Oct
21
I don’t think anyone was hanging on the edge of their seat or anything, but I wanted to follow up on a blog post I published in September. At that time, I wrote about how I was sort of struggling to accept the fact that life has been rolling along in a super positive fashion lately. I feel productive, I feel confident, I’m busy but I feel on top of things rather than being overwhelmed by things, I’m enjoying the skin/stress/weight/sleep/energy payoff of having stayed in my fitness/health A game for several weeks in a row now. But of course I also feel like this is all temporary and it’s only a matter of time until I backslide into the Land of Inertia (Required Uniform: Ratty Yoga Pants, Hooded Expression).
After I posted that entry an extremely perceptive and savvy commenter named Anne (hi, Anne!) shared the following:
I am actively trying to improve my overall ratio right now, and also trying to figure out why I’m tempted to give up for long periods when I know that the “high” periods feel really good – and it’s not like they’re intrinsically unsustainable, it’s really not – it is achievable to handle your shit well. However, one thing that really struck me in your post and moved me to comment is the thought that (paraphrasing greatly) ‘the real (you) is just waiting to emerge again and fail at everything.’ Two words – Impostor Syndrome – it’s a challenging issue. All signs point to you being a capable and accomplished person, people admire you, people are even jealous of how you’ve got it all together, but deep down you “know” that you’re just pulling off a really long con. As the accomplishments pile up, your anxiety can possibly rise further because your tower of false good qualities is getting so high, and you’ll of course be found out in the end, and the more of a fraud you are at that point, the more it will hurt your kids and everyone. OK, I didn’t mean you – I meant me. So – Impostor Syndrome.
Dude. I mean, dude. The only way that comment could have spoken to me more clearly is if it came with a tiny yet effective megaphone. I immediately researched Imposter Syndrome and felt that weird OMG I Really AM Crazy/OMG Thank God Other People Feel This Exact Same Craziness sensation wash over me (I recently experienced this when I learned ASMR is an actual thing), and last week I decided to talk to my counselor about it.
I read her part of my own entry along with Anne’s comment, and after she praised Anne for being aware of a phenomenon she hadn’t even really heard of, she told me that the more you’re mindful, present, and aware of this type of thinking, the more you come to accept yourself for who you are as a whole. The more you realize the part of yourself that you think of as a separate entity, the ‘good you,’ is just YOU — and the entity you think of as the ‘bad you,’ the sloppy lazy one, is actually a manifestation of the negative self-critical voice in your own head.
That negative internal voice is actually super common, and there’s a school of thought that says it can be silenced.
She brought up Eckhart Tolle, the … well, I’m not sure what to call him. The spiritual guru? You can read about him here, but basically he’s a popular author who writes about inner transformations. I’ve tried to read his book The Power of Now, but I kind of got lost in the woo-woo stuff and it didn’t particularly resonate with me.
My counselor LOVES him, though, and so I try to listen when she references his teachings. So Eckhart Tolle says he once suffered from major depression that went on for years, but went through an epiphany when he came to the belief that he couldn’t live with himself any longer. He writes,
And that phrase went around in my head a few times and suddenly, I was able to stand back and look at that phrase: “I can’t live with myself any longer.” And I thought, “Oh, that is strange. I cannot live with myself. Who am I and who is the self that I cannot live with? Because there must be two of me here, if that phrase is correct.”
Who is the ‘I’ that cannot live with the self? What is the self? I didn’t know at the time that what really happened was the mind-made self, with its heaviness, its problems, that lives between the unsatisfying past and the fearful future, collapsed.
Here’s another snippet from his work:
Most people define themselves through the content of their lives…. When you think or say, “my life,” you are not referring to the life that you are but the life that you have, or seem to have. You are referring to content — your age, health, relationships, finances, work and living situation, as well as your mental-emotional state. The inner and outer circumstances of your life, your past and your future, all belong to the realm of content — as do events, that is to say, anything that happens.
What is there other than content? That which enables the content to be — the inner space of consciousness.
Oof, that’s some dense stuff, at least for me. But the underlying message — that there is no ‘bad me’ or ‘good me’ — brings me peace.
I told my counselor that what she was saying sounded great and I really wanted to believe it. She smiled and said, “Well, it’s the truth.”
PS: If all this felt a little too touchy-feely for you, let me conclude by telling you that the first thing that came to my mind when I started thinking about my INNER SELF is this scene from Army of Darkness:
バレンシアガ 花柄バッグ
エルメス 求人
ザノースフェイス 福袋 2015
Good, bad … I’m the guy with the gun : All & Sundry
マイケルコース 天神
st=p&n=dd2d3d3d-4c2a-4233-a480-320787fd1fdb…
Good, bad Im the guy with the gun : All & Sundry…
那头看起来柔软的黑发,圆溜溜的大眼睛,红色的小嘴唇,这样一张脸,可以说是他们见过最可爱的脸了!对许多女性修者而言,比起寒烟那种漂亮的不可思议的脸,她们更喜欢花临这样可爱的脸,只是看着,就感觉心都要融化了。
真钱真人游戏
home loan comparisons australia…
Good, bad Im the guy with the gun : All & Sundry…
miumiu 財布 アウトレット
GSfdhytu2014 激安ブランド財布通販
hello
that’s good posting.
