So hey, in case anyone was wondering what sort of long-term effect children have on a marriage, let me illustrate one particular aspect via photo confessional:

boyonfloor_07.jpg

The blue object on the right? Can you guess what it used to be, before its current—and no doubt permanent, because I really don’t think there is any going back at this point—incarnation as toddler “slide”?

If you guessed “Liberator Sex Shape“, you win.

Also: what do you think the odds are that when I whine at my doctor tomorrow about how I have had a shit fucking cold for almost THREE WEEKS NOW and I can’t take the coughing/congestion/eyes-gooped-shut for ONE MORE DAY that she’ll prescribe anything stronger than “drink plenty of liquids”? If there’s a secret medical password for accessing the Make It All Better For the Love of God drugs, please let me know.

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Mary
16 years ago

I’m pretty sure they let me take a prescription cough syrup when I was pregnant. I feel your pain. There’s nothing worse than being sick when you’re pregnant. Hang in there.

Amykatrina
16 years ago

I know you’re probably up to date on Dooce, but of not, she posted this website:

http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

and I though it might hit your dog loving sweet spot.

I’ve also got the most annoying suggestion ever for your congestion. A bowl of Pho? A slightly spicy one?

Matt
16 years ago

I used this stuff called Ziacam that totally killed all signs of stuffy-ness for something like 13 hours. I looked at the ingredients, and it said HCl aka Hydrochloric acid. So I guess the only solution to your problem is to douse yourself in scalding acid..:-)

Bon chance…

aoife
aoife
16 years ago

dude… tell them you coughed so much you puked. Really. It happens. It happened to me when I was I pregnant. All the muscles get into the fun and just keep going after the coughing fun is long gone.

They gave me CODEINE. Read it again. CODEINE.

Not the best while pregnant, but was doctor prescribed.

sooboo
sooboo
16 years ago

Toddler slide. Hilarious. You really can’t go back from there. Also, hope you feel better. Although, I can’t think of a way you can do that without knocking yourelf out chemically…

Donna
Donna
16 years ago

I love the commercials, soft porn! Does Riley use the attachments for the handcuffing?
Back in the day, they gave me tylenol 3 for migraine the whole time I was pregnant with my daughter, and she is perfectly normal, highly intelligent, although a pain in the ass, still. And her kids are the same. Beg for the drugs…

Cali911Gal
Cali911Gal
16 years ago

Linda

If you don’t want the drugs, try this stuff from CaswellMassey.com.

Item # 27-23491 Cold and Sinus Effervescent Soak

It’s added to warm bath – ingredients are sodium bicarbonate, epsom salts, sea salts, and eucalyptus (which opens sinus for drainage). It might help, and at the very least, a nice hot bath would relax……

Lesley
Lesley
16 years ago

I was going to suggest a “cat trap” before I knew what it was.

As for the cold: fresh squeezed lemon and a knife pinch of cayenne pepper in a glass of boiled water. Sip often. The pepper breaks up mucous and the lemon is like an astringent. You can add maple syrup to sweeten if you like.

Sounds like your immune system is taking a beating right now. Maybe a spa treatment would help. A nice back massage in a warm quiet place…

hello insomnia
16 years ago

Is that toddler slide big? It looks huge.

EB
EB
16 years ago

That is too funny. Our two Liberator shapes are stacked together next to our bed so that they make a flat surface… for our mini Dachshund to be able to jump up onto the bed whenever he likes. Because he sleeps with us every night.

Obviously, our Liberators aren’t being used for their originally intended use, either.

Heather B.
16 years ago

A friend of mine has a Liberator. I will be sure to tell her of its many other uses. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled that it can double as a toddler slide or a landing area for a dog.

wrcrygirl
16 years ago

I’ve had that same cold, minus the severe congestion, for going on 6 weeks now. The first two weeks were different coughs, one for each week. The killer cough? The one that made me puke (twice) and has me on an albuterol inhaler because sometimes when I cough I CAN’T BREATHE. Turns out most of my misery is being caused by allergies, maybe if you reduce some irritants around you you’ll feel better? Sorry, that’s all I can think of.

Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
16 years ago

HA HA!!! I knew it, I knew what that was. I LOVE that it’s now a slide for Riley, see what having kids does?

Deanna
Deanna
16 years ago

When I was preggers, the doc gave me a Z pack to kill a horrid cold. That plus mucinex finally did it.

Tell them the coughing is making you pee your pants & you are not sleeping well.

And- I agree with the previously suggested spicy Pho. I eat spicy tacos for the same reason. Nothing like some spice to make ya start draining!

Jillian Curtis
16 years ago

I hope you feel better soon. There has got to be something you can take while your pregnant. Even if it’s just a hot cup of herbal tea.

I’m new to your blog, please feel welcomed to come n visit mine.

Jillian

Sarah
Sarah
16 years ago

I think it’s too funny that most of these comments have completely overlooked the ‘slide’ thing and only addressed your cold issues. hahaha. I couldn’t get past the slide thing, myself. Too funny!

kristin
kristin
16 years ago

The LIBERATOR as a kids SLIDE!??! AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! I usually share things like this with my husband…but I think I’ll pass on this one…because he’ll NEVER AGAIN entertain the idea of having kids!

Someone Being Me
16 years ago

I’m sorry you are feeling so bad still. My doctor gave me antibiotics when I was pregnant but besides that all I got was Tylenol. If it is a sinus infection your doctor might let you get on an antibiotic. Every doctor is different. Vicks Vapor rub, Sudacare Shower soothers, hot tea, and saline nose drops are the only other thing I can recommend. Hang in there. This won’t last forever.

divrchk
divrchk
16 years ago

I actually was able to take Amoxicillan when I was pregnant. My kids turned out ok :-) Good luck and I hope you get some medicine to make you all better…

biscuit
biscuit
16 years ago

My husband doesn’t wanna have sex with my 34 week pregs self because he says, “there’s too much baby in the way”.

Next thing I know he will be saying, “there is too much Dora the Explorer in the background + Cheerios in the sheets”.

:(

PS: Try Saline nose sprays? A humidifier? Tons of OJ?

Get well soon!

kendra!
16 years ago

I confess to wanting the Liberator. I confess to having watched various promos on their website.

In other preggo prescriptives, hydrotherapy does work wonders. Steam up bathroom with hot shower. Stand with scalding hot shower beating against back for 2 minutes. Then! Crank water to freezing cold for as long as you can stand it. Make wild flailing motions. Crank water back to steaming hot. Repeat 4-5 times. This gets the blood to circulate and move the toxins wayyy on out. Used by Seventh-day Adventists for bazillions of years (or however long we’ve done medical missions)…works for me reallll nice.

Amy
Amy
16 years ago

*snicker* At least he’s not using the restraint attachments?

I wish I had any advice at all for the nose thing. I seem to remember there was one kind of cold relief my OB said was ok–Sudafed, maybe?

Amy M.
Amy M.
16 years ago

Guess that aspect of my life wasn’t that exciting before kids since I’ve never heard of the the liberator!

I empathize with the cold thing right now & actually bought a Neti pot to try out since I’ve heard so many good things about them. Though I’m not as far along as you, the stupid congestion is still making things very uncomfortable! I have Zicam too. The pharmacist told me it’s safe since “it’s just zinc” …

Melissa
Melissa
16 years ago

Hahaha! It’s amazing how kids affect your sex life…and you guys just won’t look at that pillow the same again. :)

My doctor told me that I could take any Tylenol product while pregnant(apparently he has a pharmacist degree as well as being a physician). I was shocked to hear that. I have only taken plain Tylenol myself since I’ve only had headaches so far but maybe ask the doc about Tylenol Cold. It’s worth a shot. Especially since the cold is really hanging on and you are miserable. Hope you feel better soon.

