July 31, 2006

JB’s view this weekend:

Mt. Hood, displayed amid in the glory of a mountainous sunset, as JB made camp for the night on the slopes of Mt. Adams.

My view this weekend:

Pardon the crude artistic representation, Photoshop doesn’t quite capture the essence–the je ne sais quoi–of a teething baby, but if you imagine an angry little face that constantly makes a brain-grindingly horrible sound no matter how many Hyland’s tablets you stuff down its wailing, drooling maw, you’d be in the neighborhood.

Let’s compare and contrast, shall we? JB, hiking with a friend out in the wilderness, surrounded by nature’s bounty…

…me, stuck at home with a kid working on his MILLIONTH fang.


When JB was packing on Friday I noticed he had included a hilarious-looking product that’s apparently designed for cyclists. “BUTTr?” I said. “What’s this for?”

“Chafing,” he said defensively. “Long hikes can be, uh, problematic sometimes.” He noticed me going for the camera and shook his head. “No way, I don’t want you posting that online.”

“Even if I say it’s because you have such enormously huge balls, you have to create a smooth, chamois-cream protective area for them to bounce around in?”

“Well, in that case…wait, NO.”

I said fine, I wouldn’t, but that was before I got up at 4 AM, then again at 5, and 6, and 7:15 on Sunday morning to deal with a whimpering baby.



The boy has Darwinism on his side lately, because however much I might fantasize about cramming his teething little rump into a wood chipper, how could I Fargo this level of cuteness?


Maybe the trick is to stuff him in a burlap sack first.


37 Responses to “Dreaming of dentures”

  1. Ang on July 31st, 2006 9:59 am

    Oh.my.gosh. Could Riley get any cuter? Great pic!

  2. justmouse on July 31st, 2006 10:00 am

    i am TOTALLY stealing that fargo line. you’re awesome.

  3. Amy on July 31st, 2006 10:01 am

    Okay, uh… WHAT is that design on the Butt’r packaging? I must know.

  4. Emily on July 31st, 2006 10:06 am

    Looks like Riley is trying to determine whether or not chapstick is, in fact, edible. At least Burt’s Bees is “all natural,” right?

  5. Gertie on July 31st, 2006 10:08 am

    good gawd!
    Riley is to my childless life choice what Melissa Etheridge said Brad Pitt is to lesbianism– pretty sure I’m not interested, but a smile like that makes me want to change my mind.

  6. Kathie on July 31st, 2006 10:08 am

    lurker coming out to say Wow! when did Riley turn into a big boy? Still stupidly cute though…

  7. Holly on July 31st, 2006 10:08 am

    Oh my god, he’s so stinking cute! I usually think he looks like JB’s mini me but in that picture he totally looks just like you! Such a cute fam! -h

    PS, what’s w/ the “Your comment is awaiting moderation” business on your last entry ? New thing? Did I inadvertantly place something evil in my comment? :)

  8. ginger on July 31st, 2006 10:08 am

    That’s a cyclist, viewed from above. See, there’s the front wheel on the left, then the helmet and the back, and then the butt, which makes the B in Butt’r.

    I am thinking JB is going to be taking you to do something profoundly, humiliatingly girly soon, for payback.

  9. Alexa on July 31st, 2006 10:10 am

    Hmm. I am also curious about the design on the BUTTr package…

    And also? I don’t think a burlap sack will do it. I am pretty sure cuteness of that caliber will sear right through burlap.

  10. Annie on July 31st, 2006 10:24 am

    I think you might actually have to hire a hit man for this one. There is no resisting that level of cuteness with a beating heart in your body. Does he have a favorite flavor of chapstick yet?

  11. Lori on July 31st, 2006 10:30 am

    Aww, Riley’s getting so big! He looks more like a little boy there than a baby. (Please don’t hit me.) That buttr stuff is hilarious. I love what you said to JB about his large balls. Hee!

  12. Kelly on July 31st, 2006 10:35 am

    You realize, of course, that the instant you close the burlap sack you’ll wait a few seconds and then open it with flare and gusto and play peek-a-boo with him.

    We all know it’s true.

  13. laura on July 31st, 2006 11:19 am

    is that Buttr like diaper rash cream? ha! riley is one handsome little man :-)

  14. biodtl on July 31st, 2006 11:21 am

    I’ve always said that God makes them cute so you let them live…

  15. sunShine on July 31st, 2006 11:24 am

    That Butt’r stuff is hilarious.

    I think that they are so cute so we don’t hurt them. I too have been living in teething hell! When will it ever end???

