Sometimes I think I’m getting fairly seasoned at this whole parenthood business, especially when my toddler breaks out in evil red spots and I’m all, oh, meh, that’s just roseola, been there done that. Yet as soon as I start feeling my sea legs, inevitably there’s some rugrat-related-brain-bender that reminds me I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

Problem A: Riley has been extremely cranky lately. I’ve been giving him somewhat of a free pass for being sick, but he seems to be all better now and yet we’re firmly mired in Emotional Location: ASSHOLE. I tell myself to be consistent in how I react to Exxxtreme Whining and Various Tantrumy Fits, but I’ve been failing dramatically: first offering support, then informing him of my disinterest in his choice of communication, eventually ignoring altogether, then finding myself snapping at him about how he needs to STOP IT RIGHT NOW OR I WILL TAKE AWAY HIS BLANKIE and so on, until I feel 128% Mommy Dearest about the whole thing and guilt drives me to hover over him issuing forth such platitudes as “You know Mommy loves you so, so much, right?” and “Mommy just wants you to be happy” – which, oh my god, am I sending him on some fast-tracked basket to Therapyville?

Problem B: Dylan, at 6 months old, has the following sleep schedule: goes down around 7:30 PM, sleeps until 11 PM when JB feeds him, then sleeps again until . . . oh, around 3 AM. At which point he starts grousing, and although every night I tell myself I’m going to let him fuss I lie there in my bed feeling exactly like when I was pregnant and had to pee: get up now and get it over with? Or lie here and hope for the unlikely event it will go away?

I always choose to get up and get it over with: his wee-hour feedings are so fast and easy (bottle, quick diaper change, and back to bed) that it’s preferable over lying there gritting my teeth and hoping he goes back to sleep on his own. But, we are at SIX MONTHS NOW, and lord almighty I would like to sleep through the night again.

So, smart peoples, do you have any advice to share?

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workout mommy
15 years ago

I think Riley’s issue might be the onset of turning 3. My friends have told me bad things about boys turning 3 and I am frightened!

I have noticed the whine factor and tantrums have been ramping up lately as well. There must be some kind of 3 year old brat switch installed in these kids?

as for the baby. Wish I could help, but mine is 11 months and still does not sleep through the night. I have forgotten what sleep is like and I am very bitter about it!

Melissa
Melissa
15 years ago

If you’re going to do sleep training, do it now – it’s way harder after six months. We tried three kinds before we finally used Ferber and I wish we’d just gone there originally. Three nights and it was over.

justmouse/chaosmomm
15 years ago

oh lord. i WISH i had some advice for you! i don’t even remember how i dealt with my boy when he was that age. although, i’m having a similar problem with him now that he’s 16. How much is his bi-polar disorder, and how much is him being a teenager? i swing wildly from trying to be loving and supportive, to walking away because i’m so frustrated, and ranting like a lunatic because i’ve just Had Enough, then i get terrified that i’ve emotionally scarred him, and go back to being loving and supportive. i’m pretty sure i’ve totally stunted him emotionally at this point..but i honest-to-God don’t know what else to do.

sorry…i’m really not much help. :(

clarabella
clarabella
15 years ago

I don’t in any way claim to have this mommy thing down, but I did cut out my son’s night feedings around 4-5 months by increasing his bottles slightly over the day, sometimes even giving him an extra 2 oz. before bed. I don’t know if that’s “doctor-recommended” or not, but I wasn’t over-feeding him and I got a sound 6 or so hours (after his 11-12 feeding) sleep. Also, I had started cereal then, so that helped him stave off hunger during the night hours. Have you started Dylan on cereal yet? It might be something to think about. Once my son’s bottles were up to 5 or so ounces a piece, he skipped that late night feeding altogether and slept through the entire night. Good luck.

