I sometimes think the key to a good marriage is being able to let things go. You may have a disagreement about something and in your mind you are absolutely in the RIGHT and he is indubitably WRONG and also a SELFISH PRICK, but sitting around holding your breath for an apology and the heartfelt declaration that all future prickishness will be avoided at all costs often gets a person nowhere, and I find it to be downright taxing to set my body language to FROSTY BITCH for more than a few hours at a time.

Both JB and I are stubborn and loathe to give ground and on the few occasions that we fight, neither of us are any good at sitting down like rational adults and listening to each other’s position. JB tends to toss forth brain-bending logic shitbombs like, “Well I’m sorry you choose to feel that way about it” and I have an unfortunate habit of accelerating straight to into “Why don’t you just shut the fuck up” territory. It’s pretty rare that we revisit an argument and concede our own mistakes; instead, we stew independently for a while until life inevitably pushes the bad moment under the bridge, like when our favorite TV show comes on or JB decides to randomly inform me we should have makeup sex, or at the very least, makeup BJ?

(Makeup BJ. Right. Well, you can’t say the man doesn’t dream big.)

I’m sure we could be handling our differences with more maturity and mutual respect, but it seems to me that we’re usually able to move on without holding too much of a grudge. It’s funny, parenthood is often both a grindstone against which our marriage is tested on a daily basis, and a binding force holding it together. I may find myself occasionally thinking grumpily that my husband is a total wet end and that I’d like to run off to Aruba to live out my remaining cougar years leering at bronzed poolboys, but it’s more typical that I view whatever argument is at hand as just what it is: a temporary bump on a long, amazing road we’re committed to staying on with each other. Having kids together — even though it tests our patience, saps our romance, and steals our spontaneity — makes me feel like we took those wedding vows and dipped them in titanium.

That said, WHY is it always totally okay for my husband to leave the house on his own during the weekend — without any sort of need to ask for permission, may I add — while if I do so it’s like I’ve committed war crimes against fucking HUMANITY? And why IS IT, as long as I’m ranting, that if I am by myself with the children I usually somehow manage to also pick up our shithole house, throw some laundry in the washing machine, and excavate various biological specimens from the kitchen sink, but if he’s the one at home it’s like some sort of grandiose expectation or perhaps even a physical impossibility on par with running a two-minute mile to do anything but keep the children fed and relatively feces-free? JESUS H. CHRIST ON A LOW-SODIUM CRACKER.

Okay, NOW I can let it go. Ah, that’s better.

I’m flying solo parenting-wise at the moment while JB goes camping with his dad and brother (which may or may not be influencing my Ranty McCrabism state of mind) (he told me: “You’ll be working so it’ll be NO BIG DEAL”) (OMFG) (then I devoured him, black-widow-like) (also, if you’re thinking of breaking in and stealing my Payless shoes be forewarned that I have GUNS and also HAIRSPRAY and a REALLY FAT LAZY MEAN CAT) and I’m feeling lonely, so tell me, what’s the happiest event of your recent life? Big or small, what has put a giant grin on your face?

For me, it was digging this crazy jumper chair out of storage for Dylan, because hoo boy, good times all around. How about you?

Comments

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
115 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
justmouse/chaosmomm
justmouse/chaosmomm
15 years ago

going to see Spamalot with my big brother on saturday, and drinking pints, and laughing until i thought i’d pee myself.

Mary O
15 years ago

I loved watching the American team win that swimming relay last night. Such a great moment!

clarabella
15 years ago

So, I’m not married to my baby-daddy (gasp! judge! flame! Just kidding!), but we have a similar dance when it comes to arguments. The big ones get worked out, the little ones eventually fall by the wayside, and I remember that we are a loving, committed family unit and we will survive this minor bump.
That said, I can’t answer the question as to why men expect things of us that they don’t realize they should provide themselves. Maybe it’s because they’re not lucky enough to be amazing, sensitive women. Hmmm. I’m gonna stick with that for the moment.
The happiest event of my recent life was today when my 15 month old woke up and called out Ma-ma instead of his usual Da-da. I’m not sure he knows what either really means yet, but for once, he made the “m” sound instead of the “d.” And don’t you know, I went running to rescue him from that pesky crib and cruel nap-time.

