Back in September when we brought Callie the Cat home from the Humane Society, she was wildly affectionate and sweet-natured. She curled up in our laps, slithered all over our laptops when we were trying to work, and constantly wound between our feet, purring.

That lasted for about a couple weeks.

Whether she was just trying to make sure we didn’t immediately toss her back into cat jail or her true nature just took a while to finally surface, it soon became clear that our new pet wasn’t exactly the purely loving creature we thought she was. She still tolerates being cuddled, but she’s basically turned into Cato in the Pink Panther movies. Her job these days is to keep us on our toes, whether by sneak attack, intimidating lurking, or flat-out disdain.

A while ago I started snapping photos of her sparkling personality and posting them on Instagram, and before I knew it I’d built up quite the collection of GAHH! cat images:










I mean, honestly. That kind of cat will fuck up your namaste something fierce.

Still, I think I like her even more for having such a judgmental evil streak. She’s a hoot, at least when she’s not darting out from under the bed and sinking her fangs into our ankles.

I have, however, started keeping the door shut when I take a bath at night.


So you say you have a wildly unattractive sofa that’s been smashed, stained, and beat all to hell by two rambunctious children?


And not only is it uncomfortable, it’s actually starting to fall apart at the seams—and the results are disturbingly vaginal?


Like, for real, you’ve started thinking of it as the CouchBeaver?


Well, don’t worry, because I’m here to help. Having experienced this very same interior design challenge recently, I’ve come across a number of solutions that are sure to work in any home!

First of all, I think we can all agree that a pantyliner is one of the most simple and contemporary furniture accessory options . . . not to mention sanitary.


If you’re looking for something that’s a little more playful, while remaining appropriate for traditional home environments, I recommend the exotic (yet elegant!) sofa G-string.


Furniture pubic styling is SO on trend right now! Will a modified Brazilian work in your house? Try it and see!


If you’re stuck for ideas, think about the message you want your furniture to send. Maybe you want a design theme that makes a statement of some kind! Be creative!


Finally, for the daredevil crowd, nothing says “Admire my curves and finger my upholstery” like a little strategically-placed bling. Think notice me—think sofa vajazzle.


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