I feel your pain. We wrapped up PT 2 months ago but it took a while for my son to “get” #2. He would do the same exact thing-wait for the nighttime diaper or just hold it which made it worse b/c then he’d be so constipated. I say just let it be and it will click for Riley. Don’t try to push it b/c then it could cause worse issues like constipation and then you’d be dealing with suppositories and other yucky things.

I would ask myself: why does he have the urge to poop at sleep time? How long after eating is this happening? Do you let him eat or drink after dinner, and could this be stimulating his bowels?

My girls were poop trained well before 1.5 because I paid attention to how their bodies worked and, when I knew they were most likely to have the urge, they were on the potty. Go ahead and say I “trained myself,” but the fact is that in very short order, they chose to hold their poops once they knew they would have an opportunity to avoid a poopy diaper. The thing is, they can’t hold it forever; you have to make sure they have the opportunity to go when their body is most ready to go. By extension, if you can change things around so he can’t hold it until after bedtime, he might be more motivated to try the potty versus soiling his underwear right in front of you.

Maybe you could consider moving the time that he eats or goes to bed. Also, consider feeding him foods that will stimulate things, like beans and apples. And temporarily avoid foods that can constipate like bananas and cheese.

OMG, the 2 snow days – GAH! I only have one, but he’s 19mos and still a bit too young to enjoy any crafty indoor activities. He’s literally running around in circles and throwing tantrums every 5 minutes; that I COULD have gone out with him yesterday makes me sooooo pissed.
As for the potty, maybe your pediatrician can recommend some potty training boot camp or witch doctor :)

ok, really starting thinking after my last post….why did my kid finally shit on the toilet….(ok, it was a trip down memory lane since he’s 18 now)….but realized it was my attitude…I think i finally gave up…decided if “you want to shit in your pants….have at it….wallow in it….who cares…hope your kindergarten teacher likes the smell of shit…”,then let it go…voila….potty training shortly thereafter….so in a nutshell….relax, let it be….and it is true….no one goes to kindergarten in diapers!!!

My 3.5 year old boys had the same issues with pooping in the potty. They would hold it and hold it until they pooped all over the place. We were getting all annoyed but once we stopped making a big deal about pooping in the potty and told them if they did they would get a sticker, but if they had an accident we didn’t react negatively but were like “You’ll get it next time!” They chilled out, dropped the power struggle and pooped on the potty. Also, you may try ditching the pull-ups because lets face it, they are diapers and it is ok to poop in a diaper. Relax, it is not like it will be this way forever and he’s just three, so it really isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Don’t worry about the pooping in the pull-up thing. It is not uncommon at all (according to my pediatrician) for kids to pee train and poop train and different times. They require different muscles that don’t always develop at the same rate. My son easily pee trained at 3 years, but refused to poop in the potty. He wore underwear, but would ask for a pull-up when he had to poop. My pediatrician (a very wise man) said, “Give it to him. This is not something you want to turn into a power struggle. You can’t win it. It’s his body.” He was right. I didn’t make big deal out of it and gave him a pull-up when he wanted to poop for 6 months. Then we went on a trip and I forgot the pull-ups. He had to poop and I said “I don’t have pull-ups” and he said “OK” and went on the potty and that was that. (My son’s name is Riley also, btw.) So don’t sweat it, but don’t fight him about it. I have a friend whose 6 year old still poops in her underwear because they’ve been engaged in a 4 year power struggle. You do NOT want to go there. Your guy will poop in the potty eventually. I’m pretty sure he won’t go to prom in diapers. (Very much enjoy your blog.)

My first family doctor told me that boys, especially, have a problem “letting go” of their poops. Since he was a doctor and a parent, I tended to listen to him pretty attentively. He said that you should make an “event” of saying goodbye to the poop in the potty. Also let them know that “Everyone Poops” (yes it is the name of a book…..author Robert Muench, I believe). Might want to check into that title.