Erica
16 years ago

I can’t stop laughing at the thought of JB watching Riley play on the Liberator. I imagine a sort of pained look on his face as he remembers days gone by…..

missbanshee
16 years ago

I can just see JB face down on the couch pounding the cushions wailing “This is just SO MANY TYPES OF WRONG!!!!!!” while Riley happily plays on his “slide.” You naughty kids.

As for the cold, can you take those zinc remedies? I’ve also heard that Vicks shower thingie really works. I’m not schooled in the pregnancy/meds thing. Feel better, sweets!

Brooke
16 years ago

I totally guessed Liberator. I want one but they are too expensive. I guess buying on eBay or Craigslist wouldn’t be quite right, would it? Erm.

I had the same pee-your-pants cough and my doc let me have Tylenol, Benedryl AND Sudafed. Wheee! He also said I could take cough syrup but that makes me barf. Totally helped me sleep. I took only one dose of each, at bedtime, to help me sleep because they said I should take it as little as possible. I did that for only 3 or 5 days before it cleared up.

Good luck.

Kari
Kari
16 years ago

If it is anything like the one I have had, it is positively miserable. It started in one lung and moved to the other. The worst is not knowing when the coughing fit is going to hit.

I used Mucinex and was so surprised at how fast it worked. I never, ever take anything for colds but I had a couple of professional events, where wheezing and hacking were seriously frowned upon. I recommend it.

H
H
16 years ago

Forget your mom, I hope you’re still blogging about 15 years from now so you can tell us what Riley said when you told him what his “slide” really was! Ah, there’s nothing like thinking about your parents that way….

patty
patty
16 years ago

That is awesome, but you were ripped off. You can buy that exact same toddler slide for about $50, and I’m sure you could liberate yourself on it with ease.

Could they be made by the same company??

Trina
Trina
16 years ago

I thought it was a pregnancy wedge pillow. I had no idea what a liberator was. Now that I know, shit, my husband can make one at his work. I am sure JB and you will get over the fact that Riley was using it as a slide. :)

As for the cold, so sorry. I wish I knew of something that would help. I just don’t.

patty
patty
16 years ago

I notice that website no longer carries the wedge. Either because of Riley and other likeminded individuals, or more likely, they really they were being undercut by Little Tykes.

Jennifer
Jennifer
16 years ago

I’m sure your mom will be fine reading this post. Because that Liberator may have had something to do with giving her two grandsons!

Rumblelizard
Rumblelizard
16 years ago

So, reviews: how was the Liberator? Did it work as well as the reviews says it does? I immediately sent the link to the Liberator site to my fiance and we were both like, “Hmmm!” But it is quite spendy. Those of you who own one: worth it? Or not?

McWriter
McWriter
16 years ago

How about some wasabi? That might get the mucus flowin’!

Aunt Linda
16 years ago

Gosh, sweetie, if I hadn’t already purchased your Christmas gift, I’d get the Liberator Posh Throe to go with the ramp. And, oh, about your Mom? Yea, she’s read it.

Joanne
16 years ago

Hopefully you’re through the worst of it. I went to the doctor today (35 weeks) and while he seemed *really* sorry I have a cold and haven’t slept in weeks, he didn’t mention prescribing anything.

One thing I have been doing that really works with congestion is to rub a LOT of Vicks on my feet and then putting on a pair of white cotton socks. I read about doing it for the child and it works well for him and I tried it myself and it makes my nights much better. What I really want is a gallon of Nyquil to wipe me out but it’s not in the cards for a few more weeks. I hope you feel better and holy crap you are a brave soul putting your Liberator on your site for all your Mom to see.

Michaela
Michaela
16 years ago

Hey, I just heard about the Vicks on the feet…and though I’ve not tried it, I’ve several friend that SWEAR by it. Try it and let us know if it works!

clearlydistracted
16 years ago

We’ll be waiting for the review on sundrybuzz. :)

Nicole
16 years ago

Ohhh, I’m sorry you have that bug that’s going around. It completely flattened me a couple of weeks ago – christ, it hurt to breathe.

