I hope I never, ever have to tinker with my WordPress theme files ever again, because the laborious process of tweaking this new theme into place nearly killed me this weekend, and it was only via the medicinal benefits of repeatedly applying large doses of Dr. Oetker’s Organic Brownie Mix (organic makes it healthy!) directly into my sobbing mouth that I was able to survive. There was a horrifying moment when I installed a plugin intended to make another plugin work (something to do with PHP, I don’t know, it’s all a chocolate-coated blur) and all of a sudden my copy of WordPress just . . . went away completely, leaving only a mysterious line containing the phrase “fatal error” in its wake, and before I managed to delete the offending plugin from my server via GoDaddy’s annoying ad-laden interface (their prices are great, but holy god, I feel like I’m being humped by a rabid Jack Russell every time I visit their site) I literally broke out into a full-body sweat, it was physically the exact same sensation as hitting “Send” on an email talking about what a ponytailed knob your boss is, only to notice that you have in fact sent this email directly to your boss. A colossal mistake has been made, and you have only your own dumbassery to blame.

Anyway, I think everything is fixed now, with the exception of some wonky behavior with those sidebar widgets if you’re running a non-current version of IE. Leave it to Internet Explorer to screw something up. IE is like some giant lumbering shithead you know is going to ruin the party, but you have to invite him because he’s fucking your sister, or something. Bad browser, no biscuit.

Enough about the website, let’s talk pumpkins! JB and I finally got around to hacking into ours last night, and although we had planned to carve some family-friendly pumpkins with the boy, for some reason Riley took offense to the sight of us plunging knives into the friendly orange gourds he’d been playing with for the last couple weeks. I know: what a wuss. Wait until he figures out Maisy is actually a sewer rat.

So we waited until bedtime to continue with our gruesome work—behold the results:

lspumpkin_closeup_small.jpg
This is mine. I tried to copy the design on the front of the Extreme Pumpkins book, with lukewarm results.

flamingpumpkin_closeup_small.jpg
And here is JB’s. You may be wondering if the terrifying orange lights dancing behind the diabolical monster’s face are in fact the flames of hell, and the answer is YES.

flamingpumpkin_rake_small.jpg
Well, flames of toilet paper, anyway. JB’s creation involved a full-body pumpkinman with actual fire shooting from the open head, which he achieved with a roll of toilet paper soaked in kerosene.

I have to say, he usually bests me in the jack-o-lantern department, but this year he really outdid himself. I suppose given the flammable nature of children’s costumes, we won’t be displaying this in the front lawn on Wednesday night—but maybe it can lurk from behind the fence. If the torn-up driveway doesn’t keep them away, the flaming pumpkin by-god will. And you know what that means: more candy for me.

Did you carve pumpkins this year? Share your pictures, if you’ve got ’em.

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Kate
Kate
15 years ago

I love Dr. Oetker so much that I launched a month-long campaign to name our second dog Dr. Oetker. In the end, we named him Mervyn, but my love continues.

hello insomnia
15 years ago

Oh this makes me want to carve pumpkins. Last year mine looked so horrible that I would have had more luck if I had just punched a hole into it instead of carved one out.

Heidi
Heidi
15 years ago

Boo!

Heidi
Heidi
15 years ago

And the photo that was attached to that seems to have disappeared. Boo indeed.

Marolyn
Marolyn
15 years ago

I spent most of last Thursday on extremepumpkins.com instead of working! Love the flame head!!!

biscuit
biscuit
15 years ago

JB’s pumpkin is a pimp! How long will it burn like that? Your pumpkin looks a lot like the one on the cover of the book. I begged + begged for my husband to get pumpkins + carve them, but he wouldn’t let me. Bad husband. No biscuit… literally because that’s my nickname. he he he!

Audrey
15 years ago

I just posted our pumpkin pictures on my blog today. I have to say, though, they’re nothing compared to yours — even if my pumpkin does have a deliciously mischievous smirk. I also think that when I show my husband JB’s flaming pumpkin man tonight, he will get a serious case of “wish I had thought of THAT” jealousy.

laura
laura
15 years ago

My first attempt: The girl

My second attempt: My friend’s kid

We don’t have outdoor space to display the handiwork or scare the crap out of neighborhood kids, so I made these mainly to fulfill my need to cut up pumpkins every October. I’m clearly nuts.

laura
laura
15 years ago

ps I’m loving your new site design.

The Other Jen
15 years ago

Those are some bad ass pumpkins you have there.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
15 years ago

Your pumpkins are AWESOME!!
Eric carved a pumpkin at school and I am going to post a picture of it on my blog for Halloween.

Banana
15 years ago

I love how terrified the little pumkin looks. Very crafty of you.