Karen
Karen
15 years ago

This book by Weissbluth saved my sanity, it’s Ferberish but with lots of info about sleep that helped me better understand my child. I’m now the nutbar that gives this as a shower present. who needs more onesies anyway, a night of sleep would be better!

http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217908691&sr=8-1

Kristi
15 years ago

Dylan = growth spurt

Riley = approaching the “all whine, all the time” years between 3 and 6. If you find anything that makes it GO AWAY please for the love of baby Jesus, share it!

Pete
Pete
15 years ago

Sleep is highly overrated. Mine, for some reason, didn’t sleep throught the night until they were almost a year old. I always want to kill the parents who said their kids slept through the night since birth.

Mandy
Mandy
15 years ago

I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but my son went through a really difficult, whiny, cranky period when he was three. Seriously, nothing made him happy and it was very hard to communicate with him without losing my cool. I had to really work at being consistent and just letting him be whatever he needed to be. I found three way, WAY more difficult than two. I would take a boatload of two year olds over one three year old. He just turned four and it has been better for a few months.

As for the sleeping through the night, I have no idea. I finally night-weaned my son at 9 months, but even after that it took a long time for him to sleep through the night without waking. I still have to get up with him once or twice during the week…

Pete
Pete
15 years ago

Forgot to mention, for me the best way to handle the whine child was to send them to their room. I told them they could whine, cry, fuss, whatever they want, just as long as I couldn’t hear them. Worked for me. My wife on the other hand would try to ‘reason’ with them.

honeybecke
honeybecke
15 years ago

*way too long of a comment, sorry!*

Oh man, the whining! well, here’s what works for us…
when my 2.5 year old whines and it gets to the point of ridiculousness i tell him once more to please stop whining or i will take him into his time out. if he whines after i tell him this then (and this takes discipline on MY part) i pick him up and take him into his time out upstairs. if he whines more or starts yelling or crying i tell him i will not come and get him until he is quiet. sometimes it takes awhile and i start to feel guilty as i watch the minutes tick by and he’s still going at it…but i just tell myself to hold strong and sometimes, if he is REALLY pissed i go and remind him that i will be glad to come back to talk to him and take him out of time out when he stops carrying on. usually it’s pretty quick after that that he finishes up with his nonsense. then we have a talk about why he was in time out and i make him tell me why and then he has to say sorry for his whining and then i ask him to use his words to tell me what he needed in the first place, or what was wrong why the heck was he whining. if he doesn’t have this conversation with me then he doesn’t get out of time out. god, reading this makes me feel like a mean mommy! but whatevs, this is what works for us and it does keep his whining at bay…most of the time. and he knows (mostly) that whining isn’t worth it.

As for dylan crying in the night for his feeding. gah, jeez this is a hard one. my little one just turned 1 yr and up until two weeks ago we STILL got up with him when he cried, to rock him and give him some milk. such suckers, huh? so we had his 1 yr well baby two weeks ago and we discussed the waking up issue with his doctor and let him know that it’s not like we hadn’t tried (many, many times) to let him ‘cry it out’ sometimes for more than an hour at a time..and he’d get so worked up that he would throw up and it was horrible. course we would go in every 20 minutes to console him but shit, that just made his all the more pissed off. SO his doctor told us that he is one of the more resistant babies and that the only thing we could do was to kiss him goodnight after his bedtime routine and tell him that we would see him in the morning (at LEAST 6AM!)i was a little hesitant with this and said but….he’ll make himself throw up! and the doctor said, that’s OK. so, i am glad to report that it did work- after a week of hell.
i don’t know if you want to do this with a 6 month old or a 1 yr old. i can honestly say i couldn’t have done it with my 6 month old cause i am such a sap. but by the time he got to 1 yr i was like, oh heck no this waking up is nuts and it’s got to stop.
good luck on both kiddos! at least you know there are so many of us going crazy out here with the same damn deals.

Julia
Julia
15 years ago

No advice, but only had to commiserate with poor JB being stuck in Chicago. Been in that airport for 28 hours too many and I have to ask again: why did they put an airport hub in an area of the country that is prone to bad weather ALL YEAR LONG!?!?

