Aug
11
All I can really think about lately—other than writing deadlines, always with the writing deadlines—is how starting September 6th, Riley’s going to be gone. Every weekday, all day, except for Wednesdays which are half days for some weird reason but whatever, point being: OFF INTO THE WORLD HE GOES.
I feel like everything is going to change. I don’t know how, I don’t know if these will be good changes or bad changes or a mix or what, I just feel convinced that we’re standing in the edge of a new milestone, one that’s bigger than first teeth and first steps and first words combined.
It sounds ridiculous, I know, but the truth is I don’t want him to go. If I could hold this September date at bay for a million years, I would. But of course I can’t, nor should I. He’s excited. He’s going to have a wonderful time. It’s going to be great.
I hope, I hope.
Aug
9
While the kids were visiting their grandparents last week someone bought them a Smithsonian-branded DIY baking soda volcano at a garage sale and almost as soon as I arrived home from San Diego they were like “MOM! We missed you! Did you bring us anything? SO ANYWAY WHEN ARE WE GOING TO BUILD THIS VOLCANO?”
The box art made it look like this thing was going to be epic—giant sploogey eruptions of reddish lava drooling over its sides, etc. Possibly even an actual dinosaur included, once you assembled what was sure to be its MINDBLOWING contents.
Riley was so excited when I opened the box he was practically hovering in midair, and the very first thing we had to do . . . was thread a shitload of string through about fifty jillion tiny-ass fucking holes in a cardboard circle.
I mean seriously. SERIOUSLY. What kid has the patience to do this? I’m 37 and I barely had the hand-eye coordination to carry out this brain-numbing task, which took, I’m not even kidding, like FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. Why were the holes so small? Out of all the potential options for including a frame for the volcano—collapsible plastic, cardboard pieces, some goddamned sticks—who sat at the Idea Table and thought STRING! YES! CHILDREN LOVE STRING, JUST LIKE KITTENS!
I will tell you who. The same motherfucker who came up with this actual I-am-not-making-this-up Smithsonian Institute “Department of Innovation” logo, that’s who:
(Please note that those gears are not actually capable of turning.)
The current status of the Thrilling Erupting Volcano is that it’s been layered with gooey child-sliming plaster and now sits, a sodden and most decidedly NON-epic lump, on the living room table where it needs to dry for at least 2 days. OH BOY MY KIDS ARE SO STOKED THANKS SMITHSONIAN!
Bah.
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