I’m glad to be done with long road trips for the remainder of this pregnancy, because not only is it generally uncomfortable to sit in one place for hours on end while a squirming badger attempts to karate-kick every single internal organ in my body, but the Jimmy Leg has officially set in, and the only thing more annoying than craning around backwards to find whatever object that has been purposefully thrown—then immediately, loudly regretted—from a cranky toddler’s carseat is having the Jimmy Leg and being unable to walk it off.

For those unfamiliar with the Jimmy Leg, you’ve probably seen the commercial for a medication purporting to treat oddball symptoms in the legs, like “strange sensations”, “creepy-crawlies”, and “tingling”. This is the same commercial my coworker joked about a while back when we were talking about those pharmaceutical ads where they never mention what actual disease the medication will treat, they just show an uplifting montage of random happy lifestyle moments then rattle off a list of potential side effects, the upshot being that you watch the ad and vaguely feel that hey, you might benefit from the drug, even if it’s for erectile dysfunction and you’re a 12-year-old girl. “Now they’ve even got a pill for something called restless legs syndrome,” he said, rolling his eyes and making those exaggerated air quotes.

I’ll admit that it does sound sort of ridiculous, but if you’ve experienced Restless Legs Syndrome, AKA RLS, AKA the Jimmy Leg, you know that shit is not only real, it sucks. It doesn’t suck in a major, life-threatening sort of way, like getting your leg caught in a bear trap or having it slowly gnawed to the bone by hungry, but myopic beavers. It sucks more in a really annoying sort of way, like having an tiny invisible non-stinging insect rammed up your nose. Where every now and then it buzzes its wings in an attempt to get free, and you have to sit there digging around in your nostril to alleviate the feeling. And everyone looks at you going, why the crap are you picking your nose like that? There’s nothing up there.

Wait, that’s a really bad analogy. It’s more like the sensation that if you don’t move your legs, like jiggle your foot wiggle your toes shake your leg up and down whatever, you will EXPLODE. In a giant bloody meat-spraying geyser of shiny gloppy innards. You can try and not move your legs, but then you will feel this growing freakout happening all over your body, this EXPLOSION IMMINENT feeling, and if you actually force yourself to keep your legs still some other body part will wig out, like your arm will fling up in the air and smack your own face, or accidentally hit “1-click” on a pair of Spanx maternity pantyhose (there can be no other explanation for that purchase).

Anyway, it tends to happen when I’m sitting or lying down, and being stuck in a car for seven hours definitely makes it worse. JB probably has two foot-shaped dents in his dashboard from my increasingly Cirque du Soleil contortions and toe-tappings, but fuck it, it was either that or get out in Central Oregon and jog alongside the truck all the way home.

Other than the travel-related discomfort, it was a really good trip. Riley was in fine spirits the entire time (which of course made it inevitable that once we returned home he would immediately develop a hacking cough, runny nose, and plant himself firmly in the Tantrum Zone for the remainder of the weekend), the weather in Bend was lovely, and our holiday was satisfyingly festive. I hope you had a good one too, hopefully Jimmy-Leg-free.

A view from one of Bend’s neighborhoods. I would really love to move to this town someday.

Mt. Jefferson, viewed from the road about an hour outside of Bend.

A cold, frosty morning in Central Oregon.

Speaking of cold and frosty, check out Mr. L.L. Bean here, bundled against the chilly weather. The hands in the pockets, could you just die.

I was really hoping for a semi-decent photo of the three (four!) of us to use in our holiday card, this was the best of the bunch. At least no one is crying or surreptitiously giving the camera-wielder the finger.

Lastly, some crazy shoe tree we spotted on the way home. There’s something sort of magical and awesome about a tree full of shoes that’s literally out in the middle of bumfucknowhere, you know? I guess a tree full of Nestle Crunch bars might be better, but this was pretty cool.


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16 years ago

First, if I show the pictures of Bend to Mr. Squirrel, he will order a moving truck today. Second, you guys are frigging adorable. Third, where did you get that gorgeous dress? I need something for Mr. Squirrel’s holiday party that we WILL attend this year (we’ve missed it the past 4 years)… even if I look like I might pop.

16 years ago

It looks like he was waiting and thinking “Okay, hurry up take the picture I have places to go and dirt to find.”

16 years ago

Jimmy leg ha! love the name, hated the feeling. I had it pretty bad the last trimester. Wish I knew how to cure it. Good luck.
Gorgeous photos, btw. Absolutely stunning.

16 years ago

That picture of Riley is so adorable! You should submit it to a child magazine, like Cookie. Let him model L.L. Bean. =)

16 years ago

I think I did just die a little at the hands in pockets shot. Damn, that kid is cute! You guys are all adorable. I am totally going internet psycho and using your picture for my holiday cards, and when people are like “um… this isn’t you…?” I will say “It is! See how adorable! I had a… um, some surgery. Yeah.”
Now I sound really crazy and I swear I am not.

16 years ago

i tried requip and puked every single night after taking it. then i tried some M named drug and the obsessive/paranoid sara got even WORSE (and that’s a difficult one to top, y’all), so I quit taking it.

It seems to be hereditary, so if your mama has it, you might have it for good, i hate to tell you. very sad.

Paige Davis
Paige Davis
16 years ago

Hi there…I Googled for jimmy paige, but found your page about Sundry…and have to say thanks. nice read.