Lesley
Lesley
15 years ago

I used to tell “my kid” that it was time out and the rule was he could do whatever he wanted in his room with the door closed, provided he didn’t destroy the place. If he wanted to whine, cry, stomp his little feet, pound his pillow, swear at his trucks, he was welcome to. But he couldn’t come out until he got it out of his system. He’d usually quickly grow bored with his bad mood and come out and it was forgotten. No grudges, no talks from me unless he wanted to talk about something. The rule was also that I couldn’t look into his room during time out. That was fine by me!

If I was out with him somewhere and it started, I’d sit him down, look him straight in the eye and tell him that I wanted to help but that he’d have to settle down and talk to me, that I could not understand through the snivels and whining. This usually worked. Usually, sometimes horrifyingly not.

As for Dylan, I have no clue but the extra feeding, full tummy, cereal idea sounds like a good one.

Also, treat yourself, hon, to something wonderful at the end of these days. You deserve it.

mojavi at simple things

your not seriously asking for advice on the whole sleep issue thing are you??? because that is just asking for trouble… haha

so many different schools of thought.

plus are you a CIO person or not?

my views are very very uuuuuhhhhh strict.

I don’t believe in sleep training, I don’t believe in CIO, I believe newborns are meant to need their mothers, I believe newborns need to know their needs will always be met which in turn instills deep self assurance, trust, and esteem. Lets face it between growth spurts, teething, solids, colds, and basic actual growing pains your not going to get much sleep for about a year.

You are hard wired to respond to your baby.

As for your older baby if he has actually done something that needs correcting, like yelling, hitting, etc… then time out. However if he is just whiny and upset I suggest you just sit down with him for 5 minutes and cuddle, talk to him. Talking to him and soothing is not giving in to his tantrums. It may be just what he needs your actual attention. Stop what your doing and tune in, before he is grown up and tunes out.

See… no one is going to like what I have to say lol…. and I know I should of just not commented, but you did ask *wink*

angie
15 years ago

Do you hear Dylan through a baby monitor? Is your bedroom close enough to his that you would hear him crying without it? If so, then I would suggest turning off the baby monitor. That way you will only hear him once he really needs you, rather than when he is just starting to wake up.

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

Ugh – I do not know the answer to your Riley dilemma as I am in the same damn situation with my almost 3-(next month)year-old daughter. She has been having some awful days lately, and I was attributing it to transition of my husband getting a new job and not working from home anymore and me deciding to stay home full time now, but it’s been a few months already and she should have surely transitioned by now. I think, sadly, that it’s just this age, which makes me think WOE FOR US! There has to be something we can do. Timeouts work *sometimes*. But mostly, the behavior starts back up again right afterward.

I am looking forward to seeing what advice others post. Please send help! ;-)

Cali911Gal
Cali911Gal
15 years ago

I second the cereal idea for Dylan. It’s helped tremendously with each of my grandkids….mix in a bit of oatmeal or rice cereal in their bottle, but make sure it can express thru the nipple and not just clog. The extra bulk of the cereal in his tummy at 11 may just help stave off the 3 am hunger pains and he’ll sleep through till 5 or 6.

Second that on turning off the baby monitor too!

As to Riley, I dunno. If they have the language to convey their needs accordingly, and don’t, time outs seem to get their attention…… or threat of a nap. !

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

I get downright stupid with my daughter (2.5) when she does the whining.
“What’s that? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. I can only hear little girls who ask nicely.”
It irritates her, but it works – she catches on quickly.
If she’s in tantrum mode, she goes to time out until she’s done and ready to apologize. No ifs, ands or buts.

