Aug

23

The joy of different

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I’m all moved into my new home. Last night was the third night I slept in my new bed, my new bedroom!, and it was … honestly? It was glorious. I slept heavy and deep and with so much comfort.

The first night was a little rough, though. Everything was fine until I was in bed, all tucked in and done with my scrolling, lights out and me just there in the dark staring up at the ceiling. I have a little fan at night but I could still hear unfamiliar house sounds. Unfamiliar shapes to the room, a growing feeling of unfamiliar everything. It wasn’t like the semi-exotic sterility of a hotel room, or the not-mine but still-known outlines of someone else’s house that you’ve been to before. It was lived-in but not me who had lived there, you know? It was another house and I was in it. I felt like Goldilocks. Somewhere foreign and maybe uninvited.

Spookiness was starting to lay on me like a wet-breathing blanket (did I lock the garage door? Did I lock the patio door?) and I was dangerously close to feeling sorry for myself and I did something deliberate and a little woo: I went searching for gratitude, and it was not hard to find. I reminded myself of all the things to be thankful for in the moment: the delicious brand-new sheets, the goofy bone-shaped knee pillow that is such a joy for side sleeping, my bamboo nightgown that surely came from some dreary overseas sweatshop but is nonetheless whisper-soft and delightful. I widened my scope to gratitude for having the means to have this new-to-me home that is all mine, every room entirely for me to fill and enjoy. I pictured the house being a loving presence, creaks and all, happy to once again be sheltering life and being loved in return.

This really, really worked. I could see it happen right before my eyes, how the shadows literally softened in my perception and became peaceful rather than looming. I stopped worry-looping and felt my body unwind and I fell into a sort of cozy padded sleep as though held in a cocoon.

Last night I had a wonderful time going to yoga downtown with a friend, she introduced me to the studio she’s been attending for years and I loved everything about it – it was a small class with only 3 other friendly people, the instructor was interesting and kind, the space was vibrant and quirky. It felt so good to stretch out my sore body, muscles pinging from a few days of moving heavy things.

My friend gave me a mason jar filled with the most exquisite strawberries from a local farm. We went to a Caribbean restaurant and ate sweet ripe melon dripping with spicy bright sauce and enormous fried chicken sandwiches with plantain in lieu of bread. I learned about her fascinating long term relationship with a nonbinary partner and admired her eye-catching appearance: a short butch cut complementing outrageously envious bone structure, muscles popping on her tall frame along with generous feminine curves; she’s like a punk R.Crumb character with glasses and striking silvery hair, really something else.

I came home afterwards glowing from good movement, good food, good conversation. I thought about how incredibly different my life already feels. I can’t tell you how much of a rut I’ve been in for far too long, for years. I can’t tell you how hard it was to get out of that rut, because of how muffled and comfortable it was. It was paralyzing until it wasn’t, and then everything happened in such a relatively short amount of time. My divorce was finalized this past Wednesday, the day I moved out. Just a few months ago I was married and lived in one place, and now I’m not and I live somewhere new.

It’s all changed. The windows have been yanked open and the fresh air is just blasting in. It’s been scary and it’s been sad and it’s been so fucking wonderful and amazing. I’m filled with optimism and curiosity. I feel like I’ve hit CRTL-ALT-DEL on my entire life and it’s reloading with a brand new landscape and today as I write this I am just feeling so happy and grateful for all of it.

Aug

16

This must be the place

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The new/old Little Yellow House was not love at first sight for me. I remember walking through thinking, well, this actually makes everything house-offer-decision-wise harder, not easier. Because it wasn’t an immediate slam dunk nor was it something I felt I could rule out. It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t bad. It gave me a similar feeling to touring our family home back before we bought it: this isn’t GREAT, but I can live with it.

Yellow House was built in the sixties and boy can you tell, because no one has really updated much of anything over the years. Aside from a mid-grade stainless dishwasher and a heat pump, it’s largely preserved in all its vintage look and feel. Which did not initially appeal to me, having lived in an older home for years I was kind of hoping for some fresh surfaces that didn’t feel quite so much like your grandparents’ house, you know?

However, it has truly grown on me. The more I am in it, the more charmed I am by its sturdy qualities and quirks. I like the nostalgia and warmness of the wood cabinetry in the kitchen, the cheery old linoleum, the greenish-aqua toilet and tub, the spacious linen cabinets and closet built-ins, even the wood paneling in the cozy living room. I don’t particularly mind the chrome accessibility handles that are screwed in all over the place. It most certainly has an older person’s look to it, but I can easily imagine how getting rid of the fugly curtains and adding some fresh paint will liven things up right away.

It feels friendly and welcoming to me now, all the throwback touches offering a familiar sort of vibe for someone born in 1974 (if only it had a conversation pit!). The whole place has a ‘make it your own’ quality to it, it seems like it would be a crime to completely modernize it but you certainly could.

As for me, I’m planning to lean right in to the mid-centuryness of it all. I’m picturing an eclectic mix of old and new things that hopefully all work in a vintage environment. Wood blinds will replace the curtains, I’ll do a warm light paint throughout (it’s currently white except the orange-ish front room, but like…a grim icy cool tone white?), I have a retro fridge on the way (GOD it’s beautiful, in buttercup yellow, when it arrives I will not call it George but I will hug her and pet her and squeeze her every time I walk by), I’m keeping the wood finishes and flooring.

The bathrooms need some love but I will make do with cute towels and whatnot, I can picture wanting more updates in the future but they’re okay for now. I sort of love the greenish toilet and tub!

Here’s a look at it:


The front room, a large space that’s just to the left as you enter the house.


Looking into the kitchen, which you arrive to as you keep going from the front.


The back living room, with doors to the patio.


The cute backyard!


Hallway bathroom with toilet and bathtub (and detachable showerhead but weirdly no sign of there ever having been a shower curtain rod).


Extra bedroom #1, will be Dylan’s for the times he stays over.


Extra bedroom #2, not sure what I’ll use this for yet — reading room, writing room, storage, maybe.


Master bedroom.


Master bath, with standup shower only but a decent amount of space.

There’s also a laundry room (but no washer/dryer hookup, wtf) and half bath, two car garage, and a surprisingly huge attic that you can stand up in and goes the length of the whole house.

I’m not moved in yet, but that will happen in a matter of weeks. I bought a bed and had a wonderfully handy person assemble it for me (this was via Wayfair, they’re partnered with Angi for installs/assemblies and from my one experience I can say this was well worth the extra 80 bucks), so I can officially stay over when ready — but I do still need some furniture and appliances. I met with and booked an electrician, a plumber, a fence guy (there’s little privacy outside currently, with just a chain link setup on the back and righthand side of the backyard), a roofer, a blinds installation specialist, and a painter is coming next week. Fucking WHEW this has been a Whole Entire Thing and I’ve had to put my big kid pants on and TALK ON THE PHONE SO MUCH and I’m not even remotely done yet but it’s all happening, it’s all coming together, this sweet old house is well on its way to becoming my sweet new home.

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