And this is why I love you. The hardcore honesty that never ceases to amaze me. Things like this make those others, you know the ones that question your ability to nurture and love your children, uncomfortable.

Because while they may voice their doubts about your parenting, deep down they are really just insecure in their own boots. Worried really, that maybe they aren’t as good at what they do, because they are obviously less connected with who they are than you are.

You are right where you are supposed to be Linda. And every step you’ve taken in every year leading up to this one has been the right step. Even if it felt wrong at the time. You have a lot to bring your children, and if my opinion counts as much as the naysayers. I think they are lucky to have you.

Your bravery and openess is inspiring. And your words touch people more than you know.

-and hugs to JB, too, for walking the path through some darkness and being there in the light as well.
*grin* so, which is scarier? that or parenting?
Keep smiling – you deserve it, kiddo!!

I have to say that I greatly respect you for putting your family in front of an awful controlling disease. My FIL is an alcoholic. His father was an alcoholic and so was his grandfather. My husband does not ever drink for the fear that he would not stop. He has never drank for fear that one drink would turn into a lifetime.

My FIL does not see a day without alcohol. My husband sat down last summer and had a soul bearing heart wrenching talk with him. Told him that he wants him to see our children. That he loves him but when he drinks, he is not the same man. Told him that he wants a relationship but not with him and alcohol.

He was drinking the next time we saw him.

He has ruined two marriages and relationships with four of his four children.

Have strength when you feel like you want to give in to the alcohol again. I am one of many who want to see you succeed.

O Linda…you rock so much….you really do~!

(If you see, say, five visits to your site in a three-minute time period, it’s because Firefox is being a beyotch and kicking me off and oh my hell, this is one post that I have to comment on.)

I had no idea. Would that be a good thing, you knowing that there are people who read your blogs and your words and would not recognize you as the woman you described above?

I’m so sorry. That’s awful. Your children are so lucky, beyond the fact that you’re their mother, that their mom has enough backbone and strength to admit her past failings and fix them. They never have to see that woman who hid bottles and got a DUI, and that’s a gift.

Well, there you go. I always suspected you were one of the coolest people on the planet. Now I know it.

Wow, so brave and so honest … as usual. This is what a blog is suppposed to be.

Thank you for sharing this! We just recently realized the extend of my dad’s drinking problem (one late-night DUI followed by another at 2 in the afternoon a few months later) and it makes me hopeful to see that it is possible to turn things around. Definitely a struggle but I’m hoping he’ll get himself some help. Thank you thank you thank you!

MY GOD, I love your blog.

Thank you for sharing.

Wow. Thanks for your honesty and courage. Your kids are so lucky to have you for a mom!

I could have written this. I could never stop at just one (or two, or three), I would panic if I got home after work and there was only four beers in the fridge, when planning events or dinners with friends I would be mentally planning how to get alcohol into every party (should I bring a flask or just drink before I go?) etc. I also had the arrest, jail time, all the humiliation that goes along with that.

It took pregnancy for me, also, to really open my eyes and to just LIVE sober for awhile to know how I wanted the rest of my life to be. I cringe thinking of all the stupid ass things I’ve done while drunk and, hallelujah, I am thrilled that I’ll never be like that again.

That’s what you call testicular fortitude.
Bravo.

I adore you.

You’re awesome, girl. I love reading your blog for its honesty and openness. You really are an inspiration.

It’s so brave of you to be honest! I don’t know anyone whose life isn’t somehow affected by addiction and your courage & strength help normalize it. It’s very admirable and I’m so happy for you that you’ve been able to improve your life. You’ve obviously worked very hard for that progress and you have a beautiful family. GO YOU!

I echo everyone that has called you their hero. I’ve only been following your blog for a short time, but in that short time you have become someone I really admire. I read a lot of blogs and really like the authors. But, you? I want to *be* you when I grow up. ;-)

Wow, I have been around long enough to remember other posts about this, but this was just as powerful as the first time I read it.

Thanks for sharing Linda. I hope others may find healing in your courage to open up about it.

Your willingness to be so open and honest is amazing.

Thanks Linda–I’m convinced that if more people speak so candidly about it, that we can finally remove the stigma of being an alcoholic. It’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of–it’s a disease. After my brother went to rehab this summer, I realized that society really ought to address it better. Anyway, thanks.

I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so proud of you for the life you’ve created for yourself and your family. And I really hope that doesn’t sound condescending because I absolutley don’t mean it to. You’ve come such a long way and you’re an inspiration to many.

Linda, I’ve been reading your site since the diaryland days of 2003 and was reading as you went through so much of this experience. It’s so wonderful to read it summed up like this with such great perspective and strength. I’m so happy for you and your family and wish you the best. *k

Thanks, Linda. I hope that posting this (again) brings you as much strength as it does to those of us reading it.