As for the sleep thing, I got nuthin. I keep being told that 4-5 hours at a time IS sleeping through the night. Whatever…

Pickles
Pickles
15 years ago

Here’s another vote for cereal. It sounds like your son isn’t sleeping well because he wakes up hungry. You can buy bottle nipples with extra large holes especially made for this purpose. Just mix a little dry baby cereal in the bottle with his milk and warm it up. Experiment with the amount for a couple of nights. It’s “stick to your ribs” sort of thing – he needs something that lasts longer. I understand a lot of these parenting issues and can appreciate your dilemmas. Thanks very much for writing about the situations that cause worry for many young parents. Good luck and God Bless.

diane
diane
15 years ago

Wow!!! Did Gillian follow you over here from the PD website?? Every child is different….some children need much more attention and with some it’s a battle of wills….just a control issue….good luck and I personally think your two boys have a wonderful mother.

Christie
Christie
15 years ago

Riley – I have no idea but we are in the same position with Gage as he will be 3 in December. I first blamed his new asthma meds, but I think it is realy the age. If he is whining, we ignore him until he talks “normal”. But the tantrums – usually they start by hitting his sister and then we put him in time out. Not sure why if he wants a toy and we say no, he will find his sister and hit her. Anyways, after a couple minutes in time out and if the yelling is still happening – we breathe. May sound silly but we take about 10 deep breaths to relax. Strangly he does it with us and it helps calm him down. Then we talk about it in our normal voices. On the flip side, there are days where I just lose my shit and yell and then I feel bad and start doing the mommy dearest. I feel you!

As for Dylan, we did 3 things around that time for my daughter 1) turned off the monitor and closed the door – we can hear her if she needs us and is not just moaning in her sleep. 2)Upped her food intake during the day which included cereal etc. 3)Tried holding her off between feedings at night with the pacifer. This worked quickly with one of the feedings because I think she was eating more out of habit then hunger. She took to that after 2 nights.

HTH!

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
15 years ago

Sadly I can’t remember what my son was like at 6 months.

I do remember the 2-3ish all crabby and difficult all the time stage. I used to get soooooo frustrated with him, to the point where I felt I was constantly yelling at him. I then felt awful afterwards. One of my friends told me that he would outgrow it, I was like, ya right. He did outgrow it,he is 6 now and I don’t remember the exact age when he calmed down, but I do remember how difficult he was. I remember changing his diaper and he was writhing around on the floor yelling and trying to kick me in the face the whole time, and the constant hissy fits and not listening.

It does get better.

beach
beach
15 years ago

my boys are 15 and 18 now(a whole different ball game of “give me strength ” on a daily basis)…I do remember 3-4 being really a tough time for boys….difficult, tantrummy,….ugh!….not much advice….is there a padded room you can go to to give yourself a time out!….also both my kids always woke at night…my pediatrician said after 5 months the baby doesn’t need the middle of the night bottle…..he gave me 2 choice….1. change nothing and hope it stops on its own 2. let them cry it out. sounds mean but basically they need to learn o get back to sleep on their own…we did it over a weekend. It is hard, but first night the worst, second night less…3rd night sleeping thru….seriously, and then from then on when they did wake at night I knew it was for another problem(ear infection, what not…good luck with whatever you decide!

Jenn_ky
Jenn_ky
15 years ago

I second Melissa – Ferber all the way. We did it for my daughter at 6 mos … it super-sucked for 3 nights, but it’s been blissful ever since.

Sarah Ross
Sarah Ross
15 years ago

Umm, yeah – problem #1 is simple – 3 is evil. I had no idea. When my son turned 3 we went through a process where I liked him less on a daily basis. They somehow are teenagers. Not cool.

As for sleeping, I agree with you that it’s usually easier to just get up and get it over with rather than listen to them in the middle of the night. BUT at some point you have to suck it up and let him get over it – some kids just don’t do it on their own. I hate to be one of those people that says, “Oh this book changed my life,” but actually, THIS BOOK CHANGED MY LIFE. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth – the guy is a total hard ass, but it worked worked WORKED for everyone I know.

Is this too preachy and self-righteous?

Swistle
15 years ago

My advice is to continue clenching the teeth. Everything goes away eventually.