Naomi
15 years ago

…just when I was thinking you and JB were the happiest couple on the planet…

Ain’t nothin’ happy for me right now ‘cept my upcoming trip to Costa Rica. I just got surgery, it didn’t fix the problem, so doc says I have to get surgery again, on top of life’s other ongoing problems. So yeah. I’m looking forward to Costa Rica. I’m going alone, too, so that’s gonna be real nice!

Kristi
15 years ago

Upcoming camping trip to Manzanita – last wave to summer before the long marathon of school schedules begin.

You just perfectly described my marriage in that there post! And a makeup BJ is the funniest damn thing I’ve heard in a long ass time!!

Crystal
Crystal
15 years ago

Last Saturday Night. I went to an OPEN BAR wedding, with my friend as my “date”, and left my husband home with our 2 kids and the 2 kids we were babysitting.
Does it get any better than that? I dont think so.

Lesley
Lesley
15 years ago

Remember that message JB ‘texted’ you at Blogher about you being superwoman? I would so totally needlepoint that in neon thread and display in the front hall. (All in good humour said she, knowingly.)

Then I would, oh I don’t know, have about a girl’s long day or night out on five minutes notice. (I did this with B/F once and he totally got the message that I am not some dispensable something or other he can take for granted. It worked.)

Ash
Ash
15 years ago

Well my big crazy grinny moment was when i got the message that i FINALLY sold the dam car!

I am moving to australia in a very small amount of days and i have been hoping to get the bloody thing sold. I am so pleased that i did. And the cream on top?? I sold it for $1000 MORE than i brought for!! WHOOPIE!

Anyabeth
15 years ago

Oh lord my husband pulls that crap and we only have one. It makes me batshit that somehow if I want to go somewhere I need to arrange childcare but he can make plans without worries.

My most recent happiness came when we want on vacation with my family (I KNOW) and we all stayed up playing cards while the baby was asleep. I really miss just having fun in all the rush of baby baby baby.

MrsWaltz
MrsWaltz
15 years ago

I have no advice. But I thought you should know that I literally just LOLed at “low-sodium cracker” and woke up the goats.

Elizabeth
15 years ago

Hmmm. The DWR Warehouse sale last weekend is pretty much tied with the Dilly Bar just I ate. Both were purely awesome. Oh, and this is terrible, and kind of indescribable, but on the way to Dairy Queen to get the Dilly bars we just saw a tamale truck on fire at a gas station and it was insanely exciting. Plus, firemen, you know, firemen are never bad.

Dianna
15 years ago

Make up BJ, he is thinking big, isn’t he?!
The happiest thing for me will be to leave work, go home and fall into bed with the love of my life (sans BJ). Then again, we’re not married yet and don’t have children so we’re still happy with just that…except when he leaves his clean, folded (by me) clothes sitting on the dresser, then all hell breaks lose!

Kelsey
15 years ago

I don’t want to be a copycat, but it was definitely the American swimming relay last night. Oh Lord I was excited. I heart me some Olympics.

Bekki
15 years ago

This may be indiciative of my 6 month pregnant with twins, and stuck home while the hubs is on a work trip self….but my few favorite things right now

1. Eating on the couch
2. Watching the Olympics, and my friends who are competing in particular
3. Feeling the twosome kick. I think they like watching the Olympics too!

best wishes on getting through the weekend and really sticking it to JB when he gets back!

Karin
Karin
15 years ago

I fed my one year old part of a chocolate cookie tonight. The funniest part was I swear she saw it in my hand 10 feet away and made a bee-line for me doing a little dance till I gave her a piece. How did she know it was a cookie? Its not like I have given them to her before. But, I gave her a small face and it was soo worth it. I got the best “mmmmm” and followed by a huge grin. Then she toddled away only to turn around quickly and come back for more! She knows a good thing when she tastes it.

Amanda Brown
15 years ago

We’ve been watching old reruns of Little Britain and the crude, politically incorrect humour slays us.
Also, I feel your pain on the “he gets to leave without asking permission” deal. Very early on after having our first kid I noticed that and hoo boy, it pissed me off. Still does.
Glad you’ve found a way to balance it out somewhat and keep moving forward.

