Jul
31
July 31, 2006
JB’s view this weekend:
Mt. Hood, displayed amid in the glory of a mountainous sunset, as JB made camp for the night on the slopes of Mt. Adams.
My view this weekend:
Pardon the crude artistic representation, Photoshop doesn’t quite capture the essence–the je ne sais quoi–of a teething baby, but if you imagine an angry little face that constantly makes a brain-grindingly horrible sound no matter how many Hyland’s tablets you stuff down its wailing, drooling maw, you’d be in the neighborhood.
Let’s compare and contrast, shall we? JB, hiking with a friend out in the wilderness, surrounded by nature’s bounty…
…me, stuck at home with a kid working on his MILLIONTH fang.
When JB was packing on Friday I noticed he had included a hilarious-looking product that’s apparently designed for cyclists. “BUTTr?” I said. “What’s this for?”
“Chafing,” he said defensively. “Long hikes can be, uh, problematic sometimes.” He noticed me going for the camera and shook his head. “No way, I don’t want you posting that online.”
“Even if I say it’s because you have such enormously huge balls, you have to create a smooth, chamois-cream protective area for them to bounce around in?”
“Well, in that case…wait, NO.”
I said fine, I wouldn’t, but that was before I got up at 4 AM, then again at 5, and 6, and 7:15 on Sunday morning to deal with a whimpering baby.
:::
The boy has Darwinism on his side lately, because however much I might fantasize about cramming his teething little rump into a wood chipper, how could I Fargo this level of cuteness?
Maybe the trick is to stuff him in a burlap sack first.
Comments
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Oh.my.gosh. Could Riley get any cuter? Great pic!
i am TOTALLY stealing that fargo line. you’re awesome.
Okay, uh… WHAT is that design on the Butt’r packaging? I must know.
Looks like Riley is trying to determine whether or not chapstick is, in fact, edible. At least Burt’s Bees is “all natural,” right?
good gawd!
Riley is to my childless life choice what Melissa Etheridge said Brad Pitt is to lesbianism– pretty sure I’m not interested, but a smile like that makes me want to change my mind.
lurker coming out to say Wow! when did Riley turn into a big boy? Still stupidly cute though…
Oh my god, he’s so stinking cute! I usually think he looks like JB’s mini me but in that picture he totally looks just like you! Such a cute fam! -h
PS, what’s w/ the “Your comment is awaiting moderation” business on your last entry ? New thing? Did I inadvertantly place something evil in my comment? :)
That’s a cyclist, viewed from above. See, there’s the front wheel on the left, then the helmet and the back, and then the butt, which makes the B in Butt’r.
I am thinking JB is going to be taking you to do something profoundly, humiliatingly girly soon, for payback.
Hmm. I am also curious about the design on the BUTTr package…
And also? I don’t think a burlap sack will do it. I am pretty sure cuteness of that caliber will sear right through burlap.
I think you might actually have to hire a hit man for this one. There is no resisting that level of cuteness with a beating heart in your body. Does he have a favorite flavor of chapstick yet?
Aww, Riley’s getting so big! He looks more like a little boy there than a baby. (Please don’t hit me.) That buttr stuff is hilarious. I love what you said to JB about his large balls. Hee!
You realize, of course, that the instant you close the burlap sack you’ll wait a few seconds and then open it with flare and gusto and play peek-a-boo with him.
We all know it’s true.
is that Buttr like diaper rash cream? ha! riley is one handsome little man :-)
I’ve always said that God makes them cute so you let them live…
That Butt’r stuff is hilarious.
I think that they are so cute so we don’t hurt them. I too have been living in teething hell! When will it ever end???
SQUEEEE!!!! Oh the cuteness! It never ends! So, is that butt chamois stuff just for chafing or can it be used for that god awful rash Hubby gets in the summer that makes me oh-so glad all my plumbing is on the inside? What? Just asking.
he looks so much like you in that picture! it’s amazing how they switch back and forth while growing up to look like daddy then mamma.
Seriously. I’m worried. You’re like obsessed with the woodchipper.
And Riley? Oh dios mio. Love the cheeks/eyes/everything.
JB owes you a weekend of kid duty while you’re off at a spa or something.
Does that t-shirt say “BEDTIME SUCKS?”
I use that stuff for cycling and I can tell you honestly that anything over 40 miles and you need a healthy helping of that stuff to protect your lady bits.
ButtR huh? My son has serious chafing issues on the beach- Would JB recommend that stuff for beach use?
He’s starting to look like such a little boy! Too bad he’s being so hellish lately. But seriously, he has to stop growing new teeth soon, right? There is a limit.
Holy crap, he looks just like you there! just! like! you!
He’s adorable. He is absolutely, hands-down, the cutest baby in the world. I am an authority on this!
Oh, he’s so adorable!
That picture of Riley has me rethinking the wait-another-year-or-so decision. Luckily you staying home with a teething baby while JB goes backpacking is confirming the previously mentioned decision.
I’m also tentatively curious about the Buttr stuff. Is it like, an ointment? Or more like, um, moleskin or something?
Actually, maybe I’m not that curious after all.
kudos for hilarity AND the sneaking of the butt’r image. as well, you actually used fargo as a verb. 10 bonus points. i hope riley gets over the teething thing soon. dos vedanya. kd
That photo of Riley is one of the cutest photos I have ever seen in my life. And that first photo is one of the most beautiful photos I’ve ever seen in my life!
Wow, what happened to Riley? He looks totally different in that picture. I can’t put my finger on what exactly is different, but it’s there. Maybe it’s his cheeks that are sort of… smaller? Or something. In fact, I don’t think that’s Riley at all. I think you swopped him somewhere for a look-alike.
That child. . . that child. . .
Stunning first photo and Riley is just too adorable!
Has JB ever tried Body Glide? That’s what my man uses on his junk and supposedly works well…also, Riley’s HAIR even is starting to look big boy-ish! So! Cute!
Riley really is engaging with the camera- and, yes, like other commenters, I think he’s had one of those changed-overnight -to -more -grown-up episodes. They sneak up on you. Thanks for the image of the ButtR . Does it smell like ass, or nice?
SO cute! He has the best expressions. Try giving him the mini-sized Eggos for teething. Sounds crazy, I know, but a friend recommended it to me. I’m not sure if the frozen waffle makes his gums feel better, or if he just enjoys making a huge mess of waffle crumbs, but it works like a charm on my teething 10-month old.
I think this is the first time Riley has started looking like a little boy instead of a baby. Its so cute… all that abling around just makes ’em stretch out and grow…
Riley is turning into such a little man! He’s just so cute!
Oddly enough, I find the chamois butt’r packaging appetizing. It’s Laffy Taffy in size and Cadburyesque in color scheme. And it prevents chaffing! Delicious!
The picture on the Chamois ButtR, looks quite suspect. No?
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