I was thinking about how I’ve been freelancing from home for a couple years now and whether or not I want my career path to curve back around to an office job someday. And if so, what that might be. Marketing again? Copywriting? Something else? Have I expanded my options by focusing on freelance writing, or drastically reduced them? What would happen if all my work dried up and disappeared tomorrow — what have I done to my employment chances over the last two years? (Other than moved to a smaller town with fewer opportunities, of course.)

Dylan will be in kindergarten next fall and that will be another big life change, one that will free up about 34 additional non-child-wrangling hours per week for me. What do I want to do with those hours, as time goes on? Do I want to work from home forever? Do I want to do something different? Is being flexible and available always going to be worth the financial gut-punch of not being a salaried employee? Do I want to think about school again?

I’m almost certain my answer to the last question is no (it’s a whole different post, I suppose, but the idea of college has slipped away almost entirely. I don’t mean that in a sad, giving-up-on-my-dreams way, either, although I realize it must sound that way. Of going back to school, I once wrote, “Maybe when you shoot for the ridiculously big stuff, you’re bound to land somewhere good,” and I believe that’s exactly what happened), but for the rest of it … man, I’m not sure. Here I am at nearly 40, wondering (again) what I’ll be when I grow up.

Where are you at with your own job-related thoughts and plans? If you changed your career (or left it) because of parenthood, what’s your long game?

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honeybecke
honeybecke
11 years ago

I was just coming upon this exact situation (my second boy will start Kindergarten this coming fall too) so I solved the problem of going back to work with getting pregnant again (!!!) and setting the clock back five years. Baby no. 3 FTW! …not reaaaaally planned..

Linda (not you!)
Linda (not you!)
11 years ago

I’m getting my masters in Library Science right now. It’s kinda awesome with a whole online thing with limited weekends to meet with the teacher and network with your classmates. Lots of libraries need people who can write grants. And you probably don’t need an MLS to do it.

Sarah
Sarah
11 years ago

Funny you should mention this. I was laid off ten days ago after ten years in the same job. My husband has been unemployed for a year. Our only child starts kinder in the fall too. So what do we want to be then is the question of the month at our house. No answers yet!

Katharine
11 years ago

I was wondering this recently too. I switched to at-home contracting work just over a year ago, and working at home with people I’ll never meet suits my personality more than I could ever have dreamed. However, if the work dries up, I’m effing doomed.

When I think about going back to a steady office job, I want to go to the corner and rock and eat my hair. Nononononono. But what will happen to me if I’m still doing this job (which has no possibility for advancement or greater income) four years from now? What does that mean, to my life’s trajectory and to my marriage and to my budget? I haven’t the slightest idea, and I don’t know where to begin assembling a clue.

Kids are not a part of my equation, FWIW, but I am definitely feeling that same what-did-I-get-myself into? thing that you set out here. I’m not unhappy with this (in fact I’m tickled pink at this), but will I be unhappy someday? Was this as unqualified-ly a positive move as I feel it to be now, or will it end up being the biggest mistake of my 30s? Should I be planning more or is it OK and I should relax? Gaaaaaah.

Jen
Jen
11 years ago

Hmmmm…sounds like you benefit from another round of Mondo Beyondo. ;)

cara
11 years ago

You’ll be You when you grow up. :)

I left my job in September of last year to work full-time on my own. It’s a big leap, and I don’t currently have plans on going back. But yeah, Big. Leap.
(I sort of wonder a lot what I’ll be when I grow up too…)

Emily
Emily
11 years ago

I resigned from my demanding full-time job yesterday to go back to straight commissions and much less job security, but more flexible hours, hopefully for about the same amount of $. My kids are 2 & 5, but from what I hear – working full time is even HARDER once they get into school because of after school activities and sports etc. I think we decided that ultimately you have no idea how much time you will really have with your children and the time you do have is just worth more than anything else at the end of the day.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
11 years ago

I just had an interview for a job the other day that I would love. Hard thing is I would be taking a huge salary cut, huge. The commute is less than half of what I am driving now and it is at a place I have wanted to work at for years. I hate my job now, and I am extremely stressed out. You need to do what is right for you. (keep your fingers crossed I get this job though :P)

Ms. HalfEmpty
11 years ago

I’m not a parent, but I have the same career worries and concerns. I left my lucrative office job in May, and am forging a path on my own. I’m not sure where the path is leading or if it’s the right path, but I certainly don’t regret leaving. I just wish I had more certainty.

