May
5
1) Thank you, thank you, thank you for the kind words you’ve sent my way. And a special teary thank you to Eliza, whose email on October 21 last fall sent me on a path to finishing a marathon. Thank you.
2) It is the damnedest thing, but everything that was so horrible about the race has already downgraded in my brain from Vividly Awful Experience I Never Want to Repeat to Amusing Self-Deprecating War Story. I mean, at mile 24 I told everyone within earshot that I was never doing a marathon again, ever. And I absolutely meant it. Yet less than 24 hours later I started thinking how it was almost funny how destroyed I was at the end—ha ha, remember when I was half-dead and was *thisclose* to shitting my pants?—and all the bad moments now seem small in comparison to the good. Which is NOT how it felt at the time, so what the hell?
Anyway, totally thinking about the Portland marathon in October.
3) We got home yesterday and I’ve got about twenty-seven loads of laundry to do, the house is a mess, I’m far enough behind in class I can’t make heads or tails of the study guide the teacher sent out (“Krebs cycle”? “Mitochondria”? “Oxaloacetate”?), I need to catch up on work email, and the fridge is somehow both empty and smelly. I’m glad to be back, but our meandering trip in Oregon—outside of cell service, where the traffic consisted of wild turkeys scuttling across the road—made me wish we could slow our lives down a little. Maybe a lot.
4) JB and I were married nine years ago today. Nine years! My god, I love that sumbitch.
May
2
First things first:
I’ve got a marathon medal. Sure, it says “Finisher” which is sort of like “Participant!” or “Great Attendance!” but what the hell, I have a MARATHON MEDAL.
I don’t even really know how to describe the race except that I had two very clear thoughts at two very different parts of the course, and they were as follows:
• This is one of the best experiences of my entire life
• This is the worst experience of my entire life
And it was, really. Both of those things.
I felt pretty good during the first half, strong and in good spirits. Then there was kind of a long dreary stretch along a highway that was boring and grueling, and just after that section, right when I needed it, there were my boys on the side of the road. Riley was waving like mad and holding up a sign for me and Dylan was perched on his grandfather’s shoulders and I totally lost my shit. It was just one of the most amazing feelings ever, being able to run up and hug them and have everyone tell me I looked good and they were proud of me and Dylan squealing and Riley saying “Mommy!” over and over. That was . . . well. I am never going to forget that, ever.
I picked up after that for a while and then there was a really awful section during which I kind of needed to go to the bathroom and then I really needed to go to the bathroom and then I was in dire fucking agony and desperately scouting bushes on the side of the trail and calculating over and over just How Bad Things Were and this lasted from mile 18 to 22 because there were no porta-potties for that stretch and it was totally my worst nightmare come true and I have no idea what my problem was because I never get those kinds of problems and I can kind of laugh about it now but oh jesus it wasn’t even remotely funny at the time.
(PS: When I finally got to a bathroom? No toilet paper. And I’d just like to give a public apology to my handkerchief for its undignified and disrespectful end of life.)
JB’s brother was waiting with JB at mile 21 and for a brief minute Joe ran with me, in his formal funeral-director suit and shoes, and I wish like hell I had a photo of that moment because it was kind of epic in its awesomeness.
Then JB ran with me from mile 21 to 26, which was a lifesaver. Those last four miles or so were . . . man, I don’t even know, it was like my entire body was disintegrating. I felt like the kids in that Stephen King story, The Long Walk, where all I could do was stare at the ground ahead of me and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I saw the boys again at mile 24, which was a slice of pure joy among all the pain, and then the finish was so close, so close I could see the stadium.
JB kept pace, pushing me to keep going, and he cut away right before mile 26. There were so many people lining the route, everyone cheering and yelling encouragement, and we ran between barricades which led us onto Hayward Field. The very last bit was on the track, rounding the bend and into the straightaway, and I picked up my feet and sprinted across the finish mat.
With, I will confess, Chariots of Fire playing on my iPod. I KNOW, RIGHT?
After the finish I pretty much collapsed in tears and just sobbed openly while some nice college girl put a medal over my head and it was done. Done, done, done, my god.
My finish time was just under five hours. Slow by some standards, but I don’t care. Oh, you guys. I did it.
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