Aug
26
August 26, 2007
Riley’s birthday is coming up, which is blowing my mind (oh my god, when did my baby turn TWO?) and yet at the same time seems vaguely anticlimactic (hey, we’ve been dealing with the Terrible Twos since he was 11 months old). We’ll be doing the Long Drive to Oregon at the end of the week to hopefully experience a last gasp of summer down at the cabin.
I’m looking forward to the potential of a few days of sun, river-swimming, dragging JB across the road to the corner market for the 3538th time to get another ice cream treat (two words: IT’S IT), and of course experiencing the summery joy of removing a poopy swim diaper (helpful tip: scissors).
Riley has not yet been informed that the cabin is in a remote area far away from any flight paths, but I think he’ll be quite pleased. I know I’ll enjoy having a break from peeling a worried kid off my lap every time a jet engine rumbles by (which, I’ve timed it: it’s literally EVERY GODDAMNED SECOND, ALL DAY LONG).
In other news, I miss having an oven. I’m also tired of the squeaky feel of plastic utensils. Riley has a runny nose and I have no way of knowing if he’s getting a cold or if I’m just poisoning him with kegloads of drywall detritus and sawdust. And you know what? This contracting business we’re working with tried to tell us, back at the beginning of the project, that they thought our kitchen would only be totally down for 3 to 5 days.
Pardon me while I bray a hearty, drywall-dust-choked peal of bitter, bitter laughter! I wonder why contractors have to live up to every single cliche in their industry; they’re like the fucking DMV.
Anyone have some good recipes for meals that involve little to no prep, no cooking other than what a microwave or grill can accomplish, and don’t dirty any non-disposable dishes? Because I’m wondering just how much takeout a person can consume before half their system is permanently coursing with MSG.
And now for the inevitable Images From the Weekend:
Riley smugly tooling around at Ashley’s kids’ birthday party yesterday.
Party balloon—I love this picture. Hey, if you ask Ashley very, very nicely, there might be a chance that she’ll share the recipe for the cupcakes she made for the party. They were possibly the best thing I’ve ever eaten, ever. Think strawberry shortcake, but in CUPCAKE FORM. With icing, dude.
My son is a dangler. It’s his favorite activity in the whole world, to hang off various things like an action star in peril. Here JB is indulging him with the creative assistance of a hula hoop.
I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I like it. Work that hat, JB.
Aug
23
August 23, 2007
Continued from yesterday’s post . . .
I want to know why we haven’t seen any belly pics like we did with the Boy.?! — Stephanie
Because I am so totally lying about all this pregnancy stuff! Dude, I could not take ONE MORE SALAD on that bullshit diet, and this is one hell of a great excuse to pork out on salt & vinegar chips.
Oh, not really. I’ve taken a few, you can view them here.
What are the life stories of Dog and Cat? Who came first, how did they end up with you? –Operation Pink Herring
I chose Cat from the Humane Society in Corvallis when she was a tiny, horrid little kitten who reached a miniscule paw through the cage and ripped up my hand when I tried to pet her. I think that was about 9 years ago or so.
We adopted Dog from a local Lab breeder in 2002. Overall, in terms of Pet Performance, she has outdone Cat on many levels, but neither of them are what I’d call gifted animals.
Do you foresee any problems with how Riley might react to his early days being read about by so many people? — Stan
I hope not. I mean, I hope that someday when he’s older he’ll find value in reading these stories from my life and his. I hope he’s interested enough in what our day to day life was like, and more specifically, what his mother was like as a person, that these entries–despite all the NC-17 language–will be something he (and his brother or sister) will eventually enjoy.
If not, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Ok, first off, I’ve never seen or heard much about your younger years. The uh, 16-25 range. I know you are about a decade older than me which puts you smack dab in the eighties. I always pictured you rocking the whole denim white snake look. Maybe even in the Kiss army. So what were you like growing up? What was your scene? (and a picture wouldn’t kill you) — Josh
Boy, do you ever have my pop-culture background pegged wrong. Whitesnake? Shah. As if. Feast your eyes on this Blast from the Past:
Now, if you’re going to rag on anyone in this picture, stick to the person on the right, please. I quite liked that boy at the time, and besides, he didn’t ask for this photo to get plastered on the internet and mocked.
You’re more than welcome to point out the hilariousness of trying to be Goth . . . with crimped hair.
Who is *your* favorite blogger? — g~
I don’t think I can point out just one writer, and I swear I’m not just saying that to wuss out from the question. I read a ton of blogs, and I have a lot of favorites.
If you were at a steakhouse (of your choosing) what cut would you order and how would you like it prepared (Rare-Well)? – Alyce
I would order a filet mignon, medium-rare (preferably dark pink in the middle).