Christi
Christi
11 years ago

So after working at home as a consultant (with consistent work) for years, I recently just went back to an office job that was too good to pass up. My you gets child is in first grade and I still need (and have) the flexibility to go get sick children. So far, I miss the days spent in my slippers, but I really appreciate having some upward mobility and the benefits of being a salaried employee, I feel pretty happy to have fallen into this and think that it will be good for me to have a professional career arc outside my home as my children get a little older. Pluses and minuses for sure, but it is really nice to interact with grown ups over the course of the day. And paid sick/vacation time isn’t bad!

MinnieK
11 years ago

I’m getting ready to start nursing school, at the ripe old age of 33. I worked in journalism for 5 years, left for public health 2 years ago, and decided to continue in health care. Right now, I’m not a parent, but my choice to pursue nursing is based on my desire to become a parent. Because of some medical mishaps, we will only be able to concieve with IVF (expensive) or possibly adopt (also expensive) and my entry-level public health job isn’t going to cut it. (My husband also works in public service, so we are solidly part of the 99%.)
I have no idea what we’ll do about work when we actually become parents, as none of this is working out how we imagined it would.
Is it my lifelong dream to be a nurse? No. But I find healthcare interesting and challenging and I know I will be good at it. I’ve been working full time since I was 18-years-old and I know that sometimes you just have to put in the time, you know? As I’ve watched my friends struggle with career changes, I’ve told them that life isn’t a straight line; there are lots of curves and hills and valleys and u-turns and you never know when your true path is going to show up. I just keep trying to remind myself of that.

NancyB
NancyB
11 years ago

12 years ago I quit my fulltime job (our son was 9) to work for my husband who started his own contracting business.
12 years later its the LONGEST I’ve been at any job and basically I’m stuck here whether I continue to like it or not!
It’s lonely – the only time I get other female companionship is if I set up coffee or lunch out which I rarely do.
Business is slow – but I can’t look for another job cause I still have this job to do! I have worked 2 part time school jobs within the 12 years but it was hard to keep up with office work.
Oh well – I guess it’s up to me to create my own happiness! Maybe take an online class or something.

Diana
Diana
11 years ago

Funny thing is – I decided 2 years ago to go back to school. I work full-time and take online classes. I will be 47 when I graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I then plan to pursue a CPA and then go on to law school. I am certainly shooting for the big stuff and feeling pretty confident that I will land somewhere good. Don’t give up on college if that is really what you want to do – you can do it. Maybe you should try an online class or two and see if you are really ready to give up that dream.

Lisa
11 years ago

Sometimes it’s so hard to just bloom where we are planted. It’s human nature, or maybe it’s our culture to worry so much about what’s next. I’ve been struggling w/this myself. I’m very glad I got all my education out of the way when I was young, but I resent the fact that I’m going to be paying on those student loans forEVER.

I studied photography in school & I learned quickly after finishing school how hard it is to make a living doing just that. Pretty much the only way is to do lots of weddings & family photos, which I did not enjoy at all. I taught myself graphic design & a bit of web design & went after jobs doing both. No one would hire me without experience, so I freelanced for several years. I really loved it, but I didn’t make a whole lot of money.

Last year, I was offered a full time creative job by one of my clients, a Fortune 100 company. I took it, and I swear, I spent all of last year wondering if I’d done the right thing. I am at heart a freelancer because I love the freedom & working non traditionally, but there are so many opportunities at my corporate job- not to mention benefits & a salary three times what I made freelancing. But still- I kept wondering about what’s next. I’ve been trying this year not to worry. As long as you are happy, being challenged & learning something, it’s good. What’s next will come when it’s ready. If you have a good gig, it’s totally okay to sit back & enjoy it while it lasts. Nothing is forever; you always have options.

