-
Older Entries
- Best birthday weekend ever
- On such a winter’s day
- Off to the deep end
- That’s what kids do
- We now paws (HAAA) for dog identification
- What’s been happening around here
- Skin deep
- 3 workout DVDs that will kick your butt
- His own man
- Friendships and firepower
- Resolved
- Update on Vioguard
- Yearly recap: 2011
- Hook, line, and sinker
- Heartbeat
-
Find me elsewhere
Read my column via Facebook
Daily piffle:
Photos
Sep
25
If you saw an entry get posted earlier today then mysteriously disappear, that was my fault. I wrote something short and quick about Riley being fearful about random things lately, especially noises, and shortly after I hit publish someone commented about the possibility that he may have Sensory Processing Disorder and maybe I should consider getting him evaluated — and I had this knee-jerk reaction of feeling like I had portrayed my child superficially and falsely, like I’d painted only a tiny part of his whole enormous picture. Like I’d left the door open for his mental health to be analyzed based on five slapdash paragraphs.
I’m fairly certain the commenter meant her suggestion in the same way that people suggest cradle cap treatments and potty training methods and anything else — which is to say, it was surely meant out of kindness, just an idea for my consideration. And it’s not an out-of-line suggestion at all, especially when you consider the things I’ve written about Riley — hates loud noises, is a picky eater, roils with suspicion. But that’s the problem, I think I tend to turn people into a sort of caricature of themselves when I write about them here (JB, the fence-leaping, nuts-grabbing, constantly leering husband!) and I don’t want to do that with my children. As Riley gets older he’s getting so much more complicated, he’s such a faceted little person now instead of a baby who spends their day engaged in mostly the same activities as all babies do.
The other day I was watching Riley play in our garage and he had picked up this piece of wood and was brandishing it ferociously, shouting about how he was chasing goats out of Daddy’s shop. Over and over he would run from one end of the shop to the other, waving his stick and yelling for the goats to GO, GET OUT OF HERE! And at one point he bashed his stick down all cave-boy-like and I started feeling like things were getting maybe a little too aggressive, so I said something about how he didn’t want to hurt the goats, did he? And right away he got all contrite and changed the game entirely, now he was picking up invisible baby goats that fit in his palm, holding his hands up to me tenderly for me to see the tiny goats, they’re just babies Mommy. Next he wanted to build a home for the baby goats, so he took pieces of wood and made a square frame outside in the grass for the baby goats. At one point I said let’s call the goats in to their new home, and I (stupidly) said “Here they come!” while pointing across the lawn and his eyes grew wide and fearful and suddenly he was kind of frightened and wanted to go inside.
So you see, depending on what part of that (incredibly thrilling!) story I chose to tell, you might think Riley was kind of violent (the stick, the chasing), sweet and loving (the goat home), or just kind of a wuss (the being scared of the, uh, invisible goats that he had invented).
Anyway. After 6 years of this, I feel like I’m blindly groping into new territory blogwise. I just want to do right by my kids, and I suppose I’m still trying to figure out what that means when it comes to this website.
Comments
98 Responses to “Do-over”
Leave a Reply
-
Stuff I Like:
Eureka Enviro Floor Steamer.
Why did I not buy this YEARS ago? WHY? OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS FOREVER CHANGED.
Neutrogena Healthy Skin Clear Skin Cream.
Maaaajor difference in my skin since I started using this. I alternate with Pond's so my face doesn't get too dried out.
Magic Bullet.
I use this almost every single day to make a smoothie. Really a surprisingly awesome little kitchen tool.
Neutrogena Revitalizing Lip Balm.
Amazing lip balm that gives natural color and somehow makes your lips look more full.
Voluspa Candle.
Discovered via Jennie. These candles smell wonderful (at least the Goji/Orange scent does), and I love the pretty tin.
NARS Flamenco Lipstick.
Whoorl was right, this is the perfect red lipstick.
Story + picture = my heart cracking in half. MAN is the pms bad this month!
Your kids sound really awesome. What cool little people they are!
And yeah, that’s tough work trying to write in a way that accurately and fairly portrays someone’s personality. It makes writing online very bizarre. You’re creative and talented, and I think it takes some balls to keep attempting at writing online, even when it gets confusing. So, keep at it, you’re doing a fine job!
Having been reading here for 3+ years (I think?) the impression I have of your boys is that they are brilliant, sweet and devestatingly darling (and normal!)…so I think you are doing a great job and will only continue to. I’m just glad no water heater has boiled over and no one is puking! :)Good job!
Being weirdly afraid of things is such a normal phase for toddlers. Right now my almost-3-year-old is suddenly totally scared of going down the slide at the playground, when he has never previously never shown a shred of fear in his life. It’s just one of those things that they eventually outgrow.
The story about Riley’s goats cracked me up. Such an imagination!
I love the story about the tiny little baby goats! That is very sweet! As far as sensory processing disorder, kids with that disorder are very sensitive to loud noises, but I don’t think it would come on that suddenly!
I was wondering where that post went when I clicked over to comment. This one is better though…more well-rounded.
And my God, these commenters are lightning fast!
Parenthood is so scary even when you keep it to yourself and don’t share it with the world of the internets. Over the past 3 and 1/2 years of his existence, I thought Charlie had Sensory Processing Disorder, autism, a tied tongue, vision problems, acid reflux, stranger anxiety, asthma, and obsessive compulsive disorder. The only person who had something wrong with them was me. I can’t even imagine the freak outs I would experience if I put his behavior characteristics online and got back diagnoses from people I didn’t even know (not that the OP meant harm, like you said.)
BTW, the fact that Riley is participating in such complex imaginary play points to a tremendously gifted child – we’re talking Doogie Howser here. Start saving your money, cuz that kid’s going to Harvard when he’s 14.
