Jul
19
I got married in a light blue dress I bought for about $100 at what used to be The Bon. I remember the elderly saleswoman who rang up my purchase, smiling sweetly at me and asking me if I was buying it for prom.
I had to wear these weird boob stickers under it on my wedding day, since it didn’t allow for any kind of support garment. I also wore clear plastic heels.
So, to recap: cheap fake satin dress, boob stickers, hooker shoes. I was the classiest bride ever.
The dress has been hanging in the back of a closet ever since. Not stored or preserved or even slightly protected: just hanging there gathering dust and crumpling on the floor.
I dug it out in 2008 and took some photos, just for fun. I learned that if I needed boob stickers in 2001, I would need something more like an anti-gravity device to wear it now.
I do think it’s pretty, but let’s be honest: I’ll never wear it again, it’s hardly the sort of heirloom you pass down for someone else’s wedding, and even if it were, I have two boys, and if it turns out either one of them wants to wear a dress on their wedding day, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m guessing they will want to choose their own.
So this weekend, as I was neck-deep in the process of cleaning out our various storage areas, I laid the dress on the pile of junk we were taking to the thrift store. I figured I have the photos and the memories and now I could reclaim the closet space.
JB, however, reacted as though I’d pulled off my wedding ring and hurled it in the toilet. “What the hell,” he complained. “What the HELL.”
“Listen,” I told him. “This is not a metaphor. This is cleaning.”
But it was no use. Back to the closet it went. Along with, I will confess, the clear plastic shoes. Because you never know when those might come in handy, like if I need to compete in a beauty pageant or offer to blow a guy for a dime bag of coke.
Tell me, what did you do with your dress? Is it professionally stored? Being worn by your daughter? Stuffed in the back of a closet to be ignored for a decade at a time?
Jul
15
1) I have a proposal for those of you who are local, like to swim, and would potentially enjoy getting kicked in the head by about a thousand other women at 6:45 AM on a weekend morning (ooh, am I selling this, or what?): would anyone want to team up with me for the Seattle Danskin triathlon on August 15? I’ve done very little pool training and zero open water swimming this summer, so I’d like to change my participation from individual to relay so I have a fighting chance at actually enjoying the event. You’d take the 800 yard swim, I’d do the bike and run. If you’re interested, let me know!
2) If you were about to embark on the effort of cleaning out your house and getting rid of some random crap—from kid stuff to exercise equipment to a couple pieces of furniture—would you bother with a garage sale? Or just haul everything to a thrift store and donate it? I haven’t held a garage sale before and don’t know if it’s worth hanging around the house all day making change and watching people sneer at my dusty unused Ab Roller.
3) Are you guys watching Breaking Bad? I can’t shut up about Breaking Bad. We just finished season one and I’m completely obsessed. Breaking Bad!
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