Maureen
Maureen
11 years ago

A long time ago, I think you were talking about being a Physical Therapist or maybe a trainer. It’s career path that will be needed with all of us boomers out here getting new knees and hips. I have had a few students go back to school to be nurses and one to be a PA. I teach at a small regional college and teach media production. They all managed well with accelerated health programs. We have shortages here so most of the time if you have a BS you can do one of these programs in 18 months without sacrificing your whole life. Everyone also waited till their kids were old enough for school. I do think that when they get into activities it takes some time to get them to and from the activities but you can always work that out with other parents or with careful scheduling. I know for me the hardest time in my life was when my son was in middle school because of his activity schedule. I always had to get another parent to help with driving. I paid them for it but I still felt guilty. Things got better in High School. Two major activities with the driving part concentrated one month in fall and one month in spring. I just left work to manage that cause I was able to shift my schedule. Good Luck whatever you do. Don’t count out an educational program to help you get a different career. Health Communications is also booming. I have people who work for docs and write press releases, organize events, write up patient instruction brochures, it’s amazing how much stuff needs writing in a doctor’s office. I also have folks that all they do is run cameras and edit for doctors who need video. It’s an open field right now.

Chloe
Chloe
11 years ago

“Where are you at with your own job-related thoughts and plans? If you changed your career (or left it) because of parenthood, what’s your long game?”

I’m not a parent now, but we plan to at least try to reproduce within the next few years.

Right now, I’m in (hopefully) the last year of getting my PhD (I’m turning 30 in two months). Getting a PhD really sucks, so in that sense, I don’t know if I would have done it if I had a more concrete idea of what it involved… but the jobs I could get with a bachelor degree were not jobs I would have been happy with for more than a year or two. So, I’m glad I’m slogging through, I guess, even though it’s tough– I believe the process has made me tougher and more driven.

I’m terrified I won’t be able to do what I want to do, but ultimately I want to work in the business sector/ industry, in my field, and doing something I find personally meaningful, (but I’m NOT willing to work 50+ hour weeks, because I want to have a family and a happy life outside of work). I know I’m not suited, personality wise for academia, and I like the increased financial stability, though my job stability will be (generally) MUCH lower, I’ll be making enough that if I do get laid off, we should be able to survive for 6+ months while I pursue new employment.

If I can’t find my perfect job right away (I’m really in a bad spot because I really do not think I can leave the city I’m in right now due to my fiance’s job– very bad in this field), I’m willing to do contract work doing just about anything related, to keep money coming in, while I interview for jobs that potentially could lead to careers– I grew up pretty poor, so financial stability and comfort is really important to me– the idea of not having any savings or money coming in is really stressful for me.

Donna
Donna
11 years ago

Dude, when Dylan goes to school, you should just hang out all day, eat bon bons, and turn in an article once in awhile….watch soap operas, (does anyone watch those anymore?), and not do anydamnthing.
No? Then I got nothin.

Jae
Jae
11 years ago

I recently started back to school on a second bachelor’s degree.

It’s such a bizarre-o situation but, by god, it works.

When I was nearing completion of my first degree, I re-applied to my university to the Medical Laboratory Science program. I was accepted but ultimately declined since my husband was hating his job and we wanted to get out of the town we grew up in.

Fast forward six years, three states, and one child later and I’m back at my first university, living with my mom and my kiddo and going for that second degree in the program I withdrew from.

It’s an odd situation in that my husband is in Seattle working at Amazon and I’m 2500 miles away.

We’re both thrilled that we’re getting what we want and chasing our dreams and our families are supportive and so happy for us both.

Brenda
Brenda
11 years ago

Three years ago when I turned 40 I decided to go back to school. I completed my associates degree in May, started a new 3/4 time job in June, and am now working on my bachelors degree part-time. I have a job that I love but would like to keep moving up the ladder so I continue on with school. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I started school but now I have a good idea of what I’m working towards :)

Frannie
Frannie
11 years ago

Oh man. Katharine did articulate that well.
What do you have in mind?
I’m in my last RN class, going through a nightmare of a divorce, with two young sons under three in tow, and working fulltime. I find myself not only in a great transition, but I’ve found that my passions have changed as well, although I enjoy nursing because it is challenging and gets me out of my comfort zone. Is it my calling? Yes, but I know I have other dreams to pursue. I have all this creativity inside as well. Just don’t beat yourself up, I say. The demise of my marriage did shake my foundation, and my esteem. I was treated as though I was not doing enough, but now I’m beginning to renew, out of a very hard place.
Dreams never die, and follow them. No matter how ridiculous or hard
Best,
Frannie

Kim
Kim
11 years ago

Yep. Left environmental consulting for farming. I’ve only been gone a year and a half, but I really think that there’s no way back to that now. Nor do I ever, ever, ever want to be back. However, I do wince a little when I think of the earning potential I just walked away from because COWS! YEAH! Objectively, I know that is really, really dumb.