That picture is making me want to weep, just a little. So sweet and so precious.
I did read that earlier post, and you know, I actually had the thought that someone might to jump to that conclusion. I guess I read too many “mommy-blogs” where things like that happen. (Not to denigrate concerned comments AT ALL.)
I for one, don’t know enough about this mommying thing to make a comment like that, but I am sure there are many who do, and, like you said, have only the best intentions when they do.
I admire you for writing about your boys so openly and honestly, and I can only imagine how hard it is to write about them when they are, like you say, such multi-faceted little beings that we internet readers only see snippets of.
I happen to find everything you report about Riley doing entirely endearing, but I’m a longtime, silly reader, so my opinion may be biased.
Good luck. Keep it up.
I was going to comment (for the first time) on your first entry until it disappeared. I was just going to say that TO THIS DAY I do not like the sound of balloons popping due to a game played at birthday parties in my childhood. I still don’t like the sound but I turned out pretty normal. Seriously, who likes loud startling noises? Normal. Natural. Adorable.
Man, what a great kid. I wish I had some goats so he could look after them for me.
Having kids is scary. Helping them to grow into well adjusted adults is a huge job in itself. Wondering if they’re weird, if something is wrong with them, are you doing everything right is only normal. And they can be very exasperating at 3, 4, 5+… years… Spending time with your kids and being hands on parents is what it’s all about. There will always be bumps in the road, but when they get to be in their 20’s and they have a job, are in college, haven’t done drugs or turned up pregnant you know you’ve done a pretty damn good job at raising them. Just from the posts and pictures I’ve read and seen over the last several years, it looks to me like you’ve got two normal, beautiful little boys.
My daughter just said to that picture, “Oh! My brothers! I want to go play there.” Hee! Cute.
I did see your earlier post – and noticed it disappeared because it prompted me to leave my google reader to leave my first comment ever! And there was nowhere to comment! Your blog is one of my favorites to read. I love your sense of humor and vision of the world. Your stories always make me smile and look forward to one day being a mom myself! I was trying to leave a comment and tell you what a great caring mom you are and how lucky your two little ones are to have you!
I value ‘realness’ in friends. That’s why I enjoy your blog so much. You’re real. And that’s awesome.
I think the fearfulness thing is totally normal (if you want an opinion… if not, just ignore me LOL!). The part of your story about being scared of the imagined-by-him goats… that is SO my son. For the past year he randomly tells us there’s a Moose outside. Or a moose over there (err.. o’er dare!). And if we say “Look, there’s the moose!” he freaks out and clings to us and says “No dare not! Dare no moose… Moose is my friend!” Weirdo. LOL! Anyhow– you’re not alone in having a kid that invents an imaginary animal and then is scared of it. I guess I at least *hope* its normal HAHA!
That picture is AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-mazin’!
Also, JB’s characterization made me literally LOL.
Linda,
One of my best friends recommended your blog to me and I’ve been a silent lurker for a few months now. (sound spooky?)
I have to say that your stories on motherhood, and life in general, provide me with laughter, motivation and inspiration. Not something I ever thought I would get from someone I don’t know in “real” life.
You are an amazing mom and you have amazing children and I love hearing you break down the little moments of your life in such a clear, concise (sp?) and witty way. You make me look at the everyday things I experience in a new perspective and appreciate things that I might have overlooked living and working in the ‘daily grind’ of life.
Off topic from your post, but your concern for your portrayal (sp?) of your son and that darn sweet picture made me want to comment on how much this blog means to me and how wonderful I think you and your family are.
Shannon
I starred that original post because I was hoping your readers would have advice. My 5 yr old daughter is similar in her strange fearfulness. There’s nothing WRONG with her so I didn’t think there was anything wrong with Riley either! Oh well, maybe others who have experienced this will leave you (I mean me) advice here anyway!
My son is 6 now and still doesn’t like certain loud noises. Playing soccer was a complete waste of time because he ran around with his fingers in his ears to block out the sound of the whistle. Yet the volume at which the boy yells and plays is WAY louder – go figure.
I saw your previous post and figured you’d removed it because of a comment or feared backlash. You’re probably right – the comment was meant to be a helpful suggestion, but I totally understand the reaction. Just know that you have portrayed your boys as loving, smart, well-loved & normal kids. I for one would never think otherwise.
WHATEVER! (To that sensory processing disorder comment, not to you) I was going to comment in the disappearing post because Riley sounds like my 2.5 year old. She’s scared of clowns, scared of pirates, scared of noisy boats and scared of festivals… all because they’re noisy.
In fact we went to the Seattle Greek Festival last weekend.. and it was noisy under the tent.. she wouldn’t eat and she wouldn’t play games. But then she’s fine at music class when fifty tambourines are all jangling at the same time.
And she’s also asking things like.. can I get down from my bed myself? can I take this toy out of my bin? can I eat this cheese stick? can I go play?
Both posts were great by my book… but I really identified with the one that’s gone.
I’m pretty sure he’s at the age where kids realize that bad things can happen, this is scary for them. Be glad he’s doing this (it should be kicking in around this age, hell he might even be advanced!) My daughter just turned 3 and seems fearless most of the time, but as of lastnight when she saw her mother running like a lunatic because of a huge racoon in the driveway, you guessed it, she’s now talking alot about me running, the racoon, and how she is scared of it, but how she is safe inside. Anyhow what I’m getting at he is such a normal little boy, not to mention adorable! Your doing a great job as his momma :)
I should preface this with: I say all this with love in my heart.
Just because you write something that led someone to suggest there might be something wrong with your son doesn’t mean you have to trip all over every word you choose to make sure we’re all getting the full picture so that no one dares suggest some kind of disorder.
My 9-year-old son does have mild autism. And he has many other wildly wonderful things about him that make him who he is. He is wonderful and funny and sensitive and has always looked people in the eye.
