I took my paddleboard to Fern Ridge last week, not my very last outing of the season but the last local place I hadn’t visited. I’ll have to try it again earlier in the summer next year because the water was so low it was a bit like paddling through a very large mud puddle, but it was still pretty and astonishingly secluded. Just me and the birds out there, and every now and then something mysterious underwater that would go zipping off stirring up great swirls of mud, I don’t know if that was fish or the shrieking eels from Princess Bride, I just tried not to think too hard about it.

I was at my hospice patient’s house and she was restless and upset, a little weepy. She could only tell me that her mommy was worried because she couldn’t find her. I told her she was okay, she was so well loved, I told her with full honesty that her husband loved her more than I have seen any man love a woman. I told her that her kids loved her, her grandchildren loved her. I told her that her mom was also loved and cared for, and that her mom was happy because she knew her daughter was loved and being cared for so well. I could feel her relax a little and her scrunched-up face softened. “I don’t know that she knows that today,” she said to me. “But I will think that.” Oh, I wonder so often about Alzheimer’s and how the person experiences life in that terrible fog. Sometimes it seems to dissipate and there are such brief heartcrushing moments of clarity.

Mabel had her spay surgery a few weeks ago and she was SUCH an adorable little invalid afterwards. She is a very dramatic creature and once had me considering an emergency vet visit over what turned out to be an insect bite, so I knew I was in for it post-surgery. She was indeed quite pathetic and I legitimately spoon-fed her for a couple days and carried her around like a pampered queen and the household was unusually calm and quiet and frankly it was kind of nice! I put her in a little ‘recovery suit’ as an alternative to the cone of shame and she acted like it was a 9000-lb lead weight which was quite funny. She is all healed and back to her happy snappigator dash-around ways now, although I was tempted to keep her on the Tell That Bitch to Be Cool, Be Cool Honey Bunny!! drugs forever.

Little Joe, the best school horse ever, is retiring at the end of this month. And for real retiring to his owner’s place, not “Going to a farm where he’ll be so happy! (But actually turned into Elmer’s glue!)” My GOSH I am going to miss him, he’s been my super-special horse buddy for 3 years now. I am in touch with another horse’s owner and have tentative plans to switch to her, she’s a 23-year-old Arabian mix chestnut mare named Samara. I’ve only done one short ride with her but I think she’s going to be a great new pal who has a lot to teach me. I could tell instantly by her expressions that she’s a whole different beast, sweet Joe does have slow Eeyore energy and this lady is for sure operating on a higher frequency. I have been assured that she is not deliberately murderous, but it will be a new challenge. I think it’s probably good for me to break out of my Little Joe rut and improve my skills, and hopefully she’ll be patient with me as I get up to speed (literally).


Mare eyes!

I have applied for a few different jobs in the last few months and here is how often I have heard back from the employers: ZERO TIMES. I feel v grumpy about this modern trend of simply ghosting every applicant, whatever happened to the simple courtesy of a canned “NO THX” response? Do we not have AI jammed willy-nilly into every quivering crack of capitalism, surely the chatbot can reply now if hiring humans cannot be bothered? Shoot, I’d rather get a recognizable ChatGPT writeup than nothing at all. It’s not just that you’re unqualified, you’re also too old!

Oh and speaking of AI. I am VERY suspicious of this sudden influx of people in the AI industry who are loudly worrying about the dangers facing humanity. Like I am sure there are plenty of real people who have real concerns, but the actual company executives now calling for a global halt on progress — man, I am side eyeing this public hand-wringing. I believe it is possible to be both concerned that AI is in fact going to ruin us as a society and also be unconvinced by billionaire techlords developing ethics out of nowhere. Could this be ginned up to try and slow competition or simply put AI in the spotlight as much as possible to cover the fact that the ROI so far is extremely shiteous and our economy is basically dogleashed to AI investments? I’m just saying. But I’m also not saying it’s not worth worrying about. It is! Everything is scary and terrible! And there is NO ONE in charge ANYWHERE that can be trusted to make good choices!

Finally, here is something I never thought I’d say — I’m sharing videos on TikTok. It’s just silly animal stuff, but if you want to follow me there, I’m at https://www.tiktok.com/@sundry_mourning

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