Oct
21
Best weekend ever
Filed Under Uncategorized | 100 Comments
October 21, 2007
Psst. Hey. Hey, do you hear that noise? Yeah, that noise. I think it’s . . . well, I can’t be sure, but I think it just might be the sound of A THOUSAND FUCKING ANGELS SINGING A GLORY-FILLED HALLELUJAH.
Can I get an amen.
Oh baby, oh baby, that’s right, show me allllllll your storage. Show me how you hold alllllll my pots and pans and boxes of brownie mix. Oh yeah.
Old Kitchen, I’m sorry. We had some okay times. But I’ve moved on. It only took 39281475 months, but I’ve moved on.
How did I spend my weekend? Cooking various fattening things, including Swistle/Quaker’s Oatmeal Scotchies (laptop as recipe book! GENIUS, as long as you don’t get cookie dough on the case. In which case there is nothing to do, you must lick it clean). I never thought I’d be so excited to use an oven, and you don’t even want to know what I did when we turned on the dishwasher for the first time. It may have involved an unfortunate dance move featuring a vigorous ass-slapping manuever.
Oh! As if that’s not enough excitement for one weekend, BEHOLD:
I’m . . . sorry, were you maybe taking a sip of a beverage just now? Sorry about that. Here’s a tissue.
JB’s fancy new hairdo is the result of a very successful fundraising activity his office is doing, where individuals raise money and the company matches dollar for dollar. Thanks to his promise that he’d spend this week sporting a red-dyed mohawk, he and one other coworker raised about $5,000 total. JB’s donating his half to Fred Hutchinson Research Center. Not bad for a guy who appears to be trying really, really hard to look like Chuck Liddell.
Oct
19
Stormy weather
Filed Under Uncategorized | 27 Comments
October 19, 2007
Various weather sources were predicting a Dire Wind Storm yesterday, and around 4 PM I fled my office, panicking that I needed to get across the 520 bridge before a chunk of it was overtaken by powerful gale forces and ripped loose of its moorings, briefly floating on its own for a horrifying, gut-wrenching moment, before slowly tipping one end into the roiling waters—Titanic-style—and dropping into its black depths, bringing my car with it into its watery grave. While “The Salmon Dance” keeps playing on my iPod, oblivious to my terrified, eventually gurgly, screams, until the sweet stylings of the Chemical Brothers are drowned along with all bridge occupants. And then we’re all re-animated as water zombies. Fuck!
Luckily, none of that happened, although I did get that uneasy hey-the-bridge-is-mooooving feeling as I drove over, and I will say it’s a little disturbing when you have to turn on your windshield wipers when you’re crossing, not because it’s raining, but because waves are sending spray over your car, creepy. The storm ended up being nowhere near as bad as last year’s, although the media took it VERY SERIOUSLY.
I think JB may have been secretly hoping for a somewhat Dire Situation so he could try out the generator that he acquired after last year’s storm. He was a little disgusted with me when I asked if the generator would support a hairdryer, because “this is about survival, goddamn it!”. Obviously the man has no idea how important a blow-out can be to a person’s ability to make it through a catastrophe.
The generally crappy weather has coincided nicely with JB’s timing on scheduling the demolition and re-creation of our driveway, transforming the front of our house into a muddy warzone and requiring that a person walk out the backyard and around the side of the house—ridden with massive spiders and overgrown weeds—then descend our slippery side yard to the street in order to leave. I’ve learned it’s not a good idea to try this maneuver in Steve Madden heels, although I nicely aerated the lawn in the process.
I like how the porta-potty has now been placed for maximum viewing pleasure. Behold the Green Shitter, a fixture on our lawn since May 2007. Our neighbors must love us.
We did finally get the new fridge installed, and when I used the water/ice dispenser (!) this morning to get a drink, I nearly french kissed it in gratitude. In fact, I would have, but I didn’t want to smudge the finish, so I dry-humped it instead. Take me, GE Profile—your multitudes of storage and your complete absence of odor makes me so . . . hungry.
-
My product review site:
[