My son has a label. And 7 years ago, when we first got that label it scared the shit out of me. But you know what? The strategies we use with him aren’t that different than if we didn’t have a label and just thought he had some challenges or quirks.
This has come up at other blogs and I’m not the first to say it in response to an author having a mild freak out about the suggestion that Something. Might. Be. Wrong: having a child with differences is not the end of the world.
I’m in no way suggesting that there is anything atypical about your kids, not one bit. I understand your need to protect your son from people’s incorrect assumptions. But your reaction to the very thought? As a mom who has a son who is atypical…I’m not trying to be harsh, but I think you can see where I’m going with this. He is great, our life is great, his differences are a small slice of our life. A life that is very, very good and not to be feared or pitied.
Unfortunately, this is the world we live in now, where the awareness and fear of autism or PDD-NOS or ADD or sensory disorders are off the charts. Everyone is looking for it. And you can totally find it in every kid, if that’s all you are looking for.
People will see what they see…no matter the words you choose on a given day.
I read your blog because I love it and love you. There is just no way to make everyone get it. Even me, who is getting all snippy at the idea that someone thinks there might be something wrong with having a kid who has something wrong.
Did that even make sense?
There are so many things about that previous comment that I should have softened. But there it is. No ill intended.
(nor do I think you are currently “trip[ing] all over every word you choose” in this post…just something I can envision you struggling with in the future, the next time you try to share something about your boys.)
OK. That’s it.
Love ya!
And, um. Sorry?
(backs away, smiling awkwardly)
K.
Thx. Bye.
When I got on the net and blog, it’s a release so to speak. Most of my banter is light-heartened…meant to be entertaining and a way to blow off some steam…nothing more. Sometimes readers take things to literally. I’m sure the commenter had good intentions, but making a clinical diagnosis over a blog is a stretch.
My daughter is 3. She has peed her pants the last couple days because she is scared of the loud toilets. After a couple days of coaxing, she got over her phobia. That’s normal and expected.
My point is – I don’t think you need to feel guilty about the way you paint anybody, nor feel you should write a certain way for fear that you are not painting somebody in their true nature. After all, it’s your writing…..do it however you want.. In my blog, and in yours I would assume, it is a release, a way to vent.
zdoodle: to be clear, I am specifically concerned with the way I am talking about my kids. I am not negatively focused on the possibility of having an atypical kid (do you think one blog comment is what would cause me to think about that subject?), rather, I am worried about how I can talk about my boys in a way that furthers what I most love about blogging — identifying, sharing, supporting — without misrepresenting my kids or giving a poorly-painted picture of their lives.
linda:
as you know, i’ve been reading your blog since before riley’s birth – and having my first group of digital storytelling students read it as well. they got so hooked on it that the day it was found out riley was born a big bunch of them emailed me to announce the news (which i already knew – but just had to love them for what they did). the reason why they read through (and some still read to this day) is because of your honesty and ability to emote. you share the joy and the not so joyous. you’re real. please keep it that way. i’m blogging my life for a very different reason and, like you, got intimidated (scared even) by something someone commented (my sis, in fact) and took a good long time to “remind” myself that i have to stay true to myself. please stay true to yourself. learn how to read what’s genuine advice and downright nastiness – and act accordingly. write a manifesto if you have to – and publish it – and shove it in the readers’ faces every once in a while if it needs reminding. and learn how to read into those “scared mommy posts” that are more people getting caught up in the media and fearful manifestations of things that may or may not be reality. but please, linda, stay true. i never had a family – but if i had, i would want one just like yours in all respects.
ellie
I think I just illustrated my own point. Some of us are going to see what we want to see in your words. And when you took down one post and explained in another, it stirred defensiveness in me, right or wrong. I chose to take up arms for my own son and our issues. My bad.
Just incidentally, I used to be terrified of balloons as a kid. I still kinda am. Everyone used to play those games where they would pop the balloons and I would just cry.
Why not just delete comments like that and ignore it? People shouldn’t make comments like that on a public board, for sure.
I sort of understand what you are saying, but can’t you make a conscious effort to balance out your stories about your children? I love the way Plain-Jane does that. She somehow gives you this complicated picture of her kid in such a balanced way.
I love hearing stories about Riley and Dylan. They are beautiful, full of life children. And some children are just more sensitive to the world around them. Most outgrow the fears that can feel a little overwhelming. It could be he’s a very visual person and he can see things in ways ordinary mortals cannot. Like a movie or in pictures. It’s pretty scary when you actually invision some goats coming your way, don’t you think? ;)
Make you a deal….I’ll work on why Riley is scared of loud noises and suspicious, and you can try to figure out why my youngest has a talent for working my last nerve and has a hair-trigger temper (read that last part gets pissed when he’s asked to empty the dishwasher).
Really on the scale of potential child problems, I think we both have it pretty good. I know a kid who goes nuts whenever you mention any member of the Ape Family and proceeds to tell you every bit of encyclopedic knowledge he as about Apes (which is a butt-load). This might be a cute thing, but this kid is also so socially detatched, that there’s got to be something wrong. And his parents DON’T SEE IT.
Better to be a parent (like you and me) that worries and worries over their kid’s quirks, rather than take a PollyAnna-ish view of their kid’s genuine problems. We might be driven insane by our kids, but at least they’ll be more or less normal when they grow up. Hang in there.
It actually makes me feel BETTER about my crazy toddler and all her phobias and invented games to hear that your toddler is quite similar. We’ve never played with invisible goats here (BTW, adorable), but have interesting things going on here nonetheless. Mine is afraid of the vacuum, of bugs (they “get her” in the night), of dogs under her bed, loud sounds of most any variety… the list goes on. The short version: your kids are totally normal and actually seem pretty awesome.
