is in your DVR/tivo right now?

(I’ll tell youmine. Shaun the Sheep shorts, Confessions of a Matchmaker, My Boys, Universe, Property Ladder- to name a few.)


16 years ago

Vancouver Island … I am sooooooo jealous!!!!! I was there a couple of years ago, and my favourite part was Wickaninnish Beach, about 15 minutes outside Tofino, if memory serves me correctly. It’s a beautiful, wild beach with a wonderful restaurant where you can eat and watch the sunset (there are also signs with dire warnings about bears, cougars, and tsunamis, but it can’t all be roses, can it? LOL). See my posts from two years ago on this subject, if you’d like more info:

I don’t often comment, but I read your blog every day, and even got my brother and sister-in-law reading your blog (they have 7-month-old twins and appreciate your humourous and heartfelt take on parenting). In their house, you are often referred to as “Linda”, like you’re a dear friend. So question number one from me is: You’re a popular blogger and lots of people feel they know you. How does this make you feel?

Question #2 – Do your in-laws know about your blogs?

Question #3 – I must actually respectfully disagree with Carolyn that you look like Leah Remini. However, when I saw a photo of Mira Sorvino, I thought, “She could be Linda’s sister!!!” Do people who meet you in person ever tell you that you look like a celebrity? If so, whom?

Question #4 is actually seconding Sooboo’s question about repercussions for blogging as openly as you do.

Actually, other commenters have left some great questions also. I look forward to reading your answers over the next few days! :)

16 years ago

Did you go to college? I’m secretly hoping the answer is no, because I really dig it when people I love get where they are from a non-traditional path, i.e., without the pressure to do it all the way everyone TELLS you to.

I’m also hoping that the photo of you with the kohl eyeliner and the asymmetrical haircut will reappear. Am I the only one who remembers that? I SO CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT. (Take that, those who think she wore white denim! Ha ha. HA HA!)