I have been pro-choice for a long time, but I do think it’s important to not overstate the issue … not everyone who is pro-choice thinks of a fetus as a ‘clump of cells’ or however the matter tends to get framed. A lot of people cite Clinton’s “safe, legal, and rare” as their touchpoint, and I think it’s a pretty good one.

I became a thousand times more pro-choice when I had a miscarriage, even though I very much wanted that baby. That probably sounds pretty contradictory, but I was just very aware of how many different medical professionals were up in my business (figuratively and, uh, literally), and how much the uncertainty and actual physical pain were taking over my life, and now I really cannot imagine forcing a woman to go through the experience of pregnancy if she does not want to. Forget motherhood, pregnancy is a situation that really has to be a choice.

You’ve done it again. Someone please give this woman an award.

I’m with Sympathetic Reader. I had an abortion at 18 and I know my life would not be where it is today had I not done that. I was a stupid kid without a clue. Now I am happily married and while still struggling a bit financially, can’t wait to have a child. I am terrified I will not be able to get pregnant because of the abortion. Like God wouldn’t deem me worthy. So it made me feel so much better reading all these lovley women’s comments and knowing there are a lot more out there like me who are mothers today. Like you.

I still carry a lot of guilt but I know it was the best decision for me. The father was an ass and I highly doubt he’d be active in the child’s life. We’d probably be broke. Is that fair? But is it also fair that I chose how MY life would turn out over the baby’s? It would have been loved to high heaven, but it would have been tough. I still don’t know. All I know is I’d have a 9 year old kid today and that freaks me out. How would it have turned out? Would I even have carried to term? I could have had a miscarriage. We’ll never know.

So I truly hope that my husband and I will be able to conceive, and I will honor the child that could have been by making sure our baby is loved and taken care of. The way ALL children should be.

Thank you so much for this post, and this discussion.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;”

Jeremiah 1:4

[…] Secondly, I’d like to thank everyone who wrote comments, sent e-mails or said anything about yesterday’s post. Between those events, and the extraordinarily civilized reaction to Linda’s post yesterday, I have an entirely new outlook on the decency of humanity, and if that doesn’t put a spring in your step, I don’t know what does. I tend to forget sometimes, especially given the madness that goes on almost every day in the world we live in, that for the most part, people are pretty damn good. […]

hi, was pointed here by 1 more mommy Elisette,,, and wow, what a well-written post on these subjects! Hugs!! *lynne*

I’m late to this post, and I should preface this by saying that I do not have any children. However, I am wondering if you would feel the same sort of change in perspective if the pregnancy had been in a different context. I mean, obviously having a child is a life changing, attitude changing, everything changing event, but what if you were not able take care of the child, what if you were not married, or not in a stable relationship? I don’t think it’s necessarily about what a woman thinks a fetus is, but about what choice she has when the circumstances are substantially less than positive for child rearing. I don’t know anyone who has had an abortion who says they did it becuase it’s not a child? No, they did it because having the child would not be good for them and would not be bringing a child into a stable, supportive, happy environment. Does that make any sense?

Can I just say this is the most amazing commentary I’ve ever read on any blog? It’s intelligent and wise and I’m so impressed. I was scared to read the comments before, but I’m so glad I did.

I just saw this exhibit here in Denver and people here DID protest the hell out of the fetal development area. Both because it deters abortion by depicting the “life” of a fetus and because it apparently promotes it – how did the fetuses get there in the first place?

I just thought it was straight up fascinating. Did they have the weird solemn trancey music playing in the fetal area?

And yes, this was a very a nice thread of commentary.

First of all, I have to admit that I didn’t read all of the previous comments. But I did read the majority, and damn, Linda, do you have some great readers. I don’t comment very often, am a lurker for the most part, but feel the need to say something about this (albeit a little late, sorry, I’ve been on vacation). I have been on both sides of the fence of this issue. I have had abortions, and have given birth. My daughter, my beautiful, talented, kind and wonderful daughter is 19. She is now older than I was when I had her. I gave her up for adoption. I felt that I had to: I had no resources, monetary or emotional, to support her. Now add into that mix that I just had a miscarriage at the end of August. I was on the most effective birth control method available–the IUD. I SAW in real life that model that you looked at, sitting at the bottom of the toilet bowl. It was indescribably sad. Does this make me anti-abortion? No, it doesn’t. I totally agree with all that have said that it is a situation-by-situation decision. I personally would probably never do it again, unless it was a life-threatening medical problem for me, or it is was a result of rape.

Anyway, I just had to weigh in. And let you know how wonderful I think you are, Linda. Your site has repeatedly made me laugh so hard I cried, and made me just plain flat-out sob. Is weird to feel so connected to a stranger, but you do such a great job of letting us in that I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. Please keep up the good work!

(As a total aside: I LOVED the quote about “soon to be famous writers” that JB made. I almost posted a comment back then, but couldn’t think of something worthy. And you SO are going to be.)

