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Cheryl M.
11 years ago

Oh yes – mine does that after giving me crap about MY shoes!

Oh, and he’ll take fans out of windows and leave them in my office, or miss the trash and leave it on the floor…don’t get me started!!!

Corey
Corey
11 years ago

I must be a man, bc I do all of those things. :-)

Amanda
11 years ago

…and then when we ask that they pick up after themselves they complain that we are treating them like children.

UGH!

akofaolain
akofaolain
11 years ago

Yes, yes and yes!!

Therese
Therese
11 years ago

Yes, Yes, and Yes!

Heather
Heather
11 years ago

ok yeah, I do a lot of that stuff….

D
D
11 years ago

Hate to comment twice just to reiterate others’ comments, but AMEN to Amanda. The guilt trip I get for “nagging.” Well, you apparently need to be nagged, or nothing will ever get done!

Shan
Shan
11 years ago

They say women are complicated, but this entire comment thread indicates there are a few *simple* tasks that women the world over want men to accomplish. We all know how many times we have the same conversation….and yet they can’t seem to do it. EVER.
“You forgot the dirty clothes on the floor right in front of the laundry chute/hamper. Jackasses.” Indeed.

Stephanie
Stephanie
11 years ago

Kelley O… rocket surgery?

RRM
RRM
11 years ago

Dear Eden,

“If he’s not interested in it, it doesn’t exist. [First person shooting games and online poker exist.] And his Netflix Instant Stream.

I’m not talking about a 12 year old boy. I’m talking about my husband, who has ADD.”

*Sigh* The “I live for me” attitude coupled with the ADD…I feel ya, sister. I feel ya. Sometimes I wish polygamy were legal so I could get a wife for myself.

H
H
11 years ago

I see these things at my house too, and add a glass of “ice water” (minus the ice, because it MELTS) left somewhere in the house because someday, some time, somehow he will drink from that glass again. ICE WATER that is room temperature. Also, the glass usually sweats and leaves an annoying amount of water around it, which may or may not damage wood or nearby important papers. OH, and since the ICE WATER glasses tend to disappear (thanks to me), then he will try to HIDE them around the house so I can’t find them, dump them out and put the glasses in the dishwasher.

All because he may want to sip from that glass again.

RAGE.

Rachel
Rachel
11 years ago

Oh god yes. The bowl thing, he always says he doesn’t know whether the dishwasher is clean or dirty and he’s afraid I’ll get mad at him. But he’s never worried that I’ll get mad he can never put a goddamn dish in the dishwasher.

The shoe thing I can’t even get mad about. We all do that in our house.

MontesMommy
MontesMommy
11 years ago

oh my, laughing so hard I’m crying! And I’d like to add the times when my husband leaves just a swallow of milk, or the nasty ends of the bread loaf, so annoying! But sorry, I can’t feel your pain on the shoe thing because that pic is too cute, plus we do that at our house :)

kristylynne
kristylynne
11 years ago

Same things here, PLUS the wallet, keys and sunglasses in the middle of the kitchen table every day. Then he gets mad when the kids empty his wallet, play with the sunglasses and spill milk on his keys. DUH.

June
11 years ago

You ever get the feeling we are all the same family, with identical dramas playing out over and over again, in each household across the country?

perl
perl
11 years ago

I always think about a sign I saw once that said “CHANGING THE TOILET PAPER ROLL DOES NOT CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE.” Because allll that shit happens in my house, too (and I also have two sons, and am fighting their inevitable decline into manly slobdom). Lord help us all.

Claudia
11 years ago

Sigh. My oldest daughter is guilty of that first offense. When I say “put it in the sink” she hears “sink” as in “vicinity of”. Why, I do not know. My husband also cannot put a used spreading knife in the sink after use to save his damned life. This is why I need to live in a hermitage on the property of a wealthy eccentric Englishman. These things would not happen then.

MRW
MRW
11 years ago

The dishes on the counter RIGHT NEXT to the dishwasher – ARGH!

Also I have to admit to feeling nothing but deep satisfaction the other night when my husband tripped and nearly killed himself on his own shoes that he left in the doorway.

