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Archives from 2002-2006

While the kids were visiting their grandparents last week someone bought them a Smithsonian-branded DIY baking soda volcano at a garage sale and almost as soon as I arrived home from San Diego they were like “MOM! We missed you! Did you bring us anything? SO ANYWAY WHEN ARE WE GOING TO BUILD THIS VOLCANO?”

The box art made it look like this thing was going to be epic—giant sploogey eruptions of reddish lava drooling over its sides, etc. Possibly even an actual dinosaur included, once you assembled what was sure to be its MINDBLOWING contents.

Riley was so excited when I opened the box he was practically hovering in midair, and the very first thing we had to do . . . was thread a shitload of string through about fifty jillion tiny-ass fucking holes in a cardboard circle.

I mean seriously. SERIOUSLY. What kid has the patience to do this? I’m 37 and I barely had the hand-eye coordination to carry out this brain-numbing task, which took, I’m not even kidding, like FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. Why were the holes so small? Out of all the potential options for including a frame for the volcano—collapsible plastic, cardboard pieces, some goddamned sticks—who sat at the Idea Table and thought STRING! YES! CHILDREN LOVE STRING, JUST LIKE KITTENS!

I will tell you who. The same motherfucker who came up with this actual I-am-not-making-this-up Smithsonian Institute “Department of Innovation” logo, that’s who:

(Please note that those gears are not actually capable of turning.)

The current status of the Thrilling Erupting Volcano is that it’s been layered with gooey child-sliming plaster and now sits, a sodden and most decidedly NON-epic lump, on the living room table where it needs to dry for at least 2 days. OH BOY MY KIDS ARE SO STOKED THANKS SMITHSONIAN!

Bah.

I wish I could provide some sort of fascinating recap of BlogHer that maybe even helps you decide if it’s worth your time and money to go, but all I can say is that I had such a great time and I just love being there so much. Every year, I love it. I don’t actually care much about the sessions or the keynotes or any of the things that the BlogHer team puts so much hard work into, although I hear they are very good. I’m just thrilled to have the chance to be around old friends and meet new people and generally behave like a total overcompensating buffoon all weekend because there’s just something about being around a ton of people that makes me turn into a urine-spraying donkey but WHATEVER, it is SO MUCH FUN.

I think this year’s location in San Diego was the best yet. If there was drama, I was unaware of it; if there were things to criticize, I did not notice. I had an absolutely amazing trip, and I hope I can go again next summer. I hope I see you there.

(My new favorite photo, courtesy of Angella.

(PS: Something weird’s going on with the comments. Apologies if the form doesn’t work for you.)

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