  16. warcrygirl on July 31st, 2006 11:31 am

    SQUEEEE!!!! Oh the cuteness! It never ends! So, is that butt chamois stuff just for chafing or can it be used for that god awful rash Hubby gets in the summer that makes me oh-so glad all my plumbing is on the inside? What? Just asking.

  17. Stephanie Brown on July 31st, 2006 11:38 am

    he looks so much like you in that picture! it’s amazing how they switch back and forth while growing up to look like daddy then mamma.

  18. HollowSquirrel on July 31st, 2006 11:39 am

    Seriously. I’m worried. You’re like obsessed with the woodchipper.
    And Riley? Oh dios mio. Love the cheeks/eyes/everything.

  19. Magpie on July 31st, 2006 11:41 am

    JB owes you a weekend of kid duty while you’re off at a spa or something.

    Does that t-shirt say “BEDTIME SUCKS?”

  20. Dangerous on July 31st, 2006 12:07 pm

    I use that stuff for cycling and I can tell you honestly that anything over 40 miles and you need a healthy helping of that stuff to protect your lady bits.

  21. Niki P on July 31st, 2006 12:23 pm

    ButtR huh? My son has serious chafing issues on the beach- Would JB recommend that stuff for beach use?

  22. Jessie on July 31st, 2006 12:35 pm

    He’s starting to look like such a little boy! Too bad he’s being so hellish lately. But seriously, he has to stop growing new teeth soon, right? There is a limit.

  23. jonniker on July 31st, 2006 12:50 pm

    Holy crap, he looks just like you there! just! like! you!

    He’s adorable. He is absolutely, hands-down, the cutest baby in the world. I am an authority on this!

  24. Nina on July 31st, 2006 1:30 pm

    Oh, he’s so adorable!

  25. Megan on July 31st, 2006 1:56 pm

    That picture of Riley has me rethinking the wait-another-year-or-so decision. Luckily you staying home with a teething baby while JB goes backpacking is confirming the previously mentioned decision.

    I’m also tentatively curious about the Buttr stuff. Is it like, an ointment? Or more like, um, moleskin or something?

    Actually, maybe I’m not that curious after all.

  26. katie d on July 31st, 2006 2:18 pm

    kudos for hilarity AND the sneaking of the butt’r image. as well, you actually used fargo as a verb. 10 bonus points. i hope riley gets over the teething thing soon. dos vedanya. kd

  27. Jem on July 31st, 2006 2:57 pm

    That photo of Riley is one of the cutest photos I have ever seen in my life. And that first photo is one of the most beautiful photos I’ve ever seen in my life!

  28. Permanently Under Construction on July 31st, 2006 3:14 pm

    Wow, what happened to Riley? He looks totally different in that picture. I can’t put my finger on what exactly is different, but it’s there. Maybe it’s his cheeks that are sort of… smaller? Or something. In fact, I don’t think that’s Riley at all. I think you swopped him somewhere for a look-alike.

  29. Donna on July 31st, 2006 4:33 pm

    That child. . . that child. . .

  30. Jo on July 31st, 2006 4:42 pm

    Stunning first photo and Riley is just too adorable!

  31. Caitlin on July 31st, 2006 7:30 pm

    Has JB ever tried Body Glide? That’s what my man uses on his junk and supposedly works well…also, Riley’s HAIR even is starting to look big boy-ish! So! Cute!

  32. fifi on August 1st, 2006 1:10 am

    Riley really is engaging with the camera- and, yes, like other commenters, I think he’s had one of those changed-overnight -to -more -grown-up episodes. They sneak up on you. Thanks for the image of the ButtR . Does it smell like ass, or nice?

  33. Tricia on August 1st, 2006 5:04 am

    SO cute! He has the best expressions. Try giving him the mini-sized Eggos for teething. Sounds crazy, I know, but a friend recommended it to me. I’m not sure if the frozen waffle makes his gums feel better, or if he just enjoys making a huge mess of waffle crumbs, but it works like a charm on my teething 10-month old.

  34. aoife on August 1st, 2006 5:15 am

    I think this is the first time Riley has started looking like a little boy instead of a baby. Its so cute… all that abling around just makes ’em stretch out and grow…

  35. Jennifer on August 1st, 2006 8:41 am

    Riley is turning into such a little man! He’s just so cute!

    Oddly enough, I find the chamois butt’r packaging appetizing. It’s Laffy Taffy in size and Cadburyesque in color scheme. And it prevents chaffing! Delicious!

  36. stormy on August 2nd, 2006 2:36 pm

    The picture on the Chamois ButtR, looks quite suspect. No?

  37. Mike on September 18th, 2006 11:05 pm

    Google preved rodnoy!

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