Chris
15 years ago

of late, my biggest bitch is that i work all day and still wash the dishes and do the laundry and make sure the kids eat…Rob gets off work and goes and watches tv and drinks beer. on the weekend, he doesn’t do much more than that and i still do all that shit. i’m finding it hard of late to ignore the fact that he is such an easy going husband who forgives the fact that sometimes he has to go looking for underwear in the morning and he doesn’t bitch that the kitchen isn’t clean all the tiime…

it’s still hard and we’ve been married 10 years.

Jess
Jess
15 years ago

Cant remember the last time hubby changed a diaper….

happy time; going to a weekly pilates class (hub does watch her then so I guess I should “let it go” ha

Elizabeth
15 years ago

I just got a new couch and chair to replace the one we bought when we were married 12 years ago! It’s leather and I love it.

Pics will be on my blog tomorrow.

donna
donna
15 years ago

I just drove 10 hours taking my son’s 5 year old goddaughter to Vegas to see my son and grandson, spent 3 days 4 nights, and also, score! got to see my best guy friend in the world that I’ve known for 23 years, and haven’t seen in 6 years. We all had dinner, and I was just in the best place ever with all of them.
And then I drove 10 hours back.

tash
15 years ago

It’s at times like these that I am so glad I’m a single parent – there’s no one for me to resent, no one to expect me to stay home with my Stinker while I go camping.

You deserve a rant…

“Jesus H Christ on a low sodium cracker” – that is fackin hilarious!

Love the jumper. He’s pleased as punch!

Shit it sucks that I can’t think what put a giant grin on my face recently. Shit shit shit! Guess it’ll have to be my boy turning 10 and still giving me cuddles in the morning!

Kate
15 years ago

Have you been eavesdropping in my head again?! Stop it! :)

Happiest moment – lately it’s been the rapid progress on our house. In two short months it’s suddenly a house. The windows were delivered today and the roof goes on this week. Building a house can be so stressful, but it’s SO much fun to watch the progress and dream.

Kirsten
15 years ago

BUYING A HOUSE!!! (although haven’t talked about it on my blog yet, so shhhh) Can’t believe it – part of me thought we’d only be able to afford it once a rich relative died, or something to that effect.
Also? My husband and I just did a whole presentation on everything you just talked about…I totally could have written this post because damn, is every man exactly the same or what?

Cali911Gal
Cali911Gal
15 years ago

Happiest moment: When I booked cruise to Alaska.

Can.not.wait.for.Sept20.Gah

Zoot
Zoot
15 years ago

“That said, WHY is it always totally okay for my husband to leave the house on his own during the weekend — without any sort of need to ask for permission, may I add — while if I do so it’s like I’ve committed war crimes against fucking HUMANITY?”

Creepy. I just has the SAME conversation with my husband this weekend. So – you just get a loud – AMEN from me.

HAPPIEST MOMENT RECENTLY: My teenage son making a hysterical joke about mimes and crossing guards (you had to be there) on the way to school the other day that had me laughing so hard I nearly pissed my pants. I love seeing his sense of humor grow.

JMH
JMH
15 years ago

Glad to read my husband isn’t the only one who expects to go do whatever he wants whenever, but I have to PLAN my fun.

On the flip side, we just celebrated our 10th anniversary with a trip to Vegas. First long trip without the kids…ever! It was fabulous!

Josh
15 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dude, JB is my hero, and dreaming up something like a make up BJ is what makes him so incredibly cool and why he deserves a sweet cougar like yourself. That’s fuckin great, I have to use that. (yes I realize it will probably only escalate the tension, but I will get years, possibly a lifetime of good laughs from it, and so it is deemed worthwhile)

And in response to your question of a seeming double standard, the answer is because you are a woman and therefore more clean, and he is a man and therefore content to wallow in a festering pen of filth. Our tolerance for dirt and mess and shit like that is way through the roof. While I’m sure it boggles your mind that things like laundry and sink goop could somehow manage to not jump out from behind the furniture and scream at us till we dealt with them, the fact is that when left to our own devices we just re-wear our clothing, kick paths in the clutter, and give most dishes a courtesy sniff/splash to make sure there’s nothing furry on them. In fact the only real reason we even clean our own bodies is so we can keep our jobs and get pussy.