I have several friends struggling to reach the bottom that you describe. The worst part to me is watching them be oblivious about how loved they are. So much time wasted in the haze of guilt and self loathing. There is no reason not to share your story. There are so many people out there who are trying to do what you have done. It’s really easy to be that person who can have one drink. I am one of those people. It’s no great accomplishment, I just don’t feel like having another. But to have that strong desire to have one more then 5 or 10 after that and make the choice not to give in-that is strong and brave. And of course, you should share that because you should be immensely proud, which I imagine you are. I’m so happy for you that you were able to take a bad situation and reap some great rewards from it. It goes to show that it is never over. You can always improve your situation and my impression is that you always try. This speaks so many more volumes about your character than your lowest points of drinking ever will.

You are *amazing*. Thank you.

Very brave of you to share that story. I hope you can see how fabulously far you have come as a person and a mother. You have a lot of lessons to teach those handsome boys and they are lucky to have a mother who is so *real*.

I admire your candidness. It takes a strong woman (person) to fight that battle. Thank you for sharing your story.

You are brave & amazing for sharing your story. Thank you! And hopefully it will help even one person who may be struggling with something similar to get the help they need. My dad is an alcoholic and he refuses to get help and it’s just so heartbreaking.

Linda, That’s really brave of you to admit all that to the world wide web. There are lots of people who can’t do that very thing, even to themselves.

I don’t have kids and am not a mother (a guy in fact), I read because you are insightful and funny…reading today’s post made me proud and happy for a person I don’t even know…so many cannot do what you have done…i’m sure you will inspire many others!

Keeping it real, it’s what you do so incredibly well. You have unbelievable strength (and not just those shiny new pipes of yours) to share such a journey. It’s part of what makes you, you. Through darkness comes light. Through honesty comes this fantastic blog… and you!

You are amazing. Through and through, amazing. Look at all you’ve accomplished and the strength you’ve created for yourself. Truly an inspiration!

Wow, Linda. Well done. You are an amazing woman!

You’ve got it all right. I am so proud of you. Everyday that is a struggle is also the best day ever, right? That takes serious dedication and love.

You’re amazing. Thank you.

Aaaaannnnnddddd….this is why your blog is my all-time favorite. You write with such honesty and openess, it is a breath of fresh air to read. You are a gifted, gifted writer and I’m so happy to ahve found your blog.

You are brave. You are an inspiration. Reading your blog is like chicken soup for the soul. You rock. You rock SO hard!!

I wondered the same thing at times but Im still amazed that people would actually email you to ask something so personal. We’ve all made our mistakes that we have to accept and own and I envy your courage to make such drastic changes for the sake of your family and yourself. You have become an inspiration in so many ways over the last 8ish months that I have been reading you and I thank you for that.

One of the reasons you make me feel all “Crazy Fan Girl” about you is your honesty. For reasons far too lengthy to go into in a comment I sincerely thank you for writing about this and, more importantly, for quitting the drink. :)

I was reading the intro to a compilation of travel writing the other day where the editor said that he finds it difficult to read journalism that is written like diary entries because it is hard to see the over-arching story and that is what he wants from good travel writing, to hear the stories from the whole journey when the author can see them with some distance and perspective sprinkled in. I thought of that as I read this well written entry of yours today. You have perspective now. I hope that your perspective will help someone who needs to hear that it WILL get better if you can break out of the cycle right now. Thanks for sharing your stories.

Wow. Thanks for sharing. Kudos to you and may it only get easier.

Linda you are such an inspiration. In so many ways, to so many different people. Thank you for being you and thank you for your honesty.

Bravo!

Good for you. Own it – it’s the only way to live. Bravo.

I second Lauren up there somewhere who said that the more people who talk about alcoholism, the less the stigma. Your writing is doing a great service on a lot of levels. Also, your tone is different than the last time you wrote about it. You’ve moved on in a really beautiful way.

This is why you are so cool. And why you will be the best Mom to have when your boys are at “that age.”

I don’t have that problem (Lord knows, I have enough other ones, though), but I pray I could handle such an issue with as much grace and honesty as you do.

well, hi. i am just one of your many adoring fans. can you move to the east coast so we can hang out? because you’re the awesomest. thanks.

With every post, my girlcrush on you gets stronger. You rock, lady. Thanks for keepin’ it real.

I have been reading you forever so I knew about this part of you. But I just wanted to say that for everything you have become – a great mother, a beautiful wife, a wonderful person, and a fantastic writer – you should be so proud of yourself. I think that THAT part of your past was just a small step into making you the awesome person you are today. Though I am sure you KNOW that already.

You rock a million times over.

I really admire you. I only wish my mom could have realized what you did. I grew up with her drinking and I don’t think she realized how much it effected the household. She eventually took off and came back 2 years later sober and with a new husband. I just regret that she never saw my prom dresses or me graduate. My sister and dad got that pleasure lol.

Wow! That’s so great of you to share that.