Jul
29
It’s been almost a full year since the separation and divorce, and it would be easier to name the things that haven’t changed. I feel like I’ve walked a thousand miles since then. I feel the ache and resilience of the journey, the way my tender footing has strengthened and the way new muscles are holding me upright.
Sweet Ruby dog died on Monday. It was her time. She had lived a long, good life and thankfully passed in her sleep. I did feel the ache of a bigger loss with her passing, mourning the version of our family that loved her together. Loving her was like loving us. Another hard goodbye.
I am so grateful for the goodness of it all, though. The many years we did have with Ruby, all the fun times, all the silly nicknames and jokes. Even the hurt and finality of death brings a flood of memories. She is apart from us, she is a part of us.
I find myself thinking of my marriage in a similar way. The last bit of it doesn’t define the whole of it. No one thing does, it was a whole entire life and it lasted nearly half the time I’ve been alive. I’m thankful for the full spectrum. For all the love.
I think it’s the one thing that truly persists. The world can flip upside down, people and pets are lost, conditions and connections change. Love has a stubbornness to it. Even through endings.