I keep trying to come up with the plan for the ‘long game’ and I don’t know. I’m starting a brand new farm, managing an existing one, and I just have no clue where this will go in 5 years. Much less 10 or 20. I want that long term plan, but my brain can’t even work out what it wants beyond being ridiculously motivated for 2013.

Blythe
Blythe
11 years ago

I spent 3 years away from my original field of expertise in my mid-30s. I had been at the same place for ten years and wasn’t sure what to do next. It was so freeing to be out of the rat race for a while; it opened my mind to the possibilities in a way that would have scared me when I was at my old job. I am back in the same field now, but am much more aware that I there are all kinds of jobs and situations, and I don’t have to pigeonhole myself. I was also surprised that the time away didn’t really hurt my prospects, it made me fresh.

kalisa
11 years ago

Lives and careers don’t go like they did when our parents were our age. People don’t take a job and then stay at it for 40 years until they retire. Just because you haven’t found that life-long position doesn’t mean you’re floundering. You HAVE found who you are; right now that’s a work-at-home-mom. Whatever’s next is your next adventure.

Tamara
11 years ago

I haven’t left my career yet, but it’s starting to concern me that I can’t live up to the 12 hour days and occasional weekends anymore. Especially since my husband also works in entertainment. I don’t want to leave what amounts to my dream job, but I’m not sure how to balance work and family yet. I’m just going to go bury my head in the sand for another couple months.

sooboo
sooboo
11 years ago

I’ll start by saying I don’t have kids so that does make some of my decisions simpler. I left my full time job with benefits 6 years ago and it’s been up and down since, mostly up lately. I have short term and long term goals but it’s hard to know what the future looks like as my fortune depends on things like, right place right time, the economy and dumb luck. The working hard part, I’ve got down, no problem. Usually every year I write down my ideal life vision (all of it, not just job bit things like family, health, friends, relationship, house, money too) and then I read it every month or so to stay focused. When I don’t know what to do regarding the big picture, I just take the next small step. I was hoping yours would be novel writing!

Kris
Kris
11 years ago

I haven’t read everyone else’s responses, but here goes.

I turned 40 in August & my 4-year-old son has autism. When I think about where I want to be in a year or five years from now or when my son turns 18, the answer is always the same.

I want to own my own business.

Lately that means something small, like maybe a little sandwich shop on a quiet, peaceful lake. Somewhere the locals can come in for a bite and some company or the fishermen can pop in for a sandwich & some bait before heading out for the day in their boats. Somewhere my son can help me bake bread or gather minnows, because I don’t know that he’ll ever have the skills to hold down a “regular” job in the “real” (cruel) world.

And yes, there is the problem of financing. But as I write this, my dad is laying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. And I have to have a little dream to hold onto.

I hope you find something and follow your dreams to it. I hope that for all of us, actually.

Stacy
Stacy
11 years ago

I am a 47 year old self-employed architect with three kids. I went out on my own eight years ago (when I only had two kids) and have managed to keep myself busy ever since. BUT I have not contributed to my IRA in all those years, now that my kids are in school I work less then when they were little (no more daycare), and we are always juuuust scraping by financially. Going back to work would be the smart financial move, but tough for family management. I love all of the freedom that comes with my work, and I love that I actually get credit for the hard work that I do (something that rarely came when working in a firm, unfortunately). I hate that I don’t make more money, but I would really, really, really hate to be beholden to somebody other than my family for 40+ hours per week. I’ve been toying with the idea of getting a government job, but I think the lack of creativity with that kind of gig would kill me. Without making a change like that, though, I will never be able to retire. Luckily, I love what I do.