Swistle
15 years ago

Totally agree about things going under the bridge rather than getting hashed out with I-statements.

Totally agree about the males of the species feeling they can leave but that the females can’t.

Totally agree about how the females can watch the litter and also maintain the lair, but the males want a medal for keeping the litter alive at all.

Beth
15 years ago

Honey, you and every other woman in America! You think they would “get it” by now, but nope. And why, because we let them get away with the crap. It’s our own fault and that’s the worst part about it.

Josh
15 years ago

Oh shit, I forgot about the happy thing. I went fishing with my buddy this weekend on the Neuse river. I haven’t been fishing since I was a kid and two really happy things happened while I was out there. First off I caught a big ass catfish right off the bat, which pretty much made my day. And second, we caught an eel and I had to chop it up for bait. It sounds gross, but I was holding this huge phallic tube of meat (sans head and tail) that was so slippery I kept dropping it like the soap in prison, and it was covered in this sticky slime that clung to your hands like cum in water. Dude, it was so gross and difficult to hold on to and cut up that it just turned into one giant physical comedy laugh fest. By the time I had chopped up enough bait for our hooks, both of us were just about crying with laughter. And I was covered in eel giz that wouldn’t come off in the water. It was hilarious.

Seriously though, the fish was fuckin huge. Biggest fish I ever caught. http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3168/2754639488_987839965b.jpg?v=0

Josh
15 years ago

Wow. I just read your comments section and big note to self: in future always check with woman before making plans, and clean random shit when she’s gone. That make up BJ might be possible after all. Hmmmmmmmm.

Jess
15 years ago

Oh how do I know this rant.

We went to the Smithsonian last weekend and attended the butterfly exhibit. You walk through this enclosed garden type area with thousands of live butterflies flying around. It’s insane. They were exotic and beautiful and my two year old was out of her head. She kept running back and forth yelling, “burrerfye!!” It. was. awesome.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
15 years ago

Wow, this post could not have come at a better time. My husband and I are the exact same way. Sometimes I feel as though we are doing something wrong and we should sit down and discuss things like “normal” couples.
I also cannot stand that my husband will go out and see his friends and whatnot, and god forbid if I want to go shopping with one of my friends and he is left ALONE with our son! Come on!

beach
beach
15 years ago

Spending the day at the beach with my friends, no kids or husbands allowed. Had a blast, lots of peoplewatching(lifeguards…!)and just all around silliness and sun.

Btw…can totally relate to the disappearing husband act. My husband still has this annoying habit, just freaking leaves….no note or shout out….and we dont live in a mcmansion. Now my oldest son(who apparently since he is 18 and a freaking adult(ha)is doing the same thing at times. The male species….gotta wonder.

Jolie
15 years ago

That sucks Linda, but you are being awesome about it. Does your husband read your blog? Because I totally used to use mine to rant against my boyfriend knowing that he’d read it. “Hi! I hate you! Act nicer!”

The best moment in my life right now was going to my cousin’s wedding on Saturday. She is young and spunky and different and her husband is nothing short of just the same, and it was a sweet time of togetherness with family.

Cara
Cara
15 years ago

My sister, my best-friend, is newly engaged. An engagement I can support without reservations. We’ve been dress shopping and wedding planning since. Life is good.

Tara
Tara
15 years ago

I think you just described my marriage, except that we go silent when we’re super-pissed so we can avoid saying anything that might fester for years (or, these days, to avoid saying anything we wouldn’t want our 3-year-old son to say in public). And I give you a BIG AMEN on the whole double-standard expectations when one is home alone with the kid(s). . . I went out of town with my son for 5 days, leaving hubby home with NO RESPONSIBILITY except the dog & cats, and I still came home to a shithole. WTF?

Anyway. While visiting my mom with my son, I got the chance to watch my boy show off his trike-riding skills in my mom’s large black-topped driveway. We don’t have a good place for him to ride at home, but he rides once a week at daycare, and he LOVES it. I was also very surprised that he is outgrowing the damn trike already, and we’re going to have to start looking for a (gasp!) two-wheeler with training wheels, I guess. My baby is growing up, which is really cool and really sort of frightening all at once.

