Mar
7
So you say you have a wildly unattractive sofa that’s been smashed, stained, and beat all to hell by two rambunctious children?
And not only is it uncomfortable, it’s actually starting to fall apart at the seams—and the results are disturbingly vaginal?
Like, for real, you’ve started thinking of it as the CouchBeaver?
Well, don’t worry, because I’m here to help. Having experienced this very same interior design challenge recently, I’ve come across a number of solutions that are sure to work in any home!
First of all, I think we can all agree that a pantyliner is one of the most simple and contemporary furniture accessory options . . . not to mention sanitary.
If you’re looking for something that’s a little more playful, while remaining appropriate for traditional home environments, I recommend the exotic (yet elegant!) sofa G-string.
Furniture pubic styling is SO on trend right now! Will a modified Brazilian work in your house? Try it and see!
If you’re stuck for ideas, think about the message you want your furniture to send. Maybe you want a design theme that makes a statement of some kind! Be creative!
Finally, for the daredevil crowd, nothing says “Admire my curves and finger my upholstery” like a little strategically-placed bling. Think notice me—think sofa vajazzle.
Comments
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i can’t even comment, i’m laughing so hard.
OK, this post finally got me to comment. I’ve been reading your blog since before the boys were born. You are a hoot!
LOVE THIS!
I’m not sure what this says about the day you’re having, but I appreciate your bringing it here for our entertainment. Also, maybe it’s time to call a sitter and go for a run or some alone time.
Hahahahahhahahahahaha. Oh. Man.
ewww! How weird is it that the vajazzled one looks the most vaginal to me? I SWEAR I’VE NEVER SEEN A VAJAZZLED VAGINA. Also, how does my spell check know “vajazzled”?
MODIFIED BRAZILIAN.
Awesome.
That was awesome! Thank u! Lol!!!!
That is hilarious! I love the vajezzel!
Bawahhahahah! Is it just me, or does the vajazzled one appear to have an oozing STD?Ok, then, moving right along.
lol that was genius… *clap clap*
“Vajazzle.” Oh, my sides ache from laughing.
I will not rest until I can work this word into a conversation.
OMFG. Hilarious!!
Both of our couches have vaginas! Huge really “hairy” ones that keep getting bigger and bigger.
I don’t know what is funnier – this entire post, or the fact that you actually went online, printed out a picture of Rush Limbaugh, and stuck him in your couch.
Mah VaJayJay’s Painin’!!
this was so funny, i literally laughed out loud. thanks for that!
I love you. That is all.
Hilarious, as usual! I think the pantyliner was the funniest one. I’m still laughing.
Thank you.
OMG you made me laugh so hard I’m crying
HAAAAAAAAAA!
Funny – these are almost lifelike!
I would cover it up with duct tape. Then again, I think 95% of my house is held together with duct tape, from the carpet seam coming up in the bedroom to the door jamb that’s slipped off the frame in the sunroom.
I’m sure there’s some cowboy in Montana that’s thinking the couch looks pretty good about now.
I actually kind of love you right now. Have had such a bad day and am sitting here wiping tears away from laughter. Have not had a belly laugh like that for ages. Thank you, who knew a post about sofa vaginas could give me a new perspective on life?
Too funny.
#1 reason I love ya, NEVER know what to expect here. Ever.
LOL! Hilarious!!
Ok, the Rush Limbaugh totally made me do the ugly laugh!
I feel like I shouldn’t be looking at this at work, haha.
I can’t decide if this blog entry is wrong, or AWESOME….
I think you are losing your shit.
Holy shit. You’re my favorite.
HAHAHAHAHA. Ah man, totally did not expect this and burst out laughing at office.
Hil. Arious.
Totally thought we were gonna be seeing a picture of a new couch. This was much better!
There you go again. Another lifestyle blog, making me feel inadequate with your brilliant decorative spark. How am I supposed to feel good about my non-vajazzled couch now?
And THIS is why we LOVE you!
(Although I think Rush Limbaugh would have been better served with the couch ass, not couch beaver. Vajazzled or otherwise.)
OMIGOD. Thanks a lot, Linda – my Dr. Pepper is now splattered all over my computer screen.
Seriously, thank you for the much needed laugh. For the first time since my beloved dad passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks ago, I’ve a real smile on my face. Thank you.
We went from a sectional that was broken in 2 places and clawed to shreds by the cats we used to have, to a slightly less beat up sofa and loveseat…LOVE THIS POST! The cushion where I sit has wanderlust and apparently wants to escape our house.
I stand corrected — you are not ALWAYS thinking the same thing I am, lol.
I think any of those options would be great but the pantyliner will probably be the biggest conversation starter!
Oh somebody please send a link for this to Rush. I beg.
Oh, too funny. Sofa vajazzle. That is great.
AWESOME!
I just have to say, I’m so glad I didn’t read this at work. I was dying laughing. I’ve followed your blog for awhile, you are the best. Thanks for the laugh!
In my best Captain Kirk voice: Have I told you … lately … that I love you?
Thank you, I really needed that today.
OMG this has got to be the funniest post EVER. I’ve been reading your blog since right after you started and love your wit, but you have really outdone yourself with this one.
I will never look at a ripped leather couch in the same way ever again.
OK, I’m horny now. Who knew I’d go all lesbo over ripped upholstery. HA!
I don’t even know what to say.
I CANNOT stop laughing!!! Amazing! :)