Sarah
15 years ago

Eli will be a year old in three weeks, and still wakes at least once a night. I do exactly what you do- lie there for about five minutes, thinking miserably, “Just wait, just wait, it’ll pass!” But then if it hasn’t and the noise is escalating, I just hurry in there and nurse him before he’s fully awake and furious, and then he usually goes back to sleep much faster than if I let him get really worked up.
My doctor is pretty strict about her CIO theory- she says after a certain weight (eighteen pounds, I think?) they shouldn’t physically need to eat again and so it’s fine to let him fuss (read: scream) himself back to sleep, as long as I’ve checked that nothing else is wrong with him. And I nod along like a good patient and ask questions like, “So should I SAY anything, or just pat his back and then leave again?”
But reality is a whole nother thing at three AM, huh? And plus I can’t help thinking, “What’s so magical about eighteen pounds? How do you KNOW he’s not hungry?”

Claire
15 years ago

I’m not anywhere near the Riley age so no comment there. BUT, my son is now 11 months old and his nighttime schedule was awful until one fateful night when he was 6.5 months and I finally gave into CIO. It’s ok; I can take the flaming comments after this. But you know what? It only took 3 nights and now he sleeps from 8 PM until 6 AM every night, like clockwork. And I’m a whole lot happier and a whole lot more rested.

Melissa
Melissa
15 years ago

I’m right there with you on both the whining and baby sleep fronts. One thing I don’t understand is the comments that give people a hard time for complaining about their kids sleeping habits. I’ve read only some of Weissbuth’s Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child but much of what I read makes sense….A well rested family is a happy, healthy family. It’s hard to functtion when you aren’t getting proper rest. Plus Weissbuth has a variety of options for sleep training and it can be done without CIO. I think it depends on the child but under controlled circumstances (and no vomiting) I don’t think 20 mins of crying for three nights is going to do permanent damage. If it helps teach a child to soothe themselves, it is worth it….in my opinion. And in my opinion that is not child abuse. The other thing that I have read in many different books and articles is that children do not naturally know how to fall asleep, parents need to teach them. So I say find the method that works best for your child and your family. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get some sleep. Good luck…let us know what works for you!

nonsoccermom
15 years ago

Wellllll, wish I had some good advice on the sleep front. HOWEVER, my 7-month-old does almost the exact same thing. My oldest kid slept through the night consistently starting around 5ish months? Maybe? I can’t remember but I KNOW it was sooner than this kid.

g~
g~
15 years ago

I agree with Swistle…This, too, shall pass and something else will come along.
Letting them cry it out worked for us as well as turning off the monitor (didn’t even use it for second baby and she slept through the night right away–I think…)
Three was definitely the sucky age for our son. Good thing his evil was tempered by brilliant bursts of cute otherwise I would have found the nearest fire station.
Of course, we’re only at five right now. My friend used to say that you’d pay someone to take them at three and won’t take anything for them at four.

Stacy
15 years ago

I HIGHLY recommend “The Baby Whisperer”. It’s not all about letting your baby scream for 10 hours until they fall asleep from being exhausted, but more about how to break habits without making you feel super mean. Both of mine were going 11 hours by 5 and 6 months.
My daughter who will be 4 this month also went through the whiney stage. No advice on that one. Guess it’s just normal, and thank goodness, a phase.

Miz
Miz
15 years ago

Sometimes, toddlers are just.plain.crabby. I wish there was a “magic-cure-all” for my little man’s attitude!
When he gets particularly whiny, I usually try to lighten the mood, and tell him “Mommy won’t talk to him until I see some smiles.” He usually sits for a moment and looks like he’s thinking very hard about what his next move will be….and MOST days, he winds up with a big toothy grin. I don’t know if it would work with Riley, but it’s helped me out on those days when I really need some peace and quiet! (besides, it’s pretty difficult to whine if you have a silly cheesey grin on your face..)

