Nov

9

Ferries, not ferry boats

November 9, 2006

I really enjoyed reading your last great thing comments (I now have a Scum Buster to buy and a box of Snickers ice cream bars to devour) and so did JB; he’s officially convinced he should drop his XM radio in favor of Sirius.

I tried to think of the last great thing I bought for my own self and I think the answer is a “mini-prep” Cuisinart, which was purchased to replace the older, smaller one I broke a while back. Totally not as interesting as your answers, what with your trips to Paris and new kittens and exotic perfumes and chocolate body lotions and all.

Riley appears to have made a speedy recovery, just in time for JB to return from the business trip he was on during Barforama 2006. The man flew to Chicago to have Brazilian barbecue dinners (“More meat on a stick, sir?”) with suit-wearing clients while I was trapped in a House of Barf obsessively googling “vomiting +toddler+should+I+fucking+panic+or+what”, I think he owes me a favor or two. (I can just picture him reading this, nodding his head and raising his eyebrows like the sleazy guy from Office Space [the “O face” guy] and saying, “I’ll give you a favor, baby.” I AM TALKING ABOUT THE BRAND NEW FULLY LOADED INFINITI FX KIND OF FAVOR, JACKHOLE. In black with the tan leather interior, thanks.)

This weekend Riley and I are descending upon my mother and aunt’s house in Port Angeles, where they will doubtlessly immediately regret their cheery invitation once he demonstrates how he can actually shatter glass with his voice, now that he’s a bit older since the last visit. Then again, maybe grandparents see their grandchildren through eternal rose-colored glasses; JB’s mom sure goes on and on about how Riley’s such a “good, sweet kid” and I have caught myself thinking, wait, are you talking about THIS KID RIGHT HERE? Don’t get me wrong, I’d take a bullet for him even on a bad day, but are you talking about the kid who is currently going apoplectic over the existence of carseat restraints? You must mean sweet like a lemon.

(Actually, now that I think about it Riley’s usually on better behavior when there are lots of people around, I think he enjoys the activity and attention and is less likely to burst into actual flames over a dropped toy. This is a rule with no guarantees, however, considering that he recently chose a crowded Fred Meyers to protest at top volume the great injustice of socks.)

So tomorrow we’ll be taking the ferry (the ferry, not the ferry boat as they repeatedly and annoyingly say on Grey’s Anatomy, it’s a goddamn ferry, saying ferry boat is like saying car vehicle; ferry ferry ferry ferry!) over to Kingston and driving up the peninsula; I’m looking forward to getting the hell out of Dodge for a while.

JB will be spending his own weekend shooting at innocent, moist-eyed Bambi-esque woodland creatures in Oregon. God help me, I actually encouraged this activity because he doesn’t get to spend much time with the Menfolk wearing their Hickory Shirts and Crapping in the Woods Wherever They Damn Well Please. Of course, that was before the Barf-fest so I hope he brings me back something purty. Like an Infiniti, not a fucking elk pelt.

If you’re not sick of me asking, and I totally understand if you are, what are your own plans?

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Nov

8

Dispatch from PukeVille

November 8, 2006

Riley appears to have some kind of stomach bug. I never thought I’d say this, but I actually wish I were talking about the sort of stomach bug that results in post-traumatic-stress-causing diaper contents. Unfortunately, I’m talking about the kind of bug that sends curdled milk-barf all over sheets and pajamas and my “vintage” Target-purchased Aerosmith shirt.

He’s napping right now, thank Christ, but I fear my day’s fate is sealed: clean up puke, clean up kid, run bath, do massive load of repulsive laundry. Repeat. Oh, and send Dog outside after hysterically admonishing her for trying to EAT BARF off the highchair.

God.

In news that is marginally less disgusting, I have been semi-diligently updating SundryBuzz, so if you’re not already reading (my heart! my achy breaky heart!), here are some recent reviews:

• The Nikon D70S

• TIGI Control Freak serum (LOVE)

• Some kind of appley dessert thing

• Also, an embarrassing correction

Okay, will you help me quit moping about my housebound State of Barfdom? What’s the last really great thing you bought for yourself? Could be anything: food, clothes, music, whatever. Thanks in advance, I am dying for some distractions today.

105 Comments 

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