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The irrational thought I keep having is that I wish there was a way to know who is going to experience a mild version of the virus so those people could just get it, then self-quarantine during the contagion period before rejoining the world as helpful immune worker bees who can assist everyone else without hogging the PPE. I suspect this stems less from an altruistic place and more from a cowardly desire to be done with this hiding-from-the-enemy phase that feels a bit like a horror movie where the victim freezes in place and hopes whatever sinister force is out there just passes them by.

The other thing I’ve been thinking about is how there are all these ethical micro-decisions we are having to make — go to the grocery store or get groceries delivered? Go on a sanity-saving hike where there are other people but they are distanced or don’t? Wear a goofy makeshift mask that makes you look like Nicolas Cage in Raising Arizona (“Son, you got a panty on your head”) or just try and hold your breath whenever you briefly pass someone in the aisle? — and there aren’t really any rules, or there are but they keep changing, or they’re really less rules but more, like, opinions, man, and everyone seems to have very strong opinions right now but I don’t so I feel swayed one way then another and it feels like there’s a growing sense of infighting now that the real gut-punch emergency sense is waning and god, I am so tired of everyone disagreeing on EVERYTHING, but doesn’t it seem like we are just in for it, bigtime?

How on earth is anyone going to agree on when we should re-open things, for instance? As badly as we all want to get back to some semblance of normal life, at what point will it feel like that is, inarguably, the right thing to do?

Anyway. I will switch to a lighter note: online school seems to be going well, three days in. The kids stay super busy, at any rate, and while they complain endlessly about the boringness of the required video conferencing calls (welcome to your future, children!) they both admit they like seeing their friends and classmates.

Also, while the bickering is, as always, intense and constant, they really do seem to be getting along pretty well. The four of us are turning out to be pretty good at this hunker-down-together thing. Among all the worry and boredom and anxiety of these days there are so many bright spots, a lot of laughter and shared moments I hope I remember forever. In some ways this all feels like a bizarre gift that can alternately feel lovely or grueling or enlightening or terrible, depending on how you hold it.

There has been a lot of flip-flopping about masks and whether we should be wearing them in public or not, but it seems the CDC has settled on a recommendation to do so. I realize it is borderline criminal to complain about a precautionary measure during an actual pandemic, but I will say that my heart sank when I read that, because it just makes everything even more real/depressing/confusing. Wear a mask but there are no masks to be found and we’re all up shit creek right now so here’s a PDF for making your own poorly-constructed paddle also do NOT touch your mask after going out so good luck with that maybe try taking it off with tongs?

I know there are so many people working so hard to get us through this but there is certainly an overpowering feeling of being on our own, isn’t there?

The kids started their first day of school-run online learning today and I can’t yet report on how that’s been going because they each sequestered themselves in their bedrooms out of full-bodied paranoia that a parent would interrupt their Zoom broadcast. Well well well, how the tides have turned. I’m sorry, son, were you trying to concentrate on a video call? BUT I JUST HAVE THIS ONE VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK RIGHT THIS INSTANT.

Three things that have been cheering lately:

Re-discovering geocaching. Dylan got hooked on geocaching during a recent stay with John’s parents and we’ve really been enjoying taking him out on searches during the last week or so. He’s logged more than 50 finds now, and it’s just so great to see his excitement each time.

Playing Jackbox games. After dinner each evening the four of us sit down for a game of Fibbage and Quiplash, which we view via the Apple TV while playing on our phones. It’s ridiculous and raucous and never fails to provoke laughter and shit-talking.

Hunt for the Wilderpeople. It has become enormously difficult to agree on a family movie, but we all re-watched this last night and it was just such great medicine. None of us chose this skux life, but we’re making do.

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