ELC
ELC
15 years ago

Grrrrr – it is with great self-restraint and a fervent wish that your blog NOT morph into a PD maelstrom that I am not responding to Gillian.
I totally agree that you should make sure D gets all the food he needs during normal waking hours. In addition – have you tried minimizing his sleep during the day? I know “everyone” says to never wake a sleeping baby – but I’ve always strictly limited daytime naps and it has worked well. My go-to reference for this was “The Contented Little Baby Book” by Gina Ford. At first I hated it’s rigidity, but I have to admit – the results have been fabulous. I wish I had some advice for the R situation, but you have my sympathies! Is it totally horrible to get a little misting squirt-bottle and just kind of spray him when he whines? ;)

Valerie
Valerie
15 years ago

I feel your pain with the night wakings, but don’t have much to offer for advice. My daughter went through a hellish time around 6-9 months when she was teething like crazy and just wouldn’t sleep unless I was holding her. Cereal could be a solution. I know we didn’t start solids with her until 7 months. I know it sucks to get up and feed a baby in the middle of the night, but at least it’s just the one time? Good luck!

Dorie
Dorie
15 years ago

Age three sucks. My daughter will be four in a few months so I’m hoping her superbrat days are drawing to a close.

I hope Riley isn’t like my daughter and also decides that he no longer needs to nap or sleep through the night.

beth
15 years ago

Is Dylan on solids yet? I haven’t seen you mention it, I don’t think. But maybe if he’s still waking for a 3am feeding, it’s time to introduce those.

I have a 6m baby girl, and she has been sleeping through the night (9p-7a) since we introduced the following (warning, here’s some assvice from a first-timer):

6:30p: Solids – cereal mixed with New Food of the Day (avocado, squash, whatever)

After dinner: bath, OBVIOUSLY, because I cannot seem to keep food out of her hair

After bath: 6oz bottle

Playtime, snuggle, etc.

8:30p: Final 2oz bottle (all she needs to pass out)

9:00p: In her crib, SNORING.

Throughout the night she sometimes wakes and wails a bit – but we just run in, pat her a bit and give her the binky and she’s back out.

Sorry for writing a book – but hopefully something helps. I am really feeling for you – six months of interrupted sleep with two babies has got to be so hard.

All that said, she could stop this beautiful, wonderful routine tomorrow… but God, I hope not.

Good luck & here’s hoping you get some zzz’s soon!

Karl
Karl
15 years ago

Add my vote to the “whine where you like as long as I can’t hear you” group. Three is a crappy age; fortunately they do get over it. (For our kids, odd years were worse than even years, which was a bit strange.) A little sympathy now and then is OK, but three is a good time to start letting them realize that the universe really doesn’t give a shit about them.

Sorry, don’t have any ideas for Dylan. I’d guess that some slight changes in feeding plus a couple nights of crying it out might work. Our baby problems were a bit different so I can’t really say.

Andrea
15 years ago

Gabe has been a little asshole lately, too. I’ve wondered if there wasn’t some kind of Pulse (like in Stephen King’s book Cell) through Sesame Street or Dora that’s sent all kids who watched that particular show into a rage where they go after their parents and just turn the chaos and whine up to eleven.

I’ve found the best way to deal with it is consistency. He knows how to behave and he knows when he’s being a good boy and when he’s not. If I send him to time out (more specifically to his room, which is, for some reason, like sending him to the 9th circle of hell to him even though it’s a nice room with a few toys even) every time he pushes me to the point where I want to yell at him, then it stops for awhile. Maybe an hour. Lather, rinse, repeat. He spends more time in time out when he’s acting like that, but I make sure to tell him he’s choosing to get punished by choosing to act like a little dickhead. After a few days of a lot of time out, he starts to clean it up a bit and it’s not so soul-killing to be around him anymore. Often, the root cause is someone at his daycare has been out of sorts too, usually a friend of his, and they’re in cahoots together to take over the world one set of bleeding eardrums at a time.