MRW
MRW
11 years ago

Years ago I told my husband I wouldn’t launder anything that wasn’t in the hamper – next to the hamper, near the hamper, around the hamper = not good enough. Told my son the same thing when he was old enough to get it. After a few weeks of not having enough clean clothing it’s amazing how well both of them manage to get their shit in the hamper. I swear it’s the little things that are eventually cause me to burst a blood vessel or run away.

Trina
Trina
11 years ago

Oh dear lord, you could have taken those pictures in my house.

My husband is terrible about bussing his dish after dinner so I served him his dinner the next night on the previous night’s dirty dish. The kids thought it was hilarious and now he generally remembers to bus his dish to the sink.

Gretchen in The HB
Gretchen in The HB
11 years ago

Oh. My. GOD! My other half is cheating on me, with ALL of you?!?!?! That dirty dog!

Seriously, if any of you lovely ladies want to join a platonic moms & kids compound on a tropical island somewhere, let me know. I’m totally down for a wife.

I promise to never leave you one swig of milk, two squares of toilet paper and you won’t find 37 dirty white socks crumpled under the bed EVER.

caradawn
caradawn
11 years ago

Yes. OH, YES. I call it “being a bad putter-awayer”. Mystery I cannot, for the life of me, understand.

Olivia
Olivia
11 years ago

Every time I hear about these male behaviors I say a thank you to the gods. The male in my house doesn’t do any of that, and it’s a good thing because that shit would drive me insane.

Sunshyn
Sunshyn
11 years ago

I’m guilty of dishes on the counter, but that’s because it hurts my back to bend over and put them in the dishwasher. But I do at least rinse them off. I just love finding socks all over the house. Here a sock, there a sock, everywhere a sock, sock…

Becky Mochaface
11 years ago

I do not get why they can’t put a new roll of toilet paper on and instead place it on top. If you ever solve this mystery, please let me know.

Jen
Jen
11 years ago

Umm…I’m a little freaked out that you snuck into my house and took these pictures.

I guess I should be grateful that mine will actually put the bowl IN the sink, but why not take the extra second to save your lovely wife the trouble and PUT THE EFFIN BOWL IN THE EFFIN dishwasher?

And the shoes? Holy hell…I’m getting outraged just typing about it. A pair here, a pair there. The other night I counted SIX damned pairs of big-ass shoes downstairs (and that’s not counting two pairs of my 7-year-old’s and one pair of my 3-year-old) and in my mind I hurled every last shoe at his big-ass head, but in reality, I simply asked him if he would like me to move his clothes to the kitchen, too, so his whole wardrobe was easily accessible. He sheepishly gathered them in one nice pile for me, which quietly sat for another two days before I finally yelled and told him to get them upstairs and into the closet before I went postal on his ass. Because that’s how I roll – patience is a virtue, ya know.

And because I’m feeling cheery today, I won’t even get started about the tp issue.

But I WILL make one last resentful comment – the neck ties. Dear God….my husband only wears them occassionally, but looking around my house, you would think he wore a new one every hour. Between him taking it off and throwing it wherever, and the 3-year-old who is fascinated with every accessory he can find, they’re freakin’ EVERYWHERE!

Rachel
Rachel
11 years ago

Oh my god, my wife is a man!

I think I would have a heart attack and die if she actually put her cereal bowl IN the sink and rinsed it so that I don’t get home from work to find the spoon cemented to the bowl with dried, sour milk.

If she ever put her shoes away I would probably call 911 to see if she had a brain tumor.

Lisa
11 years ago

Same channel plays in my house in Richmond, VA

shygirl
shygirl
11 years ago

Did you sneak into my house to take these pictures? Because my partner is the EXACT SAME WAY. At least your toilet paper ends up vaguely “on” the roll, even if not exactly “on it properly”…

TheRachelSyn
TheRachelSyn
11 years ago

Ha ha, so true. Also – leaving just a smidgen of juice left in the container and putting it back in the fridge…grrrrr…

sheilah
11 years ago

Yes, very well done except you forgot the laundry right next to the hamper; the kitchen cabinets left open; in the refrigerator a sip of juice left in the carton and a tablespoon of food left in the container…

telegirl
telegirl
11 years ago

OMG! That first picture, I actually said out loud, “I know, RIGHT?!” and I work at home. Alone.

Secondly, I have those exact Asolo boots. But, I thought they were women’s boots. So, am I wearing man boots or is JB wearing women’s?!