So, for now, the plan is to keep riding the horse I’m on. I think it’s going to be a busy year – all indications are the economy is on the uptick in my area – so I’m planning to really buckle down and bust ass. And if I make a change, I feel like my window of opportunity is closing…I’ve got about five years to make that decision. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I’ll keep mine crossed for you.

jonniker
11 years ago

I am sitting here in sweatpants emailing my freelance clients so that I can get back on the working horse and . . . yeah. Are you IN my head today? I have the vomits from stressing about this, honestly. Great for the diet, though!

Lisa
11 years ago

I started out as a corporate travel agent when I was 19. Moved on to marketing/project management when I was around 30 and had 2 kids and needed more $$. Child #3 came along and flexibility became the most important factor for my family. So I quit my job and became an independent contractor doing marketing for a private company. That was 5 years ago, my youngest is headed to kindergarten and over the past year or more, I’ve had the same thoughts as you. “What am I going to be when I grow up? Will I be happy working from home still?” The answer to the last question was a definite NO! So I enrolled in nursing school last August and am currently in my 2nd semester. I can’t WAIT to get through this and move on to yet another career.

So my advice to you is, take your time, think things through, and don’t ever be afraid to make those changes in your life that you often dream about but might be a little too frightened to actually find out if they fit you or not. Life is too short to look back and think, “what if I had taken the leap and tried this years ago?”

Katie
11 years ago

Ugh, a question that plagues me every day! I actually start grad school tomorrow. Why? Because I’m sick and tired of my job and I THINK that what I’m getting a degree in is what I want. Think being the key word. Check back in a few weeks :-p

Karen
Karen
11 years ago

I work full-time outside of the house, and always have. My girls are 19, 16 & 13. I have to agree that our schedule seemed to get busier as they got older. Girl scouts, sports teams, travel sports team – gah!, school projects, days off, half days etc. To have the flexibility to help, drive, watch is so key to my life, and I think this is true whether you work at home, outside of the home, or are a SAHM.

Just last week I got a call from school (am I the only one who sighs when I see the school nurse phone # on my caller id??) that my youngest had bumped her head in the locker room – raised her head into an open locker – and now had a minor cut but they are so paranoid about concussions and she feels fine but can you come get her now and even though she is 13 please stay home with her and keep an eye on her for concussion symptoms. Yeah, she spent the day watching tv and messing around on her phone while I “watched” and had to take vacation time.

That said, I have been so fortunate to have jobs and bosses who understand and let me take time when I need it. I want to see their games, and watch them run in cross country, I want to go to the valentines day party, and see the Halloween costume parade. I want to be home on the numerous institute days, and go out to lunch when they have a half day. I guess what I mean to say is flexibility is key. Whatever you decide, flexibility is key.

There is the school of thought that when interviewing for a job you should not bring up your kids or family or outside activities because it make you look like you aren’t devoted to your career. I say bullshit. I let the company/boss know right up front. I have three kids, a husband who travels for work, and the kids will take priority all the time. If the company can’t handle that, then I don’t want to work there. So far it’s worked for me!

Kathy
Kathy
11 years ago

I’ve done both over the years – full-time working mom, full-time stay-at-home mom, back and forth, a couple times. I never fully embraced either because I was too worried about the kids or the future or who would want to ever hire me “after” (news flash, they did). I have read your blog long enough to know you will create the life you want, you will make it happen, you already HAVE. Your life five years from now may be exactly the same or wildly different – who knows? What you are doing right now is mostly working, that’s a win, for now! I’m speaking from about ten years further down the road (one kid in college already, the other soon to follow) and if I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her to live in the moment, trust her instincts, stop worrying about the future (it’s unknown and you really don’t control it, even though you think you do)and focus on making today a better day for you and those you love, it’s all you can do.

JMH
JMH
11 years ago

I guess I am very lucky..I have a job that I like (for the most part), and I work in a the same school where my kids attend so we spend lots of time together. Whenever I look at other jobs that offer more $$, better benefits, I am tempted, but then I realize I am happy now. In 5 years….who knows? But I am satisfied for the moment. Good luck to you and your decision!