The sleeping thing? I don’t know what to tell you, except I wonder if he’s going to bed too early? They say you’re supposed to follow sleep cues, like eye rubbing, yawning and such, so if he’s getting sleepy at 7:30, then by all means, put him down to bed. But maybe a later bedtime would help him sleep through the night and further into the morning. I was on a business trip last week, and while I was away, my husband stayed at his parents’ house with the kids (because his parents had to take the kids to daycare in the morning since my husband’s workday begins at 4 am). My mother-in-law was putting Baby Anna (she’s only a month older than Dylan) to sleep around 10 or 11. They said she was sleeping through the night, and into the morning, but holy God, I don’t want to be up til 11 putting her to sleep when I have to get up at 5:30 in the morning to get to work on time myself. And my husband suggested I do just that. Then I killed him. Actually, I told him that I have a routine with her, that she sleeps around 9 and for the most part doesn’t get up until 6 am. That works perfect for me, and if she has a few nights here and there where she’s up in the middle of the night, I chalk it up to bad dreams, uncomfortable peejays, or maybe teething or a cold if she’s exhibiting symptoms of that.

Sorry for the novel. I can’t say anything concisely, except on twitter.

beth
15 years ago

Ugh, just read through comments – it’s so hard to deal with sleep issues as it is, people. Is it really necessary to heap judgement on top too?

I do agree that, in some cases, babies probably just need their moms & dads – and that’s why we still run in if she wakes to pat her and reassure her we’re still right there for her.

Oh and also – if Dylan doesn’t have one, maybe you could try getting him one of those little 10″x10″ taggy blankets. Maddie LOVES hers – it’s officially her lovey that goes to bed with her each night. She ONLY gets it when she’s about to go to sleep (nap or bedtime) so it’s another thing that she associates with sleepytime. It’s small enough that she can wave it around with total abandon and I’m not worried about her suffocating.

Or if he has another lovey that you could make “bed specific” that could help too.

Felicia
Felicia
15 years ago

I have read that the medical studies have shown that cereal in the bottles does not actually help babies sleep longer; that it is an old wives tale.

That being said, if he’s six months old, why not feed him cereal from a bowl/spoon? Perhaps a before bedtime meal really is what he needs if it is indeed a growth spurt.

And I know there are people in all camps on all different issues, but I wish we could be civil to each other and try to understand that there are different perspectives/situations in the world, and we are all just trying to find what works for us. *Sigh.*

Erin
15 years ago

My 2.5 year old boy is doing the same thing as Riley, and I am doing the EXACT same thing as you. I snap and then I tell him a hundred times how much I love him and generally feel like crap until he starts being an brat again. It’s really hard. He’s also starting being mean to his little bro (1-year-old). I feel unqualified for this. I just keep saying “Be NICE! Be NICE!” and try to reward good behavior as much as possible.

The sleeping through the night stuff is also tough. Every kid is so different. Both my boys are excellent sleepers now, but neither of them slept more than 6 straight hours until about 9 months old or later. If you feel like he’s really hungry, I’d keep with the feeding. If you feel like he’s just taking an ounce or two and snuggling back to sleep, you could probably try letting him cry it out. Just my 2 cents.

ikate
ikate
15 years ago

Oh, man. The sleep thing. It’s awful isn’t it? Especially when you are the only one who hears the crying. I don’t know what to tell you since M was 11 months before she went 8 hours without waking. Now at 22 months she’s down for a solid 12 hours+ nightly. Whatever we did to make that happen I can’t tell you. I think it was a combo of her maturing and me caring less and less about getting up and more and more about my own sleep. I remember thinking on one of those foggy middle of the night wake-ups “eh – if she really needs me she’ll start screaming much louder sooner or later”. Not my finest mommy-moment but and honest sleep-deprived thought.

But good god those first 11 months were hell.

Shawna
15 years ago

On the sleep thing, it would be easy for me to say “just live with it” like I would… but I have a year-long maternity leave so I don’t have to be up bright and early the next morning and I can nap when my baby naps during the day.

