May
13
Kid questions: May 2009
Filed Under Uncategorized | 42 Comments
A while ago I came across a blog post where the author had included a little series of questions she’d asked her two children to answer, which I thought it was really neat and planned to copy the idea while of course giving full credit to the blogger. Of course, I immediately forgot all about it until I found a random text document sitting on my desktop titled, awesomely, “DO THIS”, and now I can’t remember who I stole it from and some of the questions got deleted and anyway I AM MAKING THE “L” SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD RIGHT NOW.
Bee-tee-dubs, I know this will be interesting to exactly none of you, but maybe you’d like to do it with your own kids, especially if they’re small—it seems like a fun thing to do a couple times each year just to see how the answers change.
My interview with Riley, age 3.5:
Okay, ready for some questions? Here goes. What is something I always say to you? “Uhhhhh. Mommy.” “Yes?” “Mommy.” “Oh, you’re saying I say ‘Mommy’ to you all the time?” “Uhhhh. Can you turn Curious George back on?” “No, seriously, this will only take a couple minutes.” “Hmmph.”
What makes me happy? “Notes.” “Like notes you write to me?” “Yeah.”
What makes me sad? “I don’t know.”
How do I make you laugh? “Tickling me.”
What do you think I was like as a child? “I don’t know.” “Well, happy, angry, funny, hungry—” “Yeah! Hungry.”
How old am I? (Holds up three fingers) “Three?” “Yeah, three. Mommy, how many pounds are you?” “Next question!”
How tall am I? “This tall.” (Raises arms above his head)
What is my favorite thing to do? “Color.” (Note: FALSE.)
What do I do when you’re not around? “Um, I don’t know.” “Do you think I read books, or play on the computer, or exercise, or—” “Exerciiiiiise!”
If I become famous, what will it be for? “I don’t know.”
What am I really good at? “Chasing me.”
What am I not really good at? “Uhhhhh.” JB: “Taking out the trash!” Riley: “Yeah, taking out the trash.”
What is my job? “You go in the excavator.” (Note: I wish.)
What is my favorite food? “Hmmm. Chicken?”
What makes you proud of me? “About watching me when I’m watching Curious George.” (Uhhh, okay.)
What makes me proud of you? “When I clean the toys up.”
What do you and I do together? “Get marshmallows tomorrow. Hey! Can we do that?”
How are we the same? “You look like me, your eyes are the same as me.”
How are you and I different? “Your hair looks funny.”
How do you know that I love you? “I don’t know.” “Maybe like at bedtime when I tell you I love you?” “Yeah! At night night time.”
What is one thing you wish you could change about me? “I don’t know. CAN I WATCH CURIOUS GEORGE NOW.”
What do you wish you could go and do with me? “Go get marshmallows.”
fin
PS: For the record, my interview with Dylan, age 15 months:
Okay, Dylan, what is— “BALL! BALLLLL.” “Uh, but what—” “BALLLLL! BALL. BALL? BALL? BALLLLL.” “Okay. Well, so Dylan, what—” “MEOW. MEOOW. GEE-GA!”
May
11
I’ll be happy to listen
Filed Under Uncategorized | 49 Comments
I still get monthly emails from Babycenter.com, which I mostly now read for amusement’s sake. Take this one that just arrived today:
Whining and screaming: If your 15-month-old has started sounding like a hyena or worse, you’re experiencing his intense desire to interact with you. Children thrive on their parents’ attention and a toddler this age will do just about anything to get yours. When he gets loud or whiny, kneel down to your child’s level and tell him you’re listening. If he keeps it up, calmly say, “I can’t understand you when you talk like that. Please use your normal voice and I’ll be happy to listen to what you’re saying.” Eventually, he’ll get the message.
Heh.
Ha. Ha ha.
Hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha HA.
HA HA HA HA HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Whew, good one, Babycenter. I love the part where I kneel down and calmly ask my shrieking toddler to use his normal voice instead of, you know, informing him he’s being a douchebag and to knock it off before I cram a Baby Mum-Mum in his screamhole, sideways. Hilarious!
Listen, let’s be real: 15-month-olds are basically feral creatures one evolutionary step below flatworms when it comes to self-preservation and good decision-making skills. Their faintly recognizable vocalizations and ability to lurch from place to place in an upright position does not indicate they possess even one solitary neural impulse capable of being reasoned with. If it makes you feel better to have a Sincere Discussion with your howling (adorable!) bundle of human fail, by all means, have at it, but I think I’ll stick with my method of suddenly pointing off in the distance and shouting “DYLAN! BALL! WHERE’S YOUR BALL?” because the word “ball” makes his eyes dilate like Insectosaurus and he’s a hell of a lot more apt to get distracted by his favorite toy than any long-winded explanations as to why his ear-bleeding communication style sucks and he needs to use his indoor pre-verbal screams.
Besides, if I actually did all that calm talking and reasonable requesting, I would never get the opportunity to bark “DYLAN! FOR THE LOVE OF—SHHHHHH!”, which only shuts him up for about half a second but when it does he makes what I call his “Uh-oh Face”, which is awesome.
-
My product review site:
[