1) Brief, mostly non-satisfying update to the Mystery Smell: we had a furnace technician come in and he acknowledged there was in fact a Bad Odor and it was probably originating from the crawlspace. (Yay for someone besides me smelling it!) (But boo for lingering corpse/WTF-reek under the house.) He suggested having someone come out and sanitize the crawlspace, which I assume involves something like the part in E.T. where they wrapped the house in plastic and a bunch of creepy government guys in biohazard suits scurried around being all conspiratorial and cover-uppy.

2) After 3 months of consistently being the slowest/weakest motherfucker in my class, if not the entire gym, I’ve become slightly obsessed with improving my CrossFit performance. I don’t expect to be slinging around the heaviest weights yet, but I hate being the straggler who gaspingly finishes when everyone else has been done for five minutes. So here’s what I did: I stopped eating a big old dinner right before my workout. Duh, right? I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me earlier, but it turns out that having my largest meal of the day an hour before attempting to rupture my own spleen wasn’t exactly helping me be light on my feet.

So I switched to a snack beforehand and a protein shake right afterwards, and while that isn’t necessarily ideal in terms of having a normal dinner when I want (my class is at 6:30, we eat as a family around 5-5:30) I’ve already noticed an improvement in speed and recovery.

Five years of being interested in health and fitness and I think the only thing I’ve truly learned is that the most critical element of success is to be grudgingly willing to do things you don’t really want to do.

Now if I could just resolve the Crunchy Knee Thing, which has plagued me for years. It isn’t painful (I asked a doctor about it once and he said something vague about extra cartilage under the kneecap, nothing to worry about until there’s something to worry about, ma’am), but it’s kind of gross/embarrassing to sound like an amplified bowl of Rice Krispies every time I do a squat. Do any of you have a Crunchy Knee? Is there, like, a supplement or some shit that helps?

3) JB is in Austin tonight for business and I decided that since he was enjoying BBQ and peaceful hotel solitude while I’m stuck here with children whose love for Parry Gripp continues unabated, I was going to get a damn manicure. Black tips, even, because that was the most impractical thing I could possibly think of.

1

The fact that I am so stupidly thrilled by the results reminds of the other night when JB turned and asked me earnestly if 10 PM was too late for a piece of gum. Welcome to your late thirties, self, where late night Trident and silly French manicures are AS WILD AS IT GETS.

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Eliza
Eliza
11 years ago

I am obsessed with your house smell and MUST KNOW WHAT IT IS.

nonsoccermom
11 years ago

I laughed out loud at that last sentence. So funny and so true.

Love the manicure!!

Jo
Jo
11 years ago

I have crunchy knees too! I’m relieved to hear other people have it too. I never asked the doctor about it, assuming they would tell me to lose 20 lbs. as that seems to be the answer to everything (lose 20 lbs. and you’ll win the lottery. I am 7 years older than my boyfriend so when I crunch, it sounds like I’m 70 years older than him.

Sarah
Sarah
11 years ago

Love the manicure. And our wedding ring sets are almost identical. :)

Carrie
Carrie
11 years ago

Crunchy knee…mine is caused due to imbalance of outer thigh muscle and weak inner thigh muscle so it pulls the kneecap out of whack and causes the crunchiness. There are physical therapy exercises that can help. if it is just the sign i would not worry about it but mine is painful so the exercises help alot. plus advil for the swelling.

Carrie
Carrie
11 years ago

I meant just the noise…dont know why i wrote sign…

Frannie
Frannie
11 years ago

I am about to turn 30 and I would rock it like I was in my early twenties. Anyway, crepitus in the knees? I’m sure your doc says it’s ok, but if it really bothers you, I’d get a second opinion and what can be done.

Frannie
Frannie
11 years ago

Rock the manicure, I mean.*

shawna
11 years ago

found you by way of salon…and your article was hysterical. i was so hey – i have one of those too!

id never in a million years think of going for black tipped french mani – but damn that looks good! WHO KNEW?!

shawna
11 years ago

meant to say but somehow got deleted:

“i was so comforted by your mention of sulphurous whale farts. Hey – I have one of those too!’.

ack.

Lola
11 years ago

Glad to know there are so many other people with crunchy knee:)

Erika
Erika
11 years ago

My knees don’t crunch but I do love the manicure.

And JB wanting to know about the gum at 10 pm is too funny. He couldn’t just chew it for a few minutes? Did he not want to waste a piece of gum? Was he asking for permission? I’m too tickled at him.

Sheron Traweek
Sheron Traweek
11 years ago

I’ve also got crunchy knees and my orthopedic doc says it’s a condition called Chondromalacia Patella, which, like others have stated, is related to the movement track of the patella being out of alignment due to weak quads. It’s very common in females. I went to a physical therapist for a bit but she said she rarely sees a diminishment of the crunch even with focused strengthening exercises. I’ve enjoyed your writing for years…good luck with the crunch!

JennyM
JennyM
11 years ago

I’ve got a crunchy ankle, does that count?

I snorfed my hot tea (how’s that for Wild and Hedonistic?) at Late Night Trident. A friend and I both decided to call it a night early on New Year’s Eve, and as we reconvened to walk our dogs early in the morning on January 1, hangover free, congratulating ourselves on all the fresh air and exercise, it got a little quiet and then I was all,
“I guess it’s finally happened, huh?” And she was all, “Yup.”
OLD.
Le sigh.