I will say though, that I know adults who are light sleepers and adults that wouldn’t be woken up by a bomb going off under the covers, yet we expect all kids to adhere to our idea of what a sleep schedule should be, and I don’t really get that mindset. I’ve said it before but my oldest was over 2 before she slept through the night. What’s new (and miraculous) is that my 2-month-old has slept through the night twice already, the first time when he was only a couple of weeks old. We’re not doing anything different with him, he’s just a better sleeper and I think it’s a nature, not nurture thing, since he was also less active in utero.

So yeah, what I would do is the quick routine and let him go back to sleep. What you should do, however, I have no idea and it’s really not something I can even pretend to help solve. Maybe your kid could easily be trained to sleep through the night. Maybe not. You’re the one who knows him, so, putting aside the fact that you feel you need more sleep, what do you think he needs more, sleep or late-night food?

But if you find a cure for the whines, for the love of all that is holy, please let me know. My 2.5 year old is getting pretty deep into that stage too.

Michelle
Michelle
15 years ago

My son (3 yrs) is also doing the same thing. Whiny and making unrealistic demands (i.e. “I want candy…puhleeze…I want candy!!!” at 8:15 a.m.) I just try (I said try) to stay calm and if I can’t take it anymore I’ll send him to his room for both our sanities. It’s takes a lot of patience at this age because they are capable of verbalizing their wants and dislikes better than ever.

As for Dylan, I recommend moving him to his own room (if you haven’t already). We did it at 7 months for our second boy and lo and behold he started sleeping through the night! Amen.

superblondgirl
15 years ago

No advice, but I, too, am Mommy Dearest with the “just shut up already, kid but I love you oh the guilt!” thing. I should really be putting away therapy money, or at least payoff money, for the future.

Krissa
Krissa
15 years ago

My parents had a strict “no whining” rule. We were not permitted to whine/cry/carry on in front of them. As several other posters said, we were allowed to freak out in our rooms (in a non-destructive manner), but we couldn’t complain to mommy or daddy. If we still couldn’t get a handle on ourselves, we “got” to stand in the corner, nose in, for a few minutes of quiet time.

We were also not allowed to stay in our foul mood after “time out” was over. Once we were done, that was it. Time to play nice. They’d also help get us to that point by playing games or something, to help us forget our bad moods.

The “no whining” rule also taught us how to articulate exactly what was wrong and why it bothered us. We were absolutely encouraged to talk to them about problems, concerns, so-and-so-is-hitting-me, that kind of thing…we just couldn’t do it in a tantrum, or a whiny voice, or whatever. Having to explain it actually kept us calmer, too. I don’t think we ever needed the freak out time in our room, since we could instead calmly tell mommy that “sister is taking all of the My Little Ponies and giving them a bath in the toilet.” Ahh, the power of words.

dorrie
dorrie
15 years ago

no advice, just had to tell you that your tweets (oh dear god did i just write that) crack my shit up every morning. “Choices.” about dog: brazilliant. thanks have a good one

Rebecca (Bearca)
15 years ago

I wish I had some magical advice for you, but sadly I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. My 3-year old is in a particularly difficult phase right now and my 6-month old has been waking up between 3 and 4 the last few nights after sleeping through for a few weeks. I just keep telling myself that it will pass, and in the meantime eating extra brownies.

I honestly believe that the inherent evilness of 3-year olds is one of the better kept parenting secrets. The combination of continued tantrums, whininess and increased vocabulary is quite the trifecta.

So hang in there. I’m trying to…

kalisa
15 years ago

I have THE answer for the toddler situation, and it’s a technique that will work for many years to come.

It’s a tiny little paperback book called “1-2-3 Magic.” You can read it in about 20 minutes and it is a proven technique for dealing with tantrums and whining and general terrible-twoiness that I PROMISE YOU will work if you follow it to the letter. It’s one of those things that’s very simple but not always easy but man, it seriously was magic when my kid was your kid’s age.

My Kid is 15 now, so I’m a little rusty on my sales pitch, but I just remember that it changed our lives and I started telling random strangers in the grocery store about it.