Nov
14
I had always wondered how, exactly, it happens. We start out the night in our proper positions: me under the covers with my head on my pillow, the cat curled in in a ball down at the foot of the bed. In this moment, all is right with the world. But at some point in the evening, things change. There is a usurping.
In the wee hours of the night, I come swimming out of a deep sleep to find my face pressed into a seemingly endless expanse of fur. I reach out blindly to readjust my pillow, but I’m trapped in an alien hairy landscape. Somewhere, a mildly irritated muscle twitches, and a tail slaps directly across my upper lip. I mustache you a question, the cat seems to say. Why are you disturbing my rest?
I heave myself upwards, spitting out tufts, and unceremoniously dump the cat back where she belongs. In the round fleece-lined bed I specifically purchased for her comfort, which rests at the foot of our own bed despite its unstylish appearance and tendency to collect pine needles. But as soon as I fall back asleep it happens again. Over and over throughout the night, until I give up altogether. I wake up the next day curled awkwardly like a shrimp, my face cranked sideways to find some non-pelt-infused breathing space.
Later, I resentfully use the hose attachment on the vacuum to clean my sheets and pillow, which look like the aftermath of a particularly vigorous waxing session.
The other night I was still awake when the Great Takeover happened, and I admit I was impressed with her technique. Rather than stepping her way up the bed, which might alert me to her presence, she makes her move in one sudden, silent, no-impact leap. A 5,000 FPS camera might accurately capture her approach, but I don’t stand a chance. There’s nothing to do but wait for the inevitable, and floss the tail-hairs from my teeth in the morning.
Nov
12
A couple folks asked me if I would solicit exercise music suggestions again, which is great timing because oh boy do my playlists need a refresh. Every time you guys have shared your favorite get-off-the-couch songs with me I’ve gone nuts on iTunes and subsequently improved my workouts by about 1000%, so no pressure, but let’s do this thing. (Again.)
I’ll go first — here’s what’s been on heavy rotation in my sweaty earbuds lately:
“Neckbrace,” Ratatat
“Fortune Days,” The Glitch Mob
“Burn,” Ellie Goulding
“Asleep At the Wheel,” Band of Skulls
“You Are the Wilderness,” Voxhaul Broadcast
“Rap God,” Eminem
“Some Kind of Joke,” AWOLNATION
“This Kid’s Not Alright,” AWOLNATION
“Daybreak,” OVERWERK
“On Sight,” Kanye
“Don’t Leave Me (Ne Me Quitte Pas),” Regina Spektor
“Must Be the Moon,” !!!
“Bleeding Out,” Imagine Dragons
The Pacific Rim movie theme song (shut up)
“Roar,” Katy Perry
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