I didn’t know suicide was illegal either. That’s…completely nuts.

Suicide isn’t illegal in the United States and never has been, although some individual states did list it as a felony until the 1960s. (The United Kingdom decriminalized suicide in 1961, leading many other countries to follow suit.) What is illegal in many places in the USA is assisting someone to kill him- or herself.

Re: the pro-choice/anti-war argument
For me personally, this isn’t a contradiction. I’m pro-choice, anti-war, and anti-death-penalty. That’s because I don’t see a fetus as a human being, while I see soldiers and prisoners as human beings.

Whitters, you know I love you, boo, but I must assert that it’s a rather insane feat of rhetorical parsing to claim that fetuses, categorically, are not alive. Is there really a meaningful ontological difference between a born baby and that same “fetus” the day before its birth? That kind of literalist dogmatism detracts from your argument, yo.

For the record, I subscribe ardently to my homey Bill Clinton’s “safe, legal, and rare” school of pro-choiceness. I believe the choice to terminate a pre-viability pregnancy should always be legal, but that we are obligated to acknowledge the profound, complex ethical implications of the act. The failure to do so, I believe, chips away at our essential human-ness insidiously and deleteriously.

Linda, great post, and kudos on the level of civilized discourse here, commenters. Zoot sent me here and I am heartily impressed.

Whitters, you know I love you, boo, but I must assert that it’s a rather insane feat of rhetorical parsing to claim that fetuses, categorically, are not alive. Is there really a meaningful ontological difference between a born baby and that same “fetus” the day before its birth? That kind of literalist dogmatism detracts from your argument, yo.

Well, I personally don’t see where someone can say a three-week-old fetus is not human but an eight-week-old fetus is — the historical Christian notion of “ensoulment” varies from conception to the second trimester to even beyond. Is that a “meaningful ontological difference?”

I think with regards to this argument, our views of “personhood” and humanity are personal and subjective. My personal belief is that a fetus becomes “human” upon birth. The meaningful difference is that it is no longer relying upon a carrier (the woman) for its existence. I formed this belief years ago and only recently became aware that it’s also believed in Judaism.

Thank you for this post, and for your honestly in revealing you’ve had an abortion.

I also had an abortion, at age 23, for much the same reasons – I had no college degree, no steady source of income, no health insurance, and a very dysfunctional and unsupportive family. I grew up as a result of my unintended pregnancy – it was the first truly adult decision I ever had to make. It was tragic. But it was also the right choice.

The day of my abortion, I was spoken to rudely by the doctors and nurses at the clinic, who saw me as an ignorant and careless girl, who, through her carelessness, had caused a tragedy. I was heckled by abortion protesters outside the clinic, who chanted, “Mommy, Mommy, where’s your baby?” at me. I remember one woman in particular, who yelled, “You left your baby inside, Mommy!”

But none of that got to me. I mean, I was angry as hell that people were abusive to me when I was suffering myself, and I was pissed to be condescended to and judged, but emotionally, I was ok.
Because during the abortion, with my feet in the stirrups, humilated and grieving and alone, I met God. It sounds so cheesy when I write it down, but I felt my spirit held in complete peace, love and understanding. I felt forgiveness. God made peace with me, and I made my peace with God.

I know that I denied the fetus I aborted life as we live it, and that responsibility lies with me, and me alone. But I did not deny it life. Life is something more than the bodies we live in.

I strongly agree with everyone who has said that every effort must be made to reduce the number of abortions performed in this country. I also know that there will always be some few times when the tragic choice is the right one, the only one to make. And who wants to let the government in to determine exactly when that is? Abortion needs to remain legal.

Sorry this is so after the fact, but I was just catching up and I must comment. I am marginally pro choice. I really feel all options should be explored but in the end the mother must decide. What puzzles me is that people seem to think there are only two choices, end the life or become a single struggling mother. What about adoption? My parents adopted my brother and he is the joy of our life. He is 33 years old, married and a wonderful person. We just went to a mass celebrating lives touched by adoption and it was so overwhelming. I was just so thankful that his birth mother made such a wonderful choice. Sorry, off my soapbox now.

I love Anne Lamott’s writing…I don’t even mind the Jesus talk. Maybe it’s because she’s a fellow recovering alcoholic (yeah, I let go of that whole ‘anonymous’ thing long ago), but the way she presents her spirituality is so real and earthy and, of course, funny as hell. I just re-read Bird by Bird this past week…I was craving a good ol’ dose of Anne. One of my very closest blog-friends is a Christian…and no one could have predicted THAT. But we have Annie in common…and when you can find some comfortable common ground on that path of believing/not believing, it tends to make one open up one’s mind. Well, and having kids, of course, I imagine that always plays a big role. :)

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Should have his licence revoked; if this man is not happy with dispensing legal drugs because of his beliefs perhaps he should try other employment, or does his income come before his beliefs? WBR LeoP

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