Em
Em
11 years ago

I am a nurse and have been very lucky to have flexibility both in shifts and hours worked and stay in the same field. That said, before I had my daughter, I worked full time, was very invested in my unit, knew the ins and outs and the comings and goings. After I had her, I cut my hours WAY back. In the years following (and three more children), I find I am nothing more than a warm body there. I’ve lost a lot of respect, no one comes to me with questions anymore. And honestly, my skills have dulled in some areas. I’ve often wondered if I would have done less damage to my career by stopping work while my kids were young and starting new when it was time to go back to work rather than keeping my foot in the door. I really don’t know. And it is something I have been trying to explain to my career advancing husband. In a way, I don’t care. For me (FOR ME), working is a means to an end. It’s a paycheck and I want to work as little as I must to put food on the table but I’d prefer to be home with the kids. In another way, I care a lot. Being really good at my job was a hard thing to lose and made (makes) me feel like a loser a lot of the time. But if I had stayed full time, would I have felt that way about mothering? I don’t know. I’ll never know.

What was the question again?

wendy
wendy
11 years ago

I took two years’ maternity leave when my daughter was born. I then resigned from a well-paying, great-benefits, excellent-retirement, no-flexibility but stable job and took less-money, no retirement, year-to-year contract job with a great amount of flexibility. On paper, it looks crazy…but in reality, I’d do it all over again. If my daughter is sick, it’s much easier for me to stay home with her. Holiday party at school? I can rearrange things and go in to volunteer. My only advice? Follow your heart. Your heart isn’t necessarily what ‘makes sense’ on paper…but, at the end of the day, if you’re happy, then you’ve made the right decision.

ElizabethZ
ElizabethZ
11 years ago

I will be 40 in a few months and have worked f/t since I was 19. I work in asset management and have always worked in a related capacity in the brokerage/finance field. I have been at my current job a little over a year, and I hate it. I hate most of what I have to do in a day, I dislike my boss (condescending nit-picker and frankly, I just don’t think she likes me), and I dislike the company as a whole (elitist, arrogant). My husband had not had a steady job since he was laid off 3 years ago so my options were limited. He recently began what should be a long term contract for full-time work in addition to working a part-time gig for a neighbor that is becoming pretty steady too.

I have always bought & sold on ebay but recently I opened a store on there, and am making a decent part-time income from selling. We have 3 boys – twins in 1st grade and 1 in preschool. In the summer, their daycare costs will be in the neighborhood of 1400/mo. We recently decided that come June, I am going to quit my job, at least for the summer, work on building my ebay business and try to double or even triple revenues and come fall, decide if I need to work a job in addition, and get something part-time if so. I am tired of working in an office so many hours a week, 20+ years of 40+ hour work weeks is plenty and I am done. I want to spend more time with my boys and have more flexibility in my life.

I do have a cushion in this scenario though, because at some point around retirement age, I have a modest inheritance coming so I am not as concerned with building up my 401K as some might be. I am praying it all works out, I love doing the ebay business – I am a shopper by nature, and I get to cruise estate sales and thrift stores looking for treasures and then sell them, usually for quite a large profit – it is so fun for me and I am good at it. I would love to be able to do that as my job, forever.

Approaching 40, I just don’t want to spend any more of my life working while being unhappy with what I am doing. That is my goal, to be happy.

Christie
11 years ago

My kids are in grade 3 and 5. I work from home and can’t imagine full time in an office now. It makes for a crazy schedule some days, but I love the flexibility of being around before/after school, volunteering at the school, taking a day off if my husband has a day off, being home if a kid is sick or they have a day off. The reduced stress, commuting, child care expense… all of it is worth it. The fact that I work in yoga pants and a hoodie most days, and never have to see anyone, and can roll my eyes through a phone meeting if necessary… an added bonus. Do what you love, and love what you do! If that’s freelance, then carry on!!!

June
11 years ago

I went to school forever (BA, MS, PhD, postdoc) and got my first real job in 2005. It’s the only job I’ve ever had that I didn’t dream about quitting on a regular basis. Pay, benefits, and schedule flexibility are second to none. I’ve learned a ton and feel sharp, like I’m at the top of my game.

