Jan
5
It’s the time of year for self-improvements of various kinds, and don’t even let me hear you open your whine-hole about how laaaaaaame and superfiiiiicial it is when people talk about diets in January, because 1) get back to us when you’re done volunteering in Haiti, Mr. Deep and Meaningful, and 2) maybe you should ask yourself why people feeling motivated and having goals makes you so uncomfortable.
Anyway! I have some lame and superficial things I’ve been thinking about lately, starting with my face.
I’ve been pretty unhappy with my skin for a while now. Somewhere back at the beginning of the summer I started getting this rashy sort of breakout around my chin, which I assumed was a rosacea flareup of some kind possibly associated with switching to cheaper skincare. I went back to the higher quality makeups, moisturizers, cleansers, but nothing helped, so I finally saw a dermatologist. (Leading to an amusing first visit where he carefully asked, with female assistant present, if the issue I was there to discuss was above or below my waist.)
The dermatologist thought it probably wasn’t rosacea but some kind of dermatitis, although he wasn’t really sure what it was. He gave me some antibiotics which in turn gave me nasty headaches, so I went back and he prescribed a different round of antibiotics which made my stomach unhappy.
Fuck this, I thought, and resigned myself to shitty skin.
It’s gotten worse in the last couple months, though, so when I saw AndreAnna talking about the Oil Cleansing Method I decided to give it a try. You can read about it on her site (and there are some handy additional links at the bottom of her post), but basically the idea is to clean your face using a mixture of castor oil and some other vegetable oil.
(I notice that many people who are fans of the oil cleansing method have pretty bottles of organic castor oil, but I bought mine in the drugstore. The bottle said STIMULANT LAXATIVE FOR RELIEF OF CONSTIPATION in very, very, very large letters.)
After trying it for a few days, I’m a new fan. I’m using about 30% castor oil and 70% grapeseed oil, mixed together and rubbed into my face nightly. It sounds so awful, doesn’t it? Rubbing oil on your face? But I swear to god my skin feels like a baby’s buttcheek afterwards. My pores are smaller, my face looks smoother, that bullshit on my chin is less inflamed and not raised like it was.
I also got a Clarisonic Mia after hearing more and more rave reviews about this device (plus it’s made by the Sonicare folks, and I am purely addicted to my Sonicare), and I’ve been using that in the mornings. No soap, just a quick buzz over my face in the morning during my shower. This, I think, is helping with some of the flakiness I am also prone to.
It’s too early to unreservedly endorse the expensive Clarisonic, but I think I’d recommend the oil method to anyone, even if you just try it as an occasional facial.
These aren’t very good before/after photos, but the first is intended to show the Chin Yuck from a week ago, the second was taken this morning with minimal makeup.
Okay! Next thing: diet.
I’ve been having a really hard time breaking out of an ongoing habit of dieting followed closely by wild junk food abandon. It would probably be okay if I could keep the junk binges under some sort of control, but they’re getting much longer than the stretches of healthy eating. I’ve gained a fair amount of muscle in the last few months thanks to CrossFit, but I’ve also piled on some fat. My jeans don’t fit, I don’t like the way I look, I don’t like the way I feel.
To help me stay on track with meals, if only to force myself to be more thoughtful about food before mindlessly shoveling it in, I started a daily food diary. I’m not entirely diligent with this, but I try and document meals via photo, and more recently, CrossFit workouts.
At total cross-purposes with the obsessive food-journalling, I’m reading Geneen Roth’s When Food is Love. It’s often a little too . . . touchy-feely for me, but there were some passages that sort of reached out and grabbed me by the collar.
I’m going to post them without comment on what they mean for me personally, because that’s probably a whole different blog post.
Love is the willingness and ability to be affected by another human being and to allow that effect to make a difference in what you do, say, become. […] Compulsion is the act of wrapping ourselves around an activity (…) to numb our experience of the moment.
