So I’ve been mildly obsessed with this website that has archived the last statements of prisoners executed in Texas. What? Oh, don’t look at me like that, at least it’s not dolphin porn.

In those transcripts some people ask for forgiveness. Some people declare their innocence, right down to the bitter end (those are the most disturbing ones to read, because the possibility that they might not be lying? Yeesh). Most people do a sort of shout-out to God, like they’re hoping for a Get Out Of Hell Free card.

It got me thinking what I might possibly say if I were faced with imminent death and given the opportunity to grace the planet with one last statement. I suppose I’d tell my family I loved them, what else would there be to say? Well, other than “Does anyone have a kleenex? Because I just shit my pants.” Or “Don’t mess with Texas. SERIOUSLY.”

My favorite of all the final words in that macabre little collection, by the way, is this: “Okay I’ve been hanging around this popsicle stand way too long.  Before I leave, I want to tell you all.  When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I’m dead.”

If you’ll pardon the lack of any sort of sensible segue from death row statements to The Remodel, I thought I’d bore the shit out of you with some photos of how it has all turned out so far, now that we’ve finally (mostly) wrapped up the other rooms.

This is our front room now, it wasn’t part of the remodel but we rearranged a bunch of stuff when we moved the TV into the new room. I can’t seem to find a good picture of how it was laid out before, but here’s one view.

We got our coffee table back out of storage, although I’m sure we’ll banish it once again when Smalltopus is at the head-bashing stage. That little blue kid’s table/chair combo came from Fred Meyer, it was cheap as hell and Riley loves it. WIN.

Here’s the dining room area now, with new IKEA bookshelf (the LINNARP model, if you’re interested) (also: LINNARP! LINNARP! Oh, it’s fun to say). That cutout into the kitchen looks sort of weird in this photo, it’s not so blatantly Testrisy in real life.

View from the kitchen into the front room.

The new living room, or family room, or den, or whatever it’s called. The room that actually has insulation and therefore isn’t freezing all winter long, that’s how I think of it. We got the sectional from Levitz; JB made that side table (he’s both handy AND profane, and that’s why I love him so).

Here’s another view from the new living room with the office entryway visible.

This is the office, which I can’t seem to photograph without making it look about three feet wide. It’s small, but not quite as small as it appears here.

One of the office windows, which looks into the background. With all its mounds of reeking dogshit lovely fall foliage.

Here’s the entire addition as viewed from the outside of the house. Not shown: the port-a-potty that is mysteriously STILL HERE.

And here’s a really crappy comparison of how the place looked when we first got it, and how it looks today. To date we have added a garage, remodeled/expanded the master bath and bedroom, added an office and a living room on the west side of the house, and remodeled/expanded the kitchen. AND NOW WE ARE DONE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AMEN.

We could have made do with the house as it was, but this is now a place we can easily stay in for any length of time, and believe it or not it was cheaper than buying a bigger place. We now have more storage, and we have room for both kids to have their own room while still retaining an office space. If our most recent appraisal is to be believed, the whole venture has been a success from an investment standpoint—so keep on climbing to increasingly horrifying and unrealistic medians, Seattle housing market! I hate you but I love you.

At this point, the only thing we have left to do is transform our old office into Riley’s new bedroom. So this:


. . . has to become something a little more toddler-friendly. The upside-down tables probably need to go.

But other than that, WE’RE DONE. No more contractors in the house! No more refrigerators in the front room! No more Mystery Lube! The Great Remodel Bitchfest of 2006-2007 has reached its conclusion, thank you for allowing me to complain so vigorously and annoyingly for so very very long.


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16 years ago

i cannot tell you how much i adore your decorating style! it’s classic, modern, and uber-inviting, all at the same time. riley’s a lucky little boy to have you and jb influencing his style!

16 years ago

Looks awesome! On my end, we finally signed a contract and put down a deposit for our remodel, which is supposed to take 6 months! Wooo! Now we need to finance it! Woooo toooo!

16 years ago

The remodel looks fantastic!
Weird question – do you know the square footage of your living room? The old one, not the new one. They way it’s set up makes it look so open and spacious. We have a similar space, but I think ours is much smaller. If it’s not much smaller I will copy your set-up immediately!

16 years ago

Your house looks very homey, if that makes any sense. I like the colors you chose, and your new kitchen rocks. Also, thank god for you that it’s over!

16 years ago

Your house looks BEAUTIFUL. I love the choices you made (not that my opinion matters, but I still like them!). Congrats on surviving the remodel. I wish we had the guts to do it.

16 years ago

It looks like a success all around. And my confession is that I was addicted to (and I think it’s on the same site) the last meal requests of death row prisoners in Texas.

16 years ago

Congrats on wrapping up the renovations! The place looks great. :)

Clueless But Hopeful Mama

Love it! It’s like reading some fancy home magazine except it looks like real people live there (even if they did magically hide the mounds of toys that toddlers acquire)!


R Wayne
R Wayne
16 years ago

Thanks for the photo tour. Your aunt had described some of the work being done, but I’m glad to see it for real. Nice job.

16 years ago

Your home is lovely, with warm soothing colours. It really looks like home. Thank you for the pix!

15 years ago


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