But (and you know there’s a but) there’s no more room for promotion unless I change roles and go into managerial stuff (noooooo), and I’m wondering if I will look back and regret topping out at age 34 (the age I was when I had my last promotion). Or should I shut up and just be damn grateful to be where I am?

I fantasize about going back to school, just to do something a little different, but it’s not feasible with my current load (kids 2, 2, and 4) and full-time work.

ememby
11 years ago

I simply don’t know what I’m going to do with myself because I never envisioned being at an office job, this one in particular, every day, all day as the plan for my life so I cannot imagine continuing it on until retirement. That said, I don’t know what else I actually want to do. I think I’d be perfectly happy working in a coffee shops, making people’s days better with a latte and a smile. Alas.

Em
Em
11 years ago

I also am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! I work 3 days a week in marketing and stay home the other two days with my daughter. It is a good balance BUT (and isn’t there always a but?) I don’t really like my job. I like getting out of the house, but I miss writing (my background is journalism). The problem is when people ask me what I’d rather be doing, I don’t have a good answer. To top it off, my husband is looking to change jobs and we may be moving out of state. If that happens, I have NO idea what I’ll do. I guess I don’t have any advice – but I definitely can relate to you!

Sonia
Sonia
11 years ago

Hoo boy…. My (unwanted) divorce will be final tomorrow. I used to work full time in a career that utilized my degree. Once I had my son, I went back to work part time. When he was 10 months old, I had to quit because we realized he had developmental delays, and I would be spending a lot of time at Children’s and taking him to physical, speech and occupational therapy. A few months of being off work was killing us financially, so I went to work in the evenings at a friend’s salon. My husband would be home with our son while I worked evenings. Then I picked up 2 days a month, on the weekends my husband didn’t work, back in my original career. Shortly after that, my son needed brain surgery, AND I got robbed at work. The robbery did me in. No more pharmacy work for me. I continued to work evening at the salon, a couple days a week, and primarily was on mom duty. Once my son was in school part time, I went to work during his school hours, as a receptionist at a medical massage therapy clinic. I loved that job! After a couple years, there were some questionable financial decisions made by the owner, and they couldn’t afford to keep me. From there, I was asked to manage a women’s boutique, and could work around my husband’s schedule. I stayed there for 1&1/2 years, until it was no longer a fun little job. From there, I started nannying 2 days a week, which was a good fit. My husband had an affair and left a year ago in December, and I continued to nanny. Only now I nanny for a different family, and it’s an even better fit. The courts agreed that it would cost me more money than I would make, to go back to work full time, because of my son’s needs. So my ex husband pays for me to be a stay at home mom, and I supplement by nannying a few days a week. This is how things will be for the next 3 years, and becUse of all the heartache and stress I’ve been through, I gave myself permission to focus on being a mom, and not worry about career choices during this next 3 years. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I don’t have to worry about it right now. :)

Sarah
11 years ago

I have a salaried job right now, but do it from home (I work for a company in another state). I also have two toddlers, who go to daycare.

In the beginning, I thought this would be the-best-of-both-worlds. Some days it is… stability of a salary, but I can wear my Snuggie at my desk and have a little more flexibility with hours since I have no commute. On the downside, I miss daily in-person interaction with adults and I’m starting to have the same “have I hurt my career long-term?” thoughts you are. I also am not in love with my job anymore, but my job is more stable than my husband’s & the pay is good, so it’s become a “is not being happy every day worth giving up money/stability?” kind of conversation.

No easy answers, that’s for darn sure. I just keep hoping that in the long run I can find a way to have time for my kids, support my family and not get to the point where my job is a total soul-suck.

As a side note, I continue to be stunned by how often your posts mirror an issue I’m currently struggling with. Thank you, thank you for voicing them & getting these conversations started. Helps more than you’ll ever know.

Carla Hinkle
Carla Hinkle
11 years ago

I am 40 — 3 kids, 9, 6, and 3. Everyone is in school 8:30-3, 5 days/week. Husband works full time at family business, 50-ish hours/week but very flexible schedule. He can make a parent teacher conference, school play, etc if he needs to, but I take on the bulk of the child-related management.

