Look, I don’t mean to be totally disgusting or sound like a lame Jerry Seinfeld bit, but what is the DEAL with vomited hot dogs?

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering this foul substance, you know exactly what I’m talking about: hot dogs apparently remain resistant to the digestion process for a really, really long time. A couple years ago I remember Dylan horking all over his carseat and what emerged from his barf-hole was a seemingly endless stream of hot dog remnants, still in the exact anti-choking coin shapes I’d sliced them into earlier. Last night Dylan finally succumbed to whatever tragic stomach illness Riley had earlier this week, and it was like Hot Dog Terror 2010 all over again—only worse, because they were fully-formed chewed pieces. Oh god, just…so, so gross.

(Also, is there anything that can be done with a barfed-on pillow? Like when it soaks through the case and infiltrates the actual stuffing? I just threw that shit away, figuring it was beyond salvaging, but I don’t know, maybe there’s a better method?)

About a week ago I was lying in bed reading for over an hour and when I finally reached to turn off the light that’s when I noticed there was a spider about this size on the wall directly above my head. I casually and calmly informed JB of its existence via a series of high-pitched shrieks and arm flaps, and he promptly hit it with a broom at which point it fell on my PILLOW and instantly DISAPPEARED.

I was thinking of the spider incident last night as I mopped up Dylan’s stomach contents and got him stationed on a cot in our bedroom, and wondered which night was officially worse on my phobia list. Lying in bed waiting for a preschooler to suddenly spew more hot dogs all over the place—or lying in bed waiting for a monstrous spider to scuttle across my eyeball? I’m going to call it a tie.


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10 years ago

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9 years ago

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