Off topic: You inspire me to be a better mom in a lot of ways… thank you for that. =)
Sounds to me like Riley has a wonderful, free and supported imagination; the kind a loved child has. Wonderful post.
P.S. It’s normal for kids to fear things, even things that don’t seem particularly scary. Children are such sensitive creatures, and whole, too. They aren’t growing into people, they are already whole.
I knew a kid who at four was terrified by The Flintstones for a period of time. Everything is temporary.
I think the goat thing is quite sweet. He’s only three afterall. It just shows he has an imagination. Now if he was 20 years older and doing the same thing well yeah, that would be a cause for concern.
Well said.
I am a fast little chicken (very fat, pregnant, and hobbling chicken actually) and I read the post and the comment. The comment had a tone to it that made me suck in my breathe a little bit, so I think your reaction was understandable.
I think you’re doing a great job. And your kids sounds perfectly normal and lovely.
I was a huge fan of yours on Parent Dish. Somehow I missed your farewell post and a few weeks ago I realized that I hadn’t seen any of your entries recently. You were the only reason I was checking PD anymore. I’m so glad I found your personal blog. I missed your voice. And these entries are much more fun, anyway. Much more authentic. Thank you!
Funny what people think when reading the same post. I thought it made total sense that he was fearful of you leaving when all these adults in his life were disappearing! I thought you were pretty astute to have noticed and that poor Riley will be so happy when his dad gets home. I think we all do the best we can. I think people are sooo quick to want to label kids these days. Sensory Perception Disorder? Whaaaa?? Why when I was a kid we didn’t have any of this hooey! Bah!
I just commented on this picture in Flickr (about the socks) but now that I read your blog entry, I wanted to mention that my toddler asks us every night to make sure all the cows are out of his bedroom before we leave him there. Cows that he created all in his own mind, and now the thought of them scares him on a regular basis.
I enjoy your blog so much and I do think you paint a nuanced picture of the members of your family (even JB, although I have to admit the horndog oven fries a couple of weeks ago made me SNORT with laughter). I love reading about Riley and his funny ways. Glad you are writing.
I love hearing about your kids. I am 29 years old and still afraid of balloons and loud noises.
Also, the baby goat story was so freakin cute.
I have two kids with SPD, and not for one second have I ever thought from your blog posts that either of your kids had it. I think that there are some parents who wish they’d figured it out earlier, and want to help anyone who needs it, and some who got a diagnosis and it’s a hammer and everything is a nail. Most kids are picky eaters. My two pickiest are the kids who do NOT have SPD (and yes, they were evaluated too just in case). Three-year-olds are just figuring out there is danger in the world and they aren’t sure what is scary and what’s not. And we all have our own idiosyncracies. I really don’t think, as attentive as you are to your kids, and as much as you WORRY about them, that you are the type of mom to miss something like that. Even with the diehard denial parents, they know, and have always known, that something is just a little “off.”
Oh it’s hard, I agree. I keep blogs for my kids and have, like, no readers, but my mom is constantly reminding me that I should be ‘careful’ what I say. Sometimes, just to amuse myself and keep it light on a bad day, I might or might not call him “crazy” or wish he lived “somewhere else” with “another mother” and my mom figures that might offend my freaking aunt or something. So it’s hard with the devil you know and the devil you don’t know. Also, not that you asked (ha!) but my son is autistic and has wicked sensory problems and it is, as you know, so much more than just being sensitive to loud noises. It has to do much more with integration and the level of what they need/ don’t need. It just doesn’t seem to be an issue for your boys. Who are beautiful.
I remember when my oldest was about 3….he developed weird fears, in fact before tucking him into bed at night we used to have to banish his room from them….weird tucks(wtf is a weird truck, who knows but he was scared of them,)…scary eyes, in fact at one point I think we felt like an extra 1/2 hour was needed as his list grew…..then it disappeared…..and was probably replaced with another phase(having to dress in the same color, not tags on his shirts…ect….I love hearing stories about your family cuz it brings me back to the days when my kids were their ages!!…and I give you props for having to listen to overanalytical people who feel the need to label everything a toddler does….gah….anyway, love the picture…..loved the goat story too, riley is a hoot!!
Very good point and great story to illustrate it. I feel the same way when I even talk about my kids to other people. The picture can never be complete from the viewpoint of another person.
OMG. That photo. They are just perfect.
when my great nephew was about 3 he was playing with those little people fisher price things and he had the school bus crash, everyone died, and then “they” loaded up the bodies into a dump truck because it was “easier to take them all to buried.”
Morbid? Strange? (funny as hell to me!) I’m sure readers could give me a thousand view points on what’s “wrong” with the boy. Well, he’s 8, he’s a normal kid who loves baseball, soccer, star wars, and john deere tractors.
There is a lot for their brains to process and sort out. I think it’s all part of their growth.
Your kids are healthy and happy and normal. Normal is the most subjective word in the english language. They are their own normal. I love your writing, I love your honesty and I love the fact that I also say I would stuff my kids in a woodchipper if the moment was right! It does get easier as they get older. Potty training, kindergarten, teachers they don’t like, sports, girls! It changes every single day. Keep writing from your heart- we know how you feel!
I never once thought that you portray your children as anything but what they are. Normal, healthy kids. You put a wonderful spin on children and motherhood that I love to read! For the record, kids go through so many stages. When my son was about 3-4 years old, he went through a stage where he was petrified of the shower head. He refused to take a bath or go anywhere near the tub and I had to bath him in the utility sink for a month! I have now idea how it started and the one day he was just over it!
I support your decisions, whatever they may be, you know why? You are a MOM taking care of YOUR kids, we are lucky to have you share some of it with us.
I am glad you are doing what is best for you an your family, it reminds me of why I started reading your blog in the first place, your honesty, your wit, your great writing skills.