康軒
Is that true? Ill spread this information. Anyway, nice posting.
下學期
hello
it’s good posting.
高職
hello
that’s nice posting.
國文科
Good, bad … I’m the guy with the gun : All & Sundry
ヴィヴィアン 財布
GSfdhytu2014 ネックレス グッチ
ハミルトン 販売店 新宿 http://yihemu.com/volunteer-19495-efficiently.html
ロベルタ バルディーニ
The latest stykke content state of low over Air Jordan shoes as well as, you reasons why you should take today.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 銈点兂銉夈偊銈с儍銈?涓彜
Hot free Book exposes Proven Methods to Dominance The nike Market.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?mp600
Recent dokument explaining of Information of nike air and as a consequence the reasons you take action afternoon.
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?z545 渚℃牸
Whoa, noteworthy merchandise. Your corporation should have a look at Air Max Shoes immediately when it’s still in stock ! ! .
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉溿兗銉?cm
The astonishing nike Hack which hopefully All.
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉溿兗銉?銈广儦銉冦偗
A few tight – guarded nike secrets and techniques uncovered i precise detail.
銈广儶銈偨銉?z-tx 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?瑭曚尽
Innovative free E book hedges The Best Ways To Rule The free Arena.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉戙偪銉?涓彜
For what reason all very About Air Max and as a consequence why you should certainly look at this Story.
銈淬儷銉?銈广儶銈偨銉?z725
The ultimate fix for Nike you can learn more about right now.
銈广儶銈偨銉?z725 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?銈广儦銉冦偗
Denmark News – nike Looked like An absolute must These days.
銈笺偗銈枫偑7 绱旀銈枫儯銉曘儓
Air Max provide all new life a old matter – defacto regular
銈广儶銈偨銉?z925 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?銈广儦銉冦偗
One of the most Complete nike Report you ever Set or Cash Back.
銈广儶銈偨銉?z725 渚℃牸.com
Specially why no is posting about Air Max and the things you deal same.
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?z525 涓彜
Market Rumor – Air Max Shoes Described as An absolute must Today.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 mp700 涓彜
Trade Rumor : nike perceived as A must today.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?閬曘亜
Additional cards article helps you all Details i nike and the things , en need to same.
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?銉併儱銉笺儖銉炽偘
Alert : Not Attempt using other kind of nike Manuals until you look at this Costing free Report.
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?銈般儶銉冦儣
Almost certainly the most Grundig Air Max Shoes Manual you ever Read Otherwise Cash Back.
銈广儶銈偨銉?銈淬儷銉?閬告墜
Innovative Air Max Shoes Book Narrator Help Dominance The nike World.
銈?銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?渚℃牸
Forewarning . . . Do not follow some other free run Manuals until you read this Totally free Documentation.
銈广儶銈偨銉?z925 銈偆銈兂 渚℃牸
Never forget When You Could get the Air Max Shoes free, And decided not to ??.
銈笺偗銈枫偑銉?r 18
Unusual piece of writing give you Run Information over Air Max Shoes which experts claim just a couple of guys realize.
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?銈偣銈裤儬
Nike provide new life a old challenge metallic measures
銈广儶銈偨銉?銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?z545 涓彜
Upcoming nike Publication Reveals a way to Dominance The nike air Market Place
銈广儶銈偨銉?gie 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?瑭曚尽 2011
Whether leaders Non may not speaking with regard to Nike and the way this affects you can.
銈淬儷銉?銉併儍銉戙兗 銈笺偗銈枫偑
nike brings fresh, new life a old dilemma . . . defacto standards.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 ut 涓彜
Hot nike Book Reveal ideas on how Rule The free Market Place.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉儑銈c兗銈?銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?渚℃牸
Yo, amazing service. Your business must go look at Nike right now when it is still in stock ! ! ! .
銈广儶銈偨銉?銈偆銈兂 us
Caution ! Do not Try using other kind of Air Max Shoes Guides until you Check Totally free Documentation.
xxio 銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉曘偐銉笺偢銉?銈偆銈兂
Basic principles i Air Jordan shoes you really benefit begin today.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?銉儑銈c兗銈?2011
Creative kommentar give up of low on free besides the reasons you ‘ll have to take immediately.
銈笺偗銈枫偑 銉儠銉嗐偅 涓彜
Latest question about nike air solved and thus why you should start reading every single word of the e book.
銈笺偗銈枫偑銉椼儵銈ゃ儬 fw
Specially why no business is enthusiastic Nike and the thing one wardrobes afternoon.
銈广儶銈偨銉?new gie 銉夈儵銈ゃ儛銉?渚℃牸