Dec
7
Say, does anyone remember how successful our attempts at a holiday card photo were last year? Let me tell you, we did equally well this time around.
Hey, this isn’t so bad, right? Dylan’s okay, I’m okay, JB’s okay, and—oh. Nevermind.
Pathetic, probably-abused Dog; Monster Hands, Suspicious Toddler. Yeah, pass.
Hey, you know that carrying-you-for-nine-months-followed-by-major-surgery-thing? YOU’RE FUCKING WELCOME.
Unattractive angle, child pounding my head, other child apparently making howler monkey noise. Jesus. PASS.
I . . . uh. Why is—why? WHY?
Okay. Okay okay okay, everyone’s sick of trying to do this, this looks like the closest thing we’ve got to a—WHAT THE HELL, RILEY.
Next time, I’m hiring a photographer. Not to take pictures of us, but to call every relative I know and explain in technical terms how taking family portraits is best left to the professionals and THAT’S why we don’t have a goddamned holiday card this year.
Dec
5
Do any of you guys have the Elf on the Shelf toy/doll/Looming Figurine of Citizen Reporting? I bought it on a whim and once it arrived I had some misgivings about the concept—basically, the idea is the toy elf creepily watches your kids’ behavior at all times and flies back to Santa each night to tattletale—but we went ahead and read the book to the kids and oh, I wish you could have seen Riley’s face when he came out and found the elf that first morning. I thought he was going to explode with joy and stunned disbelief.
Everything about the holidays is pure wonder this year with Riley. We watched The Polar Express with him last night and he was so, so into it (as was I, I’d never seen it before and I wept RIDICULOUS NEVER-ENDING TEARS at the scene when the parents can’t hear the sleigh bell ring) and it is an indescribable treat to experience everything with him. He’s just completely caught up in the myth and magic and belief of Christmas, and I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure there can be no better age than 5 for all of it.
We got our tree yesterday and I think this was the first year when no one cried or threw a giant tantrum, not even JB and I when we saw the pricetag. (Noble firs apparently must be grown over a period of thousands of years in a vat of black tar heroin, is all I can figure.) Total success.
We’ve been going to the same tree farm for years and we love it, but this is the first year I’ve noticed a bouncy castle. Is it just me or does this seem like an . . . odd location for such a thing?
Do you have your tree yet? Where do you get yours, and how did it go this year?
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