I am an attorney — worked thru my 20s at a big corporate firm, long hours, etc. When my oldest was 18 months I went out on my own, not running my own cases but doing hourly work for friends with their own smaller law firms. All from home. Hours great but money WILDLY LESS than my corporate job. I do manage to contribute to an IRA most years. I love… LOVE this job. LOVE IT.

I can’t see myself ever (or not for a very long time) going back to an office job. I love the freelance, work-for-myself life too much. I love the flexibility I have with the kids. Though sometimes I find it hard to get in even 20 hours of work a week, though I technically have 30+ childfree hours. Afternoons are taken up by activities, sports practice, music lessons…someone always needs to go to the doctor, the dentist, the optometrist … cars need to get serviced, home repair people waited for.

Of course if I wanted a full time job, I’d up the childcare and everything would get done somehow. But I don’t really WANT to. I like to think I’m keeping my hand it, keeping my skills up, and maybe someday I’ll want to do something different. But I guess I don’t really know if that’s true, or not.

I think it’s never really clear, you know? Just stumbling along, doing the best we all can…

Maggie
Maggie
11 years ago

Funny I’m reading this today, as I was just talking to my Mom about a related topic this morning, and it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Of course, it’s from the other side…retirement. My parents are in the process of building their retirement home right now–something that has been talked about for YEARS in our family, but was always just a “someday”. Well, “someday” is here…they will soon be selling my childhood home & moving to another state, where they will live out their years (hopefully many, many more to come!). They’ve been planning and saving, but of course, there are always unexpected turns along the way.

Something that has been on the forefront of my mind, though, lately, due to the whole retirement home building process and a drunken family argument at Christmas (aunt & uncle, as the drunk staunch republicans…), is how grateful I am that my Mom started her own business so she could work from home while we were growing up. It was so great to know that she was home when we needed her–if we forgot our lunch or homework, if we had to go home sick, if we had a field hockey game or tennis match, she was never too far to be there. It was nice, too, that she was home every day when we got off the bus. Yes, they wish they had a little more money now to do everything they want in the new house, but ultimately, I think we all agree that the contribution she made to society in being there to raise my sister and me to be confident, honest, hard-working, and successful women, was worth it.

I hope to be fortunate enough to have a similarly flexible schedule when I have kids…but it seems that today, it’s maybe not as easy for Moms to do that (at least based on many of my friends who already have kids)…

Nic
Nic
11 years ago

What do I want to be when I grow up? Wow, I am so struggling with this right now. I’m 40 and childless but was just laid off from a job I loved. Really I loved it. I was/am heartbroken to lose the job, I felt like I had been dumped by a lover. I have no idea what to do now, the industry I was in is a young persons business and I worked my way up to management by shear force of personality alone. I have no real skills, no computer expertise or degrees. I do have a nice savings account (or did) so I’ve been sitting and thinking trying to find an idea or a plan or even a thought that starts a fire in my heart. I read all your comments searching for an idea and while I didn’t see the steps one two and three I was hoping for, it does give me a touch of comfort to know that I’m not alone.

Melissa
Melissa
11 years ago

Dylan can not go to kindergarten next fall because Riley was just born a few months ago. *waves her cane because she is old*

Lorri
Lorri
11 years ago

My boys are 10 and 14. I’ve been not earning any income for almost a year for the first time ever. Which has meant no responsibilities outside the home other than to my kids’ schools, etc. It has been the best year ever. They are super busy after school, so I live like my day really starts at 3pm. Lessons, sports, homework, meals. I am fully present and not irritated or migraine-y. No more stress when they are sick. No more juggling everything during the summer. Ah. Relief. To be just a mom. For only a few more years. Then it will all change again.

Lana
Lana
11 years ago

I am 35, 3 semesters away from finally completing the BSW I have been working on part-time for the last 3 years. All while raising my 5 and 8 year old girls and working full-time as a school counsellor. I’m tired.

I love what I do at my career, but I don’t like the politics in the running of it. I have golden handcuffs in the form of pension, benefits, 3 months of paid vacation a year, no evenings/weekends.

There is the annual threat of layoff that caused me to return to school so that I can get my MSW and ensure that I can find a nearly equal job out there in the real world. I have pipe dreams that it will lead me to something exciting and interesting. I worry I’ll stay here forever even with the extra degrees simply because the vacation time is fabulous.