Have you seen Maru, the Japanese Internet Sensation? The boys are totally in love with these videos and can watch them over and over again, shrieking at top volume every time Maru gets into/out of a box.

Example:

I’ll be the first to admit a couple of small children attacking some cardboard is not quite as unique as a pudgy box-obsessed Scottish Fold, but they’re losing their minds over this video. Now they are just like Maru.

Say, does anyone remember how successful our attempts at a holiday card photo were last year? Let me tell you, we did equally well this time around.

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Hey, this isn’t so bad, right? Dylan’s okay, I’m okay, JB’s okay, and—oh. Nevermind.

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Pathetic, probably-abused Dog; Monster Hands, Suspicious Toddler. Yeah, pass.

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Hey, you know that carrying-you-for-nine-months-followed-by-major-surgery-thing? YOU’RE FUCKING WELCOME.

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Unattractive angle, child pounding my head, other child apparently making howler monkey noise. Jesus. PASS.

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I . . . uh. Why is—why? WHY?

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Okay. Okay okay okay, everyone’s sick of trying to do this, this looks like the closest thing we’ve got to a—WHAT THE HELL, RILEY.

Next time, I’m hiring a photographer. Not to take pictures of us, but to call every relative I know and explain in technical terms how taking family portraits is best left to the professionals and THAT’S why we don’t have a goddamned holiday card this year.

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