I also potty trained my youngest using his then favorite candy (buttered popcorn jelly bellys). He pooped, he got a jellybean. It worked, although he does associate jellybeans with bowel movements, even to this day……Is that bad?

I didn’t read all the comments above, so I hope I’m not being redundant, but my son was the same damn way. Finally after him requesting a diaper to poop in, or even hiding to crap in his underpants for weeks, I knew it WAS TIME. Then one day I waited until I KNEW he hadn’t pooped all day, gave him a nice WARM cup of cocoa, and stuck his little ass on the pot. I told him (sternly, I guess) “Look dude, you have to poop on the pot.” He proceeded to scream, cry, kick and howl. I just kept calmly telling him he had to poop on the pot. I read him stories for about an hour while sitting on the floor in front of the pot, and finally he couldn’t hold it anymore. He totally freaked out while it was happening, but once it was over I gave him M&M’s, praise and hugs. It took a few nights (and one suppository) but it finally stuck. It’s a pain in the ass, and time consuming, but it really works. Once they realize it’s okay when the poop comes out into the pot they finally relax… and request candy every time they crap. So long story short… Wait it out on the pot.

Maybe try to figure out the reason why he doesn’t like the toilet. Of course you’ve probably already tried, but just a few ideas. Eg: he doesn’t feel steady with his feet dangling? Maybe get one of those little stools (uh, no pun intended) that he can put his feet on, which then gives him something to ‘push’ against if you know what I mean. He doesn’t like the splashing sound? Give him some big boy earmuffs to wear while pooping, or something. Ok, that sounds ridiculous, but… kids are. If he likes the privacy of his own room, maybe give him some ‘private potty time’ before bed and then don’t crow over the results, or lack of. Does he need the pull ups in bed regardless of the poop issue? Is it possible to put him to bed without one, if he doesn’t like to ‘go’ in his regular underwear? I guess you don’t want to risk the mess being even messier, though…

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. Same. Exact. Problem Here.

3 year old will hold #2 for up to FIVE DAYS until she gets a diaper or pull up on. I have tried ALL these suggestions and nothing works. She is REALLy headstrong and stubborn. Our ped said to just give her a diaper. We don’t need her getting so constipated her bowel distends. So, now I’m going with the “don’t say anything” method and just giving her a pull up when she wants. I can’t stand the battling. When I was trying to wait her out and not give her a diaper, she actually stopped PEEING as well. She went ALL DAY one day without doing either. That’s when I gave up. She won.

She seems to be freaked out by all the praise we heap on her when she uses the potty. Because now she tells me not to talk to her afterwards. So, I’m trying to relax and not make a deal out of it at all.Now she at least is peeing on the potty again.

I’m just hoping all these people are right…that if we ignore it, they will eventually do it on their own. *crossing fingers*!

I don’t have kids, but it seems like he wants to be alone and to do it in his bedroom, a comfortable place he’s used to. Is a potty chair in his room an option? He can be left alone to do it, you can see him on the video monitor, and if he goes for it, he may get the opportunity to realize it’s so much better to not have a messy pullup. For easy clean up, you could line the bowl of the chair with a plastic bag.

Kids hang on to pooping in diapers for as long as possible for some reason. If you feed him a lot of fruit it won’t stink as much is all I can suggest while you wait it out. I suppose he has to agree to eating the fruit though. Aaaaaargh. You have my sympathies.

Sounds similar to my experience with my son. We just gave up for a while and for his 4th (!) birthday we told him we’d buy him a jeep kid car to drive if he’d decide once and for all to just use the potty. Worked like a charm. I’m glad he wasn’t holding out for something better!

Ugh, have BEEN THERE. Just ignore it. I know that isn’t easy, but it was the only thing that worked with my son. I honestly think that his logic was “Why should I bother to try and do it on the potty if they’ll clean it out of the diaper for me?” Then one day, just like that, he was poop-trained.