Raising kids is tough, with or without a blog, know that you are knocking it out of the park!
thanks for sharing
You know what? Riley is perfectly normal. Kids his age are normally scared of things. Shit, I’m scared of loud noises and I’m over 40. Maybe I have a disorder or something. I have an agressive four year old daughter who likes to play “fight” with her older sister. She always wins. She’s not the child I expected to have but she’s her own personal version of normal. I wouldn’t worry too much. It’s hard to be a toddler. And it’s harder to be the mother of one.
OMG! Please don’t edit too much… I think most of us tend to create characatures when we tell story about loved ones. I, personally, find your blogs to be witty, honest, ascerbic and feel like they put life in perspective. Those of us who read the site know that your children are beautiful, loving and loved. And, PS, I used to grab my brother by the ears (they stuck out. a lot. Too tempting) and try to slam his head against the wall. He has no brain damage (that we know of anyway) and even in our 30s, we love each other dearly and joke about those days.
Oh I got all melty about little “goat houses”. :) I would imagine it is tricky to blog about family, much in the way that it is difficult for me to blog about my love life or lack thereof (although for completely different reasons).
SO sweet! I love when kids want to show you their imaginary life. I want that life, still. :)
I’m skipping past the comments to just say this…
From the mother of one toddler boy to another:
-He’s a boy
-He’s a toddler
-He’s absolutely NORMAL. End of sentence.
My son is going through the SAME thing. It’s a phase people. Why does everything have to be labeled these days? Why can’t we just let kids be kids??? Goddamn.
Kids are so funny the way their minds work, and who knows what it was about the ‘goat game’ that upset him. Something like that happened with my oldest years ago, and it turned out it was the fact that Mommy took the lead that freaked him out a bit. I’d told him that they lions were coming across a field, the same lions that he’d been taming and making jump through fire. He began to cry, I asked what’s wrong and he said that ‘Mommy saw the lions.’ I scared him because I made it too real. Hmmm.
Anyways, adorable boys and about your writing about your loved ones and such, well we are only seeing a small slice of the pie. We don’t see the whole person, and I’m sorry but I hate people who are ‘diagnosers’. They see disorders and disablities where every they look because a friend, a family member or even themselves had something similar and they may have their hearts in the right place, but the panic that they can cause is not right.
people are four-dimensional beings, whether they are 3 days old or 103 years old. it is impossible to convey all of that in this two-dimensional internet world. the innate potential of children–watching them develop into a totally unique beings with their own ideas, thoughts, actions, and personalities–is a thoroughly beautiful thing. i think youre placing an impossible task on your plate, if youre trying to get all of that up and into this “two-dimensional internet land.” while child development is not always so pretty (see: goat bashing), its true and awesome and i VERY MUCH enjoy your willingness and ability so lovingly share it with all of your readers. i say keep up the good work, shower your kids, husband and family with unending love, and dont get so caught up with what we all think out here.
For what it’s worth (not much, I know!)- Riley sounds just like my oldest when he was Riley’s age, espcially re the loud noises. He’s almost 12 now and still hates really loud noises but is also planning on getting his pilot’s license, loves Seahawk and Mariners games and lives life each day just fine. Riley is fine, normal and a wonderful little boy. I’ve never read anything on here that I thought portrayed him in any other light. All of his little traits seem very age appropriate to me and my kids span the ages of 7-12 so I’ve seen a lot. Enjoy your wonderful amazing boys and keep writing- we get that you use a snapshot in time to write a post. We all do that.
You know, you’re doing better than “right for your kids”. Your honesty about working, being a mom, and daily life is what brings me back day after day. You write what I think most of the time and it’s refreshing to know I’m not the only one who thinks those things. (Feeling like your doing a half-assed job at working AND being a mom? That is my M.O.) Most of the people who read your blog know what complicated little beings kids are. A post is just a tiny snapshot. If I wrote about how my child demanded cake or a popsicle for breakfast this morning, I’m sure people would think I feed her that stuff all the time. (Um, no. But really, there are times when I seriously consider the Bill Cosby argument about cake for breakfast. It has eggs! And milk!)
So, really, you are an inspiration. And your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom.
I haven’t been blogging for very long, in comparison, but I am constantly going through this myself, how do I accurately portray things (while protecting that which really needs to be protected) so that people don’t paint a very warped picture of my life. It’s just so frustrating (for me) when I post something and it’s misunderstood in such a way that all the comments come back more puzzling than helpful. And I’m frustrated with myself. Why couldn’t I do a better job at capturing things, why can’t I be better at this whole thing when it’s something I really love. It’s also something I’ve definitely thought of in terms of our baby (due in February).
That was me. And I really am sorry if I upset you. FYI: I’m NOT a diagnoser (is that even a word?) I am however, a true believer in early intervention – it has done amazing wonders for my son. I love your writing and check you often during the day. And follow you on twitter. I love how open, fun and honest you write about your family – please don’t stop or edit. I again I apologise for upsetting you – that wasn’t my intent.
Feel free to contact me…..Momma.2.boy@gmail.com
I had a “friend” tell me that there was definately something wrong with my kid…”he’s autistic or something!”. While my husband was furious, I just kept saying “he’s a boy!, boys play differently than girls, he’s totally normal!” Years later this woman is still sorry for her comments. My son is a healthy, rowdy, very active 7 year old. I always hope that the people we surround ourselves with support us and nurture us. That woman saw the error of her ways and cried for not being more supportive – god forbid something was wrong or different about my child – I would hope she would support me – not tear me down. You are right to be protective of your children. You deserve to be supported and nurtured. Even though we don’t know each other, I find humor and comfort in your stories that are so familiar to mine. Thank you and take comfort in knowing that there are many women/mothers who understand your feelings. We’re right there with you.