Crumple or fold? — Marivic
Clothes, right? We’re talking clothes? (Now I’m paranoid, after biffing the “picking” question.) I crumple my socks and underwear, I mostly hang up the rest of my crap. I hate folding.
Bikini’s, boy-cut, thong, or plain jane ones? (pre-pregnancy of course. they don’t make maternity thongs) — Ang
I cannot deal with thongs — jesus, just the thought makes me want to reef at my butt to get the annoying, asphyxiating floss OUT OF THERE. I like a boy-cut style the best.
For some reason I’m *dying* to know Cat and Dog’s REAL names. Even though I love how you call them Cat and Dog. — Samantha Jo (by the way, SQUEE for Samantha!)
Dog’s real name is Ashley; Cat’s real name is Meercat.
What is your absolute dream job (besides being a mom of course)? — Ashley (not Dog)
Oh, besides being a mom? Phew, because just between you and me, I love my kid beyond all reason but sometimes the mom gig is seriously a suck-ass job.
My dream job would be to author and illustrate comic books. Sadly, I can’t draw worth a damn. Other dream jobs include: running my own small business, writing (Clio-winning!) scripts for high-end ad agency TV spots, working on a farm in the middle of BFE, writing catalogue copy.
If I met YOU in real life, how would you seem different than you do in your writing? — Katie
I would be ridiculously, stupidly shy. Other than that, I hope I wouldn’t be too unfamiliar.
How do you find the time/energy to write? Aren’t you totally exhausted after toddler-wrangling, cleaning, cooking, working, scooping dog crap, growing a baby, etc.? — Lulu
I kind of want to be all Superwoman on this question and say, oh, I just set my alarm for 4 AM, but truthfully, I make time for the things I love. Which is to say I don’t always make time for cooking, cleaning, or scooping dog crap. Also, Riley goes to bed at–thank you, Jebus–6:45 nearly every night. That leaves quite a bit of time for ignoring the laundry while I sit, clackety-clacking, at my laptop.
I imagine the time I’m able to devote to writing will be poleaxed for a while after Smalltopus is born. We’ll see.
The burning question on my mind is…what exactly do your blog titles “Sundry Mourning” and “Purple is a Fruit” mean (in other words why did you pick them?)– Julie
I have no good explanation for “Sundry Mourning”, except it was 5 years ago and I thought it sounded kind of cool for reasons that are hard to remember. “Purple is a Fruit”, on the other hand, is a Simpsons quote that I believe speaks quite accurately to my overall parenting expertise.
I’d like to know how you capture the best expressions of your family on film? — Yams
Well, thank you. It’s all the camera’s ability not to take a crappy photo, honestly, and the fact that it powers up in a nanosecond–you can turn it on and shoot instantly, which is great for taking pictures of kids. Plus, I often take a shitload of photos, and then sift through the piles of rejects for the one or two good ones from the bunch.
If you had to, would you rather give up your favorite food (which is?) or give up blogging? — Junni
My favorite food changes by the hour these days, but I can’t imagine a food that could possibly be as satisfying as writing online.
Do you know how special you are? – Anonymous, who wrote a lot more than what I’m going to copy/paste here, and all of it was so unbelievably kind.
No, but did you know you made me cry when I read this? Thank you.
Do you ever regret not giving your first marriage a longer try? — Pickles & Dimes
No. I wish him all the best and I sure hope he’s having a happy life somewhere, but I was too young to get married and that whole thing was a big mistake on my part. Second time was truly a charm for me.
I know that having children must bring a lot of meaning to your life, and to JB’s too. But aside from that, what do you guys do (and I’m talking equally about JB here) to give your lives meaning? — Kerri
That’s a good question and it’s something we both think about quite a bit. I think it’s important for us to carve out time for the non-parenting things we love to do, and that means giving each other space for things like writing, diving, and just getting out of the house for an afternoon sometimes. It’s not that having kids robs your life of meaning, in fact it’s quite the opposite, but I believe in both of us pursuing our hobbies and goals as much as we can, and the best thing we can do for each other is support those activities. We love being parents, but we also have business goals, personal goals — things that don’t have anything to do with parenthood. It’s all about balance, and it’s definitely an ongoing process.
What is in your DVR/tivo right now? — Deanna
I just turned on my TV to look, and here, without any embarrassed editing, is the list of recorded shows:
– 30 Rock
– NBC Nightly News
– Curious George
– How It’s Made
– Inhale
– Rescue Me
– Blue’s Clues
– Entourage
– Flight of the Conchords
– Clean House
– Risk Takers
– Combat Zone
Random mystery bonus question —
Didn’t someone ask about tattoos? I could have sworn I saw it, then missed it. At any rate, here’s the ink-scoop, if anyone really did ask.
Okay, whew. I think I’m done. Thanks for the questions, and thanks for being patient while I laboriously answered them. Mwah!
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