He was about 2 weeks past his 4th birthday. Sorry.

It’s a boundary issue more than a power issue. Toddlers think that poop is ‘part of them’ not something to just flush away. Until they can separate their sense of self from what ‘they leave behind’ they can’t just ‘leave it behind’. Think how you would feel if someone in authority asked you to just ‘leave that arm in that thar bowl and then we’ll just get rid of it’?

So yeah the acknowledging and saying ‘goodbye’ to the poop might work. Almost like a bit of a grieving process.

Hope that perspective helps.

Our son was very resistant to pooping in the potty. He too was peeing in the potty long before he was willing to poop there. We just made it a part of our schedule that he spent at least 5 minutes on the potty before nap and 5 minutes before bedtime. We offered a reward for pooping in the potty (in this case ice cream) that he loved but could not obtain any other way; he only got it if he pooped in the potty. We had several nights of crying that he didn’t need to go and that he wanted to get down, but we set a timer, and he wasn’t allowed to get down until the timer went off. After about 3 weeks, he was consistently pooping in the potty.

I just recently discovered your blog and I am so glad I did, as I can really relate to a lot of your postings. Your pictures made me homesick (I was born and raised in Seattle).

My son Gabriel is almost exactly the same age as Riley and has been fully potty-trained (with the exception of nights and the occasional accident) since he was 2 years 10 months. What worked for us was just putting him in underwear during the day, and constantly asking him if he needed to use the bathroom and then making him sit on the potty every hour.

When he did have accidents in his underwear he realized that he really didn’t like the feeling. We also had a simply training potty that we placed near where he spent most of his time during the day, so it was close and less intimidating.

Maybe a potty (you know one of those training kind at the baby stores) in the bedroom?

I’m pulling at straws since I only have 1 baby Dylan’s age.

LOVE the video. Dog is a mighty heavy sleeper! Lucky bitch! ;)

I agree with those who suggest ditching the pullups and diapers. If he poops in his underpants a few times I bet he’ll figure it out. Especially if they are his favorites and he sees you put them in the trash can afterward. :-)

I also always like the “babies poop in their diapers, but big boys poop in the potty” thing. My son HATES being called a baby.

maybe if u left a small potty chair in his room he would go on his own when u weren’t there at night time?? or maybe have a friend for riley over who is already potty trained and get riley excited to be like his friend. or i think the idea some people had of making him clean himself would be helpful. kids at that age like independence and he would also be taking care of his body himself if he did that. i ask my almost 2 year old if she wants to go and it’s an automatic no on the poop. but she will pee on her own about half the time. don’t know how we are going to tackle the pooping on the potty yet with her. we also do a candy reward of one sweet tart if she pees and two if she poops(which she only did once). and i had her a ‘big girls use the potty book’ which we read and there is one for boys too. i also do a sticker chart and let her choose the sticker and let her put it on the chart. i try to make all the biggest deal out of it being a good thing that i can and try not to say anything about her now going. hope any of this helps.

My son did the same thing, except he would always poop at naptime. One day I just kept him up playing (in underwear) way past naptime and kept telling him if he had to poop, he could go on the potty and he’d get an m&m. He finally pooped in his underwear, which freaked him the F out. OH, the wailing and gnashing of teeth! I thought I’d ruined him and he’d NEVER be potty trained. And cleaning THAT up was no fun either. But once we managed that he got over it pretty fast (he was just over 3 at the time). The next day, we did the same thing, with the same freak out. The third day, same thing except all of a sudden he came running into the bathroom saying, “I want a lollipop! I want a lollipop!” and pooped in the potty. He’s been trained ever since.
My daughter, I had to sit in the bathroom with her, reading, for HOURS, but she needed me there, she was so scared–but again, once she did it and understood it wasn’t as scary as she thought, trained.
Good luck!

