This isn’t the exact design of our card (I hemmed and hawed over card layouts and naturally found the one I like the best a couple weeks after ordering and mailing out the ones I originally chose), and the Festive Family Newsletter has been altered a bit, but if I could afford more than two damn books of stamps this year, and I had all your addresses like the good little stalker I am, this is what I’d have sent you:

holidaycard2009

—-

Hello family and friends!

What a busy year it’s been at our household! Why, it’s almost impossible to know where to start—but let’s begin with this very card you hold in your hands. We are very happy with this image, which took a mere three hours, 4928105 digital photos, two sobbing children, and the eventual threat of bodily harm to capture! Gosh, there were SO MANY options featuring a child with a vacant, drooling gaze, or an adult whose facade of happiness slipped for a moment to reveal the desperate, sweaty desire for escape burning deep within their soul . . . but we felt this one was the best representation of Team Sundry!

Go team!!!

2009 has been very exciting for John, what with the launch of his new business Vioguard and his new title of ENTREPRENEUR! It was a hard decision to say goodbye to Microsoft, but we all feel confident this was the best choice for him. Unless of course the company runs out of money, in which case we sure hope you have an extra room in your house for us! Ha ha! Don’t worry, only one of us still wets the bed! Whoops, make that two!

Linda continues to enjoy life at Workplace, where she is very proud of the fact that after nearly eight continuous years of employment with the same company, she finally knows how to replace the water jug—all by herself!

We couldn’t be more proud of our kids and their many achievements in 2009. Riley had a fantastic day recently at school where he received not one, but TWO separate Injury Incident Reports for running headfirst into doorways! We were so thrilled! One more and he gets Preschool Head Bump Bingo! AIM HIGH, RILEY! Dylan’s second birthday is in February, but we’re convinced he’s a gifted child because he’s been in the terrible twos for months! Watch out, MENSA! Dylan’s also talking up a storm these days, and his favorite word to say is “horse”. Can you imagine how adorable it is to hear a toddler say “horse” all day long? “HORSE. HORSE. HORSE. HORSE.” Oh, it never gets old!

It wouldn’t be a family update without some news of our pets! Sadly, our cat Meercat went missing this year, but as Riley said, maybe she’s not really on a cat vacation, maybe she’s DEAD! So that’s a comfort! Our elderly dog Ashley is still going strong, despite having the breath of a bloated, rotting walrus corpse left on a beach in the height of summer! Way to go, Ashley!

Well, happy holidays to one and all! Here’s to 2010 and even MORE heartwarming memories!

—–

Happy holidays, friends. You have been a huge part of my year, and I thank you for being here.

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samantha jo campen
13 years ago

I loved the card layout you had selected, but that one is great too.

And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that letter was Teh Awesome.

Jenny
13 years ago

I love all the exclamation points. Fantastic.

JennB
JennB
13 years ago

love it. thanks for roping me in. I could send you one, sans letter though, if you’re interested. Hope you have a great holiday… I’ll be ready for medication by about 11a on Christmas with the kids home for an ENTIRE WEEK. (hold me)

Leeann
13 years ago

I am going to visit and read this every time I am tempted to set the Christmas tree on fire.

Celine
13 years ago

Best newsletter ever.

kirida
13 years ago

Phenomenal. Just great.

Erica
Erica
13 years ago

I haven’t laughed that hard in months.
Merry Christmas!

monkeyinasuit
13 years ago

I love the juxtaposition of the Stepfordy exclamation points against the sarcasm. Well done (!)

beach
beach
13 years ago

:)

Merry Christmas Linda and family!!

Jinxi
13 years ago

“…but as Riley said, maybe she’s not really on a cat vacation, maybe she’s DEAD!”

Oh dang, I totally laughed OUT LOUD!

Love it! Your family rules.

Michelle
13 years ago

Ha! OMG, that’s awesome on a stick right there. Merry HORSE! Christmas HORSE! to all of HORSE! you.

Kim
Kim
13 years ago

U da bestest!

Fiona
Fiona
13 years ago

Happy holidays from Scotland! I have so enjoyed reading your blog since happening upon it via A Little Pregnant a few months ago…thanks for the laughs and insights in equal measure. And your photos are amazing.

Fiona

Victoria
13 years ago

Happy Holidays to you too!

Heather
13 years ago

Merry Christmas, Linda!

Christina
13 years ago

Ah what a TRULY Merry Christmas message! Love it :) Don’t you wish we could all be that honest?! Or not…

Happy Holidays!

erin
13 years ago

Awesome. Love it!

And your photo is perfect.

honeybecke
honeybecke
13 years ago

Merry Christmas Linda! I loved the holiday letter. I haven’t even attempted to capture the four of us for a holiday picture, so good on you for getting an awesome family photo!
Horse! I still can’t believe (yes I can, sounds like something I would do) that you forgot Dylan’s HORSE!at home. HAHAAaaah! OK not so funny, I know, I know but OH SO FUNNY!
I hope you all enjoy your family in OR for the holidays. We’re picking up a carload at the airport today and can’t wait to see the family and oh, you know have a damn break from parenting. :)

Beth
Beth
13 years ago

God, you’re like a real life Lorelai Gilmore. You are seriously my hero.

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

I bet that felt good… I wish more people wrote their TRUE Holiday update letters.

Melinda Handy
Melinda Handy
13 years ago

You’re so awesome. This had me laughing and laughing. Definitely a high scorer on the Swistle card scoring system. Have a great Christmas Team Sundry!

