Jul
29
It’s been almost a full year since the separation and divorce, and it would be easier to name the things that haven’t changed. I feel like I’ve walked a thousand miles since then. I feel the ache and resilience of the journey, the way my tender footing has strengthened and the way new muscles are holding me upright.
Sweet Ruby dog died on Monday. It was her time. She had lived a long, good life and thankfully passed in her sleep. I did feel the ache of a bigger loss with her passing, mourning the version of our family that loved her together. Loving her was like loving us. Another hard goodbye.
I am so grateful for the goodness of it all, though. The many years we did have with Ruby, all the fun times, all the silly nicknames and jokes. Even the hurt and finality of death brings a flood of memories. She is apart from us, she is a part of us.
I find myself thinking of my marriage in a similar way. The last bit of it doesn’t define the whole of it. No one thing does, it was a whole entire life and it lasted nearly half the time I’ve been alive. I’m thankful for the full spectrum. For all the love.
I think it’s the one thing that truly persists. The world can flip upside down, people and pets are lost, conditions and connections change. Love has a stubbornness to it. Even through endings.
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Aw, sweet Ruby. I love your framing of loss and love. There are similarities in the way that I think about my mom’s loss. She was a complicated person and our relationship had some bumps that we never resolved. The hard parts don’t define it all.
You have such a way with words, your writing is beautiful and so expressive.
I’m so sorry about Ruby. As always, your writing is so beautifully expressive. I am committing this line to memory: “She is apart from us, she is a part of us.” Sending hugs during this hard time.
So sorry, Linda. Pet losses hit hard.
I Your post, which like always, gets to the heart and truth of the human experience – made me think about a lecture about history delivered by Tim Snyder (who has a substack and is just wonderful, very compelling thinker). He talked about how we tend to compartmentalize historic events into villains and heroes and negate the muddy truth of the humans involved. And how we think of it as “it happened”, even though all history shapes and influences what is happening. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, but he struck a chord and helped me to see a truth about what has shaped me, and you’ve struck the same chord and well, you’re both brilliant people.