We create drama by externalizing our pain, by making things hard between ourselves in relationships instead of being honest about how hard it is inside ourselves. […] Compulsive eating is fabulous theater. It is replete with all the elements of good tragedy: rage, frustration, grief, sorrow, fear, happiness, hope, exhilaration, excasty.
You never have to do anything but go on extravagant binges and rigid diets (…) to experience the vitality and intensity most people define as being alive. You never have to let another human being come close.
Something is wrong when we feel we have to deprive ourselves of foods we love because we believe we would abuse them—or ourselves—if we allowed them in our lives. Something is wrong and we are using food to express it.
The choice is exactly the same for all of us—alcoholics, drug addicts, smokers, compulsive eaters: Do I want to live while I’m alive and embrace what sustains me or do I want to die while I’m still alive and embrace what destroys me?
Really interesting and insightful stuff. I’m going to read more of her books.
Lastly! I’ve decided to try and take part in Flickr’s Project 365, where the idea is to take a photo a day throughout the year. It’s been, you know, all of five days, so we’ll see if I can keep it up, but so far it’s a fun daily activity. No rule that says it’s too late to join, should you feel so inclined.
Jan 1:
Jan 2:
Jan 3:
Jan 4:
Now, tell me: what’s new in your 2011? Any personal improvement goals you’re working on, however superficial?
Dec
29
It’s that time of year again, for revisiting and rehashing and looking ahead and if you’re me, cursing your terrible memory and reconsidering a ginkgo biloba supplement.
I’ve been doing this New Year’s quiz for many years now (2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, and 2004), and while it takes some time to work through, it’s a neat way to look back on things.
I’ve changed the questions a tiny bit to get rid of a few things that always annoyed me, but it’s essentially the same as years past. Please feel free to copy/paste for yourself! If you do post this on your own blog, will you link to your entry in the comments here? I’d love to see what you have to say about your 2010.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Ran a half marathon and visited New Orleans. Ran a FULL MARATHON, all 26.2 motherfucking miles, yo. Took two college classes for the first time in a decade, got two As. Went camping as a family of four. Hiked the Rogue River. Went to BlogHer in New York. Endured our first ER visit. QUIT MY JOB (!!!) and became a freelancer. Put our house on the market (then took it off). Floundered with being a stay-at-home, work-at-home, whatever-you-call-it-at-home mom. Took the kids out of daycare, started homeschool. Did a little scrapbooking, bitches. Started CrossFit. Saw one of my children turn two, and the other turn five.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Here’s what I wrote last year, with my updates beneath.
Resolutions for 2010:
• Complete at least 4 physical events that are extremely challenging to me (ie, a 5K no longer counts)
Well, not exactly, but sort of. I did the half, then the full marathon, and that was about it for big race events in 2010. I want to count CrossFit, though, because it’s extremely challenging each and every time I go.
• Have at least 16 school credits under my belt
No, I only finished 10 credits this year.
• Teach Riley to swim
Shit. No. We did some lessons, but we didn’t keep it up.
• Be home in time for dinner at least 4 days a week
Hell to the yes on this one.
• Incorporate more whole foods into our diet, and less processed junk
Yes and no. Yes for JB and I, since I make all our dinners, but not so much with the picky-eater children.
• Make some kind of headway on a novel
Fail.
• Go on an overnight trip with JB
Gah. No. Jeez. Lame.
• Grow at least one vegetable this summer that doesn’t die, DAMN
Yes! Kind of. A little. Well . . . okay, listen, it was a really bad year for gardening, okay? It rained, like, all summer long, I am not even lying. Washington farmers had terrible crops this year. So fine, our tomatoes were pretty awful, but it doesn’t mean we can’t self-sustain if we HAD to.
Oh god we kill everything we plant.