I think we all have unusual little fears, especially toddlers. In most cases it’s something entirely normal, in some it’s not. I’m so thankful for all the moms in the blogosphere who are here telling stories about THEIR kids so we can all learn from our collective experiences. You’re doing a great job portraying your children. They sound beautiful!
Dude, toddlers are just like that. One kid I nannied for went through a phase where he was terrified of how his smoothie had a tendency to seep up into the straw and spill into the cup. It was every day for two weeks. And then suddenly it was over. Their minds have a lot to process. Don’t worry about him. He’s awesome.
Linda,
I, for one, think your whole family sounds nothing but wonderful. I read your posts and know that there is so much more to your life but what you do share makes it all sound real and relatable. Never for one moment do I think you portray your family as caricatures.
Relax, you are doing a FABULOUS job making us all want to be a.) your husband b.)your best friend c.)your kid d.)your sister etc.
Keep it coming – we love you!
~Sara
My almost-3-yr old boy occasionally freaks out about the ‘wions’ in his room. Sometimes it works to chase them out, once in a while I can convince him that they are friendly lions and we can all go nite-nite.
Kids have the greatest imaginations. I love this age; finally getting a peek at what is going on in that busy little brain.
Don’t change a thing! You are doing right by your children in this blog. It doesn’t matter what you right about, some people will offer unsolicited advice anyway. But I do understand as a Mom there are just days that the unsolicited advice hurts even when you know it doesn’t apply to your situation.
Keep up the great writing. Your stories are great and your kids are going to love this journal some day when they are grown. Don’t worry, they will know you better than anyone out here reading this and they will know exactly what you meant and how you felt when you wrote about their story.
By the way, with two kids of my own (who are just a little older than yours), I can relate almost every single post back to one of my own experiences. That is what makes reading your blog so much FUN!
Thanks for this. I’m still trying to navigate the waters that is blogging about my kids as they grow up, too. But I completely agree–we tend to create an “image” of the people we write about online. Whether it’s intentionally or not. But just to reassure you–my daughter (about a week younger than Riley) has the same issues with loud noises. Completely normal kid besides that, but then you turn the vacuum on or flush the toilet or even just talk too loudly and there is the immediate hands-to-the-ears freak out. It’s kinda nice to know that other kids her age are experiencing this and that maybe it’s just a normal stage in some 3-year-olds’ development.
I remember when my youngest was three and was wildly terrified of bumble bees. She would scream and shake in terror when she would see them. Once we went to a family-style restaurant with her and they had a person dressed in bee costume…and OH MY GOD my kid went nuts and threw herself to the floor shaking and screaming ” Oh no — get bumbee away from me”. My kid is a completely normal 14 year old now…
Do what you need to do and what makes you feel comfortable, but I, for one, never assume I “know” your family based on what you write. We’re all multi-dimensional people and I don’t expect or believe that what you write about you or your family members comes close to depicting their entire personalities. You give a snippet here and there, maybe get some valuable or not-so-valuable advice from your readers, and that’s that. Since I’m not a blogger, maybe I can’t relate to your concerns but wanted to let you know some of us don’t form opinions one way or another.
That picture is adorable.
I completely understand where you’re coming from here, and I think any of us with loved ones and potential children think about it. You’ve done a beautiful job, in my eyes, for what it’s worth. I think Dylan and Riley sound like bright, funny, wonderful kids to be around. They sound loved, well cared-for and are very lucky. I love the way you write about them.
Further, it constantly upsets me that people feel that it’s acceptable to borderline diagnose other people — and other people’s children — based on such snippets on a website. It’s true, we all see things through our own lens, but I’d appreciate if everyone could have a LITTLE more self-awareness on that front, and learn when to keep their mouths shut. And diagnosing VIA THE WEB is one of those times.
Hi. I don’t know if you will even see this comment or not because there’s so many others here already but here goes anyway. My oldest son is also very afraid of loud noises. Dogs barking, loudly flushing toilets, things slamming – it’s pretty crazy actually. But the part that confuses me the most is that he himself is BY FAR the LOUDEST thing around. How he doesn’t scare himself with all of his yelling and caterwalling is beyond me. Anyway, before I get all mushy here I also have to say that I think you do a great job at doing “right” by your kids. You’re so honest about the whole motherhood thing and that’s very refreshing. There’s been so many times that I’ve read a post and felt exactly the same way and that’s a really good, comforting feeling – knowing that you’re not alone – or crazy, or whatever. I’m rather new to blogging and still trying to figure it all out and when I get even 1 comment on my blog I almost pee my pants with excitement. But I’m glad that I started blogging and have found sites like yours because it’s a blessing.
Cute pic! I remember being afraid of a lot of random shit when I was a kid. Especially, this battery operated puppy my grandma gave me. That little fucker would bark and run at me. Anyhoo, as I’m sure you know, kids at that age have a hard time understanding made up vs real. Maybe he thought that something was coming at him he couldn’t see? I think you do a wonderful job portraying your awesome family, so whatev.
If it makes you feel any better (in the random childhood fears department), my son is scared of KOOSH BALLS of all things, and any item in the koosh ball milieu. (I am, however, an awful mother, because I secretly find this to be hilarious.)
Also? The baby goats story is perhaps the cutest thing I’ve read in quite a while.
I think about this all time, whether I’m writing my own post or reading someone else’s. I always keep in mind that this is just a slice of a story from one person’s point of view. That’s what’s lovely. That’s why we all read you. Your point of view, the slices you chose to tell are, at turns, hysterical, touching, illuminating, commiserating, and sometimes all four at once. I think you balance it all very well and I hope you trust your readers enough to get that there are always more layers, always more to say.
Oh, and I have very sensitive hearing. Have my whole life. My daughter is apparently the same way. So we talk about it and she has learned to cover her ears very well (first fingers pressing that little flappy bit, rest of fingers covering on top)!