Liz
Liz
11 years ago

YES

Em
Em
11 years ago

I could’ve taken those pictures myself…except my montage would include a photo of an empty wrapper lying on the counter above the trashcan.

Lori
Lori
11 years ago

Hilarious. My husband does the same. I’d also add leaving one thing out after he makes himself food. A PB&J — he puts everything away, except the peanut butter. Popcorn — pan and dish washed, but measuring cup left out on the counter. Why? Who knows. Have to be honest, I know I do a lot of little things that drive my husband crazy, too — example, filing my nails while I watch television.

Sue
Sue
11 years ago

YOu hit the nail on the head!!! I have 4 boys + husband and none of them can put shoes in a closet- they line them up outside the door and then are suprised when I trip over them!!

Karl
Karl
11 years ago

I guess I don’t understand why anything is mysterious about these pictures?

The bowl is by the sink because the sink is probably full. Or, if not, then we don’t want to clutter up the sink with dirty dishes; it looks nasty.

Putting the toilet paper on the holder is extra, unnecessary work, since the existing empty roll supports it just fine. Eventually, when there’s nothing else to do or read during an unexpectedly long session, the new roll can go onto the holder, but what’s the rush?

You asked us to not wear the shoes in the house, right? and we will need them the next time we go out, right? So the shoe lineup is the most efficient answer. (Actually, I don’t do this. My wife’s shoes are all around the front door. I carry mine to the side closet and leave them under the bench there.)

velocibadgergirl
11 years ago

Where’s the photo of the dirty sock NEXT TO the hamper? I actually watched my husband drop one there once and he was surprised when I demanded an explanation.

Also, I think we have the same dishes.

Sonia
Sonia
11 years ago

Eternal pile of towels on the floor in his bathroom. Eternal pile of underwear jammed behind the door, in his bathroom. SO MUCH toothpaste on the mirror, you can’t see through it. Water rings, and food splatter on the kitchen countertops. How can he NEVER see it? Vacuum? What is this vacuum contraption you speak of, wife? FORKS being used in the nonstick pans while cooking?? *FACEPALM*

Sonia
Sonia
11 years ago

Also, while I’m bitching…..There are 3 hampers in the laundry room. Whites. Neutrals. Darks. WHY is that SO EFFING DIFFICULT to decipher?!!! It’s called SORTING!!!! Is already labeled!! Is SO EASY!!! And yet…..

Carrie
11 years ago

Holy shit balls. YES.

Amy
Amy
11 years ago

Yes, yes, and hell yes.

Jennifer
Jennifer
11 years ago

Ha, I must be a man then! I do put my shoes away, though.

Holly
Holly
11 years ago

… and thanks for a reminder of the good side of being single and living alone.

Amy
Amy
11 years ago

Ba ha ha!! Things I no longer have to deal with. But I am raising two boys so I’m sure it will resurface as they age. It’s a Y chromosome thing!

Laura
Laura
11 years ago

Wow, you really touched a nerve with this one. The worst part in my house is that now my two daughters are following their dads example. Intervention!

MsWrite
MsWrite
11 years ago

Three pairs of shoes?! That’s nothing. When he gets home tonight, there’ll be 4 pairs of his shoes at the front door and 2 at the back door. That’s more than I own total!

carolyn
carolyn
11 years ago

The pile of items for recycling left on the kitchen counter that will never be taken to the recycling bin

The toilet door left open even though it’s in direct view of the front door so”hey welcome to my toilet” This particularly grates as I estimate I have asked a minimum of 5 million times in the four years we have lived in this house if he can shut the effing door.

Shoes-check (particularly in front of the dishwasher, which has a certain irony)

Collection of empty toilet rolls in bathroom – check – (they don’t even make it to the recycling holding area)

Empty bottles of shower gel/shampoo etc, which I think would have to get above waste height in the shower cubicle before he would notice them.

I can’t bring myself to talk about the laundry basket

carolyn
carolyn
11 years ago

waist not waste, it’s past midnight here and I’m tired from all the recycling and door shutting

Lisa Belt
Lisa Belt
11 years ago

I would like to find one man on earth who is capable of opening a box/package/bag of cookies, cereal or chips without tearing it to shreds.