Oct
7
I am back home from a wonderful trip to the coast with my mom and aunt. We’ve met up at the beach many times over the years, some ocean-facing spot that’s something of an in-between drive for all of us. I’m so grateful for all those good visits, some of which have been a real respite for me during tough times.
The current times cannot be pried from the tough bucket ($6 a gallon for gas there, by the way, despite whatever baloney is spewing from Dear Leader’s disgusting little pooched facepucker) (side note to hold collective mourning space for our decency as a society with American audiences clapping at the idea of Iran taking out major California cities, what the whole hell my god) in the larger sense but my own personal bubble has been increasingly rose-tinted for weeks now. What a summer it was for me, it feels gross to say that when things are so hard for so many people but I have to celebrate wins when they come: SUMMER 2026 WAS A MF BANGER.
I say that because I could feel it in me during our visit, this newfound confidence and vibrancy. Do you feel like a more interesting person now, my aunt asked me, and I had to say that by the laws that govern my being I am forever incapable of praising myself, but … *tiny voice* yes?
I don’t mean that I have suddenly become the sort of person who can command a room with my terrific mesmerizing stories, ha ha ha neeeeeeeeeewwwp, but I just feel more whole now. I feel like a person who is not incomplete when I am by myself. I feel like someone who is no longer in the position of mainly providing updates about other people. I feel buoyed by the simple good times I have had lately and I feel like those are the things that are important in my life, rather than milestones and accomplishments.
Somehow the paddleboarding has been a great part of this, the way I have pushed myself through waters both literal and not during my outings. The new strength in me that’s grown from the inside out. The capability I feel and the self-reliance. The ability to greatly enjoy spending time with other people, and then fully luxuriate in my own company.
Everything is temporary and I can’t predict how I will feel tomorrow, much less years from now, but for the time being I am feeling deeply thankful for the sense of contentment. I have a rich full life with friendships, family, rewarding things to do, and the most entertaining and loving pets on the planet. My boys are thriving and their futures seem bright. I’m healthy and strong and curious and easily delighted by dogs in cars and cool-looking leaves and when the beat drops in Dracula by Tame Impala.
I like myself now, is the thing. (Wow.)
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