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Archives from 2002-2006

I have a non-ideal mask situation as I wait for the ones I ordered a while back to finally arrive; it’s basically a hiking buff folded and tied with hair bands and either it’s too thick or too tight or I’m just a sensitive pansy because wearing it feels like breathing with someone firmly pressing a pillow into my face with murderous intent. I should just go the bandana route until I have a better solution because at least then I can pretend I’m enjoying some cowgirl cosplay during my infrequent Safeway outings: howdy partner, pardon me as I reach for them there Nillas.

Oh, the homemade, rinky-dink masks everywhere. This is one of the many things that are what you make of them right now, I guess: why not choose to view all the various cobbled-together face coverings as people trying their best to do the right thing for one another? But also: ugh, we are all so freaked out and uncertain and deeply, scarily unprepared.

Some people are out doing vigorous exercise in their masks, or at least I have seen joggers and hikers wearing them, and I find that pretty impressive. I am the type of person who finds the tiniest discomfort to be mentally insurmountable during cardio, I remember back in my running days when something like a butt-crawling pair of shorts would drive me absolutely batshit, so if you are out there doing wind sprints with fabric over your mouth then I salute you! From my couch. Where I am probably shoveling yet another fistful of circus animal cookies into my mouth, and not even the Keebler brand but the terrible discount kind from Bi-Mart where the frosting tastes like partially hydrogenated monkey sphincter.

I miss so many things that feel too dumb to even mention, and I miss bigger things like spending time with family and friends, and I miss seeing faces. My friend Anna and I have a habit of texting each other when we haven’t gotten together for a while: I miss your face! And while I have always been a social hermit I cannot believe how much I miss not just her face, but everyone’s face. Dear world: I miss your face.

I finished the miniature kit I bought at the start of lockdown, which was kind of bittersweet because I was so sure that by the time I’d assembled everything life would be back to normal. It almost seemed like a sort of talisman, you know? As nice as it was to finally clear the kitchen table from its permanent clutter of papers and plastic pieces and spilled glue it also felt a bit like a defeat.

I was also somewhat defeated by the project itself in that none of it looked exactly like the pristine example and somewhere along the line I managed to lose a piece or two so it’s not completely done to spec and also there was this one cactus plant that was just so impossibly hard I gave up on it, but overall I persevered through many squinty hours of painstaking work and that’s something, I suppose.

It IS cute, isn’t it? (PLEASE TELL ME IT’S CUTE.) There were many staggeringly difficult phases but I think the worst was hand-wiring the wee little lamp which required a level of hand-eye coordination I honestly didn’t think I was capable of.

If you are intrigued by this and want to give it a try, or perhaps gift it to some unwitting victim, I will tell you that it was, for me, pretty much equally frustrating and rewarding. I did enjoy having something engrossing to do that that lasted for actual weeks, but it was also maddening to be unable to create the “perfect” outcome over and over. So if you want something like a zen koan that teaches you the art of acceptance while also triggering eyestrain and moments of pure rage, this may be the ideal project for you!

Here are some Amazon links to what I purchased, if you’re interested:

• The kit itself, which technically comes with everything you need
Glue with a more precise applicator tip than what is included
• A very precise pair of scissors because your dull kitchen shears definitely won’t do. (You’ll also need an exacto blade for a couple things)
• A paper scoring tool because folding some of the items is INSANE
• A pair of magnifying goggles that also LIGHT UP which was great for my middle-aged eyesight (a magnifying glass on a holder would work just fine too)

Now that I’m done with it and the world did not magically CTRL-ALT-DEL itself back to pre-February mode, I guess it would be nice to have another hand-busying project to do, particularly since my default hobby is ferrying an endless assortment of empty carbohydrates into my face-hole.

Do you tinker or make things? What activities are you finding soothing or distracting right now?

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