30 years ago, our son also was a pants-pooper. He’d hide in the closet, mostly. Since he was an active, competitive, all rough-and-tumble kinda kid, we finally made a game out of the pooing. I took his potty chair, drew a damn big ole bullseye on the bottom of the pot and bet him he couldn’t hit the bullseye…really dramatic statements and laid it on pretty thick.

He did it.

When that excitement wore off after a week or so, I drew a big cartoon face and bet him again. Ha! Bet you cannot get that poop on that guys’ nose! (Gross, eh?)

You get the picture. It worked wonders for our kid because he loved games and couldn’t stand not to be perfect and win…yes, even at that age. He graduated to the regular toilet not too long after that. Whatever works!

Hey – he sounds just like my daughter, who is now 4. She wouldn’t poop on the potty until 1 month before she turned 4. Like you I tried every GD thing in the book and just ended up feeling like a complete failure! Finally, I just let it go and let her continue to do what she needed to do – obviously, just going on blind faith that eventually she’d get there and I’d try to diffuse the control issue we had ramped ourselves into. One week after giving up and letting her just go in her pull-up, she started using the potty and never looked back.

Good luck – just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in your frustration!

Have read some but not all the responses so forgive me if I’m repeating others. My now-five year old did the same thing; our fix was to let him poop in the diaper while sitting on the potty (for which he got a skittle). Then, we eased into opening the diaper a bit, then more… and he could, um, watch the process… which actually helped him be less scared/whatever about it. Eventually the diaper was laid open into the potty bowl, then removed after that. I also had him help dump (heh) the poops into the toilet and he learned dumping it from the bowl was easier than from the diaper.

Oh and ‘Everyone Poops’ is a great book, and subtly points out that animals poop wherever but people do it in the potty or toilet, so yay. That helps, too.

Good luck!

P.S. Dylan. SO CUTE.

Um, and Riley is SO CUTE too. I meant to add. :)

Here’s another vote for do nothing, he’ll just start doing it on his own one day (although it’s a bummer that he waits until naptime or bedtime). My 4.5 year old wouldn’t poop on the potty for some time after he started using the potty to pee. He would ask for a pull up when he wanted to poop. Initially, I tried rewards, bribery, etc., but finally just starting giving him a pull up and not making a big deal of it. Not too long after that, he just starting pooping in the potty.
Not so much looking forward to potty training his younger brother…
Good luck.

Demonstrating? *raised eyebrow* Do tell.

You have too many comments for me to read them all, but I just wanted to share a little bit of advice my Dad gave to me when I was freaking out about potty training.

Look around you, how many adults have you met that failed at potty training? It will happen when he’s ready. So relax and try not to fret.

Sorry, I was worried that you might think that I was talking about how many adults failed to potty train their kids. I’m not. I’m talking about adults who didn’t get potty trained. Not many of them walking around, so don’t worry too much about it. Sure it’s annoying but trust me, he’ll come around.
If my cousin, who had a step Mom threaten to flush him down the toilet as a baby, and would even hold his head over the toilet and dunk his head into the toilet whenever he had an accident could get potty trained (by my Grandma, eventually after he got over his terror of the toilet) than I’m sure Riley can be potty trained.

My boys were the same, and I apologize if I am repeating someone above.

We bought them each A Toy. Something HUGE.

They were AFRAID to poop. Don’t blame them, what with the MYINSIDESAREFALLINGOUTOMG feeling.

They were told that if they pooped ONCE on the toilet, they got The Toy.

Once they did it, they realized that they were not going to DIE.

They’ve been trained ever since.

My girls were the same way about pooping. I TRIED not to worry about it and eventually they got it. Sounds like your boy knows where the poop should go, so eventually he’ll put it there. For me, once my girls got it the first time it was success most always after that. It’s just a looong road until then. Good luck!

