I have a question for you: have you ever deliberately given up on a dream? Like, have you ever decided that it would be healthier/less frustrating/whatever to conclude that a particular dream is not worth pursuing, for whatever reason, and deliberately shelved it altogether? Or do you think it’s better to keep hope alive and continue to chase your dream down when you can, no matter how remote the outcome may be?

(There is context for why I’m thinking about this topic, of course, but I’d rather hear your thoughts on the subject in general instead of describing the specific issue or asking for advice.)

I have written here a few times about some of Riley’s sensory-related quirks—things like being unable to tolerate balloons or loud noises or water or new foods or tense scenes in movies. God knows I haven’t always handled it very well, but I’d like to think I learned a thing or two about how to be encouraging without being overbearing. Or, fuck, maybe I didn’t, it’s hard to say.

What’s easy to see, however, is that Riley is a very different kid these days. I actually noticed a pretty big change when he started going to school, although maybe that just coincided with his age. The sensitivities are virtually gone, and his anxiety about New Experiences has dialed way, way back.

Tonight I watched him do something I literally could not even begin to imagine last summer: he spent an entire swimming lesson with his face in the water. Swimming (assisted by a board) entire laps at a time, diving underwater to retrieve a tossed ring, practicing a dive position into the water from the side of the pool.

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At one point I realized I was watching him in a mild state of boredom: ho hum, there goes Riley, there’s Dylan with the pool noodle, is it 6 yet? Like, no big deal, my kid’s just out there swimming. Not crying, or protesting, or clinging. It didn’t even seem noteworthy, because this is just how things are these days.

It’s easy to mourn the loss of the younger years, especially when I look at old pictures or videos and wonder just where my babies went. But oh, it’s so amazing to see your kids grow and change and master new things. I used to be so worried about figuring out how to help him, and it turns out all he really needed was time to get there in his own way.

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