My almost 3-year-old son suddenly can’t tolerate loud noises either. Everything from my hairdryer to the beaters makes him plug his ears with his fingers in fright. I am sure this is just one of those quirky stages. Kids are WEIRD. Weird is normal. :) Not that you were worried. I’m just saying. I suppose I was happy to read that Riley has the same issue.
Maybe it helps that I’m not a mom and most of my experience with kids is being one. But I read the previous post (RSS feeds do wonders for that) and just marveled at how complex people (specially the pint sized ones) can be.
As for the fear thing, well… I’ve found out recently that when my security blanket is gone (been there for years and I didn’t even realize), I’m afraid of things even though I should know better.
Anyone would seem like a caricature of themselves if you were only to read one blog entry about them. Read a few entries though and I don’t think anyone could help but fall in love with your kids. Riley seems so bright and kind and curious. I’m even developing a soft spot for JB, requests for BJs written out in french fries notwithstanding.
My little person? Used to be terrified of the Hoover. Then one Christmas my parents bought him a little Dirt Devil of his own and that was the end of it. Any ideas how we can get him to stop with the “tell my friends to shush it, Daddy” at bedtime EVERY F’ING NIGHT (and the friends? Elmo, Cookie, and about 50 other stuffed animals he insists must sleep in his bed)?
I love your stories about the boys (all three of them!) And I feel you write very clearly in a way that is entertaining, but it’s also clear when there is exaggerating or sarcasm, so I trust that there’s more to your stories, just like anything in life. I’ve never felt that you paint a negative or clouded picture of your children & husband. You’ve pointed out the good with the bad, and you can have a sense of humor about it all. I truly enjoy your honesty and humor. It makes it so easy for the rest of us to relate to you.
To me this feels similar to the situation you had with the nasty comment (I am not calling this new comment nasty) on your fitness mantra post. There you were able to see very clearly: this was a problem/issue that the commenter had that they were venting.
It is of course much more difficult when the topic is your CHILD. In my opinion you paint a vibrant, colorful, and very full picture of your family and I’ve been reading for a long time. Of course you have to constantly *think* about how and what you’re saying. That’s why you have loyal fans; you are serious and thoughtful about your craft and your readers are loyal and love you for it!
Love the picture of the boys on the couch…your little baby is turning into a little man!
Charlotte’s preschool asked if I wanted her tested for the Sensory Perception Disorder and I said sure, for all the same behaviours and personality traits you spoke about Riley having. So similar, so similar. Assessed: shy, sensitive, sensitive to lots of stimulation, noise especially, lots of kids around at one time (birthday parties), and happens to have acute hearing (I said BIONIC? COOL!). Ultimately she is shy and sensitive and hears very well, she is a combo of mom and dad and pre-school has made her less sensitive, but just as my hair is naturally brown or something close to it, she is a sensitive, deep feeling lovely kid, who yells FUCK in the middle of McDonald’s playland which was one of the proudest moments of my parental life. It is who she is, and I figure it is our job as parents, grand parents, cousins, teachers, what-have-you to help her when she needs it. I don’t talk about it much on my blog either, sorry to hijack yours.
ALSO, as you know, she will not shit on the potty. Related??? :-) maybe.
much love
xo
Sorry, I wanted to add, we would accept her and love her and help her no matter what she needed, or if she was given a label or diagnosis. I am not saying it wouldn’t be difficult, but it would be done. We love the little shitter.
I didn’t see your earlier entry, but I’m sure the “helpful” commenter didn’t know what they were doing.
You kids don’t come off as characters (JB kinda does, and it’s hilarious, but not the boys), they come off as little boys learning about the world.
That little goat scenario is a perfect example. He doesn’t think of new avenues because he doesn’t know he can think about them yet. And he wasn’t sure if goats were really coming or not because he hasn’t fully grasped pretending and how thinking works.
It’s perfectly normal for three year olds to be afraid of a ton of things. They don’t have the thinking processes to know whats up.
I mean, if you told me a bunch of goats were coming up over that horizon, and I couldn’t fully understand the concept, I’d be running like hell, too.
Goats are scary.
me, a twenty one year old with no baby experience except being a nanny and having a brand new nephew, THINK YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! if that means anything, great! It’s the truth.
Riley looks so BIG in that picture. And Dylan, soooooo cute (glad my kid isn’t the only one perpetually covered in drool).
I’m always worried that some day my kids will grow up and get mad that I blogged about them. It seems like I shed them in a negative light since the blog is the place where I go to vent and even though I try to put a comical spin on the stories, they ALWAYS come out sounding like I’m bitching about my kids. I feel you about not wanting to portray them the wrong way, it’s a tough balance.
Kids are scared of the strangest thing. Mine got scared in the middle of Pinky Dinky Doo the other day for no apparent reason. Weird.
I think Riley’s symptoms are a factor that HE’S THREE and they are binary – off or on. I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s all a phase and it’s all changing and don’t let the bastards grind you down. You’re doing fine. He’s three. And Dylan will be one. And he’ll have a whole new bunch of “issues” and “things” and the landscape keeps changing and all you can do as a parent is roll with it and keep changing your strategies. You’re fine. They’re fine, healthy, and lovely.
Let’s get one thing straight, JB is a mother fucking fence leaping, nuts grabbing, leering manly man, and anything you say to the contrary is pure bull shit. My mental caricature of JB is what keeps me going on this blog when you get all, OMG my VAGINA!!!! it’s so hard feeling all these emotions and raising little humans and decorating and home making and shit!!! LOLZORZ!!!11111
I like JB just the way you describe him, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t burst my bubble. I for one try and live my life to some ridiculous, imaginary, manly cliche. Don’t fuck it up. I think JB would second me on this one.