ShannonJ
ShannonJ
15 years ago

Speaking of wusses, our first one (haven’t gotten to the second yet) was done from one of the kits with stencils, and worse, it was from the “easy” category. So here it is, for what it’s worth. http://www.flickr.com/photos/fourjams/1698724773/

April
April
15 years ago

I carved mine in the shape of curious george…. I just cannot do a terrifying pumpkin to save my life.

http://chimonkey.blogspot.com/2007/10/october-15.html

Frannie
Frannie
15 years ago
Pete
Pete
15 years ago

I just saved my neighborhood kids the bother and smashed mine against the fence. It’s quicker this way.

anna
anna
15 years ago

OMG, JB’s pumpkin rocks, best pumpkin man ever!

superblondgirl
15 years ago

Wow. Kerosene and toilet paper, who knew! I will have to try that next year. Ours are pretty tame, basic pumpkins, with the triangle eyes and fangy mouths and stuff. Serviceable, but certainly not extreme.

shy Victoria
15 years ago

OK, I was already laughing at your (spot on) description of IE and then you gave me a fire shooting pumpkin man and my sides are aching.

Well done, you.

andrea
15 years ago

Kick ass pumpkins. We’ve had one round smashed so far, but were brave enough to go for round two.

Erica
15 years ago

We carved a couple of weeks ago, but with all this warm weather (Tennessee) they have already rotted. Pictures are here: http://ericaanderson.shutterfly.com/action/?a=8AZMmLJmzctWXz&notag=1

Taryn
15 years ago

i’m jealous of everyone’s pumpkins. i must say, jb is quite the creative one…. i liked them both tho!

Debbi
Debbi
15 years ago

I did the cannibal pumpkin too, but I used on of the “trickster” pumpkins, rather than the minis. It looks cool. I really wanted to do the “Property defender” pumpkin, but didn’t want to clean up the mess.

I’m going to have another one of those trickster pumpkins puking on a bigger pumpkin with one of those siamese pumpkin goofy grins on their faces. I loove that book!

Lesley
Lesley
15 years ago

I recall you mentioning being fascinated by octopi so you might get a kick out of this pumpkin…or should I say squidkin?

jen
jen
15 years ago

i like them all! yours looks just like the cover! jb’s rocks too.

Kaire
Kaire
15 years ago

We have 3 giant pumpkins and toilet paper ready to go. A caution tape line is around the lawn. Nice job!

Swistle
15 years ago

We carved the symbol for pi into ours. It’s pumpkin pi, GET IT??

lil foots mommy
15 years ago

Love LOVE LOVE…that pumpkins…they are awesome!!!

Christina
15 years ago

I love the flaming pumpkin from hell! Ours will be far more… demure (or boring if you will!) We are doing ours tonight. I hate when they get those little bugs and black inside before I can actually put a candle in them for Halloween night!

SO FLIPPIN’ EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR! Cannot wait to see Matthew dressed up and saying Trick or Treat!

Amy M.
Amy M.
15 years ago

Your pumpkins rock! Having no artistic ability whatsoever, mine are still in the friendly orange gourd state. Hopefully, they’ll make it through mischeif night!

Paige
15 years ago

Great pumpkins! My husband beats me in the carving too. Here are ours:

http://lookaway.typepad.com/look_away/2007/10/opposites.html

Kristie
15 years ago

GREAT pumpkins! We havn’t carved ours yet. We might just leave them alone this year. So sad!

Juli
Juli
15 years ago

We totally took the easy way out and used a stencil. I have little faith in my creative abilities…
http://s92.photobucket.com/albums/l4/juliepat1221/?action=view&current=IMG_0740.jpg

Julie
Julie
15 years ago

… and since we have no children to embarass, here’s our cat Fluffy sporting his Halloween costume. He loves it!
http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l4/juliepat1221/IMG_0766.jpg

Sundry
Sundry
15 years ago

I just died from the amazing wonderfulness of having witnessed Fluffy in his fancy costume.

trackback

[…] Oct 31st, 2007 by ollka We don’t have Halloween* here. That is, we do, but only in the same sense that we have Coke and techno music – everyone loves them, and could celebrate their existence all year long, but they’re not exactly integral to our culture. […]

biscuit
biscuit
15 years ago
tracing
15 years ago

Our almost 3 year old niece also refused to let us cut her pumpkin open as she surveyed with disgust the ravaging of the other kids’ pumpkins.

Untiil, of course, she saw the final effect of the CANDLE in the pumpkin. She was like, oh, THAT’S what this is all about, why didn’t someone tell me?!!!

So then she was all about the cutting open of the pumpkin (although she herself refused to touch the disgusting goey parts).

trackback

[…] “The pumpkin, the pumpkin, the pumpkin’s on fire” from All & Sundry.  Linda always has a way to make me laugh.  Though she spends a portion of the post bashing Internet Explorer (another topic near and dear to my heart), the majority of the post is spent on pumpkins and pumpkin carving.  You should see what she and her husband put together.  Wow! […]

Josh
15 years ago

Oh fuckin balls man, I knew we forgot something. A fucking jack-o-lantern. Shit. Now it’s too late. I guess we could do one for thanksgiving or x-mas. I always thought they had lame traditions anyway. Dammit. That sucks. Just fyi, I think your pumpkin is cooler looking. I mean the whole pumpkin monster/fire idea was kick ass on so many levels, but your face was the cooler one. I especially like the sad tiny pumkin getting eaten. Wicked awesome.

Marissa
7 years ago

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