Other thing I used to do with my girls. After I started using the potties, I never changed their diapers anywhere but in the bathroom. If they pooped in their diapers, I held them over the toilet while taking off the diapers, then put them on the potty to watch while I emptied the poop from the diaper into the toilet. This was to show them that poop ALWAYS goes in the toilet – it doesn’t belong in the diaper. (And also to ensure our house/garage never smelled like stale crap.) After they were out of diapers, if they had an accident, I did pretty much the same thing – take them to the potty, clean the mess in the toilet with them watching. And I’d let them know I thought it was gross. I never got to the point of making them clean it up, but I do think that’s a good idea too. (When my kid accidentally tipped her potty for the umpteenth time and spilled pee, I made her scrub the floor with me and she’s been remarkably careful since then.)

I also gave (and still give) the girls plenty of time to relax and make a bowel movement. It’s been part of our daily routine that they spend about 15-20 minutes reading/playing on the potties in the bathroom after certain meals. Another thing is that after a certain age, having an adult in the room was a distraction from the “focus.” Are you giving him some privacy and letting him take his time?

I swear I started smelling poop after reading some of the comments.

I’m wondering why you are using pull ups tho…aren’t they messier because you have to pull them down his legs?? Anyway, my only suggestion would be to leave him in the diaper/pullup for as long as you can stand the smell, maybe it will drive him nutty to be “in” it?

I didn’t read all the comments, so I’m sorry if I repeated an idea! :(

we bribed Nick with M n M’s and sang happy birthday and lit a candle and let him blow it out every time he pooped on the potty.

He won’t be pooping when he goes to Kindy. I promise.

Now getting them esp boys to wipe their own asses, that’s another story all together.

Seriously, make him clean himself up. It’s what child psychologists will tell you to do!

How long do you wait before you go in to change Riley? You could try to make it a few minutes longer each time so that he’s uncomfortable sitting in his own poo but not too long, you know? Once he realizes that it’s ICKY to sit in poo he should stop on his own. My youngest was the same way but for the life of me I don’t remember what finally worked. I guess I just blocked out that whole period and moved on to getting reports from preschool about The Captain whizzing on the trees on the playground. FUN!

My plan for my 3rd is to just ask, ‘Do you want to go in the potty?’ and if he says no then I’ll leave it at that. With my first two it was SUCH AN ISSUE that I about went crazy. This time, I don’t care if he is 4 and still wearing diapers, he may be changing himself by then! Just so I don’t have to stress about it. I figure he will want to be like the other kids one day and just decide to do it. (He is 2 now, and I have begun to ask, and so far, he has no interest so we are still in diapers)

Forgive me if this was mentioned already as I didn’t read the other comments. This was suggested to me by two people, and while I didn’t have this problem with my daughter, I still told her this ridiculous tale, and she likes it.

Tell him that his poop WANTS to get flushed down the potty, because there is a party for poop at the end of the tunnel. A poo poo party. My kids asks, “WITH CAKE?” and “Can pee pee come?”

Other than that, I agree with the no stress approach. Let him shit his pants until he realizes – hey! this is gross!

I have the exact opposite problem (which I concede is nowhere near as trying) in that my almost-3-year-old will poop in the potty, but never asks to pee in it. She’s been poop trained for over a year (and there was no magic or cleverness on our parts involved – she just started asking to use the potty), and will pee on the potty on command, but won’t take that final step and ask to pee on the potty. We haven’t started to systematically do anything like rewards or a put-her-on-it-every-1/2-hour system, but we praise her when she keeps her pull-up dry and have shown her that we have underwear for her when she feels ready to wear it. Wish I could help.

Been through this twice and my advice is: just ignore it and Riley will eventually decide – on his own – when he’s had enough of pooping in pull-ups. Not worth the stress to cajole. He’s stubborn like my youngest daughter and the only thing that works with her is just to get over myself and let her figure it out on her own. It will be over before you know it.

