I linked to this video a while back and I’m a little embarrassed to say that JB and I have been quoting from it sort of nonstop ever since. In fact, I’d like to share with you a very special voicemail left on my phone today by my husband (sorry about the sound quality): HOW YOU LIKE MAH DICK NOW?

Comments

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
34 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
clarabella
clarabella
13 years ago

You guys must just have the greatest time all the time, considering that is *just* a voicemail. Your regular conversation must read like a funnier, cleverer, r-rated “Gilmore Girls” script. Reminds me of all the times I have to stifle a snort from some ridiculously inappropriate text message my boyfriend sends me when I’m inevitably meeting with a student about Something Very Important.

Rebecca
13 years ago

Hey – Whatever you have to do to keep that flame alive. :)

mybelly
mybelly
13 years ago

That’s pretty hilarious. :)
My husband and I quote from everything-movies, video games, commercials..I guess we’re sad, but 10 years of sadness together rocks.

Heather
Heather
13 years ago

That’s wrong. Just wrong. And it’s wrong that I now ask my 4-month-old “Whatchoo doin there, jiggly puff?”

Misguided mommy
13 years ago

you know, I think JB needs to do a guest post on here. Would he do that? It would be complete awesomenesss.

warcrygirl
13 years ago

I’m so jealous, I watched that vid and all my husband could do was criticize all the swearing. I mean HELLO? that’s what makes it so funny! He’s such a kiljoy sometimes.

Also: how did you save your voicemail to a format that could be put on your computer??? I MUST KNOW.

John Franklin
John Franklin
13 years ago

Linda, thank you for contributing the greatest post in the history of the blogosphere. My wife is about to be real sorry she introduced me to your Cleverness so long ago. JB if you happen to be tracking comments on this one, you are a MF KING my brother, for I have always wanted to talk to my wife in pimp speak, and now thank the Lord I can finally get away with it!

Christina
13 years ago

You guys kill me! And how is it that the video is cute and totally wrong at the same time? Ahh, old school gumby… you know before the audio started I thought it may be an Eddy Murphy thing.

Christina
13 years ago

You guys kill me! And how is it that the video is cute and totally wrong at the same time? Ahh, old school gumby… you know before the audio started I thought it may be an Eddie Murphy thing.

Jamie
13 years ago

I want to live in your world where vm msgs like that are not only acceptable, but preferred and HILARIOUS. You two crack me up.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

You guys are hilarious!!!!

Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

I grew up on Gumby and Pokey and what I have to ask myself is why did those shows make sense to me way back when? The creators must have been on acid or a hell of a lot of dope.

Katie
Katie
13 years ago

You two are both sick and beautiful. I’m glad you found each other.

shygirl
shygirl
13 years ago

First of all, you guys are HILARIOUS. Second, I’m with warcrygirl– howEVER did you manage to turn a voicemail into a wav file?? Can you give us a step-by-step on that?

biscuit
biscuit
13 years ago

I admit. I listened to that voice mail more than a few times. It’s just so good!

I second the notion JB needs a guest appearance on here. I think he should do a vlog!

I don’t walk, I electric slide, BITCHES!

Jennifer
Jennifer
13 years ago

Great VM, you rock JB. And I’ll second your HOT DAMN: 84 degrees is a GIFT, an absolute GIFT isn’t it – especially after this sucktastic “spring” weather we’ve had!!! And today it’s hot again, Go Weekend Go!!

Laura
Laura
13 years ago

That was hilarious! You guys need to do something together – a blog, book, tv show, just do SOMETHING!!! Every marriage needs a little more “how you like mah dick now?” talk :)

Sadie
Sadie
13 years ago

Not that I had a preconceived idea of what JB’s voice sounds like…but that would not have been it. The content, though, is just right. I like to think “same fucked-up, absurd sense of humor” is what keeps relationships like yours and mine from rotting. That, and the occasional acquiesence after the 38th blowjob joke.

Shannon
13 years ago

You and JB are without a doubt my favorite blogosphere couple, tied with Antonia and Ian of “Whoopee.” Do you know Antonia’s blog? If not, you need to, right now. Stop reading this and go here–you will thank me later:

http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/2008/05/like-tightly-coiled-spring.html

http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/2008/04/0730-saturday-morning-reconstruction.html

SJ
SJ
13 years ago

You guys rock.

Shamelessly Sassy
13 years ago

Love it. Note to self: start recording husbands voicemails.

Jack
Jack
13 years ago

Awesome.

justmouse
justmouse
13 years ago

i agree. you guys rock. i think marriages are far better when the partners share a sick, twisted, and very wrong sense of humor. i’ve been married 10 years now, and my husband STILL says totally inappropriate things to me, each and every day. *sigh* no wonder i love him.

also…everytime someone talks to me today, in my head i will be saying, “how you like mah dick now?”, regardless of what they are talking about. hahahahah

warcrygirl
13 years ago

So I’m driving down a fairly new, not heavily traveled street Saturday when I notice the speed limit was 35. I was driving 50. I think to myself ‘Oh yeah, like I’m going to drive 35 SUCK A DICK!’

You are the best bad influence EVAH.

mary
13 years ago

Somehow iTunes became my default media player so after the VM stopped playing, Howard Jones’s “Everlasting Love” came on and I found it rather fitting. ;)

monkey mcwearingchaps
13 years ago

Love it! I’m the foulmouthed one in my relationship. My boyfriend started out openmouthed at it but is now getting into the swing of things ;)

claire
13 years ago

HOLY OMG. This is awesome. Thank you. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. I am sending this to everyone who might understand…

And… who has some kind of headphones because you just can’t listen to this at work. What’s up jigglypuff?

Sarah Lena
13 years ago

So the voicemail encouraged me to send the video to my husband, who did not find it as funny as I did. But he’s lame, so whatever. Mah dick is long.

To be a total killjoy, though, and maybe someone already mentioned it.. they keep calling Pokey “Prickly Goo”! Which is not his name! Prickle was the dinosaur and Goo was the flying blue thing.

.. yeah, MY HUSBAND is the lame one. HIM.

Valerie
Valerie
13 years ago

Delurking—

Thanks for the laugh, it truly made my day.

SGM
SGM
13 years ago

My stomach hurt from laughing at this and I can’t stop talking like Gumby in my head. That sh*it IS rough!

Jen W.
13 years ago

Don’t be embarrassed. That sh!t is supreme awesomeness. I shall quote Gumby from now on.

breckgirl
breckgirl
13 years ago

Yo, I like you guys so much I got cherry eyes, mothafuckas. Suckadick.

Simon
13 years ago

My dick’s all shriveled.