Hmm, re-visiting those resolutions wasn’t quite as satisfying as I thought it would be, for some reason. Okay, looking ahead to 2011:
• Take both the kids to swimming lessons, I mean it this time
• Continue going to CrossFit 3-4 times a week
• Start doing local race events again
• Get a really good photo of the four of us
• Grow out my hair
• Do a better job of staying in touch with friends
• Peel off those extra five pounds I seem to be having so much trouble losing
• Pay off our credit card
These aren’t all particularly lofty goals, but man, our lives are in such flux these days. It’s so hard to say what our situation will be—and what it’ll support in terms of time and/or money—a few weeks, months, or years from now.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Same answer as last year: not outside of the internets.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. I also want to take the opportunity to confess that I stupidly said “no” to this question last year, instead of acknowledging my uncle’s passing. That omission caused my aunt a lot of pain and messed up our relationship for a while, and I’m so sorry for that. I guess I was thinking of the question in terms of whether it was my loss, when I think of it as her loss. At any rate, it was a crappy and foolish thing to do, and I’m sorry.
5. What countries did you visit?
None.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A little more clarity for JB on his future, not exactly for me, but because I know it would greatly ease his mind.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I think I’d say February for the NOLA trip, May for the marathon, September for saying goodbye to Workplace.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Although it is not fresh in my mind, I’ll go with the marathon, because it took so much time and determination to train for it. Also, I managed not to shit my pants while running it, despite what I can only describe as an Increasingly Horrible Situation Starting At Mile 17.
Secondly would be landing my new job. I worked hard for the opportunity, and while it’s not my dream career, it’s perfect for my life right now.
9. What was your biggest failure?
As always, my biggest failures have to do with my sub-par parenting moments. It also feels like a failure that we weren’t able to achieve our goal of moving to Oregon.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Stress injuries during the marathon training, and some lower back bullshit from CrossFit, but that’s about it. Hardly a single cold all year long, same as last year.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
The best things I paid for were experiences more than objects. The trips to New Orleans and NYC. My monthly gym membership.
12. Where did most of your money go?
During most of the year our money went to the mortgage and daycare. More recently, it’s been the credit card.
13. What did you get really excited about?
The last two weeks before I turned in my notice at Workplace were fairly epic in terms of excitement/nerves.
14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Right this minute I’m going to have to say this goddamned earworm, because the kids are singing it all day long.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier.
– thinner or fatter? Stronger, but probably fatter at the moment.
– richer or poorer? Financially poorer, most definitely.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Traveled, even just around Washington. Written for fun rather than for deadline. Taken more photos. Turned off all electronics.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Gotten spun up about a house sale that never happened. Embarked upon junk food binges that lasted for days.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
At the grandparents’ house in Coos Bay, same as last year.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
No question about it: Breaking Bad.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Impossible to remember what all I read, but these stand out at the moment: Graceling by Kristin Cashore, Room by Emma Donoghue, Half Baked by Alexa Stevenson.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Kanye’s new album, Jule Brown, Broken Bells, Ratatatat, Sleigh Bells, Mumford & Sons, Arcade Fire, Phantogram, Eminem’s Recovery, the Crazy Heart soundtrack.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
The Fighter, True Grit, The Social Network, Inception, Monsters, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, 127 Hours, How to Train Your Dragon . . . and I’m probably forgetting a bunch.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
JB took me to the Salish Lodge for an amazing dinner, and we celebrated with the kids at home. I was 36.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Last year I wrote “a shorter commute.”
DONE.
I don’t know what I’d say for this year, really. Part of me wants to say money, but the truth is, part of what’s been so valuable about this year is learning to get by on less. It’s been a tumultuous, challenging year, but I don’t think anything could have made it more satisfying that it already was.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Ahhhh ha ha ha ha haaaaaa. “Fashion concept.” *slaps knee*
26. What kept you sane?
Exercise. My little family. Social media. 5-Hour energy drinks.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
A lesson I’ve re-learned over and over: Movement is a medicine for creating change.
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