I’m not pregnant so I don’t think I have the onslaught on my immune system that you have, but I found the only thing that helped was taking the world’s hottest showers, particularly with the spray beating on my back.

Or you could heat some water to steaming, put some eucalyptus oil in it (or vicks vapo rub – it’ll melt) put a towel over your head and breathe the fumes for 10 minutes.

And the neti pot – yeah it sounds gross, but it works. You can sort of do your own: a tall glass of warm salt water, a straw and a box of kleenex. Keep filling your sinuses until the liquid comes out the other side. If it doesn’t, I cheat and gently blow my nose.

Swistle
16 years ago

Obviously that is a product CALLING OUT for review.

If you want the codeine, there IS a magic password, but it involves a painfully tight gripping motion with a twist and it only works on male doctors, so you’re out of luck.

My OBs (I’ve had three different ones from three different practices, not because I am difficult but because we moved and a practice dissolved) have all okayed plain tylenol, benadryl, plain robitussin, and plain sudafed. You can make a pretty respectable cold medicine out of that, if cold medicine helped much with colds, which it usually doesn’t. During one pregnancy, when I was coughing so much I was throwing up, I got (by prescription, not by force) codeine cough syrup. It didn’t really work for me, though. The only thing that worked for me was a vaporizer (set it up several hours before bedtime), and sleeping nearly upright in a recliner, and benadryl to make me sleep despite the coughing.

jonniker
16 years ago

Am I the only one who’s boggled by the $230 price point of the Liberator? Or am I merely hopelessly … repressed?

Trena
16 years ago

I apparently need to get out more. Or at least broaden my horizons a little bit because after visiting the Liberator Homepage? Our little ‘collection’ seems tame by comparison.

Am I also the only one wondering a) what qualifications one might have to get a job designing for the Liberators (engineer? Quantum Physicist?!!!) and b) what exactly those employees tell others they do at their job? (“No seriously, I design high-end sexual aids”)

Good luck on the cold thing. My Dr. let me have plain regular Sudafed and plain Mucinex. The Sudafed just made me feel jittery and the Mucinex helped somewhat.

Melis
Melis
16 years ago

It’s not for colds, but FWIW, Philosophy makes a bath soak called Physical Therapy that kicks congestion’s ass and you can use it as shower gel if you find that getting in and out of the tub is too tricky. It’s got eucalyptus in it and only smells a little mediciny (and won’t linger on your skin).

Josh
Josh
16 years ago

I’ve always said sex should come in wedge form. If it’s good enough for cheese, it’s good enough for intercourse. At least it’s easier to play off that pretending that sex swing is a European hammock. And if you really want to have fun, wait till Riley’s sixteen or so and tell him he was conceived there. Only two more years that you have to pay his therapy bills. Well worth the laugh.

fairydogmother
16 years ago

I have been searching for that bath soak Melis mentioned to no avail. I’ve tried the amazon, sephora, and Philosophy sites. Gah! I’m desperate. I’ve been battling sinus/ear infecions, general congestion and feeling like crap for what feels like months now. If a trip to Sephora can promise some relief, a trip to Sephora it is!

Marie Green
16 years ago

A few years ago when we first heard about the liberator shapes, my husband considered making them for gifts for people. He was like- DUDE, I could totally MAKE those for much cheaper…

Also, just last week at book club (yes, BOOK CLUB), we ended up looking up liberator shapes, just for funsies. Also, the cone.

Good times!

thejunebug
16 years ago

My husband does not yet know about the Liberator. He’s horny enough as it is; he doesn’t need the encouragement. :P

Dawn
16 years ago

My doc let me have Tylenol Cold & Flu, which SAVED ME. I also took Tylenol the whole way through for headaches, and it was all fine and approved.

The slide… hee! Now Riley’s going to wonder what happened to it when you hide it the next time your Mom comes to visit.

Victoria
16 years ago

OK, but did the Liberator work?