I miss pre-parenthood weekends. I miss reading more than five pages of a book a time, and being able to leave the house on my own whenever I want to. I miss naps. I’d like to linger over the Sunday paper with three or four cups of coffee, consumed while they’re still hot; I’d like to embark on an outing that lasts more than an hour and a half; I want to see a fucking matinee.

JB and I try to give each other breaks to get out and do something for ourselves but the majority of our weekends revolves endlessly around the kids — outdoor markets, playgrounds, trips to the farm — and that is as it should be and I love doing things as a family, but goddamn if I don’t also sometimes feel like parenthood is a sort of jail sentence, where the life you used to have is just obliterated, even small comforts like showering on your own schedule and eating a quiet dinner are a thing of the past, and it’s not like you’d trade it for anything and it’s not like you aren’t content and happy and often joyous in your new life but GOD. DAMN.

It’s been a particularly trying couple of days around here (PERHAPS YOU CAN TELL). Riley’s been whiny and fractious and generally a horrific pain in the ass, and based on his symptoms (mild fever, refusing to eat, complaining vaguely about something in his head hurting, a smattering of tiny red sores in his mouth today) I’m fairly sure he’s got Hand, foot, and mouth disease, which as far as I’m concerned should be re-named 3-ft-tall Asshole disease because holy god does it ever transform a toddler into a–well, anyway, I love my son with every molecule of my being and I really am sympathetic to his plight but if ever there was a weekend that called for a fistful of Xanax this was really and truly it.

(Sadly, I don’t even have any Xanax. The one time I foolishly asked for a medication to help me deal with stressful issues the doctor put me on an antidepressant which made me crazy when I stopped taking it, which, wow, how creepy is that?)

(And yes, we’ll take Riley to the doctor if he doesn’t get better, and no, I don’t want to hear a story about a kid whose parents thought he had 3-ft-tall Asshole disease but it turned out to be Hantavirus.)

Anyway, JB and I are planning to take the day off from work tomorrow, drop the kids at daycare (assuming everyone’s health seems in order) and head out for a long day hike: a tiny reminder of the pre-kid activities we used to do. I feel like I need this outing in a deep cellular level, and I can’t wait.

Lastly, have you seen this print ad?


It’s for Trojan condoms, the message seeming to be something about how guys who don’t use rubbers are pigs and guys who do get to (safely) bone the hot blonde bikini chick. There are many visual treats to enjoy in this advertisement, but I’d like to draw your attention to one particular section of the page:

I guess at least the “suntan lotion” isn’t going in her mouth, but oh MY.


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15 years ago

All I can say is how happy I am that you’ve chronicled your life, especially in context to your children. I’m reading your older blog dedicated to Riley, and you writing as a first time mother is extremely satisfying. I find comfort in knowing that an author I favor is going through the same things I am. I don’t feel quite as batshit crazy. I wish I was more articulate, but it is past midnight…


15 years ago

Bwahahahaha! That’s the first thing that caught my eye. Hubby and I ate lunch with the boys at school Friday then we went and ate lunch together at our fave Chinese restaurant. Oh how the little things in life that can bring us so much JOY.

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15 years ago

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15 years ago

Holy heaven welcome to my world. ADD PEEPS Unite!!! This in reference to your older entry. :D

14 years ago

OMG, thats hilarious and here I was thinking she looked like Michelle Obama.

9 years ago

I’m imdressep. You’ve really raised the bar with that.

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9 years ago

Apparently this is what the esteemed Willis was talkin’ ’bout.


I thank you humbly for sharing your wisdom JJWY


I really appreciate free, succinct, reliable data like this.