SJ
SJ
13 years ago

Happy Holidays to Team Sundry!

Psst: loved the letter!

Crystal
13 years ago

Was anyone else just excited to finally know what Dog’s real name is? Or, uhm, is that just me?

Go Team Sundry!

Andrea (@shutterbitch)
13 years ago

I would love to write a holiday letter like that, but sadly my husband wouldn’t be amused (I married down, what can I say…just kidding! Oh, I may have to put on my bj face to make up for that one, oy) and I doubt too many in my family would even get it.

Merry Christmas Sundry Family, and Happy Horse, I mean New Year.

P.S. *whispering* Cat, I hope you’re warm and snuggly and torturing another family with great gusto, wherever you are.

LJ
LJ
13 years ago

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Bethany
Bethany
13 years ago

Happy Holidays to Team Sundry! That newsletter is fantastic.

Bachelor Girl
13 years ago

That is the Victorian obituary of Christmas newsletters. If only my relatives would send one of those instead of the trite, made-up crap they actually send.

Merry Christmas, Linda! Here’s to a fabulous 2010!

Fi
Fi
13 years ago

That is an astonishing number of !!!!! exclamation marks. Way to go, indeed!

Donna
Donna
13 years ago

I wish the Christmas letters we get would be as much fun as that one!

Thanks for another year of interesting, insightful, often touching, often hilarious writing, Linda – I’m looking forward to more of the same in 2010.

The very best to you and your family this Christmas and in the new year.

Sunshyn
13 years ago

You left out how bloody damn fit you are, lady! You can run, what is it now, 50 miles without breathing?? And without a HORSE!

Deb
Deb
13 years ago

Fair warning – I am totally plagiarizing that. Hopefully I will remember to change the names…

Kate
13 years ago

Happy Holidays Linda & Family! Love the letter…just confirms my suspicion that you’d fit in well in our group of friends. Their Christmas letters are similarly entertaining and truthful. Although I probably could have skipped hearing about their diaper-wearing Pomeranian…

Anyway, Go Team Horse! May 2010 be the awesomest year yet.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

Happy Holidays Linda!!

willikat
13 years ago

The exclamation points! The reveals of JB’s first name and Cat and Dog! This is one big letter. :)

Samantha
13 years ago

Oh my God, the best part was Sadly, our cat Meercat went missing this year, but as Riley said, maybe she’s not really on a cat vacation, maybe she’s DEAD! So that’s a comfort! I read it out loud to Jason and we both fell on the floor laughing.

I hope you have a GREAT Christmas!

Shannon
13 years ago

Merry Christmas, Linda and Family! Make sure you take a picture of the new HORSE and Dylans expression when he sees it!

Martha
Martha
13 years ago

You rock! That is the BEST Christmas letter EVAH! Merry Christmas and may 2010 bring you all good health, happiness and LOTS OF MONEY!!

Heather
13 years ago

Crap…I am totally stealing your letter for next year. Mine was way too boring.

Merry Christmas to you and yours…thanks for a year of awesome!

Jen
Jen
13 years ago

Love it! Happy Holidays

Dana
Dana
13 years ago

At the risk of sounding stalkery? Desperate? Weird? One with a fab. memory? I remember finding out Dog’s name was Ashley a few years ago when you posted a clip of JB singing in the shower. He was singing a song to an “Ashley” and afterwards you revealed that Ashley was, in fact, Dog.

And, if I wasn’t too busy shoveling Christmas Caramelitas into my gaw I could think for two seconds and remember when you first revealed John…maybe a past Christmas newsletter?

Anyway, enough with the crazy. I loved the pet paragraph the most! It was informative, sociopathic, heartfelt, sad, and hilarious all in like four sentences. Everything that a holiday newsletter should be.

Sonia
Sonia
13 years ago

Bwahahahaaaaaaaaa!*snort* You crack my shit UP!!!!
I remember the reveal of JB’s name…..he *wrote* his name in the snow. There was a photo…’nuff said, LOL. But now we get to know Cat and Dog’s real names?!
Happy holidays to Team Sundry, and thanks for the excuse to stop in here a few times a week for a hearty laugh. ;)

tanya
tanya
13 years ago

we love you.

goingloopy
13 years ago

Dude, if you really sent a Christmas letter even close to that one, you’re my hero. It is made of win.

Belle
Belle
13 years ago

Fabulous letter…that was great!

I still put up stockings on the mantle for our two very grown up adult children. I cannot bear to take them down. Enjoy those fabulous boys of yours and give them an extra hug from an ole lady – I can’t reinforce enough how those joyous years of childhood just fly by!

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Jo
Jo
13 years ago

Best Christmas letter ever, classic.
Seasons Greetings from NZ and best wishes to all your family :)

Stephanie
Stephanie
13 years ago

Great card Linda! And I want to thank YOU. You put a smile on my face and just reading you blog gets me through some tough days. Thanks for being a part of my daily (online) life!

Merry Christmas!

Dani C.
Dani C.
13 years ago

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Linda and family! Can’t wait to spend 2010 with you all via your blog! I love it for many reasons but mostly because it’s real and it makes me feel normal!

Kristin
Kristin
13 years ago

Yea! I always wanted to know Cat and Dogs’ names. Hooray! Shhh…I won’t tell!

Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

I read your newsletter and thought FESTIVUS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS7-jcsB_WQ

Happy Hols to you and yours and many more blog posts in 2010.

TheRachel
13 years ago

I really like this Christmas letter. It is fantastic.