We had something really similar with Ella and I was beyond frustrated. Especially with the fact that she could control WHEN she pooped and apparently where, but was refusing to just make that last little step to pooping in the potty. Finally my MIL hit on the magic trick one weekend when she was babysitting. She had Ella wash off her own butt in the bathtub after a naptime poop, and then she asked to use the toilet to poop the next day. When I heard how things had gone down, I went to talk to Ella and explained that we didn’t like touching her poop anymore. If she was going to keep pooping in her panties or Pull-ups, then she was going to have clean up afterwards (which obviously necessitated quite a bit of help, but still). I wasn’t angry about it, I just explained the situation. Every time she did a mess in her pants, I just calmly took her to the bath and started running the water. Honestly, within a week, we were done with diapers and she had started using the toilet all the time. I think that its a very non-confrontational way to shift the responsibility to the child but I think you have to decide if Riley is developed enough to follow the logic, ie understand that he is making his own decision and is not being punished. I think trying this on a child too young would backfire because they would just see it as a punishment.

While annoying, I will echo what others have said here–forget the Pullups. Tell Riley when you get to the end of the next pack that there will be no more pullups, just big boy underwear and that he will have to do ALL his business in the potty. If he holds his poop (what my daughter did) for too long I’d recommend an (whisper)enema(whisper). One time was enough for my stubborn pullups pooper.

Haven’t read through all of your comments, so I’m not sure if this has been said BUT…

For my son I put a handful (yes, literally a big heaping handful) of cheerios in the potty (since ALL kids know what cheerios are), and when he came into the bathroom to see what was going on I looked at him nonchallantly and said “Those are MY cheerios…DO NOT go big stinkies on them…did I mention, they’re MINE?” He laughed at me and thought I was crazy…and the next thing I knew he was sitting on the toilet shouting “MOMMY I DID BIG STINKIES ON YOUR CHEERIOS!” It was a shining moment. I would highly recommend the reverse psychology tactic. (just remember, it’s about acting like you don’t care, but making him think he’d be the cat’s meow if he actually DID go big stinkies on your cheerios…it can be done, I swear :) )

Must go write a thank-you note to Cheerios now. Best of luck!

wish I had advice for you but we are in the same boat. Last night my husband had a talking to with my almost 3 year old boy and they “agreed” to no desserts until Cody started asking to go to the potty. So, now we have a new part of the bedtime stalling routine. Cody gets out of bed and comes downstairs insisting he has to use the potty! At least for a change he is insistent that daddy needs to help!

We are going through the same thing around here. No issues with the peeing, but when he has to poop he goes into the corner of his playroom and if you go into the room it is all “mommy go away”. We offer treats, we praise and we get frustrated. At this point I’ve just decided to just let it go for now, as everyone else said, sooner or later he’ll do it. Might be a pain in the ass for the time being, but eventually they all get it.

Loving the snow pictures. We didn’t get quite as much over on the west side, but enough to satisfy my snow cravings for the year.

Colleen: “poo party….all the other poos!” LOL I’m dying over here!!

I think we should corrall all of our potty-troubled kids into a Survivor-style reality show to see who can hold it the longest, because these kids have some skillz, and someone has to benefit from this, right? Just don’t ask me to be on the judging panel screening the nominee tapes.

Wait a second, did you say they cancelled school BEFORE it even started snowing??? I realize y’all have, like, 1 plow for the whole city, but dang. What midwestern kids wouldn’t give for that.

Those little buggers are so damn cute. There’s the giggle that makes your heart melt. Then there’s the pants-pooping. Sigh.

Our 3-yr-old was the same way. He actually told us, every day, that he would poop on the potty “tomorrow.” And then he changed that to “when I’m bigger. Like Daddy.”

We just asked him if he was ready on occasion, but otherwise didn’t make a fuss about it. And then, like magic, he was ready. He did it completely on his own when neither of us was present. He’s all set now. It’s awesome. But we really didn’t do anything. Lesson I learned: kids will do the thing on their own time. It’s great for the laizzes faire parents like me.