Christine
Christine
15 years ago

Heh. Yep they are all the same. As my cousin would say “I blame the mother.” Although in my case blaming the mother does not work because when my MIL was alive hubby and his brothers all fended for themselves, so I guess in this case I should just blame myself…I think I set the stage while I was still in the flush of love at the beginning. So stupid.

But! We are married for over 11 years and while the fights sometimes get gnarly, you do just work it out in the end.

Happiest: My 14 y.o. niece and my 13 y.o. nephew came to visit for a week and my neighbor (bless her heart) offered to watch my two little ones while we took the teenagers to dinner. I even had a drink! And only had to worry about my OWN FOOD, which I ATE WHILE IT WAS STILL HOT!! It was lovely.

Jeanette
15 years ago

Happiest moment was when I booked a cruise for myself and my husband and both of our kids and their spouses! Planning a wonderful warm, sunny family vacation in January!

alli
15 years ago

D and I fight in a similar fashion with television usually providing the bandaid to push us forward.

As for the most recent happiest moment? Finding out I was pregnant is pretty high on the list. But then comes my recent Zappos purchase and the cereal I am currently eating. So, it doesn’t take much to make me happy.

Kim
Kim
15 years ago

Happy:
An old friend whom I thought was lost forever just contacted me and wants to have lunch. I’m nervous, but really excited too.
Also, I got a B&N coupon emailed to me this morning so now I get to go buy David Sedaris’ new book for $15.99.

Claire
15 years ago

LOL @ the similarities. My husband is the EXACT same way! But in the happy news, our son recently started pushing his walker with some sort of actual skill and then, suddenly, he just stood there, hands free. And we were both there, watching him. And we had this little moment as parents, together, seeing him do this great new accomplishment. It really warmed my heart.

mandy
15 years ago

The day I started antidepressants. Literally.

Watching my kids, 1 and 2, play together in the evenings, after dinner and baths. They smell so good we just hug em and sniff em.

ashley
15 years ago

First before I spread joy, I wanted to comment that it is nice to know that there is someone else who turns crazy when fighting with their spouse. I turn into evil tourettes lady what with all the foul language that spews forth from my mouth.

As for the good stuff? I told some dumbass that I was “saving the environment” when he actually drove over to my car to ask me why I wasn’t using plastic bags. He thought I was allergic. Holy crap. It felt spectacular to say out loud and totally made me happy.

Amblus
15 years ago

I sometimes think that if I ever kill my husband with my bare hands it won’t be because of something big, rather, it will be because I had to listen to him slurp his cereal one time too many.

What’s made me happy lately: After a 20 year hiatus, I started taking horseback riding lessons again. WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG. It’s exactly as awesome at 36 as it was at 16.

warcrygirl
15 years ago

The happiest moment lately? Watching The Captain get two second place ribbons at the 4-team swim conference a few weekends ago. Also, knowing that now swim season is over not only do I get to sleep in each morning but now I get to drool over Michael Phelps.

Did I say drool? I meant CHEER! Yes, that’s it! Cheer him on to victory and Gold! Thank God Hubby has a sense of humor, who comes up with gems like “Just pretend I’m Michael Phelps…” Yeah, right.

Lisa
Lisa
15 years ago

My sister had her 2nd baby boy 2 weeks ago, so I’ve had an endless series of snuggly baby happy moments since then. New babies = wonderful.

Katie (The Yap)
15 years ago

Oh. Oh. Oh. This is just the most universal thing about parenting that gets me the MOST riled up. Screw this discussion on working moms vs. non working moms. THIS is what we should all be discussing…..how the dad just gets to do WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS and the mom has to have all planets aligned, all the food already cooked, all the kids bathed and the house cleaned up before she can even CONSIDER having 10 minutes alone. And if she DOES want to get away, she has to beg the dad to watch the kids and then spend the entire time away panicking about how he is probably letting them stick forks in the electrical sockets.

Sorry, after that I can’t think of any joy to spread. Just bitter, bitter bile.

Gwen
15 years ago

This is one of the happiest things in my life right now, and I get to see it on a near-daily basis. My dog has become BFF with the puppy next door, and her favorite thing to do is pick up his leash with her mouth and try to walk him.

All Adither
15 years ago

*Shut the fuck up territory.* Ha. Genius.

1 2 3