Pregnancy status: still pregnant. Blog updating status: surely veering into the “way too frequent” zone.

So! My blood pressure was at the high end of normal (155/85, I think?) at my OB appointment earlier today, which caused them to get a little squirrely and hook me up to a fetal monitor for a while so that Smalltopus could impress everyone with his ability to continually roll out of range of the goopy suction heartbeat-detector thingie. Then they did another blood pressure reading and everything seemed fine. Whuh? I don’t know either. So assuming the bloodwork they did today turns out okay, I’m all good until Monday. Well, except I have to go back again on Friday for another blood pressure and fetal non-stress test. I guess I’ll just keep my packed bag in the trunk of my car for now.

I don’t even have an appointment time for my surgery, I’m just supposed to call Labor & Delivery around 6 AM on Monday and see when they want me to come in. Apparently the hospital’s surgery schedule fluctuates depending on what’s going on — emergency deliveries etc — so it’s hard for them to commit to a specific time before the actual date. I find this mildly disconcerting, since I would prefer to have as many Known Variables as possible so as to more efficiently freak out about them ahead of time. But fine. FINE. It will be a festive Monday morning surprise, hopefully as in “Surprise! We can take you right away!” vs “Surprise! We made you wait all day long and kept telling you not to eat and now that you feel like shit on a stick we’re going to hack into your internal organs with bandsaws!”

Speaking of internal parts, I watched JB slop some fruit yogurt into a bowl the other night and cheerfully told him that it looked like placenta, at which point he whipped his head around and glared at me and hissed, “You did not just say that. You did not.” But yes, I did, because HA! I’m 38 weeks pregnant and although I cannot make you suffer as I do YOU WILL SUFFER NONETHELESS. Oooohhhhhh PLACENTA! Delicious, delicious placenta! Let’s talk more about PLACENTA.

And with that, I am off for my much-anticipated manicure/pedicure. I am thinking of just waddling in there and loudly demanding the trampiest, sluttiest damn color the salon has to offer. Something like “Engorged Labia”, maybe.

Well, I was not necessarily expecting THIS this morning:


Now the question is less “will my blood pressure reading allow me to gestate for another week and therefore have that mani/pedi appointment I so richly deserve?” than “will I be T-boned on the way to the doctor’s office by an out-of-control Bellevue driver?”. And of course my OB is only in on Mondays.


Oh well, it sure is pretty. Riley approves, anyway.


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