As for your kids, let’s be real, they are just kids. They are like women but even more so in the fact that no one really knows what they are thinking. Just tattoo a random Calvin and Hobbes strip on their forehead and call it accurate. Also, maybe you need to take a step back from your blog and remember that it’s just some other jack asses opinion, like mine, that you get here in the comments. They don’t really mean shit when it comes down to it, because if you can take an objective look around the world, and I believe you can, then you will see that even out of the fifty percent of people who mean well, ninety nine percent of those are still idiots. You do just fine, and much like that other post where some cunt told you to get off your high horse for actually getting unfat, you need to go ahead and piss all over that shit, stand by your original statement, and tell them to fuck off cause your kids are the shit. Guess what, kids have quirks, and sometimes they even turn out to be loud mouthed assholes like myself, but in the end you know you did a really good job parenting them. I can’t speak for everyone, but I look up to you for your kid raising skills, cause children scare the shit out of me, and I can only hope I do as good a job as you are doing.
Off topic but funny
Fake Disney movie trailer for the Sarah Palin story
http://www.boingboing.net/2008/09/26/fake-disney-movie-tr.html
Btw, is anyone else slightly creeped out by Josh?
That picture is so adorable.
Obviously I don’t know you, but from what I have read on your blog you are such a great mom. I love how honest you are about the frustrations of being a working mom, and your glimpses into how strange and wonderful kids are. Like Riley with his goats. Too cute.
Finally, I find this modern tendency to turn every behavior that isn’t “normal” into a “disorder” extremely troubling.
No Lesley, we love Josh, and I am probably related to him, in an inbred redneck hillbilly kinda way, lol!
And Linda, we all knew you were lying about your kids all this time, cause nobody’s kids can be that perfect. And we know you have professional male models for all the pictures on this blog. (And I’d bet those aren’t even your own rock hard abs in the pictures, someone is goooood at photoshop huh?)
Seriously, we all love coming here and reading all your trials, tribulations, and triumphs, and I for one had the longest couple days in the world when you disappeared and had Riley, and worried about how it was going with Dylan, and was hitting the refresh button like a crack monkey to get updates……..we all love ya, and JB, well, I still think he just mixed up the JB to make it BJ by mistake. (You know, cuz he would never be dirty minded. Not at dinner.) LOL
I wondered what happened to the last post–I saw the few “teaser” sentences in the email announcement for it and was looking forward to reading it, because I also have a fearful preschooler. He is especially afraid of loud noises and–most out there–afraid of things hanging from the ceiling of stores. I have no idea where that one came from, but we just deal with it. The loud noises one seems fairly common among kids, and I remember being scared of them myself when I was little–one of those manifestations of not being totally in control of one’s environment and at the mercy of the big people around you. Anyway, there is Occupational Therapy for everything and I’m sure if my son’s fears were out of control we would consider having him “evaluated,” but really, he just seems like a normal preschooler. Who knows, maybe we are deluding ourselves (my husband and I, that is). Riley has never sounded anything but normal to me, in the snippets of everyday life you share here.
josh=wonderful;not creepy
As lots of other reaaders have said: do not fret, the sum total of your posts give a very nicely balanced portrait of your boys.
I didn’t see the previous post or comments, but I wouldn’t be too hard on the commenter in question. One of my children had a problem with his bowel that first showed as chronic constipation. It took months of ‘wrong’ treatments and tests to find out the real issue, which was corrected by surgery. The thing is, whenever I read a ‘mommy blog’ that mentions a constipated child, I want to comment with something like ‘have you had him/her checked for this?’ but I never do – not wanting to freak people out over what is 99.99% of the time just normal body function. But I really wish somebody with good intentions and prior exxperience had pointed me in the right direction earlier on.
Also: Josh rocks.
Ugh. I didn’t see the first post, but had to comment anyway. Someone once told me that my daughter had that disorder. The woman was a leader in a parents group I used to go to. Even though I knew in my gut that she didn’t have it, that woman had me so freaked out that we scheduled an appointment with a child behavior specialist.
Know what she told us? That she DOESN’T have it, but that she is really bright. She recommended a few books for us to read and gave us some tips to deal with the behavior.
I see that woman (from the parent group) sometimes and my blood boils just thinking of what a stupid f***ing comment she made and how wrong she was.
All kids are different – why does everything have to be a disorder?!
I think Riley has a healthy, vivid imagination. (which could make him a great writer like his mama some day.)
My almost-4-yo does too. Sometimes, though, I have to reel him back to reality when he gets lost in his play. Once we were at a playdate and the friend was pretending to be a dog and chasing him. Even thought the kid never even touched my child, as the game went on, my boy got more engrossed in the game and was eventually terrified of this ‘dog’.
Definately a downside of the creative mind.
Just so you know~ my child had an incident at school (it was only about his 3rd day there) and I walked in and he was BAWLING. I, of course, tried not to grab him and run from there promising that he would NEVER have to go back to school… The teacher told me they were singing a “quiet-loud” song and all of a sudden the kids would scream certain parts of the song after whispering the verse before. Broke my heart. But we taught him that if things get loud, to put his hands or fingers over his ears. He has done this a few times since then, but has gotten a LOT better.
When he was born, he failed his hearing tests… for a while. We kept taking him back and I know its common but I was a new mom and I thought for sure that my child was going to have hearing problems.
Yeah, he grew way the hell out of that. He would jump at the SMALLEST things (my dad sneezing, the door slamming, etc) Now, I know that he has a “sensitive nervous system” and some abrupt loud things just scare him more than it scares others. Oh well. We don’t pay any attention to it really and he just learns how to deal with loud noises now. That is all. (completely NOT saying that that’s what Riley has, but wanted to let you know that all kids deal with things differently… maybe he just doesn’t LIKE loud noises … completely normal… hell, I don’t like some loud noises)
P.S. You’re doing great ;)